The Wasted, Lets Do Shots Guy
At first this guy seems like fun because he’s in a good mood and making the place more lively, but after the 5th round of shots he’s slurring his words, speaking gibberish and announcing to the entire bar that you are doing tequila shots with him whether you like or not. There’s no one you’d rather punch in the face.
Motto: “Come on, don’t be a pussy… you’re drinking with me and I’m not taking no for an answer!”
The Drink Spiller
This guy just can’t seem to keep his drink in his hand on or the table. After he spills all over you or drops his glass and it shatters all over your heels he walks away like nothing happens and accuses you of bumping him.
Motto: “Bro… you totally bumped me, it’s all good though I’m not mad at you, no worries.”
The Bar Line Cutter
This guy loves to throw elbows, shoulders and hip checks. His patented move is to “accidentally” slide in front of you to muscle his way to the front of the bar.
Motto: “Hey hey bartender, I was next, I’ve been waiting forever here.”
The Super Excited Bathroom Attendant
You’re standing in front of a urinal trying to pee in peace and this jackass walks up next to you and engages you in the most low-content conversation possible.
Motto: “Bro… how about dem ladies out there tonight, oh yeah, oh yeah, you know what I’m talking about, there waiting for you, oh yeah oh yeah”
The Hyperactive Dancing Guy
We’ve all seen him, he’s in his own world completely oblivious to the fact that he’s dancing with glow sticks to a Tupac song. Don’t get too close, if you’re within arms reach you’re sure to get whacked by a flying arm, leg or hair whip.
Motto: “I just trying to express myself through the art of dance!”
The Pickup Artist
This guy will be in full peackocking gear hitting on every girl in the bar with the same exact line. After every girl rejects him or runs away to the bathroom he’ll start over and obliviously hit on all the same girls again because he’s so focused on delivering his lines, he can’t remember who he already talked to. He’s too clueless to realize that you already told him to piss off but he thinks that eventually his tactics will pay off and he’ll walk away with a phone number. What’s even better is when a group of pickup artists start sharking around the bar and within 15 minutes there isn’t a single female left in the venue.
Motto: “Hey, I need a female opinion on something… who lies more, men or women?”
The Old Guy
The early bird special ended at 6pm, I think it’s time for bed gramps.
Motto: “Hey sonny, I’m just trying to relive my glory days.”
The Guy With The Hook Ups
You’re standing around with your buddies talking about watches and the random guy who is eaves dropping chimes in with “Dude, you need a Timex? I can hook you up for half price, and its the sickest model, you can’t get this shit anywhere else, trust me.”
Motto: “I got the hookups bro, don’t worry I got you covered.”
The Bouncer Groupie
We’ve all seen him, he’s the guy who just chills outside with the bouncers all night hoping to get the chance to exercise authority and squeeze out some social proof by pretending to be boys with the help.
Motto: “Hey ladies, have a good time tonight!” (they look at him like “who the hell is this guy?) He responds – “I’m Joey I uhhh work here, I got you, I got you.”
The Tough Guy
This is the guy that bumps you, gives you the mad dog look, puffs out his chest and starts mouthing off, but doesn’t get really tough until his five buddies show up to hold him back.
Motto: “Bro, you want a piece? I had 12 kills in Iraq bro… Hoorah! Lets go right now bitch… ya I thought you’d walk away!”
The I Love You Man
This dude loves to give bro hugs, lean on strangers and express his deepest feelings once the liquor kicks in.
Motto: “Dude, you’re so awesome, I really love you, we gotta hang out more, you’re sooo cool, come on get over here and gimme a hug.”
The Frat Boy
Bright yellow Polo shit with the popped collar, sporting the baggy jeans and sandals.
Motto: “Jager Bombs!”
Don’t worry ladies, he’s gonna look, but he’s way too much of a pussy to actually touch.
Motto: “Hey guys, don’t mind me, I’m just holding up the wall.”
The Guy Texting On The Dance Floor
This guy can’t bother to walk off the dance floor to check his email, respond to texts or check his Facebook notifications. Don’t bump into him, he’s doing something important.
Motto: “Keep going guys, I gotta take this.”
The Angry Drunk Guy
He was quiet as a church mouse until 1am but he’s just downed his 4th whiskey and he just got rejected three times in a row.
Motto: “You wanna go, lets do this!”
The Protective Guy Who Is Stuck In The Friend Zone
This guy thinks he’s mr. big dick because he’s got a squad of 8 girls, except he’s 10 miles deep in the friend zone with all of them. He thinks he owns the group and gets confrontational with any guy who comes over to chat up his “property.”
Motto: “Walk away man, she’s with me…” (except he’s really going home to jerk off) “If I can’t have her, no one will!”
The Eurotrash Slime Ball
He’s sporting the white Adidas tennis shoes, jean shorts, euro glasses and the darkest tan ever, giving every girl in the bar the sex eyes. Once he sets his eyes on his target he will invade her personal space as much as possible, touch her as creepy as possible and make sure to say things like “You are sooo beautiful, ciao bella, Parlez-vous français?”
Motto: “Dee Beeetcheeezz love dis accent.
The Overdressed Guy
Sporting a big ugly baggy suit, shiny black square patent leather dress shoes and a $60 fake Rolex watch. These guys are known to frequent the bars in Greenwich Village after a long day on Wall Street.
Motto: “Hey Reed, how’s your portfolio looking? I just shorted Apple and I’m gonna make a killing.”
