When I don’t get the results I want I typically ask myself the question, “What did I do wrong and how do I fix it?” One of the best resources I had over the years while learning to have great interactions with women were online forums to get support from other guys who were doing the same thing.  Consider this scenario…

Lets say that random dude named “homeslice” writes a post on the forums about a night on the town.  Some people will initially jump to offer advice on what he did wrong and how to fix it.  Some will just tell him the things he did wrong without ways to fix it.  Others will just say good job, etc…  Everyone has a different way in which they view the world.  Half empty, half full, not enough, too much.  The key is to notice the behavior without judging it or making meaning out of it.

If we just start focusing on the positives, then we’ll all become a bunch of spiritual elitists and masters of the dark side who are out of touch with reality.  A master of the dark side is someone who walks around all the time refusing to focus on anything they perceive as negative.  For example, let’s say you are talking to one of these people and mention a car accident you saw, they will quickly say “I don’t wanna talk about that.”  It’s funny because these people internalize all that negative energy by not acknowledging that it’s real.  In turn they become a slave to it.  The Law of Attraction states that whatever you resist, persists.  So if we only focus on the positives we become slightly insane.  If we just focus on the negatives we become cynical and resigned. Neither one is effective.

A much more effective form of communication would be to offer feedback in a non judgmental way so the person you are speaking it to can actually hear it.  That is the challenge and the best way you can support them.  Pay attention to who you are talking to. Depending on where people are at, they may or may not be open to types of feedback.  For example, some people are not open to negative feedback so they won’t hear anything you say.  It’s called paying attention to their listening.

When I first learned this concept, I started to notice certain individuals I had a recurring dialog with.  Every time I spoke to them, the conversation was almost exactly the same.

If you want to approach a girl at a club, realize that they will have a different listening then a girl at a bookstore. If you try to communicate with them in the same exact way, you are minimizing your chances of being heard and understood.  If you can get this concept, you’ll be extremely successful when communicating with people.

Cheers,

Robbie Kramer