Patrick is a digital entrepreneur who left behind a lucrative engineering career to pursue his passions of photography and travel. He’s use the Leverage curriculum to build a lifestyle that allows him to be location independent and travel the world while making money. Hear his story and learn how you can do the same thing.
It’s great advice to stop caring what other people think. But as is usually the case, reality is more complicated than a snappy piece of “life wisdom.”
So what’s the problem with this idea?
The problem is that it’s human nature to care what others think. It’s literally hardwired into our DNA. We evolved in small tribes of less than 150 people, and if you were ever ostracized by your group, it meant you had to live on your own without any support. This often lead to death, because our ancestors succeeded by cooperating with hunting and gathering.
When I first started learning the social psychology we teach at Inner Confidence, I came across the piece of advice to be “internally validated.” There were times when I fell into a trap that a lot of guys encounter, but no one really talks about. It’s impossible to always be internally validated, and when I felt myself seeking others’ approval, I beat myself up more for not being internally validated. Sigh. I was worse off than if I had never known the concept in the first.
Don’t get me wrong- every action you take should be a step on a journeyed towards more internal validation. But give yourself permission to be human. Recognize that if you are seeking or even craving the approval of others, it’s completely normal.
What’s the alternative?
If you’re able to flip a switch and stop caring what other people think, more power to you. Do it and don’t overthink it.
But for guys who struggle with caring what other people think, here’s my suggestion:
Live your life based on what matters to you and what you want to achieve, and compromise on your values based on what others may think.
Pay attention to the times when you’re worried about what others think, and then do whatever it is you want to do regardless.
There will always be times when you seek validation from others. Like we discussed, it’s in our genes as a result of humans’ evolutionary history as hunter-gatherers that lived in small tribes. The goal isn’t to eliminate this tendency altogether. That’s impossible. The goal is to be aware of it and turn it into something that helps you.
I look up to Robbie as a mentor and a boss. I look up to my parents and my sister. I have positive friends in my life and I want them to respect my actions. I want to do things that make all of these people happy, and I’m fine with this. Sure you could say I’m seeking their approval or validation, but I share the same values as them, so if they’re happy with the actions I’m taking and the way I’m living my life then it means that there’s a good chance I’m on a path that I’m also happy with.
Rather than most people who subconsciously choose to seek the approval of others without giving it any thought, I’ve consciously determined that these are the people I care about getting validation from. My internal validation is aligned with their external validation. And I’m rejecting most of the norms that society forces most people into believing, like accepting the standard 9-5 job and career path, or the standard relationship trajectory that American culture endorses.
Who are the people you are happy to seek validation from?
While the right personality, temperament and confidence are probably the most important factors when it comes to successful long-term relationships, when it comes to attracting a woman in the first place, how we look and take care of ourselves plays a much bigger role that most guys overlook.
And research has shown that one of the most important physical features is our teeth. Teeth are often amongst one of the first physical features that is noticed and can be an immediate turn off, even if everything else is a good fit.
38% of those recently surveyed revealed crooked teeth would likely put them off a second date, while 57% said it was more important to have good teeth than clear skin.
For more fun facts about just how important teeth are in relationships as well as life check out this new infographic produced by Cerezen (click the image to see full size):
Style can be a painfully annoying topic to grasp. Most guys neglect it altogether and look terrible as a result, sporting combinations like running shoes and jeans that are sure to turn off any woman. The ones who get it know that it’s important, if for no other reason than because women pay attention to your clothes.
Buying new clothes usually sucks too. We forget our sizes, we don’t know how things are supposed to fit, and we can never figure out what matches or looks good.
When Inner Confidence’s resident stylist mentions the concept of body shape and color analysis to students, the majority instantly assume that these are the types of things that only women have to worry about. Women have a ton of body shapes and different styles of clothes, but guys don’t, so why does it matter?
It’s true that this level of detail doesn’t matter as much for men as it does for women. But like women, men can dress to suit their shape, skin tone, hair and even to highlight eye color. There are a ton of subtle tricks you can use to design a great wardrobe one time and never worry about it again. For example, if you have blue eyes, get a baby blue shirt, and you’ll keep getting compliments on your eyes.
It’s not only the latest trends and styles that you should be thinking about. In fact, you’ll be safe if you don’t pay any attention to fashion. When men’s fashion magazines cover fashion trends (even the more mainstream outlets like GQ or Details), they’re showing you clothing designed by gay males that’s supposed to appeal to other gay males. Ignore trends and focus on the classic elements of style.