The Guy Who Couldn’t Quite Talk His Way Into The Club
Motto: “My friends are inside, they put me on the list, just check it again for me, I swear I’m on there, try Brian Johnson”
The Guy Who Won’t Leave Your Table
He comes over, sits down uninvited and refuses to take the obvious hints to leave. Eventually the table is rightfully his, except he’s the only one left sitting.
Motto: “Hey ladies, where are you from? Do you come here often? Where’d you go to school? What was your major? What do you do for fun?”
The Beer Breath Close Talker
No explanation required.
Motto: “Heyyyy how ya doin, I know you’re gonna want to hear this, come on, come closer I don’t bite.”
The Sweaty Smelly Guy
Decided to roll into the bar straight from the gym and hasn’t seen a stick of deodorant since 2003.
Motto: (Whispering) “Hey man, these pit stains aren’t noticeable right?”
The Walk By Ass Grabber
Like she didn’t notice?
Motto: “Girls love it when I cop a little feelski.”
The Guy With The Hottest Chick – Cuz fuck him… we are all jealous.
We’ve all been flaked on. Regardless of how good-looking, charismatic or genuinely interesting we may be… sometimes the inevitable “letdown text” comes in, leaving us high and dry. Sometimes it’s no biggie, but let’s be honest: sometimes it’s a total bummer! On average, however, men have to deal with it on a much more frequent basis than us women – so it would behoove you to prepare for this and, better yet, prevent it.
Yes, I feel bad when I flake, but these days, especially in L.A. where I live, as women, it has become somewhat the norm. It sounds bad, but it’s becoming true. However, I always beat myself up for it when I do flake and try not to make a habit of it. It shows of someone’s character, so keep that in mind. The general rule of thumb: one flake is allowed, two if strange circumstances arose.
Starting off minor, leading up to more concerning examples of why and how I flake on dates, here are just a few of the reasons I’ve flaked on some of my recent dates. So, why do women flake?
1. I’m tired
And lazy sometimes. I don’t roll out of bed looking like an 8. I *think* most men realize this, but they’re unaware of the fact that it’s enough to make me cancel on a date entirely sometimes. It might sound high-maintenance and frustrating, but brutal honesty is needed sometimes, guys. After a long workday or strenuous night prior, if I went out last night with friends, I don’t feel like getting my ass off the couch at 6 p.m. to begin the hour-long getting ready process for a date that may or may not be mediocre. It totally depends on my mood and if I happen to be in chill mode, you may suffer. Sorry, boys.
2. I’m hungover
I’ll admit, I’m slightly ashamed at the number of dates I’ve flaked out on due to the poor decisions I’ve made the night before out partying. Side note: Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays are the primary days this tends to occur. Thursday is the new Friday and Friday the new Saturday, so in an attempt to avoid being the bailout guy, book her on a Thursday or, to be safe, a Wednesday.
3. I’m having a bad skin day/something physical is going on with me that I don’t want to expose you to
It may sound silly or dumb, but hear me out. Girls will be girls! I hear from boys all the time “you’re pretty naturally, you don’t need all that makeup.” While she may appreciate the sentiment, this isn’t enough for her to power through that time of the month, or a big blemish on her face. Sometimes, it just doesn’t jibe and as far as women are concerned, we’re all allowed some personal time every now and again.
4. Something genuinely came up, or I’ve been running late all day and just couldn’t catch up.
In these situations, usually what’s happened is: I couldn’t get it together by the end of the day, don’t want to deal with the stress, and a flake is a much easier way to deal.
Women get hit on all the time and basically have an unlimited number of options, so there’s always the chance that I’ve met another guy I’m more attracted to. It may not necessarily be another guy per se, but something has come up that is more appealing than going on a date with someone I don’t really know.
The plans themselves could actually vary, but they sounded more exciting than whatever it was we had planned.
5. The Social Media Curse
If we met through social media or an online dating site/app, and for whatever reason I’m not feeling 100% up to going out, I don’t *really* feel too terrible flaking, because these guys are a dime a dozen. I’ve never met him, he’s one of 25 different guys I’m communicating with on my “Matches” list on Tinder. He can be easily replaced. And, he probably hadn’t stood out to me too much to begin with. This is why it’s so important to stick out from other guys on dating apps like Tinder.
6. I had to work late
For a lot of girls, there’s a window of time after we leave work that frees us up so that we can get ready in time for a date. If that time frame gets passed up due to finishing work late, traffic, etc. it’s no longer worth it to me to rush and get ready in time for this date. Flake!
Now we’re getting down to the reasons to be more concerned about.
7. I didn’t like you from the beginning and I never had the guts to tell you
Otherwise known as “buyer’s remorse.” Sometimes I still won’t actually agree to meet a guy in person because I was never all that interested, and therefore I have no incentive to see him again. That being said, I won’t ever admit this to you. Why did I agree to the date in the first place? Great question! Who knows. Maybe you made me nervous at the time, and I didn’t want to create an awkward situation by rejecting your offer. Whatever the case, every now and again, I lose enthusiasm for what seemed like a good idea at the time, and when the time comes to actually go on the date, I for some reason create an excuse to flake. Remember, if you really want something, you’ll find a way – but if you don’t, you’ll find an excuse.
It’s bad, but with these guys, I totally ice-flake last minute or no text/call completely. I can’t deal with the confrontation in these particularly bad flake situations. I try to do this as minimally as possible because it is such a F-you. But pretty girls these days are all guilty of this. Sometimes, men come at me so aggressively that I give them my number in slight fear/annoyance to make them go away, without thinking about how I’m going to deal ahead. I just did this to a guy last night. There are SIGNS to look for when a girl may be doing this.
