If you say, “Yeah, coincidence”… Immediate punch in face!!
I’ve now been coaching guys in this field for a decade. Every dude out there complains about approach anxiety: “I don’t know what to say,” “I’ll do it later.” Excuse, excuse, excuse.
I was introduced to PUA shortcuts via The Game in February of 2006. I finished the book in a day and went out that night to a bar in Mission Beach called the Beachcomber. It never even crossed my mind whether or not I was gonna approach. I knew I was going to do it because I had just invested 12 hours reading a giant manual on how to pick up chicks.
What kind of loser invests time in something only to stand around and not do it?
I didn’t know what the heck I was doing; all I knew is that one of the lines in The Game made me laugh, so I tried it. I walked up to a smoke piece and said, “Hey, you kinda look like Minnie Mouse.” We were hooking up 30 minutes later.
At the time I thought, “This is so easy.” I didn’t realize it was 95% luck- she had just broken up with her boyfriend, her friend encouraged her to hook up, and I walked into a layup. Reality set in over the next 2 months, when I did on average of 5 approaches per night, going out every night and didn’t hook up with a single girl.
I was going about this all wrong and subscribing to ridiculous PUA advice that made me look like a total idiot, but I was still smashing reps and learning through trial and error.
It took me YEARS to figure out the “Hook and Swoop” by having hundreds of girls blow past me when I tried to stop them. It took me years to stop using stupid, boring openers like “Hi, I saw you and I had to come tell you I think you’re really cute.” I’ve probably been told “Aww, that’s sweet but I have a boyfriend” 3,000 times.
When I first met Justin, we talked for hours every day over the phone about approaching girls. He always had the most hilarious lines, and every day during my lunch break, I would leave my miserable office job and hit on girls at the UTC La Jolla mall.
While practicing day game, I saw a girl walk into Rubio’s one day, didn’t feel like embarrassing myself inside, so I wrote this note on the back of my business card and left it on her windshield. “Not to be that guy to hit on you by leaving you a business card, but yeah, I’m that guy.” She e-mailed me an hour later, and I ended up dating her. I used “Not to be that guy” a minimum of 1,000 times, I used “Mr. Johnny Greaseball” 500 times, I used “The Director” opener 300 times, and I used “Risk Embarrassing Myself” 200 times in a couple months in New York alone.
Here is what goes through my mind when I see a girl I want to talk to:
- She is hot; go hit on her.
- I assess the situation: Who she is with, what she is doing, what her mood looks like, how approachable she seems.
- My mind starts immediately making excuses: She looks mean, she looks busy, I’ll do it later, I don’t like my outfit today, etc…
- I tell myself, “Stop being a bitch; think about how awesome it would be to be with her. Who knows where this relationship will go? It could completely change my life… or I could walk away like a bitch and know 100% that nothing will happen.”
- Then I say, “Shut up, idiot,” and I start walking towards her.
- Once I’m walking, I know I’ll follow through. Objects in motion stay in motion, and my mind quiets down.
- Next thought: “Okay, what am I gonna say? Hmmmm, I could always default to ‘Not to be that guy,’ ‘…risk embarrassing myself,’ or I can be a bit more creative and use the ‘play-by-play'” (NOTE: You might find yourself struggling to use the play-by-play because its hard to be creative when you’re nervous, so make sure you have a stock opener ready to go that makes you feel good. When I think about what I’m gonna say to her, it always makes me smile and laugh on the inside, and those feelings get transmitted to her and it makes me 100 times more likeable. If I walk over thinking, “This isn’t gonna work,” she sees a nervous idiot and the line always comes out flat.) I know every time I can deliver “Not to be that guy.” I’ve found that when I walk over already laughing to myself about the ridiculous stuff I’m about to say, I crush it.
- As I’m getting closer, I know I have to commit to the approach: “Don’t be a wuss. Get in her way, be loud, be dominant, be fun, and don’t let her just walk by.” I can’t control if she likes me, but I can 100% control my effort. I know that if I commit and get rejected, at least I gave it my best. I also know that if I don’t commit, I will surely get rejected and I’ll also beat myself up for not committing. Doing anything but completely committing is stupid, yet I see 99.9% of guys do this on every single approach until I yell and scream at them enough.
It’s MIND-BOGGLING to me how guys do these things:
- They don’t approach– how the heck are you gonna improve if you don’t practice?! This is a sport. You must get off the bench and play.
- We’re out doing day game and they say, “Yeah, I know the hook and swoop,” and then they do something completely different. It’s not that hard. You run 10 feet past, you hook and swoop around, you get completely in their way, you say, “HEY,” and you point behind. They stop, look at you like “What the heck do you want?” and you deliver the opener. There is only one way. It works. Learn it. Don’t be an idiot and try to reinvent the wheel or be too lazy to figure it out.
- They compliment the girl. Good plan: You will hear “I have a boyfriend” 99 out of 100 times unless you look like Brad Pitt.
- They hesitate and give excuses. You’re paying good money to learn this stuff, and you’re gonna waste time giving me your excuses and trying to convince me why you shouldn’t talk to her. You could just pay me to smack you; that would be much more efficient – I won’t waste my time, and you’ll feel like a wuss instantly.
- Complain about how they don’t get results when they’ve only tried this a handful of times. How many golf balls are you gonna have to hit before you hit a 250-yard drive? How many tennis serves are you gonna have to hit before you can consistently hit the ball in play? How many free throws are you gonna have to shoot to consistently knock down 80%? How many punches are you gonna have to throw until you can deliver a knockout? “I did 10 approaches this week and I didn’t even get a number, boo-hoo.” I did 10 approaches every week for 3 years and averaged less than 1 number per 10.
Approaching women is probably my single most leverage-able skill in life. I can go anywhere in the world, walk around for free and create fun and opportunities for myself. I can use the women I meet to meet other cool guys, or I can introduce girls to guys I want to connect with. Every guy is envious of this, and even though they’ll clown you or pretend to be above it, they know they can’t do it and it threatens the heck out of them.
If you want to be a beast with women and you’re not approaching every day, light yourself on fire.