The entire process should be personally tailored to your body, shape and personal style. What if there as an easy way to get the details right?
My favorite tool for selecting clothes that look good is the Style Pyramid.
It’s a simple three-step rubric: Fit, Fabric, and Style. A piece of clothing that doesn’t meet all three criteria is a piece of clothing you’re better off not wearing.
- Fit sits at the top of the pyramid. Everything else comes from it. If a garment doesn’t fit well, none of its other characteristics matter — it’s not going to look good on you. Fit should always be your first stopping point when you consider a purchase.
- Fabric is key in determining the quality of a piece of clothing. If you’re not satisfied with the raw material, you’re not going to be all that satisfied with the finished product. It’s less of an absolute barrier than fit — you can have many degrees of quality, whereas fit mostly breaks down into “good” and “bad.” That said, fabric is still a crucial consideration.
- Style is about your own personal taste and the image you want to present. If something fits and is well made, but doesn’t give you the look you want, it’s still not a good purchase.
Work your way through the pyramid in this order when you’re thinking about buying clothes. If something doesn’t fit, stop there. If it fits, but it seems cheaply made, skip it. And if it fits and is of good quality, but doesn’t feel right for your style, wait for something more suited to your tastes.
When all three intersect — then it’s time to buy.
From here, you can add your spin on things. I’m constantly traveling, so like Robbie, I prefer a minimalist wardrobes of all greys and blacks. My approach is even more minimalist than Robbie. I just have 4 shirts I rotate through, and one pair of classic black jeans. Everything I own is high quality according to the style pyramid, and I only need to buy new clothes to replace something when it wears out.
The result is that my fashion is solved, and I never have to think about it again. After buying each piece the first time, I don’t spend any more money on it. By ensuring that everything I own fits me perfectly and will last at least a year, I can have a killer wardrobe without going broke.
There’s a lot out there in self-help media for men and popular culture about what it takes to be a man. I have a simple definition for this that I recently heard from an interview with Tucker Max, and I agree 100%.
Reach between your legs. What do you feel?
If you have a dick, you’re a man. It’s that simple.
If anyone gives you a definition that’s more complicated, see if you can identify what their hidden agenda might be. It’s most commonly an attempt to do one of two things:
1. Justify their own insecurities
Self-acceptance is a rare trait because it takes consistent hard work over a long period of time. But who needs genuine confidence when you can instead justify your own insecurities by pushing your own view of the way the world works?
The guy who’s spent his whole life on his career to the neglect of the rest of his life can say “a real man works for himself and doesn’t have a boss” to justify his decisions to himself. Or the guy who spends all his time the gym can say “a real man has abs like Brad Pitt in Fight Club” to hide from the the fact that he has no meaningful relationships. Be careful of this in the dating space and don’t base your image of manhood on what some “pickup guru” tells you.
2. Sell you a product
A common sales technique is to target peoples’ insecurities, accentuate their pain, say that only you have the solution, and get them to buy whatever you’re selling. In modern Western culture, many guys grow up without masculine role models or father figures, so it’s incredibly easy for marketers to take advantage of this phenomenon and use it to sell products. “Don’t feel manly? Well, let me tell you my definition of what a man is. By the way, I have a product that can help you achieve exactly what I’m telling you that you need to achieve.”
Choose Your Own Masculinity
Confidence looks different for everyone based on the combination of their personality traits and life experience. Are you naturally shy? Introverted? Working on your social skills? Recovering from past trauma or negative experiences? Depending on where you’re coming from, your path to success looks different.
That’s why you should make your best effort to avoid comparing your inside to someone else’s outside. Every high achiever has experienced setbacks and challenges that you can’t see just by examining them on the outside. You see yourself at your lowest points, but you only see others based on what they choose to show the world. This is why you need to pay attention to the social media experience you’ve curated for yourself: the people you see on a daily basis influence your self-image.
It’s important to recognize that despite anyone’s (including mine) advice to be internally validated, we’re social creatures with an innate drive to be accepted by our peers. We all still crave external validation to some degree. You can’t shut it off, but what you can do is be conscious of when that process is operating in your mind.
Choose your own version of masculinity that’s effective in your own life. Don’t define your own success by what other people say success means, because you’ll be constantly trying to live up to the expectations of others. You start living by the illusion “When I achieve this goal, then I will be successful.” But what that does is postpone your happiness to some hypothetical future that’s perpetually just around the corner.
