Get Women To Chase You
This article is about avoiding the common trap of the “chase” mentality that most men fall into and what to do instead to get women chasing you. I’m also gonna talk about why women flake and how to put an end to it once and for all. The beauty of this topic is that it relates perfectly to sales, which is why im going to give you an analogy to clarify. You’re also gonna get quized!
Let’s say you are selling timeshares (vacation property) and I am an interested customer you meet at a convention. Your job is to look at the two scenarios below to decipher which is a more effective interaction.
Option 1:
You: Hi, do you have any questions about the properties?
Me: Yes, I am interested in the properties in the Mazatlan, how much are they?
You: They range from $300/month to $1500/month.
Me: Ok, and what comes with that?
You: All the homeowner fees, full use, gardening, maintenance.
Me: Great, i’m gonna think about it and let you know.
You: Ok, is there anything specific that you want to think about that will make your decision easier?
Me: Yeah, actually, I was wondering if some of the other companies are offering better deals.
You: I’m not 100% sure, we have the best deals that I know of, but if you can find one better, I’de be more then happy to match and beat it by 5%. Would you like me to do a little research and let you know?
Me: OK great, thanks.
You: Is there anything else you need to consider before moving forward?
Me: Umm, im not sure…
You: Well, why don’t you think it over and I’ll follow up with you next week. Is that enough time for you to decide?
Me: Yeah thats great…
Option 2:
You: Hi, do you have any questions about the properties?
Me: Yes, I am interested in the properties in the Mazatlan, how much are they?
You: I’m so glad you asked, they range from $300/month to $1500/month. Some come with a pool, exercise room, cabana, full maintenance included. You should see the views on some of them, they are magnificent and there are some of the best golf courses around really close by. You would love it! Let’s get you started on the paper work alright!
Me: I’m not so sure im ready just yet, do you have any information I can take to look over?
You: Sure, here is a brochure and my business card if you have any questions, feel free to call.
Me: Great, thanks for the help…
You: Let’s follow up next week when are you free?
Me: I don’t really know my schedule, but I’ve got your business card so I’ll get back to you. Thanks.
You: You’re welcome, you’re really gonna love the properties, they are the best out there, looking forward to hearing from you.
So which strategy is more effective? Option 1 for many reasons but the main reason being that you (the salesman) simply answered the questions that were asked and got the customer (me) to commit to a follow up conversation. The salesman did it without being pushy or aggressive either. In Option 2, the mistake the salesman made was answering questions that were not asked and making assumptions about the customer (that they like golf, cabanas, views). They also failed to gain a commitment from the customer. Hopefully you noticed that you as the salesman from option 2 was pursuing me, the customer. When you pursue someone, they only have two options. They can either RESIST or they can SUBMIT. Can they pursue you if you are pursuing them? NO!! This is the mistake almost everyone in sales and almost every man who chases women make. You can never get women to pursue you if you are always in pursuit. So what can you do instead?
When you meet women, in essence you are selling yourself so the same basic rules apply. Rather then pursuing, you can make offers and give them a choice. Notice how in Option 1, the salesman simply answered questions and made an offer based on the customers needs? A successful interaction with a woman would look something like this:
-Flirting (you are having fun and providing everyone around you value, thus your value and her attraction for you goes up)
-Connecting (the two of you are finding out if you connect emotionally and enjoy each others company)
-Future Projection (setting up a date, increasing sexual tension if you want to have fun that night, etc..)
-Make an offer, she accepts or rejects. If she rejects but is still interested, she will counter offer. If not, you can be pretty sure she isn’t interested and you screwed up one of the earlier steps.
Here’s one more example, you decide which is better… (assume that you think she is already attracted to you)
Option 1:
You: So here’s the deal, I’m gonna take you to this awesome little dive bar next week, but you have to promise to let me beat you at pool because I can’t take the damage to my ego.
Her: No way, i’m gonna kick your ass.
You: We’ll see about that, I’m pretty good and I cheat!
Her: haha, whatever so do I.
You: What day is good for you next week?
Her: I’m not sure, i’m pretty busy but lemme check my schedule when I get home.
You: Ok, what’s your number, we’ll figure it out later.
