If you haven’t read Killer Conversations Skills Part 1, read it now and come back to this post.

Let’s assume you are interacting with a woman and you can tell she is attracted to you.  You can tell for sure with this amazing technique I learned from one of my awesome mentors back in the day, Lance Mason.  It’s called the hand test.  There are two ways I like to do the hand test.  The first way is to give her hand a light squeeze, if she squeezes back, she’s digging you.  The other way is to kinda nonchalantly rest your hand in hers or graze her hand and see if she grabs hold of it, if she does, you’re golden.  So once she is into you, now what?

If you’ve taken my advice up until this point, you’ve probably had a 30 second – 2 minute conversation about nothing. Hopefully there was a lot of teasing and joking going on or a lot of sexual tension.  The problem you’ll run into if you keep teasing, bantering and flirting with her is that eventually it will get old.  Five minutes of hardcore flirting is ALMOST always too long and she’ll think you’re just a party guy or a jokester who is never gonna make a move.  The next stop is escalate physically and connect emotionally.

I don’t care where you are, loud environment, or library, once the flirting starts to die down, I highly recommend leading her to another location and getting real with her.  When you change locations, its a visceral signal that the energy of the interaction is shifting and you are a guy who can lead and knows what he wants.  Let’s say there is nowhere else to go or it would be too awkward to try it, simply shift your body position so you’re facing the other direction and get her to follow.

The next step is start to vibe.  Vibing is very simple and everyone can do it.  It’s basically job interview questions with a twist.  The point of vibing is to find commonalities.  Start talking about the things you are passionate about in life and find out what she’s passionate about.  Here’s a few questions I love to ask people.

• “What would you do if you had all the time and money in the world?”  They will say “Travel.”  So then you say “What about when you’ve seen everything?”  This is where the gold will come out…
• “What is your biggest pet peve?”
• The “Would You Rather Game” – “Would you rather have 1 year of mind blowing sex followed by 1 year of no sex at all, or two years of so-so sex?”

Keep in mind, there are tons of deeper and more personal questions you can ask but that is not vibing.  The next step is after vibing is what I call having a dynamic conversation.  I have a whole book on this subject and I would HIGHLY recommend it – obviously !  But I’ll give you a taste of 3 of the 7 dynamics to a successful conversation right now so you can apply them immediately.

1. Acknowledgments – Genuinely acknowledging a woman can be an extremely powerful way to create a deep and instant connection with her.  An acknowledgment goes much deeper than a compliment because it is about her personality, not something she is wearing or the way she looks.  The best way to think of acknowledgments is to compare her to yourself.  What qualities does she have that compare to the best qualities in you.  Then acknowledge her for those and explain how you can see them because you are the same way!

2. Genuine Curiosity - I gave three examples of questions above and the best thing to do while in conversation is to slow down, and ask yourself, what do I really want to know about this person?  Do this exercise RIGHT NOW! Take out a penny and really look at it.  What do you see?  What are you curious about?  I bet you can find a bunch of stuff you never noticed.  If you can get that curious about a penny, imagine what there is to find out about a beautiful woman.

3. Being of Service – Chivalry is not dead, but being a nice guy who does lots of favors expecting stuff in return is!  The best way to be of service nowadays is really simple.  People really want to be listened to!  There are a lot of people who want to talk and very few who want to listen, so if you can just shut up and listen to a woman, you will be miles ahead of the pack.  In order to listen she has to be talking, which is why I mentioned this last.  If you want her to open and be vulnerable, you’re gonna have to go first most of the time.  I like to share about my biggest flaws, biggest regrets and silly mistakes I’ve made in life.  This will give her the space to open up and share, and once she starts, all you have to do is sit back and listen.  She will love you for it.  But I’m not talking about smiling and nodding, really listen!  Don’t be an ear dildo!!

