Yesterday I was in a class with one of my mentors, Karl Wolfe.

We did a really cool exercise where you had to imagine you were dead and write your own eulogy.

The point was to get us thinking about our life and how people perceive us.

It was a difficult exercise and I felt like what I wrote was pretty sucky.  Then we read them in front of the group and got feedback. 

One thing I said really stood out to the group, “It was a shame he died before he really shared his value with the world and I think it was the thing he regretted most.”

They pointed out that I was living my life in the future and completely discounting the little things that I did which added value to their lives.

Simple things like listening to them, offering advice, sharing a resource or contact who could help them out.

When they started sharing these experiences with me a light bulb went off in my head.

I had been skipping over the details and finer points in life by only focusing on the big picture.

Rather then connecting with the people around me and feeling into the moment, I was in my head, thinking, thinking thinking.

Asking myself questions like, how do I grow my company?

How do I get more people to sign up for my mailing list?

How do I make sure that the guys that do sign up, keep coming back?

How do I reach more people?

Rather then focusing on how to connect with one person and offer them value, I was focusing on how to build a machine that connects with a lot of people and gives them value.

But if you can’t connect with one, how can you connect with a group?

There is a time and place to focus on the questions I asked above, but that time is not ALL the time.

I realized that I’ve been waiting for my life to start instead of really living.

I always hear people say “When I get that job, or have that girl and have 10 million in the bank, then I’ll be happy.  But until then, I’m gonna be frustrated, angry and resentful.

But if you slow down and focus on this moment, you open your eyes to a much more fulfilling experience.  If you are only understanding what I’m saying rationally, then nothing is gonna change.

The only way you can stop and focus on the present moment is to shut up and feel what’s going on inside of you.  If you’re angry, be angry.  If your frustrated, feel frustrated.  If you’re resentful, own it.

You can’t move forward until you know your starting point.  If you are angry, I promise there are a ton of other people feeling angry too and misery loves company! 

We connect with others through our emotions, NOT only through our happy emotions.

Let me explain how this relates to women.  If you are not honoring your emotions and trying to con people by putting on a show or trying to be friendly when you really feel like crap and would rather be playing video games in your basement, you’ll only be able to connect with people who are doing that same exact thing.

Chances of this being a hot girl are slim to none!  So next time, walk up to that hot girl and say “Unno, I really hate this place, I’d much rather be playing video games in basement right now.  What about you?”

Let’s say you’re on a date and having a few drinks.  What if the last 10 dates you went on ended in nothing.  A polite goodbye, we’ll talk soon, which really means that you’re never gonna see her again.

Are you going to go out on date 11 and do the same thing?  That would usually involve thinking about what to say next?  If so, you are in the future.  Slow down and listen to your inner dialogue. 

Stop planning and try speaking your mind.

Maybe you piss her off and say the wrong thing.  Maybe she thinks you’re a creep and walks out right there.  Or maybe she connects with the honest and ballsy thing you said and sparks fly.

Give it a shot, you have nothing to lose.

Cheers,
Robbie Kramer