8. It faded out
She’s busy, I’m busy. It’s your job to keep the line of interest running strong, and to secure a date within a pretty quick time frame without risking the fade-out and fizzle. The initial excitement she felt at the prospect of going out with you has faded as her lifestyle has gotten in the way and you haven’t intercepted.
This is preventable, and if it happens, it is your fault. Maybe she’s just not feeling frisky or adventurous enough. That’s a problem you can solve. Men are not the only ones who get nervous about relationships, so work on loosening up. Always have a good plan for your date. Make jokes, be sweet. Woo her, but do it in a manner in which you’re always going to be the one in control.
9. She was just a tease
Some women intentionally go out and give guys their numbers because they WANT guys they never plan to sleep with chasing them around. Some of the reasons these manipulative women engage in this “teasing” behavior is because it gives them wanted attention, an ego boost by impressing other women, and assurance that they could in fact have certain men if they wanted.
You can think of these type of girls as: ice queens who will usually suck you dry for whatever it is you can offer them.
10. If you’ve booked me for the second date on the first date, something in the interim has occurred that has made me like you less
This is pretty self-explanatory. If, for some inexplicable reason, she goes totally cold between dates when she seemed into you the last time you saw her in person, consider whether or not you’ve done or said something dumb or annoying.
11. You were a backup to begin with
I tend to do this with guys who are generally nice, cool or “okay” guys who I like enough to keep around and/or people I like to have in my social arsenal. But, these are guys who I won’t ever take seriously or pursue myself.
- These are guys that bring *something* to the table but tend to bore me in person.
- These guys come in really handy for me, but this situation totally sucks for you.
- We call these guys “orbiters,” stuck in satellite forever- YEARS- believing that one day, maybe just one day, they’ll catch me at an off moment and score with me. Well, don’t hold your breath, guys. I personally have never hooked up with any of my 7 or 8 orbiters.
- I’m just not that into you, in these circumstances.
12. The other guy
There’s always a guy in her life that she’ll dump all other plans for, and you could be dealing with a “testing the waters” situation. It’s not necessarily her boyfriend, but the guy she’s been obsessed with for however long, for whatever reasons. You want to be this guy.
Girls just want to have fun. We don’t always make the smartest or most well-thought-out decisions. When my friends and I are out and about, I’ll talk to almost anyone. I like the attention guys give me, especially if I’m tipsy and in a flirty mood. Other girls are like me. Yes, I may give you my number and I might have seemed a 6 or 7 into you during our first interaction.
However…waking up the next morning when I’m hungover, sober and I have two texts from my boyfriend wanting to go on a hike, responding to your text is now my 3rd or 4th priority. And if she has a particularly jealous or involved boyfriend – you may never hear from her again, in fear of being found out.
This situation is annoying, because:
1. If you’ve been talking to her for a bit, she’s probably been lying to you the entire time or downplaying the situation (girls can be notorious for this) and that shows of her moral character
2. She’s cheating on him, so that also shows of her character
3. These chicks are usually very high maintenance
4. You don’t want to deal with a third party
There is hope.
- There are always signs to look for in her texts or body language that will signal she might flake out, and things you can do to counteract this.
- Control the interactions. Don’t be controlling, but don’t let her push you around, either. It’s imperative to apply this tactic early on in your interactions with her, from the get-go. Otherwise, it’ll just look like you turned concerned and salty out of nowhere or over something in particular.
- Meet women during the day. They’re less likely to flake.
- You might not be #1, but there is a chance she may sleep with you still if the other guy is not being attentive and/or giving her enough attention, if she’s in a vulnerable state or is simply just feeling like she needs to get some action. But, it’s imperative to hold your cool and remain sexy, confident and in the lead to get her to that point – remember, you’re number 2 for a reason. You can’t afford to be slacking off 😉
For all of us who are feeling as though their online dating lives have been dim and dismal lately, we finally have something better, more simplified and modernized than more traditional sites like Match and eHarmony. There is no denying it: Tinder is the newest craze in the dating world. If you’re not familiar with tinder, you’re a nerd living under a rock and I’m not going to bother explaining what it is.
Due to the platform, the strategy is slightly different but all the rules of dating and more specifically, online dating, still apply.
Building Your Profile:
My favorite part about Tinder is that it is basically runs through your Facebook profile – choosing your more recent pictures through Facebook and you can see if you have mutual friends with girls you are matching with.
Its important to realize the difference between where men and women are coming from using a dating app like Tinder. Men are on there to fulfill a sexual desire and find a girl to hook up with. In the process you also get to check out a bunch of hot chicks , which is addictive in itself. The prospect of easy dates with the built in “hot or not” experience makes these apps extremely popular. Unfortunately, easy is not the reality. Sure you’ve heard some stories that are probably bogus but anytime you’ve gotta take a woman from completely cold from the interwebz and into your bed it’s gonna be a process and time investment. As much as men wish it were true, most women will not just hook up with you because you’re good looking, they need/want a connection to satisfy their own desires for safety, comfort and not feeling/looking like a ho. If you want to succeed in Tinder, you’ve got a lot of competition.
A man’s experience: You log in in to the app and you’re fed a picture of a girl. If you dig her you click yes, if you don’t you click no and if you’re not sure you can look at more of her pictures (up to 5), read her headline, see if you have mutual friends or mutual interests and then click yes or no. You cannot see the next girl without making a decision. His decision is based almost completely on looks. I couldn’t care less what her headline says. If you both click yes, you’re given access to send her a message. From there it becomes the game to convince her to see you in person.