Define Your Own Success
A better definition of masculine success is living by your values. This version of success can be instantly achieved by determining the tiniest action that you can perform that’s consistent with your values. If your value is to be a grateful person, you can express your thanks for someone important in your life. If you value is to always push your comfort zone, you can go out and make a day game approach. You’re living by your own definition of success, and it’s instantly achievable.
The best part about the living your values version of success is that you can achieve success even if you don’t feel good, positive, motivated, optimistic, inspired, psyched up, or in the mood. It doesn’t matter what’s going on in your mind. Just take that next positive action and in that moment, you’re successful.
By doing this, you can avoid the trap of the high achiever. High-performing people in any field are often susceptible to fragile self-esteem. This is when they have a strong positive self-image based on how well they’re performing. This is great when they’re doing well, but when setbacks occur, as they inevitably do, their self-esteem comes crashing down as well. They stop seeing themselves as a “winner” and become a “loser”.
Both loneliness and neediness are helped by living your values, especially when your values are centered on meaningful work that impacts the world positively and close relationships. When you’re following your own masculine path, you’re more grounded and don’t crave the approval of women.
Live by your own rules. And choose your rules consciously rather than passively accepting what society, your family, whoever has chosen for you. If you don’t consciously choose your own rules than you’ll be living by someone else’s rules.
What I’m about to say is sad, but not very controversial: most people would experience mild discontent with their situation than face the discomfort that’s necessary for improving their lives.
People just don’t want to tolerate discomfort, even if they have a guarantee it’s temporary.
Getting into shape is a prime example. Unhealthy people tend to know that getting into shape requires eating healthy, and physical exercise. The failure to act isn’t caused by a lack of information. It stems from an unwillingness to feel uncomfortable. Eating healthy is uncomfortable. Working out causes physical pain. Both of these are a struggle, and only when you choose to accept that the process is not going to be comfortable can you get into shape.
Most people make decisions based on how comfortable they think they’ll feel in given situations. This is why most people aren’t satisfied with their lives. Comfort is a terrible metric for pursuing a life of fulfillment.
Originally I intended to write about how you need to stop making excuses, but that’s not even it. The better advice is to stop letting the excuses you make prevent you from taking action.
Making excuses is normal. It’s a function of the human problem-solving mind.
What’s key is taking action despite those excuses. Don’t let excuses keep you in your comfort zone. People often think they need to be confident before they can face rejection or discomfort, but that’s backwards. First you do the thing outside your comfort zone, then you gain the confidence.
Especially when we’re talking about forcing yourself out of your comfort zone to improve your dating life, there is NO reason to hide any part of who you are from the world. You’re not doing anything wrong or shameful and you’re not violating the rights of others. You can make the decision to be completely honest and open with everyone. Vulnerability is tough, but it’s empowering. It’s how we grow. And if others are not upportive of your decision to improve your life, then the only thing they deserve from you is distance.
Get specific about your discomfort
When I advise that you should be willing to be uncomfortable, it might make sense but it’s still an abstract concept. To make it actionable, it’s helpful to put yourself in a difficult situation then ask yourself: “what sensations am I experiencing right now?”
When I feel anxious about approaching a girl, the main thing I feel is a racing heartbeat. Sometimes my throat gets dry and my hands get sweaty. It’s so much easier to approach if I can ask myself “Are you willing to feel a racing heart and sweaty palms for a couple minutes in order to get better talking to girls?” That’s an easy yes. When you can get very specific about what being uncomfortable means to you, it’s way easier to face than a big abstract concept like “approach anxiety.”
Emotional avoidance is an important idea to think about. When we do not want to feel our emotions, we try to push them away. It works in the short term, but emotions are like water in a pipe. You can block the pipe, but the pressure only increases until it eventually bursts.
Clean emotions versus dirty emotions
A great concept from the intersection of mindfulness and psychology is that of clean emotions and dirty emotions. Clean emotions are the feelings that come up for us naturally. Dirty emotions are what we get when you try to fight those clean emotions. The concept borrows from the Buddhist concept that while suffering is optional, pain is an inevitable part of life. In short, as turn our pain into suffering by resisting it, we turn clean emotions into dirty emotions.
For example, if I experience a rough breakup with my girlfriend, it’s natural and normal for me to feel sad. When we experience loss, we grieve the loss with a healthy sense of sadness, a clean emotion. However, if I were to fight that sadness by getting angry I feel sad, or worry about it and cause myself anxiety, that’s turning it into an unhealthy dirty emotion. One definition that distinguishes between sadness and depression is that when we fight feelings of sadness we become depressed. Depression is sadness plus avoidance.
