I’m writing this article from the most unfiltered point of view I can to give you, single guys who are looking for “hot women” the best and most truthful peek into how these girls often operate. I don’t make the rules – I simply just like to call them out. Enjoy!
Whether we like it or not, texting has become the norm. More than the norm, actually – it has now surpassed the importance of a phone call within a dating scenario, in my opinion. A text message is a fleeting, half-committed way of reaching out to someone, and while this can be frustrating… It can also be used to your advantage in dating interactions.
When it comes to texts, not only is the content important, but the timing, tone, frequency and delivery as well. There’s so many ways to mess it up….. It’s literally an art form, so don’t feel bad if you’re feeling a bit clueless about it at this point. However, don’t forget that it’s YOUR job to figure out the code, and translate that into dates.
That being said, I get hilarious/ridiculously dumb/annoying texts from guys ALL THE TIME.
If I wasn’t so amused by it, I’d be one irritated girl. Seriously, even my top contending guys end up sending me some pathetic texts pretty regularly when you break it down between each of them, LOL.
If you’ve done your legwork outside your text game, you should be fine with one or two mistakes; however, so you get my point loud and clear, I’ve decided to share some of my most recent “cringeworthy” text/whatsapp/Facebook messenger exchanges.
And yes, I screenshot, send and make fun of all these text convos with my friends.
Sometimes, I’m even tempted to post them on Instagram with the name removed.
1. The Too-Frequent Guy
If hear my phone buzz more than two times in a row and it’s not one of my girlfriends, my mom or my sister, I’m irritated. Who is feeling the need to hit me up at such a fast pace? I mean, I even get irritated when my friends do it, let alone a guy that I’m seeing. So don’t blow yourself out. Less is more. This guy is also notorious for sending me novels (not surprisingly):
Some red flags that will let you know you’re texting too much or too fast include whether or not she’s taking a long time to respond back to you, the responses themselves being brief or curt… i.e., “k”, “ya”, “cool”… and questions you’ve asked her that have gone unanswered. If you can say yes to any of these, consider whether or not you’re at first place in the text race.
2. Always Being Available
Unfortunately I couldn’t find a screenshot to capture this, but it’s pretty straightforward. You always want to hold on to a certain element of mystery and allure. Being constantly available is the biggest buzzkiller when it comes to this. At the time, you might be fighting off strong urges to text her back in a fit of excitement… but trust me. There’s a reason some things take discipline! Payoff, y’all!
3. The guy who tries to meet up with me too fast, before making me like him enough
So, I hate to break it to you but I don’t really remember much in terms of the various good qualities about the guys I’m texting with. If I met you while I was drinking, even less! So, it’s YOUR job to take me back, or better yet… swoon me with new game. And, the best way to do that is with humor, flirting and confidence.
4. The Salty Guy
Regardless of how angry or pissed off a girl makes you, if you still want to sleep with her – don’t lose your cool. This seems obvious to me, but it happens on such a regular basis that I felt the need to include this. Don’t ever let her see you sweat if you’re still in the process of getting her to sleep with you. I have no patience for salty guys – you know why? Because I perpetually have a revolving selection of 5 NON-salty guys at my disposal, who I’m beating off with a stick! So, putting in energy to provide a non-awkward response to your angry message isn’t something I’m going to waste one second on.
Just because she’s one of the few you’re talking to and YOU might be somewhat invested, this does NOT mean that she’s also invested as well. Some of these guys act like I really care. LOLZ.
5. The Guy Who’s Always Late
I absolutely LOATHE getting the “running late” text. Punctuality is important. Telling me you’re running late for an 8 p.m. date at 7:53 does not somehow exempt you from being late now.
6. The Guy Who Doesn’t Understand Emoticons
Or better yet, doesn’t have an iPhone to accept EMOJI’s!
Emoticon use is tricky. If you don’t use any, I get annoyed. If you use them improperly, I get annoyed. In general, the rule states that as a girl, she can use as many as she wants (and after a while, you’re free to call her out on that). However, the only acceptable emoticon use for YOU to throw out there (unless you’ve been sleeping with her for some time) is going to be: 😉 , , or the same equivalent but with iPhone emoji. Maybe a heart, used very sparingly.
Meh… This guy below (same guy in both exchanges) loves to send me really overly cute, sweet or cuddly texts – when it’s WAY TOO EARLY in the game for him to be doing so. You want to avoid gushing over her via text, let alone at all.
Another good thing about smiley face or emoji use is that when used correctly, it can set the tone for what you’re trying to say. For example, any number of statements could be taken the wrong way without a smiley face or wink.
Additionally, keep in mind… whatever mood I’m in is going to affect the way I interpret your text. Make it clear when you’re joking, teasing or flirting. Otherwise, she may pull a “crazy girl move” on you and take it the wrong way or get turned off.
