Brian and I just finished an exhausting but fun weekend at this years PUA Summit.  The theme was transitioning to sex and we gave a 45 minute talk on the subject.  The other speakers included David Wygant, Adam Lyons, Brad P, Johnny Wolf, Vince Kelvin, Daxx, Kosmo, Adonis, DJ Fuji, Speer, Daniel Rose, Mehow, Asain Playboy, and a couple others I’m probably forgetting.

In recap, the most commonly talked about concept was logistics.  Logistics – meaning the type of logistical things you need to do to make a smooth transition from the bar stool back to the bedroom.  Logistics are important but in my opinion, not what the students should have been focusing on.  Lets face it, if you’re attending a PUA Summit, you’re probably not getting laid very often.  My guess would be that no more then 25% of the audience was getting laid on a regular basis (1/month).  And if you’re not getting laid, the problem is not logistics, the problem is attraction.  I’m starting to see a trend in guys coming into the community.  It happened to me, it happened to Brian, and it is probably happening to you.  At first, you are enamored with the idea that you can actually learn to be attractive.  Gurus offer their latest and greatest routines, techniques, fool proof methods, tactics and tricks that seem like the coolest thing you’ve ever heard of.  You go out and try this stuff for a few weeks, have virtually no success but decide that your problem is that you didn’t do enough approaches.  WRONG!  Or maybe, you decide that you have too much approach anxiety and never even try out the methods, but you talk a lot about them and theorize on the local forums and discussion boards.  Maybe you find some wingmen who you stand around with and talk about game in the club.  90% of the guys that go down this road quit in less then 3 months.  But why?…

Because you are getting suckered in by a bunch of GIMMICKS!!!  There is no such thing as a fool proof attraction routine. Every woman is different.  YOU CAN’T GET EVERY GIRL!  Nor should you try to.  If you really want to get good with the opposite sex, you’re gonna have to put in the effort.  And you’re gonna need some guidance.  The only surefire way of being successful in this endeavor is to follow this formula.

Be Unstoppable & Get Support

Otherwise, you will fail.  Simple as that.  Stop looking for the easy way out and give yourself at least a year to improve.  And as David Wygant said at the Summit, don’t be a PickUp Asshole (PUA).

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Question:
Ever since my last session with Inner Confidence, I am having difficulty with practicing pickup.  Usually I go out with the intent to try and pick up (I go out during the day and try to open 10 sets).  This is because I don’t have 4-5 hours to waste at a bar.

The problem is, now I know that women can sense/feel ur insincerity, now I feel uncomfortable using a routine stack.  And since I have doubt in the routine or banter lines, it is a bit discouraging even going out.  Seems like all my cards are taken and I’m naked…and if I try to use the lines, she’ll realize how inauthentic I am.  Am I paranoid?  Are routines evil?  Do they lack integrity?  I’ve been called out twice for being a pickup artist…and many times I’m certain girls know they are trying to be “picked up”.

I used to use a direct day game model as a guideline for approaching (something to fall back on) — which wassn’t too “gamey”.  But its so rare for me to get a number (“hit or miss” as i like to call it).  It doesn’t even seem to make sense to me how inconsistent I am getting phone numbers when I go out.  I can approach fearlessly direct now, but after that, i’m a bit confused.

How do I go out and “practice” becoming more attractive?  Or do I just need to open more sets?  How do you incorporate/practice banter lines or even a routine with IC’s paradigm?

Thanks in advance,
B

Answer:
The biggest thing that will hold you back from becoming good with women is trying to become a pickup artist and practicing pickup.  I’m really glad you are feeling that insecurity and in-authenticity because that means you’re moving in the right direction.  Guys who are naturally good with women don’t ever become good by practicing pickup.  They become attractive men by bringing out their natural masculine qualities.  These include, their level of groundedness, connecting with people and learning how to manage tension.   Brian and I have noticed how much easier it is to coach guys who have never been exposed to the PU Community because their heads aren’t filled with crap.  I’m not saying that everything in the community is crap, but most of it is taught by guys who aren’t even getting laid.

Pickup lines and routines are not bad or evil, in fact they can be extremely powerful if you are solid on the inside when you use them.  But you should only use a routine if its fun for you, otherwise women will typically sense the agenda.  So if you want to practice, start by practicing these things:

1.  Do physical exercise that gets you into your body so you can feel your masculine power.  Anything will work, just notice when you are in your head verses when you are flowing like an athlete.