A hot woman’s experience: She logs in and sees pictures of dudes. She is overwhelmed by losers who have no idea how to choose a picture, dudes who are shirtless, selfie pics, and a variety of other blunders guys make on their profiles. Anytime she clicks yes she is getting a match because every guy will click yes to a hot girl. I watched a girlfriend of mine scroll through and every single guy she liked also liked her and I was watching this happen for 10 minutes. There had to be at least 50 matches. A hot girl is almost never going to message a guy, she doesn’t need to. Once she matches, it becomes a game to weed out dudes who can’t hold her attention and if she is bored or adventurous enough, she might see one of these guys in person (most likely in a group situation so she feels safe) but she’ll certainly feel silly about it.
How to build your profile:
– Choose 5 photos from your Facebook profile.
– No shirtless pics
– No selfies
– No pictures with you and other girls your age (your mom or grandma is fine if your other pictures give off the “bad boy” vibe. If you look like a dork, don’t put up a picture with your mom)
– No more than one picture with a group
– Your pictures should portray you as a well-dressed, social, cool, dynamic guy.
– Something short and witty to show you have personality. Example: “I promise I’m really awesome, charismatic, funny and all around good guy… don’t believe me, just ask my Jewish mom.”
Choose a few interests but don’t go crazy, Choose 3-5 max. Sports, books, music, TV shows and movies are great for this.
You can also share your Pinterest profile. This is a great tool to showcase more of yourself. Women love Pinterest, so having a cool Pinterest profile attached to your tinder can give you massive bonus points in the eyes of some women.
How to message:
If you’ve matched with a girl your opening message should be short and witty. The only information you’ll have is her pictures, her tagline, any shared interests or friends, and possibly her Pinterest. Do not comment on her physical appearance. You already told her she was hot when you clicked “yes”; if you tell her again, you’ll look like every other idiot. You must stand out from the competition and to do that you must know what the competition is doing. I’ll just tell you, you’re welcome….
You can find a list of our favorite opening lines, and follow ups in our Free Tinder Guide.
Online dating is now the second most common way that people are getting together.
The good news is, you have access to a ton of beautiful women by a click of your mouse. The bad news is, so does every other guy.
It’s a very competitive market, and most guys who put up a profile and send a few messages do not get the response they were anticipating. Their messages go unread, women don’t respond, and very few visit their profile.
A hot girl will receive on average 25-35 messages per day! This is in addition to her normal social life, which is jam-packed with social opportunities, dates, parties, etc. When she logs into her account after a long weekend and sees 100+ messages, there is no way she can possibly read them all. She will skim the first sentence of her messages and only read the ones that stand out.
Most men spend on average 2-3 months online before giving up. Don’t be another statistic. You must stand out from the pack if you want to get dates.
Don’t be like every other lame dude other online. 99 out of 100 guys:
- “Like to go out with their boys or have a quiet Friday night.”
- “Are loyal.”
- “ Love their iPhone.”
- “Like to try new things.”
- “Are spontaneous, easygoing. ”
- “Like to run/work out.”
Every dude has these statements in their profiles above, don’t be that idiot. When a girl is running through her options she is fed about 10 guys at a time. Her eyes immediately go toward the best looking guys, then she read the parts of his profile that are revealed. You have 3 seconds to capture her attention. Your opening lines of each paragraph need to be explosive.
Example: “What are you doing on a typical Friday night?”
- “Defending my handstand Crown 2011, 2012, 2013.”
- “Doing 720 Pancake flips for crowds and shaking it for dollar bills.”
- “When the madness settles, I read verses of The Cat in the Hat in a Samuel L. Jackson voice at the local church Okay, one or more of those may be lies.”
Our goal is teach you how to use online dating as a passive form of social income – how to fill your calendar with dates without leaving your house. (But that doesn’t mean you should sit in the house all day; you should be meeting women everywhere and refining your in-person social skills. You’ll need them on your dates!)
Our online dating strategy has been time-tested and proven to get the best results. I have a standing wager of $10,000 that I am the single greatest online profile builder/date on the planet. I will escrow $10,000 that not one person is as good as me. We would use identical pictures and the same location to control for variables. Take this advice seriously, and please don’t go rogue and deviate from what is outlined.
Do not use gimmicky apps like “My Best Face” picture chooser app on OKCupid. Your profile cannot read serious, or heavy. There are subtle and charismatic ways to convey that you are serious.
Goal: to be fun, charismatic, different, and cool (without looking like you are trying)
Your pictures should tell a story. If you are cocky/tough guy, a pic with your mom is cool. If you are soft, a pic with your mom will be a bad look. If you are in a good shape/athletic, a pic in a shirt that makes you look fit is good, but don’t go overboard. Absolutely no topless pictures or selfies.
- In a suit
- Being silly retarded
- Making sushi
- Out with a couple friends
- In workout gear
- With my mom in a foreign country
This tells a story that I’m dynamic, interesting, well-rounded, the man you have always dreamed of. I’m serious, but playful, tough, but loving, intelligent, but easygoing. If you have pictures with your sister make sure you announce that. DO NOT put pictures up with chicks, selfies, or topless. If you are intriguing, she will want to learn more.
Most sites allow you to see who is checking you out. These situations are a layup. I message her “You stopped by and didn’t say hi?! LOL You hate me, don’t you? ”
What if you see a hot chick you like, or what if a girl messages “Hi”?
You look through her profile and make a joke or two about her profile.
Be clear and concise in all your exchanges. Don’t write her novels; you will look desperate. Get her number/a date within 5 messages.