An example from dating: it’s normal to feel fear when you’re approaching an attractive woman, but when you tell yourself that you shouldn’t feel that fear, it multiplies it.
Instead of classifying emotions as positive or negative, try classifying them as clean or dirty. Every emotion can be useful, even the painful ones. If you use your emotional intelligence then they can provide you with information about how you’re responding in your situation.
Research has shown that the people who are the most successful are those who have a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative emotions. Seeking psychological flexibility and wholeness is always better than blind positivity. Attempting to be happy and positive 100% of the time is a recipe for delusion and failure. Remember the ratio: 80% should be your goal.
Along the same lines, a study published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology has shown that emodiversity, or a life in which one experiences a balance of different emotions, is associated with better mental and physical health.
Get better; don’t be good
Top performers and athletes from all kinds of endeavors or sports tend to have one psychological factor in common: a growth mindset.
A growth mindset is built on the goal to “get better.” The opposite of a growth mindset is a fixed mindset, which centers on the thought “be good.” When facing a difficult task, beginners often want to “do good,” coming at it with the mindset of worrying about how well they’ll perform.
There’s a great quote from Carlos Gracie Sr., one of the primary developers of modern Brazilian jiu-jitsu: “There is no losing in jiu-jitsu. You either win or you learn.”
Your challenge is to approach with the goal of “getting better.” Forget “being good,” because everything you do provides feedback. Every approach you make puts you one step closer to becoming a social beast. Every time you experience discomfort, you make it a little bit easier for the next time you’re in that situation.
The satisfaction, inspiration, and motivation that comes with going after your goals is an order of magnitude more valuable than actually achieving them.
What’s the point?
Connection and companionship are what bring purpose and meaning to our lives. If there’s anything in this world that’s worth experiencing some temporary discomfort for, it’s learning how to create genuine connections.
Having multiple streams of income is an important part of living the Leverage Lifestyle, but too many people looking to start a business ask the wrong questions.
They try to come up with some crazy niche market that nobody’s serving yet because they believe that’s what it’s going to take to be successful. Or they try to enter a market they know nothing about, instead of figuring out what they already enjoy that people are willing to pay for.
Instead, work backwards.
Let’s start with what do you already know. Ask yourself the following questions:
- What are you already good at today?
- What industry do you already know intimately well?
- If you were going to start a podcast tomorrow (with no requirement to earn money from it), what would be potential topics that you feel interest you enough and that you have enough knowledge on that you could start talking for hours a day about said subject?
- If you HAD to make $10k by tomorrow, what knowledge, skill, or information do you hold that could be leveraged into getting someone to pay you for it right now?
It’s not that trying to find a market that’s ripe won’t work, because it clearly can. But that’s unnecessarily harder than finding something that has an existing market that you already know well and can execute on.
Do what you know. Don’t pursue endeavors you don’t understand because “there’s money in it.” That’s a sucker’s game. There are billions in banking and trillions in oil. I don’t know these things, so I do what I know. There is opportunity everywhere in everything; it doesn’t mean it’s for you.
Nine times out of ten it’s not the idea that’s the key to success. It’s the execution.
People start businesses all the time in existing markets with plenty of competitors, and they succeed because of their execution. So you don’t need a super unique idea to start a business; you just need a market and you need to execute well, preferably better than the existing competition.
What are people willing to pay for?
Once you’ve identified an area congruent with your skills or interests, you need to figure out who your audience is and figure out what they want. It isn’t about you; it’s about them.
If you can identify someone’s pain point and find a way to solve it, you have an idea for launching a business. Discover a pain people have and solve it—that’s how you make money. Make yourself indispensable to people who are making money and you will get it.
Let’s take a look at some of the greatest industrial innovations and businesses that were created to solve contemporary problems:
- The canning process came about from the need for food on the front lines in wartime.
- The freeze-drying process was invented to prevent spoilage and became popular with the advent of the home refrigerator.
- The home refrigerator itself also came into prominence by solving people’s needs for convenient, storable groceries.
One strategy you can run with is to choose an industry you know a lot about, interview a bunch of businesses in that industry to find out what pain point they have that they’re willing to pay to solve, come up with a Software as a Service solution (some website or software you’d create to solve their problem that they’d happily pay $X/mo), present the solution to them and presell it and get deposits like Tesla did with their consumers, use that money to build the software, then launch to them, and acquire more customers.