7. The Party/Rager Guy
Needless to say, I didn’t meet up with Alex. I mean, who the hell brings up Molly at three in the afternoon? There’s a time and a place, people. Classic example of overeagerness to party/drug addict warning signs, haha. This guy is slightly different from the “text only after 11 p.m. guy” because there’s just something about this one that makes me feel like he’s only hitting me up because he wants a girl on his arm and to offer blow to. When trying to get me to do something bad or naughty, it’s only okay if it comes up while we’re out and I make a hasty decision. That’s one thing – but if you make me feel like I’m doing something bad or that I need to feel guilty about, then I’m hesitant to bite and I tend to get scared off/creeped out.
Oh and also, don’t mention to me that we can only meet up at 12 a.m. because “that’s when you get paid.” SMH – there are simply SOME things that should be kept to yourselves, guys.
8. The Dimwitted Guy
I’m sorry but any guy who doesn’t understand memes at this point is getting deemed an idiot in my book. More importantly, if I’m asked ANY QUESTION that can be answered via Google.com – you’re automatically going to be classified as annoying/dumb in my head. Harsh, but true. My patience for these guys is running low.
9. The Guy Who Doesn’t Get My Jokes
Similar to the dimwitted guy but not quite as dumb, this guy is generally “smart” upon first inspection, but he loses my interest because the text exchange isn’t savvy or witty. He’s likely not understanding my jokes nor throwing any out himself. This guy is a great candidate to be one of my “orbiters” in the future. Recall my last article, “The Flake – Why We Do It” for the definition of an orbiter.
10. The Non-iPhone Guy
Edit: Yea yea, this one has gotten SO much flak. As girls, we like iPhones better than non-iphones. Sorry, but I aint sorry. As salty as that might make you, most women prefer using and iPhone and texting with someone who also has an iPhone because of the way iMessaging works. All I’m saying is….ya might wanna look into it and get rid of an old phone thats outdated!
That being said, when I see a text come in/go out on my iPhone that isn’t an iMessage, a.k.a. light blue… I get annoyed. Yes, it might seem snobby, ignorant or Apple fanboy-ish… but I am admittedly an iPhone snob and I will be annoyed if I can see you don’t have one too. It’s just that…. the green text message that pops up leaves me wondering about what kind of phone it is that you have. Could it be as bad as a flip phone? I shouldn’t have to consider these things.
A green message is outdated in my opinion. I can’t see if my message has been delivered (or read if you have your read receipts turned on), and I can’t see if you type back, which I like. The reason why this matters: convenience. Make it easy for her. The more connected the better, IMO.
11. The Late-Night-Only Guy
Hitting up a girl after 10 p.m. should be reserved for booty calls unless you’ve slept with her already. If it’s implemented too early on, it’s a turnoff to me. Usually, this is a guy that I’m actually attracted to, but doesn’t usually respond to me in a timely fashion or about relevant things, and saves all interaction for late-night talk ridden with sexual energy. Does this idiot think I’m an idiot?! If you haven’t invested enough time in a girl, texting too late in the evening can be a huge deterrent to meeting up. It’s all about timing, my friends… in more ways than one.
12. The Predictable/Boring Guy – a.k.a. Not Conveying “Fun”
This is probably one of the most important points in this article. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Girls like to have fun. If you’re not sending me what I like to call “open-ended” text messages that prompt an excited response from me, I’m likely to get bored… fast. If you are texting a hot girl, I’d place a strong bet on the fact that you’re probably not the only guy who’s texting her either, which is precisely why it’s so important to not be like every other guy – to stand out from the others.
This particular guy Kevin above has been hitting me up with “hey there, how are ya smiley face” messages since 2011. This continues into as recently as late June this year, mind you. I just don’t understand why – WHY – you would continue to use the same message, phrased almost identically… if it hasn’t been working the first few times. Throw me a bone here. Hence, why I haven’t responded to Kevin in over a year.
This guy typically responds with “haha”, “lol”, “nice”, etc., in the beginning when I am open for communication, which bores me very fast. If you don’t pique my interest basically immediately, I tend to lose interest almost immediately! SKIP THE SMALL TALK!
Some humor and calling out is essential in getting her to smile when she see’s your name on her screen as opposed to dreading it – the worst feeling ever!
13. The Flake
People flake soooo much these days. Stand apart from the rest.
When I am really looking forward to seeing a guy, and he flakes…. This is a HUGE bummer and turnoff for me. I end up feeling slapped in the face, especially if we’ve enjoyed a great dynamic leading up. Just because I really like him doesn’t mean he’s going to survive this flake. In fact, at times he gets cut swifter than the others, simply because I don’t want to go through such another unpleasant experience as being flaked out on again. So, unless you really need to cancel or you don’t care about seeing her again, understand that you will typically only be allowed one flake in the beginning, if any. After that, I won’t answer your texts or inquiries about going out in the future. I get fed up fast with these guys, so if you’re going to flake, make sure it’s worth it.
The text exchange above came after a cute phone call I had with the guy the day before. He got me all excited for our date, and now this. Whomp whomp…. he probably won’t end up seeing me after this, especially because I had just come in from out of town.
And yes, even I get flaked on, too. 😉