Do not get stuck in the messaging vortex. Get the date with “So this is the part where I ask you out, then we go out, and you’ll have a great time, I 35% guarantee it. How’s your schedule?” Trade numbers, then go cold and confirm date just before if it’s a few days out.
Change ONE thing about your profile each day – even a period. This will bump your profile and get you more views/messages.
If you are not a witty and hilarious writer, you could end up spending hours trying to perfect your profile. If you do not see results, you’ll make changes and hope you’re on the right track. Save yourself the time and headache and let us do it for you. We will choose your pictures and write a customized profile completely unique to you based on the information we’ll ask you to submit. And if you really want to outsource your online experience, we will even message women and set up dates for you.
Through the years I have compiled a subconscious list of things that winners do and losers do: word choice, behavior, etc.
A lot of this will be anecdotal evidence, but that’s good enough for me.
A client of ours said earlier, “I need a game plan” or something like that. 100% of my broke friends say things like that.
“I think (but can’t prove) I need a plan” is an excuse to not do anything. You get to feel okay about yourself masturbating and sitting on your lazy ass 24 hours a day getting nothing done cause you don’t have a plan, cause boy oh boy once you have that magical plan you gonna tear it up big-time!
Jump off a bridge.
Go hit on every girl you see and read everything that’s been suggested – there is a PLAN. The rest will come later.
Fred Deluca (founder of Subway) wrote Ready, Fire, Aim, which is sorta the way Silicon Valley works now. If you walk into a VC’s office, an angel investor, or you want to bring a partner on board and you ramble about your “plans,” you are going to get laughed at. Everyone understands – just get SOMETHING out, see what people say/do, then start making changes/improvements.
More importantly, as to the “I need a plan” claim: ZERO POINT ZERO of my successful friends say this, EVER.
If anyone here feels like they’d do better in life with a plan, fine, here is your plan: Hit on 20 girls per week next 10 weeks. Watch every single This Week in Startups with Jason Calcanus, get a six-pack. Spend 10 hours a week learning about fashion. This PLAN alone will greatly impact your professional/financial/social/love life.
We hear the words “winners” and “losers” and don’t pay much attention to them because they sound very generic, silly words. I really like them and think they don’t get enough credit. Most decisions we make, even things we do that we don’t realize are decisions, lead towards a win or a loss.
Losers frequently make decisions that head down the loss path, and winners frequently makes decisions that head down the win path.
Here is a silly example: You own a start-up; you are growing rapidly and have serious deadlines over the next few weeks. You know that you will be taking Friday to Sunday off because it’s your birthday. You are presented with an opportunity to go to Disneylnad on a Monday. Keep in mind that there is a great saying: “If you want to accomplish something, set a goal and give yourself not enough time.”
Deadlines force teams to BANG hard and crank work. It kills distractions; it makes for productive ecosystems. Anyhow, back to Disneyland. A winner sees a path towards a win, and going to Disneyland on a weekday, when you’ve taken days off and will have days off coming up, is not a path towards a win.
You are probably saying to yourself, “Duh.” Well, forget you, because 99% of guys do this and worse. The fact is, almost every single one of you has met a girl, gotten love and not gotten her number “’cause she doesn’t live around here.”
WHAT THE %#@$?
How is that a path to a win? LOSER.
You will never be in her city, ever? She will never be in your city again? You will never be in the same place? You know for a fact she has no hot friends that will be visiting? How ’bout this one: I visit her city and you can now set me up with her to show me around and earn imaginary points from me. DONT BE A LOSER.
Losers refuse to take winning paths.
Next, another dude asked, “Does this mean having an open mind?” when I was talking about the importance of being objective, how this has been key contributor to my success.
In my experience, educated and successful people say the word “objective” three times a day or more. In my experience, broke hippie bums say “open-minded” 20 times a day. “Open-minded” is a pedestrian way of speaking.
“I need to get out of my head.” I dunno what that means, but shut up. You sound like a little wuss, and NO ONE wants to hang out with someone who says stuff like that. 100% of the people I’ve known that have said that are ding-dongs.
Winners don’t say those things. I’ve never hear someone that I respect say that stupid line.
Turn off brain chatter. Plug ahead and get it done, invest in yourself, hit on girls.
You probably have tons of brain chatter because you don’t have anything going on. You have all the free time in the world to have elaborate conversations with yourself. Even if the brain chatter won’t stop, shut up and keep that to yourself and your therapist. No one in the real world has time for your brain chatter. Focus on finding paths that lead to a win.
I know a lot of very wealthy, very successful, socially untrained men. Every single one of them is unhappy/feels like he’s missing something important in life.
In my experience, most men think they will be at a park one day and a conversation will magically happen with a gorgeous girl who is sweet, nice, educated and sees you for all your amazing non-shallow qualities. You will have true love and happiness forever. It does not work that way. This girl is attracted to confidence, leadership, and she will not see through to your amazing non-shallow qualities. Also, she has 400 guys hitting on her every day. Good luck with this fantasy.
Secondly, in my experience, most guys underestimate the value of immersion. They are waiting for some imaginary day to start doing something about it.
Last, a great education costs $100,000 plus an opportunity cost plus 5-8 years of hard studying that gets you an income which results in a particular happiness. Nothing in your lifetime will compare to the happiness of falling in love with an amazing girl. That stuff is crack cocaine times 10.
Moral: immerse now. There is no fantasy waiting for you. Dedicate yourself. Mathematically speaking, this is a less costly and time-consuming investment relative to happiness with a greater return vs. a college education. Get on this stuff.
If you say, “Yeah, coincidence”… Immediate punch in face!!