In short: Business is about leveraging your strengths to solve people’s problems.
It’s too easy to trap yourself into a position of weakness. If you’re struggling to go attract and connect with the caliber of women that you really want, there’s a good chance that you’re talking yourself out of a position of strength.
When you’re craving attention or affection, you’re in a position of weakness.
When you’re needy, you’re in a position of weakness.
When you’re trying to convince someone that they should like you, you’re definitely in a position of weakness.
When you’re trying to impress someone, well, you know where I’m going with this.
So what should I do instead?
Five ways to make sure you’re in a position of strength
- When a girl cancels a date on you, don’t rush to reschedule. Instead, keep her engaged on social media, and let her come back to you. Yes, there’s a chance that she won’t ever come back, but it’s better to let that happen naturally than to try to force her into committing to a date again.
- If a girl doesn’t respond to two texts, stop texting her. Sorry buddy, but she didn’t forget about you. She probably isn’t “too busy” to be attracted to you either. She’s just not attracted to you at this point in her life. Maybe things will change and she’ll come back around. Maybe they won’t. Either way, stay in a position of strength and dignity by not chasing her.
- Be honest with your intentions. Guys who struggle in the “friend zone” messed up by not being honest with their intentions. It’s okay to be attracted to your friend- it’s less okay to conceal that fact while scheming and manipulating the situation to try to get her to fall for you.
- Invite rejection into your life. The fear of rejection is an order of magnitude worse than the pain of actual rejection. You should be constantly pushing your comfort zone and growing your social freedom by intentionally getting rejected. The more you do it, the more you see that it isn’t that bad.
- Seek honest feedback from mentors. It’s rare for people to express the brutally honest truth. It’s not that everyone is consciously lying, but the norm is to respond with “It was fine” or “I’m good,” when what people often mean is closer to “Today was whatever. Nothing good happened. Nothing bad happened. I’m just saying ‘fine’ because it’s the programmed response I’m expected to say.” It’s the same way in communication with friends- we’re programmed to be polite instead of actually being helpful. This is why it’s crucial when you’re improving your social and dating life to surround yourself with guys who are better than you who are willing to provide honest feedback. They can diagnose your weaknesses, identify your strengths, and help you to live your life in a position of strength.
When you’re walking up to a girl and meeting her, your first impression is crucial, but there’s one step here that I see a lot of guys mess up. They’re so nervous that they forget to use the same social skills they use in all their other interactions.
When you’re nervous, your intelligence drops. Your fight or flight system gets triggered. You get overly literal and hang onto every word she says. Contrast that to a conversation you have with a close friend or a family member. In these interactions, you’re able to read the emotions beneath their words.
If you came home and said to your roommate “Hey Johnny, how was work today?” and he responds tersely, “It was fine,” you know that he was pissed off because you’re detecting the emotional context beneath his words.
But we forget to use this same skill when we’re around a hot woman.
It’s not that people are consciously lying, but in today’s world it’s rare for people to express the brutally honest truth. You get responses like “It was fine” or “I’m good,” when often what people mean is “Today was whatever. Nothing good happened. Nothing bad happened. I’m just saying ‘fine’ because it’s the programmed response I’m expected to say.”
Picture this: a day game interaction where you walk up to a girl and say “Hey, I saw you standing here and I had to risk embarrassing the hell out of myself to come meet you.” She doesn’t smile or laugh, but responds “Ok. Now what?”
You’re nervous and stumble over a response. “Uhh… now, uhh… now…” You’re at a loss for how to answer her question “Now what?”
But here’s the thing: she didn’t really ask you that question. She doesn’t care about your answer. What she did was give you an emotional reaction. If you read beneath her words for the underlying emotion, she’s not actually asking anything, but expressing that she’s feeling unimpressed.
The best thing to do here is to call it out by playfully delivering an honest statement like “You look like you’re not very impressed.” Calling it out allows her to connect with you, because people connect via shared emotions. She’ll probably laugh because you were able to accurately identify her feelings.
Social communication is built on the expression of emotions, not facts. When you connect by sharing emotions, you build a deeper connection, and your conversation partner feels more comfortable being honest. Sharing deep truths about ourselves starts with small things and escalates as both people get increasingly comfortable. This only happens when there are shared emotions.
If you were correct in your assessment of her emotions, she may follow up with something like “No, I’m sorry I was rude. I’m just having a bad day.” This is an opportunity to have a vibing conversation. “No worries. Hopefully the random guy hitting on you on the street is making your day better. I’m Robbie.”
