If you think you’re doing everything right when talking to that hot girl and you still aren’t getting anywhere then you might be missing connection.

Connection is simple and at the same time so many guys just don’t get it or they think it is something that only happens on a rare occasion.  Some of you might be thinking I’m talking about rapport or “comfort” as the dating and seduction community might say, but this is different.  Yes, with any good moment of rapport you will have connection and you can also have it while bantering or running “attraction”.

Connection happens when you STOP and listen. You’re not thinking about what to say or how to say it and your mind is completely present with the person in front of you, looking in her in the eyes and really listening, so much so that she knows you are actually hearing her. Some people are great at listening to the point of even being able to repeat everything you say back to you but they aren’t really listening. In other words they analytically heard you but they didn’t feel your words by listening from that present place. Connection is like a flow state for an athlete. Have you ever been in a bubble while talking to someone? Time passes effortlessly and it seems like you could just talk all day long. That is a connected state. Now, for the purposes of this blog you don’t have to go that deep with it when you first meet someone but if you take the time to really listen and open up to feeling what the other person says while talking to them even if you’re just buying coffee and popping out some clever banter it will have a much stronger effect.

I use listening because I find it to be one of the best ways to teach connection if I don’t have you right in front of me.  The next time you talk to that cute barista or whoever you want to practice on, try really listening by not trying to think about the next clever thing to say. Just give her your full awareness. Some of you might have been thinking that it is only important to listen with a quiet mind while she is talking but it is just as important if not more so to do it while you are talking. When I was first learning all this stuff I had a friend, who was amazing with women, say to me “what did you say to her when you opened her?” I replied “I don’t know I can barely remember” he said “that’s perfect.” It’s ok to think before going out to meet girls and it’s ok to think after you’ve been out but never think during. It puts you in your head and it will ruin your night. This happened because I was listening without thinking. I was hearing her emotions and what she was saying behind her words more than I was hearing her words and the only way she will ever feel that you get it is if she can feel you too.  This can only happen from a connected space.

So the secret to a good connected space is to be so open that you are in more of a state of feeling rather than a state of thinking. If she is at all open or interested in you, she will then open right up and you will both feel a sense of connection. It’s that simple. Easier said than done? For some highly analytical guys this might seem really difficult but trust me, when you get this it will make meeting women way easier. You might notice how you won’t have to work nearly as hard. And by the way guys, I have tested this on a lot of women and 99% of them know exactly what I mean when I ask them “Is this guy connected to you when he looks you in the eyes?” Most guys have to learn it.

So let’s recap. First look her in the eyes, and really listen. Don’t be thinking about the next thing you’ve got to say. Just say what comes to your mind. Some of you might be wondering “how do I know what to say next if I don’t think about it first?” When you talk to people you are really close to do you plan everything you are going to say? Of course not, you just say what comes to your mind. In this case you will find in the beginning you might say and that’s ok. Robbie and I have practiced saying as little as possible from a connected space and it works. For some guys this really hard to get but when you get it there is no turning back. It just feels great.