When Did It Become Okay To Manipulate Each Other?
As I’m boarding an EasyJet flight from Milan to London on a rainy Monday afternoon, an older Italian gentlemen in a suit blatantly cuts in front of me.
He may have thought he was being subtle as he sidled up next to me while walking up the jet-bridge but I knew exactly what he was doing.
By the time we got to the entrance of the plane, he slid his shoulder in front of me and made the pass.
BASTARD!!
“F#*@” these rude Italians” I initially thought. Then I quickly realized that this sort of behavior happens everywhere.
Did it really matter that he cut? Of course not, I got the seat I wanted anyway. Then why was I so upset?
I felt manipulated, conned, and cheated out of something that was rightfully mine.
But what made me even more upset was that I knew as it was happening that I wasn’t going to do anything about it! I wanted to say something to him, but I thought that it would have been ruder of me to say something than to just let him cut.
And I would bet that 9.9 out of 10 people would have acted as I did!
I’m not sure when this sort of behavior became the cultural norm, but it is more socially acceptable to subtly manipulate each other than it is to call each other out on rude, manipulative behavior.
What should we do about this? Should we allow it to continue or should we take a stand?
From a confidence perspective, allowing others to manipulate you will slowly erode your confidence, sense of personal power and in the long run, make you a negative, unhappy and bitter person. But taking a stand is not easy to do. You run the risk of finding yourself in an uncomfortable confrontational situation.
To be honest, I said nothing because I didn’t want to take that risk. Fear got the best of me and that sucks!
In hindsight, I know exactly what I should have done. I should have simply said “Excuse me sir, I’m not sure if you were aware, but you just took my spot in line.”
I would bet that 9 out of 10 times, this gentleman would apologize, relinquish his spot and think twice about cutting next time.
This seems so obvious now, why didn’t I think of it in the moment? Simple, when it happened, I got angry and emotional, and it hindered my ability to think rationally. The only two options in my mind were to yell at this guy and publicly berate him…
“Hey buddy, what the hell are you doing, you think you can just cut in front of me and I’m not gonna notice?!”
Or do nothing and privately berate myself.
So next time I know better…. stay calm and take the time to actually think.
Cheers,
Robbie Kramer
awesome post. manipulating women is really a no no. you can just be yourself and let the chips fall where they may. manipulation tells a woman subconsciously that you have an agenda and that will only work against you in the long run. I also tackle success with women on my site check it out : http://www.attractionsuperstar.com cheers
Just saw this comment, Marty… LOVE IT!!!
Hey Robbie just wanted to tell you a funny story… I read this blog when you first posted it… It was good to hear from you in the middle of your epic trip and I thought the blog was interesting. Then about 2 week later I am sitting in my jeep on a BC ferry, it is stifling hot not only from the summer heat but all the heat coming off the cars made it like an oven inside the boat. I couldn’t believe it but I could smell someone smoking on the car deck. This is a huge no no and the ferry crew are very strict about smoking as any gas fumes whatsoever and we would all be burning…. so I look behind to my side and here is the guy next to me smoking in his car with his window down. I thought about saying something to him and then that little voice said “oh no that would be inappropriate who are you to say anything”…. and then oh oh… another little voice kicked in and said “hey this is exactly one of those situations that Robbie was talking about and hell ya I should say something”.. so I leaned back and looked out the back of my jeep and said “excuse me but there is no smoking on the car deck” Now not only do they say that there is no smoking on the car deck at the beginning of the trip and at the end but there is signs everywhere and this was a return trip so this dude has been on a ferry before… but he said “oh sorry I didn’t know”… now that was worse than smoking… he just totally minimized me and tried to play stupid… so then I really got revved up and blurted out to him…”you fucking knew”… he was a bit shocked and tried to defend his stupidity and I yelled back to him that it is on every announcement and there are signs everywhere… and then the escalation from there was hilarious… his buddy in the passenger seat started to yell at me and said hey don’t you have an attitude with us and said shit like who the hell do you think you are….haha… they were both yelling and I was waiting for the doors to open when just then my lane of traffic started to move and I drove off leaving them sitting on the ferry just fuming…. I started to laugh and had a big shit eating grin on my face all the way to my girlfriends… I couldn’t believe how alive that made me feel… it was just like approaching a super hot girl… I then relied how true your words were
“From a confidence perspective, allowing others to manipulate you will slowly erode your confidence, sense of personal power and in the long run, make you a negative, unhappy and bitter person”
In that moment I felt alive… electric and powerful….and was laughing out loud to myself… what an awesome experience. I suppose at some point standing up for myself could bring more direct confrontation. But who cares it was so awesome….haha…thanks Robbie
LOL!! Clearly the subtlest of options.
Let out a loud, enraged kiai then eyes, nuts, throat. Politely step over carcass, done.
@Robbie Kramer
I agree that lack of tipping leads to shitty customer service! I remember when I was living in Vancouver I noticed the service was sooooo much better than you get in Scotland (although you know how stingy we are down here! lol!) and in Canada tipping is practically mandatory. What the fucks that aboot eh?
@Cameron
LOL, I have nothing against Italians. I think they are some of the warmest people and I have many amazing Italian friends. But when it comes to customer service all of Western Europe and most notably Italy, are the absolute worst. It’s probably because of the lack of tipping, but that is just my experience.
Thanks Monish!
great to see you writing again Robbie! I think we face this all the time. People with insecurities and big egos barge their way in. The solution I think is to not let things slide. Your self-respect is #1. I’ve learned a lot from you, and one of the big things is having that sense of personal integrity and doing things the right way.
So I think your respond is awesome: “Excuse me sir, I’m not sure if you were aware, but you just took my spot in line.” It’s assertive – rather than passive or aggressive. It is healthy boundary setting. And its not coming from a emotional reaction or labeling Italians as rude. self-esteem based approach: do it because you value yourself and do it in a respectful way.
Why do you hate Italians so much? :-p