This sparks a deeper, more connected, honest conversation. She’s more attracted and you’re more confident. That’s the goal!
It’s rare that I see guy who hasn’t done a ton of approaches speak to a woman’s emotions. Instead, he just speaks to her words, so his approaches don’t go anywhere, and he can’t understand why.
You never want to be stuck in a surface-level conversation or asking logical questions that don’t matter.
To really get good at connecting with high value women, you need to understand what they’re saying beneath their words. If every guy could flip that switch to speak to emotions instead of what’s on the surface, not just with women but with everyone, communication in our society would be easier.
If you compare North America and Western Europe to other societies like Eastern Europe or South America, the social communication differences are striking. These cultures value direct communication. This is in contrast to North America, where people have thin skins and are afraid to have their feelings hurt. Everyone walks on eggshells with an artificial sense of politeness.
The result is that no one ever feels uncomfortable, but at the same time, everyone is disconnected. Male-female dynamics are complicated. Business dealings are difficult. It slows down any interaction where direct communication is needed to get from point A to point B.
How do you speak to someone’s emotions instead of their words?
To identify someone’s emotions, read their facial expressions, vocal tonality, and body language. While you’d have no chance of doing this if you were an alien visiting Earth, modern neuroscience has shown that the human brain naturally has this ability. It’s just a form of pattern recognition that you can tap into with practice. Watching movies is one example of how to practice, as is watching dating shows, or even practicing meditation to get in touch with your own emotions.
Want to have an easier time connecting? Stop focusing on the words people are explicitly saying, and instead listen for the emotions they’re expressing beneath the surface.
One of my favorite Inner Confidence exercises is our social freedom exercises. We do things like lie down in a crowded public area, pretend to text on our phones in a crosswalk until the light turns green and we get honked at, and go to Chipotle and ask for free guacamole. Pictured left is Leverage Program moderator, doing a social freedom exercise during this year’s EuroTrip in Budapest. The point of these exercises is to embarrass yourself in public and learn to deal with whatever reaction you get.
There’s actual psychology behind it: the original cognitive-behavioral therapist Albert Ellis invented the concept in 1968 and called them shame-attacking exercises. They’re an amazingly effective way to overcome social anxiety, and for guys who want to give less of a fuck.
Most people overestimate the costs associated with making a social mistake. They think that if they appear incompetent, crazy, or obnoxious, the results will be drastic and they won’t be able to handle it.
Social freedom exercises prove that most guys’ thoughts about this are wrong. When you do the exercises, you’ll usually find that a lot of people don’t even notice or care. If you lie down in a public place, rather than being shamed, most people won’t even notice you, or at the most they’ll walk around you.
We’re all the star of our own movies, and we don’t really care what’s happening in other people’s movies. People don’t care about you as much as you think they do. They’re probably busy looking at their phones anyway.
Having intentionally awkward conversations, like asking random strangers where the nearest STD clinic is, isn’t as painful as most guys expect it to be. In fact, a lot of times these conversations are hilarious and guys walk away laughing at their newfound social freedom and lack of concern about rejection.
Knowingly violating social norms is a powerful way to overcome your fears.
It’s amazing what you get just by asking. While the point of these exercises is to increase your social freedom, some of them teach another lesson. Most people don’t ask for what they really want. They walk on eggshells, trying to avoid inconveniencing or offending others, when in reality, other people are more than happy to help out.
This morning at Coffee Bean, I asked for a discount on my coffee. The barista gave me a polite no. It didn’t work out that time, but at least I asked.
Later in the day, I took an Uber ride with what must have the world’s most mediocre driver. He decided that taking the freeway would be too efficient, so he randomly exited and doubled the length of the trip. After the ride, instead of just saying “oh well, that’s life,” I asked Uber to give me a credit for my time. It wasn’t like he was completely terrible, but hey, why not ask?
Asking paid off!
There are countless examples that arise in daily life where most people don’t ask for things they can probably get:
- If you miss a credit card payment and incur a late fee, you can usually get it removed by calling and asking
- If you call your cable company, you can often negotiate a lower rate by having them match a competitor’s price
- If you always ask for discounts at stores and restaurants in a funny way, you’ll sometimes get them
- If you’re friendly with the airline desk agent, you can get free upgrades when there’s space on the place
What other examples can you think of for developing social freedom and getting free stuff? Post in the comments below.