Every guy can relate to the experience of throwing away their self-respect to chase after a girl. Sometimes it seems like you’re just one step away from having her attracted to you, and if you just push a little bit harder, she’ll finally “get it” and want you more. This is just an illusion. Any drastic gestures you take backfire, and hurt your confidence in the process. Focus on the bigger picture, and instead of scheming and manipulating to get an individual girl, focus on the habits that will lead to long-term success and confidence.
These are some of the most important ideas to be aware of when you are building your confidence in your dating life:
1. Walk away if you’re not getting enough interest or respect
A willingness to leave is the best antidote for neediness. Whoever is more willing to walk away has the power. Showing that you are willing to walk away is the best way to maintain your self-respect in your dating life, and shows your confidence in an indisputable way. Don’t waste your time on someone who isn’t showing you love back.
2. Be assertive and ask for what you want
There is rarely a downside to being assertive. Assertiveness is like any other skill, and can be strengthened with practice. On the other side of the spectrum, the “friend zone” is an experience guys have then they are not willing to be assertive and directly state their intentions. It’s a weak move to befriend a girl under false pretenses. Be direct instead. This is why calling things out and telling girls you’re about to hit on them works so well to convey your confidence.
3. View girls in shades of grey
When you first start to like someone, it’s a natural tendency to subconsciously overlook all of their flaws, idealize them, and put them on a pedestal. Hot girls are used to guys doing this. No one’s character is black and white. Recognize girls’ flaws to keep yourself in check and avoid putting her on a pedestal. Look for red flags and don’t be afraid to call people out on their BS.
4. Don’t mistake anxiety for attraction
I try to stay away from terms like “scarcity mentality” and “abundance mentality” because they’re usually used by people who don’t understand psychology and use other stupid phrases like “manifesting”. However, this is one time when the idea of a scarcity mentality is important. You might think that you should get in a long-term relationship with someone, but if you’re doing it from a place of scarcity, you are setting yourself up to be in an unsatisfying relationship, and hurting your self-respect. On a physiological level, feeling anxious that you might lose someone is a very similar to the emotions of attraction, and it’s crucial to distinguish between them.
5. Don’t try to manipulate people
Girls know when you are trying to manipulate them. Instead, be direct (see #2) and express yourself with confidence. If she’s into you, this will work 100 times better than manipulation. And if she isn’t into you, manipulation might drag out or soften the inevitable rejection, but it won’t ever force someone into being attracted to you.
6. Don’t try to find a logical explanation if a girl isn’t interested
Instead, move on to the next one. Ruminating over a girl you lost or “trying to understand what happened” is only going to hurt your self-respect. There could be a thousand reasons why a girl isn’t interested. Some of them have to do with you, like saying the wrong thing or having bad body language. It’s also possible that the reason she isn’t interested has nothing to do with you, like if she’s just having a bad day. Especially when it comes to attraction and dating, people act emotionally then rationalize it logically. This means that even if a girl thinks she knows she rejected you, that might not even be the actual reason on an emotional level.
Living by these rules will help you to make better decisions in your dating life, and over time, will help you maintain a healthy level of self-respect. You owe it to yourself to follow these, and the girls you meet with be grateful for your assertiveness and self-confidence.