2.  Practice being social and making connections with strangers (not just women – everyone)  If these means approaching them, that’s great, but rather then trying to game them, try to be genuinely interested in who they are.

3.  Practice leaning into tension.  Check out the many posts in the IC Intensive area, there are a ton of exercises in there or check out Cary’s blog, hes pretty much done them all. http://www.beuncomfortable.com

Do the exercises from the ebook, I know you’ve read it biatch!

I didn’t get a chance to do a session with you yet, but my guess is that your direct approaches aren’t working because women can sense the agenda and you are losing your groundedness and seeking validation during the interaction.

Great question and I’m glad your practicing.  Keep it up!

-Robbie

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What really sets the men apart from the boys is the ability and confidence to exude sexuality through the eyes.  Gay cliché: “The eyes are the window to the soul.”  But its true.  If you are not able to look at a girl in a sexual way then you will never be really attractive to women.

I (Robbie) used to be terrified at looking an attractive woman in the eye.  I would always get caught stealing a glance or checking her out and feel embarrassed, ashamed and like a little boy.  If I knew a girl liked me or if I was in a relationship I obviously had the confidence to exude my sexuality through my eyes but to strangers, it didn’t happen.

How to look at a woman:  It’s a combination of intrigue, curiosity and turn on.  If you only look at her with a feeling of ‘turn on’ it will usually come across creepy.  But if you leave out the ‘turn on’ completely you will fail to turn her on and it makes everything 100 times harder.

Which is more powerful?

Scenario 1: Guy approaches girl, hes really funny, connects with her, they talk for hours and set up a date.

Scenario 2: Guy and girl catch each others glance and they both feel the spark.  He finds her hovering around his vicinity and he says hi.  They connect and set up a date.

I hope you picked option 2.  The typical pickup dude or aspiring PUA thinks its all about the content of the conversation, WRONG!  Communication is 93% non verbal.  7% is verbal, 35% is tonality and the rest body language and eye contact.  If you can learn how to express yourself through your eyes, you will skyrocket yourself way ahead of the pack.

Eye Contact Drill:

Get comfortable just holding a gaze with a stranger.  Practice looking women in the eye and don’t look away before they do.  Be careful if you practice this with guys because it increases the tension FAST and can start a fight.  Notice what sort of reactions you get from women.  Once you have gotten to the point where you feel comfortable, start increasing the tension.  This exercise just like everything else we talk about at Inner Confidence is all about managing tension.  It’s the key to attraction, for more info, watch the video in our videos & training section of this blog.

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If you think you’re doing everything right when talking to that hot girl and you still aren’t getting anywhere then you might be missing connection.

Connection is simple and at the same time so many guys just don’t get it or they think it is something that only happens on a rare occasion.  Some of you might be thinking I’m talking about rapport or “comfort” as the dating and seduction community might say, but this is different.  Yes, with any good moment of rapport you will have connection and you can also have it while bantering or running “attraction”.

Connection happens when you STOP and listen. You’re not thinking about what to say or how to say it and your mind is completely present with the person in front of you, looking in her in the eyes and really listening, so much so that she knows you are actually hearing her. Some people are great at listening to the point of even being able to repeat everything you say back to you but they aren’t really listening. In other words they analytically heard you but they didn’t feel your words by listening from that present place. Connection is like a flow state for an athlete. Have you ever been in a bubble while talking to someone? Time passes effortlessly and it seems like you could just talk all day long. That is a connected state. Now, for the purposes of this blog you don’t have to go that deep with it when you first meet someone but if you take the time to really listen and open up to feeling what the other person says while talking to them even if you’re just buying coffee and popping out some clever banter it will have a much stronger effect.

I use listening because I find it to be one of the best ways to teach connection if I don’t have you right in front of me.  The next time you talk to that cute barista or whoever you want to practice on, try really listening by not trying to think about the next clever thing to say. Just give her your full awareness. Some of you might have been thinking that it is only important to listen with a quiet mind while she is talking but it is just as important if not more so to do it while you are talking. When I was first learning all this stuff I had a friend, who was amazing with women, say to me “what did you say to her when you opened her?” I replied “I don’t know I can barely remember” he said “that’s perfect.” It’s ok to think before going out to meet girls and it’s ok to think after you’ve been out but never think during. It puts you in your head and it will ruin your night. This happened because I was listening without thinking. I was hearing her emotions and what she was saying behind her words more than I was hearing her words and the only way she will ever feel that you get it is if she can feel you too.  This can only happen from a connected space.