I’ve now been coaching guys in this field for a decade. Every dude out there complains about approach anxiety: “I don’t know what to say,” “I’ll do it later.” Excuse, excuse, excuse.
I was introduced to PUA shortcuts via The Game in February of 2006. I finished the book in a day and went out that night to a bar in Mission Beach called the Beachcomber. It never even crossed my mind whether or not I was gonna approach. I knew I was going to do it because I had just invested 12 hours reading a giant manual on how to pick up chicks.
What kind of loser invests time in something only to stand around and not do it?
I didn’t know what the heck I was doing; all I knew is that one of the lines in The Game made me laugh, so I tried it. I walked up to a smoke piece and said, “Hey, you kinda look like Minnie Mouse.” We were hooking up 30 minutes later.
At the time I thought, “This is so easy.” I didn’t realize it was 95% luck- she had just broken up with her boyfriend, her friend encouraged her to hook up, and I walked into a layup. Reality set in over the next 2 months, when I did on average of 5 approaches per night, going out every night and didn’t hook up with a single girl.
I was going about this all wrong and subscribing to ridiculous PUA advice that made me look like a total idiot, but I was still smashing reps and learning through trial and error.
It took me YEARS to figure out the “Hook and Swoop” by having hundreds of girls blow past me when I tried to stop them. It took me years to stop using stupid, boring openers like “Hi, I saw you and I had to come tell you I think you’re really cute.” I’ve probably been told “Aww, that’s sweet but I have a boyfriend” 3,000 times.
When I first met Justin, we talked for hours every day over the phone about approaching girls. He always had the most hilarious lines, and every day during my lunch break, I would leave my miserable office job and hit on girls at the UTC La Jolla mall.
While practicing day game, I saw a girl walk into Rubio’s one day, didn’t feel like embarrassing myself inside, so I wrote this note on the back of my business card and left it on her windshield. “Not to be that guy to hit on you by leaving you a business card, but yeah, I’m that guy.” She e-mailed me an hour later, and I ended up dating her. I used “Not to be that guy” a minimum of 1,000 times, I used “Mr. Johnny Greaseball” 500 times, I used “The Director” opener 300 times, and I used “Risk Embarrassing Myself” 200 times in a couple months in New York alone.
Here is what goes through my mind when I see a girl I want to talk to:
- She is hot; go hit on her.
- I assess the situation: Who she is with, what she is doing, what her mood looks like, how approachable she seems.
- My mind starts immediately making excuses: She looks mean, she looks busy, I’ll do it later, I don’t like my outfit today, etc…
- I tell myself, “Stop being a bitch; think about how awesome it would be to be with her. Who knows where this relationship will go? It could completely change my life… or I could walk away like a bitch and know 100% that nothing will happen.”
- Then I say, “Shut up, idiot,” and I start walking towards her.
- Once I’m walking, I know I’ll follow through. Objects in motion stay in motion, and my mind quiets down.
- Next thought: “Okay, what am I gonna say? Hmmmm, I could always default to ‘Not to be that guy,’ ‘…risk embarrassing myself,’ or I can be a bit more creative and use the ‘play-by-play'” (NOTE: You might find yourself struggling to use the play-by-play because its hard to be creative when you’re nervous, so make sure you have a stock opener ready to go that makes you feel good. When I think about what I’m gonna say to her, it always makes me smile and laugh on the inside, and those feelings get transmitted to her and it makes me 100 times more likeable. If I walk over thinking, “This isn’t gonna work,” she sees a nervous idiot and the line always comes out flat.) I know every time I can deliver “Not to be that guy.” I’ve found that when I walk over already laughing to myself about the ridiculous stuff I’m about to say, I crush it.
- As I’m getting closer, I know I have to commit to the approach: “Don’t be a wuss. Get in her way, be loud, be dominant, be fun, and don’t let her just walk by.” I can’t control if she likes me, but I can 100% control my effort. I know that if I commit and get rejected, at least I gave it my best. I also know that if I don’t commit, I will surely get rejected and I’ll also beat myself up for not committing. Doing anything but completely committing is stupid, yet I see 99.9% of guys do this on every single approach until I yell and scream at them enough.
It’s MIND-BOGGLING to me how guys do these things:
- They don’t approach– how the heck are you gonna improve if you don’t practice?! This is a sport. You must get off the bench and play.
- We’re out doing day game and they say, “Yeah, I know the hook and swoop,” and then they do something completely different. It’s not that hard. You run 10 feet past, you hook and swoop around, you get completely in their way, you say, “HEY,” and you point behind. They stop, look at you like “What the heck do you want?” and you deliver the opener. There is only one way. It works. Learn it. Don’t be an idiot and try to reinvent the wheel or be too lazy to figure it out.
- They compliment the girl. Good plan: You will hear “I have a boyfriend” 99 out of 100 times unless you look like Brad Pitt.
- They hesitate and give excuses. You’re paying good money to learn this stuff, and you’re gonna waste time giving me your excuses and trying to convince me why you shouldn’t talk to her. You could just pay me to smack you; that would be much more efficient – I won’t waste my time, and you’ll feel like a wuss instantly.
- Complain about how they don’t get results when they’ve only tried this a handful of times. How many golf balls are you gonna have to hit before you hit a 250-yard drive? How many tennis serves are you gonna have to hit before you can consistently hit the ball in play? How many free throws are you gonna have to shoot to consistently knock down 80%? How many punches are you gonna have to throw until you can deliver a knockout? “I did 10 approaches this week and I didn’t even get a number, boo-hoo.” I did 10 approaches every week for 3 years and averaged less than 1 number per 10.