There is so much more I want to share with you guys including the other 4 dynamics of successful conversation but I’m way to lazy to type it all out again, so pick up a copy of my ebook, Dynamic Dating and you can thank me later.

Cheers,

Robbie Kramer

Popularity: 11% [?]

Posted in the IC Forums by CDub

Today I had a great experience of how the work I’m doing with IC improves not just my success with women, but also in business. Over the last two weeks, I’ve done 14 hours of sessions and it’s paying off. I do IT consulting and today I had an appointment at an office filled with women.

Even at work, women love banter. I kept it light since it was at an office, but they ate up anyways. I walk up to the counter:

You kinda look like a Chammie. Are you Chammie?
Girl 1: [Laughes.] No I’m not Chammie.
Girl 2: I’m Chammie!
Oh. You look more like a Channy.  [It was a stupid joke, but they both laughed.]  Anyways, do you know what Tasha looks like?
[Laughes again.] Yes! Let me buzz her.

Tasha (a white girl) comes around the corner, but is a little preoccupied with some paperwork.

Girl 1: She doesn’t look like a Tasha, does she?  She’s not black!
No she doesn’t look like a Tasha, but I’m sure she’s got a diva inside her.  [It was extra funny because she was pregnant.]
[Laughes.] Yeah, look at that tummy!
Yeah, she’s all knocked up!  [The comment was a little crude for the workplace, but I calibrated from their reactions to my banter that it was OK to be a little more edgy and go there.]
[They laugh hard.]

Tasha: What did you say? [She heard the girls laugh, but didn't hear my comment.]
I said that I knocked on the door and no one answered.
[The two girls at the front desk laugh some more.]

From here, I get walked into the private office where I have my tech stuff to do.  I work on that for 30 minutes or so and then the Office Manager woman walks in and is very friendly towards me.  (She was in the adjacent office and heard/saw the positive reactions from the girls at the front desk earlier when we were bantering.)

Hey, you work for a tech company.  We’re looking to replace our main IT guy because they’re horrible.  They’re too small of an operation and can’t handle all the complex stuff we have going on.
Oh yeah.  We can do that.  I bet they don’t have any company polo shirts like this one I’m wearing.
[Laughes.]  No they don’t.  And I don’t think they really know what they’re doing.
Yeah, I’m kinda surprised you guys asked me to come in here and sync this BlackBerry using the cable.  All our BlackBerries are synchronized wirelessly in real-time nowadays.  No one in business uses cables to sync anymore.
Really?  You should come over to my house and set mine up like that.
I don’t know…we don’t really do house calls [with a naughty smirk on my face].
Oh…[while processing the sexual innuendo].
[After holding the tension for a couple of seconds] What are you going to make for dinner?
I’m an excellent cook!  No meat though.  I’m vegetarian.  Sometimes I do fish.
Oh that’s awesome.  I took vegan cooking lessons for some time.  My favorite thing to make is quinoa.  I can cook fish too, but not with a pan because I can’t get both sides to cook evenly.  I only know how to cook it using my George Foreman Grill.
[Laughes.]
Anyways, what do we do next in order for you to show us what tech stuff you got going on and how we can help?

And the rest of the conversation goes into the logistics of setting up a meeting.  I later overhear her reporting to the owner that I’m “amazing!”

All this might sound like I’m tooting my own horn here, but I wanted to share this because it illustrates something interesting that I hadn’t really consciously experienced prior to doing this work with IC.  Her excitement about my tech services had virtually nothing to do with my technical ability.  In our above conversation, I make one small technical comment and the other 95% of the interaction had nothing to do with technology.

I had a touch of sass with my banter, but was mostly just grounded and connected.  And it’s amazing that with just having that way of being, I conveyed competence (the ability to get things done) and authority on my industry. It was more than enough to be considered a strong candidate for replacing their current tech guys and get my foot in the door to get that meeting.

So the moral of the story: This stuff changes not just your dating life, but everything else around it also gets better.

Popularity: 2% [?]