So the secret to a good connected space is to be so open that you are in more of a state of feeling rather than a state of thinking. If she is at all open or interested in you, she will then open right up and you will both feel a sense of connection. It’s that simple. Easier said than done? For some highly analytical guys this might seem really difficult but trust me, when you get this it will make meeting women way easier. You might notice how you won’t have to work nearly as hard. And by the way guys, I have tested this on a lot of women and 99% of them know exactly what I mean when I ask them “Is this guy connected to you when he looks you in the eyes?” Most guys have to learn it.

So let’s recap. First look her in the eyes, and really listen. Don’t be thinking about the next thing you’ve got to say. Just say what comes to your mind. Some of you might be wondering “how do I know what to say next if I don’t think about it first?” When you talk to people you are really close to do you plan everything you are going to say? Of course not, you just say what comes to your mind. In this case you will find in the beginning you might say and that’s ok. Robbie and I have practiced saying as little as possible from a connected space and it works. For some guys this really hard to get but when you get it there is no turning back. It just feels great.

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SUMMIT 09 IS GOING TO BE SOLD OUT!!!

It’s a matter of days now, as maximum room capacity has been reached, before all Summit TX sales and links are shut down!!!!

LAST CALL FOR $299 TX FOR SUMMIT!!! Not only they are going up to $399 this next week, there’s less then 10 spots left!!!

It’s no surprise with a line up like this!!! There’s even people flying from Europe and Asia to BE THERE!!!

And no, this is not a sales tactic, but simply the reality as it is! We have the biggest room the hotel can give us, and we are already beyond maximum capacity…Even the speakers themselves may not be able to have seats!!!

Act now, or wait another 365 years before you radically revolutionize your love, sex, and entire life!!!!

This year’s theme: TRANSITIONING TO SEX!

Time to go beyond “just approaching and getting numbers”, take it all the way to the bedroom!

Sept. 26-27 Hollywood CA, USA…See, hear and meet…

Bad Boy – All the way from Eastern Europe! The ORIGINAL Direct Tactic Guru!

Lance Mason – Founder of Pick Up 101!

Adam Lyons –  America’s new favorite rising star, as seen on UK Reality TV “Rules of Seduction”!

Hypnotica – Hard core inner game guru, from Neil Strauss’ “The Game” known as Rasputin!

Mehow – The originator of in field videos, best selling author of “Get The Girl (TM)”, “Group Attraction (TM)”, and “10 Second Sexual Attraction”!

Vince Kelvin – The original NLP for Pickup expert, over 19 years of service to community!

David Wygant – The Orignal “Hitch” – Will Smith’s Character was based on this Natural!

Speer – Lifestyle expert! One of the community’s favorite new teachers, breaking it down simple!

Daniel Rose – Author of The Sex God Method – The community’s best expert on giving female orgasms!

Asian Playboy – Revolutionized how Asian men go about dating – Voted Best Asian Pickup Artist!

Brad P. – The World’s foremost authority on Opening!

Daxx – From Love Systems / Mystery Method Corp. One of Savoy’s rising stars!

Johnny Wolf – ABC’s of Attraction Lead Instructor back from Retirement just to help out for a limited time!

Brian Begin & Robbie Kramer of Inner Confidence - Skyrocket Your Inner Game With The Creators of Inner Confidence Re-Patterning (TM)!

Plus a “New Blood” Panel with…

- Marni from Wing Girls! Get a Female Perspective!
- Adonis! Same Night Lay Expert!
- Zar and Hydro! New Social Science!
- KINO 5000! Against the Ropes- Organic Identity Desire!
- Artisan! The Seduction Coaching Team!
- Simeon! Winner of VH1’s “The Pickup Artist”!!!
- Sexual Chocolate! Direct Game!
- Erika Awakening! Female Dating Coach!
- DJ Fuji! Club Game!
- Black Caesar! Miami Natural Game!
If you guys need tickets, contact me directly at robbie@innerconfidence.com and I can get you over 50% off. Hope to see you there!!

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If you are struggling to get past the initial stages when you meet a woman then there is a VERY good chance that you are doing this and it will kill your chances almost every time.

So what am I talking about?  I’m talking about seeking validation.