Approaching women is probably my single most leverage-able skill in life. I can go anywhere in the world, walk around for free and create fun and opportunities for myself. I can use the women I meet to meet other cool guys, or I can introduce girls to guys I want to connect with. Every guy is envious of this, and even though they’ll clown you or pretend to be above it, they know they can’t do it and it threatens the heck out of them.
If you want to be a beast with women and you’re not approaching every day, light yourself on fire.
When you see a woman you want to approach, is your first thought almost always, “What do I say to her?”
If so, this article is for you.
To come up with the words for a great approach, I use a process I created called the The Play-by-Play (TM). It’s very simple; all it is is a description of exactly what I did to come talk to her. Kind of like how a sports announcer would describe a play that just happened. Here are 4 examples:
Girls on the bench with Pablo:
I was with my friend Pablo when we saw two beautiful women seated on a bench. Pablo suggested we approach them, but I refused because we had bad breath after eating a big seafood dinner and I wanted to get Tic Tacs first. So we got the Tic Tacs, walked up to them, and I said, “We noticed you two a few minutes ago when we walked by earlier, and we were about to hit on you when I realized that we had bad breath from the seafood we just ate, so we went to the store, grabbed some Tic Tacs and now we’re back. So yeah… I’m Robbie and this is Pablo.”
They cracked up, and we spent the rest of the night with them.
Girl on the bike:
I was with a client teaching him how to approach women when we saw a hottie riding towards us on a bike. My client said, “Whoa, how would you hit on her?” I said, “Watch this.” As she rode towards me, I started waving my hands in the bike lane and motioned for her to pull over. When she stopped, I said, “So I was standing with that guy over there and we both thought you were really cute on your bike. He didn’t know how to stop you, so I told him that I would do my best. Hi, I’m Robbie.”
She cracked up and gave me her number 2 minutes later.
Girl on the street:
Right before I hit on the girl on the bike, we saw a different girl walking down the sidewalk. My client asked me if I would demonstrate hitting on a woman for him. I said sure, and I thought, “I better not screw up, because that would be embarrassing.” So I walked up to her and said, “Hey, I saw you and I had to risk embarrassing myself in front of my friend over there to meet you.”
She cracked up and gave me her business card less than a minute later.
Girl at the Quiznos:
I was in New York walking down 34th Street when I saw a brunette sitting by herself in an empty Quiznos. I couldn’t see her face, but she was dressed to the nines and looked amazing from behind. So I walked in and ordered a water so I could check her out. She looked even better from the front, so I walked over to her and said, “I was walking by outside when I noticed you sitting in here. I couldn’t see your face, so I decided to order a water so I could check you out. Does that make me a scumbag?”
She just about spit out her food in laughter, and two minutes later she gave me her number.
Girls at the bar with my buddy:
My buddy and I were having an awesome night when we rolled into a bar. There was an Indian girl and a Vietnamese girl sitting at a table beside the bar giving us eye contact. They were obviously interested in us, so my buddy walked over, sidled up next to the Indian girl and confidently said, “Hi, I’m Robbie.” About 2 minutes later after ordering a few drinks, I walked over and started flirting with the Vietnamese one. We had a few drinks, took them to a club, I went off with my girl and my buddy went off with his. Later that night, we found each other and we all went back to my buddy’s house.
The last example was nonverbal, and it just goes to show that when you feel good, it doesn’t really matter what you say. But if you aren’t in the zone or feeling good, it really helps to say something that entertains you and makes her laugh. It’s a deadly combination.
Why does this work?
It works because no one else is doing it. Being direct shows that you have a lot of confidence, which women find irresistible, and it also creates sexual tension.
The humor created from calling out the situation will almost always get a laugh, which eases any awkward tension and makes everyone involved feel much more comfortable.
Most guys fail at approaching by doing one of two things. The first is they make a lame-ass situational statement or ask a boring obvious question like “Do you come here often?” or “Lots of people here tonight, huh?”
This is boring, not original and leads to nothing but small talk and conversational filler. You quickly realize that the interaction is stalling, so you start racking your brain for something else to say and come up with nothing.
Awkward silence happens, and either you walk away or she tells you she has to use the bathroom.
The second thing most guys do who have studied seduction techniques is use canned material like opinion openers: “Can I get a girl’s opinion on something? Who lies more, men or women?” Women are quickly catching on to these openers because so many men use them, and while they may engage them in a conversation, you can never be sure if they are talking to you because they are interested in you or they are just interested in discussing the social dynamics of who lies more; women love talking about that stuff.
When I open with The Play-by-Play Approach(TM), I know that if she continues talking to me, she is interested and attracted to me.
If she’s not, she will tell me on the spot that she has a boyfriend or I’m not her type and I won’t waste my time.
Pickup Lines Are Lame!
“Who lies more, men or women?”
“I’m shopping for my girlfriend, she’s about your size, can you help me find something for her?”
“Hey girls, I need a female opinion…”
And, of course, the least effective:
“I work at Goldman Sachs” (handing out business card)
Have you ever used these? I have to give guys props for trying something; taking action is so much better than doing nothing, and if you start taking action, that might well be the first step that propels you to improve your skills.
I also should be honest, if you are confident enough (which you will not be if you rely on canned lines), and you make fun of the line, it can work in some situations. My wingman once walked up with “If I told you I only had 24 hours to live and I wanted to spend them with you, how would you respond?”
The girls cracked up immediately: “How often do you use that?” We had a great conversation with them and got their numbers. But it seemed like we kept coming back to the line every 5 minutes.