Her: Ok, its (658) 343-eryx
Option 2:
You: So here’s the deal, I’m gonna take you to this awesome little dive bar next week, but you have to promise to let me beat you at pool because I can’t take the damage to my ego.
Her: I hate dive bars.
You: We’ll aren’t you sassy, we can go somewhere else instead if you want?
Her: Yeah we’ll see, im super swamped at work right now so we’ll have to figure it out later.
You: What day is good for you next week?
Her: I’m not sure, i’m pretty busy.
You: Ok, what’s your number, we’ll figure it out later.
Her: I don’t think my boyfriend would like it if I gave it to you.
You: Oh come on, he doesn’t have to know.
Her: Ok, ill seeya later. Bye.
OK THIS ONE WAS OBVIOUS! But I wanted you to see the obvious difference. If you go out and watch for this, you will see this type of interaction constantly because most guys simply don’t get it. In option 1, you were making offers and giving her the space to either say yes or make a counter offer. In option 2, you were only pursuing and her only option was to at first submit, and later resist. If you are getting flakes, it is because they are submitting. People submit when they know they can back out later and they resist otherwise. Think of some examples where you were the in the position of the person being sold to and leave a comment about your experience.
Cheers,
Robbie
@Robbie Kramer It’s starting to make a lot of sense now. Once again, this is gold and I love it.
Good question, Dave. I’m not advocating showing active disinterest. I’m telling you to make offers instead. You are committed but not attached to the outcome. You want her and she knows that but you are totally cool either way and you give her the space to make a choice. Get it?
@Dave F
It happened to me a lot. I think you need to understand Banter and Sexual Energy better. By understand I mean experience it. Chasing Kills the Sexual Energy and the Tension that lies underneath by introducing Anxiety into the equation which is displayed as neediness. Result: You’re OUT!!!
So here’s a question, how do you balance having her chase you vs. having her think you’re not interested at all? The latter seems to happen to me a lot.
Why aren’t there bullet-proof pants?
About an example. By looking at the sales example you really have to notice something. You is supposed to create space for the other person to maneuver. That space takes the pressure off and leaves the other person emotionally open to do what they want. That’s very interesting.
Example: Christians Coming to my Apartment trying to sell me their religion after I quit because I was tired of their controlling behaviors. That was 13 years ago, but I recall how annoying they were. I can get in that instance so easily. The best part is that your body just feels ‘funny’ when you’re doing it. It’s just weird.
Thanks for your article Robbie!
I see now how much I’ve been chasing women.
Now I’ll let them come to me!
@Einar Coutin
Thanks Einar, your the awesomest too! lol
@Kevin – LOL That is horrible, poor guy didn’t have a clue!
@Kevin
Hey Kev. Give yourself permission to make mistakes. Then recognize the energy of the interaction while you’re doing it. If you are not having any fun while doing it, but feel anxious. Then you’re chasing.
@Robbie:
Thanks man, I really need to internalize this. Thanks for taking the feedback and turning it into value for everybody else. You’re the awesomenest(I don’t know how to spell it) example of making things easy. I want to learn that from you
The sad thing is that I don’t get the difference (except when the scenarios changed).
There was this telemarketer who tried to subscribe me to a 5-year subscription of magazines which totaled $1200. There was nothing he could do to sell that to me anyway, but I didn’t like his aggressive marketing style.
He saw that my debit card expired before 3 years, so he says I’m eligible for a “discount” which had me pay up quickly. Then when I refused, he offered me another “discount” which had me pay less per month, but since I’m an engineering student I knew quickly that it was no discount. Then he goes, “I’m going to offer you the best discount I can give. I can only give this to my family members. I blah blah blah.”
I got angry and said, “You’re not give me a discount! It comes out to the same thing! You do realize you’re talking to an engineering student, right?” Then he goes, “You’re getting a gold watch! What more do you want?” The gold watch costs 200-250. Um… no.
He continues, and goes, “Look you’re a cool guy, I’m sure you’re into everything, you like Judo, there are UFC magazines. And you’re over 18, so there are adult magazines for you too.”
He keeps on going. My friends were telling me, “Hang up!” But I was scared that not straight up refusing can be counted as accepting the offer. So I kept telling him I don’t want it. So he keeps going on and on, with every trick in the book and with repetition after repetition like a broken record.
And then he finally gave up.