Validation seeking behavior is a major turn off to anyone, man or woman.  I’m sure you have been in a situation before where you are talking to someone and you can feel how worried they are about what you think of them.  Its annoying and it makes you want to leave right?  Think about how often this happens to beautiful women and powerful men.  When you have something that everyone else wants whether it is a magnetic personality, access to scarce resources or a great pair of tits and a tight, bubbly ass, people start putting you on a pedestal.  Take a moment and think about the last time you were guilty of this behavior…

I’m not really gonna explain this concept more, hopefully you get it by now, people, no matter what their social status will only want to be around you if they see you as an equal.  Last night I was a guest on AJ & Jordan Harbinger’s show ‘Game On’ on Sirius Satellite Radio.  After the show, their was a metal band called Gwar recording a performance in the main recording studio.  Jordan and I walked over to them and pretended he didn’t know them.  He said “Do you know who these Gwar guys are?  I heard they are really old.”  They looked at him funny and said “Uhh, we’re part of the band.”  Then Jordan laughed and said “I know, I was just fucking with you.”  They loved us after that because they knew we were just normal cool guys who weren’t gonna try and suck their dicks for validation.  So here is my really life altering, earth shattering, Nobel Prize winning coaching for you…

If you are seeking validation, notice it and STOP IT!

One mental technique or exercise you can use is to realize that the gorgeous woman who looks so scary, unapproachable and out of your league probably has just as many insecurities, false negative beliefs and things she hates about herself as you do if not more because women are judged much more on their looks.  If this isn’t enough then you can take it even further and start looking for her flaws.  Now don’t become an asshole about it, just use it as a consciousness tool to break the pattern in your mind that she is somehow above you.  Eliminating validation seeking behavior will improve your chances with women more then just about anything else if this is a problem you are dealing with.

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I’m writing this article in honor of a student of ours.  His name is Cary and he has been improving at an insane rate since he started our 90 Day Training Program a few months back.

Cary decided to start using a very direct method of approaching women, it consists of saying:

Hi.

What are you doing later?

Wanna come back to my place?

Yeah, I know!  Pretty ballsy!  Here is a report from Cary from a couple nights back:

So it’s almost 11 PM now and some decent looking chicks are starting to come in. Looks like it’s not going to be that bad after all. There’s this one particular blonde that was looking hot in her 80’s outfit for a birthday. She had the curly/frizzy hair, black gloves, pink tank top, black skirt with black leggings, and black heels. Kinda punkish. She was definitely outgoing and social, greeting everyone. She was tall, pretty, and had social value. I don’t know if this is going to work.  (Here responses are in red)

[She's walking towards the door where I was standing and I extend my hand out to stop her. She reaches for my hand like she's shaking it.]

Hey, how’s it going?

Hi! [Smiles.]

What are you doing later?

Blah, blah.

Cool. Do you want to come back to my place?

[Her face is slightly jolted. She pauses and I can tell she's thinking about something.]…Where do you live?

[WTF?!?! That jolted me back.] Uhhh…West LA.

I don’t have your number.

[I whip out my phone as this 5'10" 200 lbs. dude with a shaved head and wearing a solid white sweater walks near us. Yeah, he looked like a gangster.]

What’s your area code?

[She turns her back towards the big dude and faces me with a cringed sorry look on her face.] I can’t do that right now. My boyfriend is right here.

[I just realized she was talking about the big dude. He looked scary, so I played it off like I was just showing her my phone and not trying to get her number.]

Hey check out my new phone. It’s awesome. [In hindsight, what I really should have done was have her introduce me to the boyfriend. That would amp up the tension and attraction some more. I could have also then told the bf that her gf was cool but I didn’t.

I didn’t even get your name.

It’s…..uhh it doesn’t matter. I’ll catch up with you later.

I was frankly shocked by her response. She was an interested party girl. My plan was to find her alone again later and get the digits, but that didn’t happen. She was quite social and rarely alone. On top of that, as time went on, the bf looked scarier and scarier and I gave it up. It hooked though! And hooked hard.

Now, why will this approach work for Cary but maybe not for you?  Cary has gotten to the point where he is no longer seeking approval from women.  He is unattached to the outcome and is non-reactive to her response.  If you’re wondering how to improve this in yourself then watch the video on grounding in our Video & Trainings Section on the top bar on this blog.  Cary also started his own blog on becoming a badass.  Check it out here: Cary’s Blog

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