Approach Her Without Ever Being Ignored
Do you ever give money to homeless people?
Think back on the last time you were approached and asked for some spare change. Did you give money?
Why or why not?
My girlfriend and I were trying to decide where to eat dinner. We decided on a local taco shop but it was closed when we pulled up.
Luckily there was an awesome chicken place upstairs but that was closed as well! On our way downstairs, a homeless dude said “Everything is closed around here but you should go down to the street to El Tarasco for some Mexican food. Also, any chance you could spare $5 dollars so I can get something to eat?”
Very rarely do I give money to homeless people but this guy was totally relaxed, very normal and even did me a favor by recommending a restaurant.
When he started speaking, he was loud enough to get our attention, but not too loud that he startled us. In technical talk, he was very socially calibrated.
Thoughts started racing through my mind. “This guy seems cool, he seems like a good guy, he’s not just some bum, I bet he lost his job and is recently homeless, he’s got balls for asking for $5…”
So I whipped out my wallet and gave him a $5. And I RARELY even give homeless people even a quarter! Que the Jewish jokes… 
A lot can be learned from this homeless gentlemen about approaching women. Most guys make the mistake approaching women that most homeless people make when panhandling. Here are the two mistakes:
Mistake #1: Being Too Meek. Most homeless people sit up against the wall and quietly ask for change as you walk by. They are probably ashamed that they have to ask and feel bad for bothering you.
They also get rejected most of the time so if they talk quietly, and you don’t respond they can tell themselves that it wasn’t a rejection because you didn’t hear them.
Unfortunately for them, the meek type of homeless person does not make much money pan handling.
Mistake #2: Being Too Obnoxious. The other type of homeless people are loud and obnoxious.
They will make a scene and approach you head on in a confrontational way to get your attention. Most people are extremely turned off by this type of approach but it is defintely more effective then the meek approach described above.
A lot of folks are too nice to say no so they will empty their pockets to escape from the tense situation.
The sweet spot is right in the middle like the guy who asked for $5 and got it!
When approaching women, the sweet spot is also somewhere in the middle of meek and obnoxious.
The key is to error on the side of obnoxious because there is a much lower chance that she ignores you.
My biggest fear with approaching when I started was being ignored and once I made sure to be loud enough and take up space, it never happened again. It forces you to step out of your comfort zone and you’ll lean how to calibrate yourself.
The first step to change is awareness so leave a comment below right now about what you have been doing and the impact of those actions. Then go out and approach some women!
Cheers,
Robbie Kramer
@charles
Hi Charles,
Check this out:
http://www.jaimevendera.com
In a nutshell, here’s what it is:
Resonance is what makes your voice loud. Ever heard of Pavarotti? He was an Italian tenor who was booed at operas because his range was limited. Nevertheless he learned that if he sang with resonance he could charm audiences outside the nitpick/cutthroat typical opera audience. That’s how he became famous. If you ever listened/saw the three tenors sing you’ll see that Pavarotti sang with the least effort and yet the power of his voice was tremendous whatever the note was. That was because he mastered resonance.
How to get resonance?
You can get the book even if you’re not interested in singing because it’ll teach you how to be louder (the author is famous for breaking titanium based wine glasses with his voice alone). To summarize, you need to project your voice to your soft palate(the back of the ceiling of your mouth, the one that moves when you snore), expand your ribs and lock right below your navel. That way you’ll engage your abs and back muscles in your voice and you’ll sound louder.
Try talking slower.
I feel like thats my biggest issue, when it comes to confidence i feel i have it. When it comes to being able to approach any woman i feel have that too, but project and making my voice match my confidence is my biggest problem.
@Dave F
Nice work Dave! Discounts are the best, keep noticing all this stuff and make sure you do all the managing tension exercises in the Masterclass follow up course starting soon. There will be some good ones!
That’s a great story Einar.
“Take up space” – now that’s a big one for me. In many situations, I’m just so afraid of being obnoxious that I tend to shrink up and become meek. I won’t go into too much detail why but the weekend was a good turning point.
I recall the first approach I did on Saturday. I went by the bar to ‘cheers’ the girl sitting there. I thought she was just not interested in talking but after review with Robbie, it’s more likely she was unaware I was even there since I was taking up so little space. Things did get a lot better as the night progressed. So much so that some fist pumping action ensued. All I had to do was claim my space and presence.
I’ve also realized how I tend to get real shy when asking people for things or just expressing my thoughts. For example, I caught myself beating around the bush with my boss yesterday when all I wanted a ride to the mechanic (car was getting fixed). The good of it is that I bothered to ask him for a ride. Oh yeah, and I managed to get my car fixed for 20% less thanks to my newly honed social awareness. Score.
@Robbie Kramer
Well, ok it was my third time. First one I did like that was at the end of the night at the workshop. But this was the first time I thoroughly gave myself time to enjoy feeling being alive.
Good Job Einar! As for me, I have been more of the meek, in the sense that I was unsure, so I took myself out instead of taking the bull by the horns.
@Einar Coutin
LOL, ya right!
@Robbie Kramer
Yesterday was my first time Robbie
That’s awesome Einar! Love those stories. Whenever I do an approach it feels good, regardless of the result. It just makes me feel alive.
Had my best approach yesterday.
She actually complemented me on the approach.
I pushed it to the point where she turned red because she wanted to say yes but her mom kept reminding her that she has a boyfriend. She was here only for a week to visit her mom and little sister.
It felt like I grew out of my comfort zone. I was able to create tension and I was also able to manage it.
I caught myself trying to be manipulative to set a romantic date in a place she’d never been to in OC and then I stopped and was honest: “I don’t care. It can be the Starbucks in the corner. I jut want to meet you.”
When her mom said she had a boyfriend back in Colorado I still thought it would be fun just for the sake of meeting a cool girl, no expectations asked, just the date. It felt so weird I was surprised myself for not being shady and having further thoughts.
She called me Brave and said I had done a good Job. Very different from running into beautiful girls to ask for a date and then get rejected under 2 minutes.