Last night I showed some In-Field footage of me picking up a woman to a group of potential clients and I have something really embarrassing to admit about it. Some of you may have seen this video before, and whether you’ve seen it or not, I want you to watch it right now. I recorded this about two and half years ago while I was coaching for PickUp101.

As an instructor, it was a feather in my cap to have an in-field video and I was rather proud of this one when it came out. But knowing what I know now, I’ve gotta come clean and say that this video sucks! It sucks because it’s an example of a failure. To the untrained eye, it appears that this woman is attracted to me, but if you can read a woman’s subtle signals, recognize attraction, and understand sexual tension, you can tell she’s definitely NOT feeling me. Watch the video and see if you can pick up on it…

I’m gonna break it down for you now. After I deliver the “Not to be that guy,” line I immediately break the sexual tension by laughing.  It’s okay to laugh but only if she laughs first.  In this case, she didn’t laugh she just said, “OK…”  The same thing happens when I deliver the “That girl is super cute” and “You’re cute too” lines.  More tension releases.  When I watch the video now, it’s a little but painful because the guy on the screen doesn’t even seem like me anymore.  I can see  the anxiety running through my body and it makes me cringe and feel uncomfortable.  It’s not the type of tension you want.  When watching a clip of a successful interaction you will feel sexual tension.  In this video, all you can feel is nervous tension.

Notice how I’m standing and leaning against the rail, GAY!  That is called “faking good body language!”  I see this all the time with my clients who have studied a lot of pickup.  If you are nervous, it shows, even if you try to hold it together.  Would a truly confident guy really stand like that? NO!  I try to act relaxed by sipping my cup of water, but guess what, it was an empty cup and I only did it cuz I was nervous as hell!  The most painful part of the interaction is when I ask her to “Wanna grab a tea together?”  First of all, who drinks tea?  I would have said “Coffee” but I was no nervous that “Tea” just kinda popped out of my mouth.  You can tell by her wishy washy reaction that she doesn’t want to but says “Sure, why not, just to be nice.”  This video is edited way down and when we were standing in line together, it was nothing but nervous, awkward tension.  At the time, I felt like this woman was way out of my league and I know she could feel that.

It wasn’t until I told her that I had been filming that the nervous tension dissipated.  At that point, she felt more comfortable because my camera guy came over and the focus of the conversation shifted to making fun of other guys rather then getting to know each other.  When I ask her for her number, she says “He’s doing another smooth move.”  Why would she say that?  She was being sarcastic because I was anything but smooth.  In fact, the last thing you want to be is smooth.  Women don’t want smooth.  You want your guy friends to think you are smooth but if women think you are smooth, they know you’re a player and it makes them feel like a notch on the bedpost.

Maybe you are wondering why I’m posting this?  In order to grow and move past dysfunctional behavior, you must be honest.  By showing this video last night to a group of potential clients, I was not being honest.  I knew the video sucked yet I showed it in effort to impress them anyway.  Did anyone sign up for the program I offered, of course not!  I guarantee that very few of them realized consciously that the woman in the video was not attracted to me, but I know they could feel on an unconscious level that something just didn’t add up and they were being conned.  This is what happens when you try to pickup women, but under the surface, you know you are conning them.  Beautiful women have amazing bullshit detectors and even if it you look good on paper, they’ll sniff you out.

The most important principle displayed in the video is my inability to manage sexual tension.  I didn’t even know what sexual tension was when this was shot but since then, it has been the foundation of what I teach.  If you watched the video and didn’t pick up on these subtleties, I hate to say it, but it’s evidence that you can’t manage sexual tension.  If you can’t spot it, you can’t manage it.  The first step is spotting it, the next step is putting yourself in tense situations and eventually, the nervousness and fear fades away and is replaced by confidence.  So go out and make yourself nervous and tell the truth, it’s the best way to grow.  You can start here by leaving an honest comment about where you are at and then go to the Toolbox section of the website and listen to the “Managing Tension” audio.  You can also download it as an MP3.

Cheers,

Robbie Kramer