And the interaction wasn’t sizzling with sexual tension. The girls were clearly attracted to us, and wanted to talk to us, but it the energy just wasn’t there. These are just two pitfalls of the canned approach.
The biggest problem with using lines is that is doesn’t build confidence. You will not become used to facing tension, to being authentic and completely open about your desires.
So if you’re using them, STOP!
If everyone likes you, chances are you’re struggling with women.
What if they don’t like me?
What if they think I’m a jerk?
What if I make them angry?
What if they talk trash behind my back?
“I had a realization today,” said Marty, one of my students. “What I realized is that to be successful and confident, not everyone is going to like me…
And if I am pushing myself, I will most likely annoy and piss some people off because they may see me as a jerk, creepy or arrogant.
But I can’t let that affect how I feel about myself.”
Marty had this realization during a particular incident. He started speaking with a woman who worked in a store. He said something that was sexual and direct.
But his confidence didn’t have the intended effect. Things got awkward. So he walked out
As he was walking away from the store, he decided, instead of just leaving, that he was going to go back in and talk to her about it.
When he got there, he asked her if she was creeped out. She said that she was and he said, “I’m just being honest” and laughed a bit.
Marty said, “Yeah, sometimes people can be creepy.” She told him that if he wanted to buy something at her store she would talk to him, but otherwise she wasn’t interested in continuing the conversation.
“Well,” he responded, “I just came back to be a man and stand in my embarrassment.” He wished her a good day and left.
Marty felt good about wading into a situation that he knew would be uncomfortable but wasn’t going to hide from it.
It took a lot of courage for Marty to go back into that store and confront the woman.
Anytime we feel embarrassment and shame, it means we are pushing our comfort zone and improving our ability to deal with tough situations.
We all have discomfort we need to face, and this incident, as uncomfortable as it was, was a HUGE step in the right direction for Marty.
Most people hide their true nature and true intentions from others.
So what should we do?
Should we go around speaking our mind, try to fit in and pretend everything is peachy keen or do something in between?
Confident people have the ability to accept and express who they are in each moment.
The truth is, the more confident and successful we become, the less people are going to like us!
Because most people are not confident or successful and they’re going to be jealous.
So if you’re worried about being liked, GET OVER IT!
You know what woman consistently battles Oprah for the highest ratings on TV?
Judge Judith Sheindlin, a.k.a. Judge Judy.
Judge Judy tells the truth, and she’s not afraid to be who she is or express how she feels.
She wears her emotions on her sleeve and speaks her mind. Okay, she doesn’t speak her mind – she actually SHOUTS her mind!
Judge Judy doesn’t care about people liking her, and after spending 25 years making a tiny salary presiding over family court cases, she was offered her own show in Hollywood.
Now, depending on the ratings, she is the biggest female star on TV.
We can learn a lot from Judge Judy.
She is proof that even if people don’t like us, if we are honest they’ll respect us, and that matters a lot more.
It can be terrifying to tell the truth and get emotionally naked in front of people, especially if we are used to NOT doing it.
Baby steps are the key…
Start to be aware of your emotions running under the surface.
Intuitive people will be able to read you like a book, regardless of the words coming out of your mouth.
Beautiful women are some of the most intuitive people on the planet. If you’re trying to fool them into liking you, the joke’s on you.
Shift your focus.
Find a safe environment to express your emotions without holding back or apologizing for who you are.
I used to think this was “gay” or for hippies.
I didn’t have a masculine role model who could show me how it’s done.
It’s funny, but the more I express myself and allow myself to act out all of those behaviors that most people judge and label as wrong, bad, selfish and evil, the less the behaviors have a hold on me.
Not only that, but speaking about it gives people an access point to connect with me, and it’s a hell of a lot more fun than walking around with a “nice guy” mask on all the time!
The bottom line is this.
If we don’t piss some people off and gather a few haters in the process, we are playing small.
When you have haters, you know you’ve made it!
Prior to going out, we did a bunch of drills to help them get over their approach anxiety and have fun opening conversations. We were using some fairly edgy openers. But all of the guys in attendance had zero approach anxiety by the end of the night, and we all had a great time.
How is it possible to say edgy things and deliver risky openers without worrying about what happens afterward?
A conversation I had with one of my students who is a little older and less comfortable in bar environments really stood out to me. We were talking about the importance of having a group of supportive people to make this process of a lot easier and more fun.
One of the biggest phrases that is tossed around in the Inner Game community is “Learn to not care about the outcome.”
I heard a slew of others presenters speak about this last week at a event where I also spoke. I think this concept is completely bankrupt.
How can you actually not care about the outcome? I guarantee that any man on this planet would rather have a beautiful woman give him a kiss then throw a drink in his face after he approached her.
If you engage in an activity, you by default care about the outcome; otherwise, you wouldn’t do it.
So let’s tweak the phrase a little and call it “Not being outcome-dependent.”
You approach her, she pours a drink on your head – but at the end of the day, you are glad you did it, you learned a ton from the experience, and you are ready to try again. If this is your attitude, you will continue to improve, regardless of the outcome of your interactions.
When I look back on my progress, I remember a very distinct three-month period where I improved dramatically. During those three months, I went out with a great group of guys (and sometimes girls) on a weekly basis and we pushed the heck out of our comfort zones in a fun way.
We challenged each other to do crazy stuff and no matter what came of it, we always found a way to laugh and have fun with the process.
If you want to develop social skills and learn to stop being outcome-dependent, having a support group is the best way.
If you don’t have a really good support group, finding one should be your number one priority if you want to improve this area of your life.