I’ll be the first to admit it: texting is hard.
When you’re texting a girl you’ve recently met, you don’t have a strong relationship yet. You don’t have the benefit of seeing her facial reactions, so you can’t adjust your approach in real time. As a result, most texting fails.
But it can work well. I’ve had so much practice that texting has become effortless. Witty responses that make women attracted automatically pop into my brain. Many of my students have learned the same skills. They now use day game and Tinder to meet women who they text to get dates.
But even though text game is difficult, the truth is that you don’t actually need to be very good. Here’s why: text game isn’t really an effective strategy to get girls attracted to you. It’s designed for one thing: to get her face to face with you again.
You don’t need to make her fall in love with you.
Assess her interest level
You meet a girl, either in person or online. At that moment, she feels some way about you. Let’s say her interest goes from lowest to highest. Low interest is a pity number. Highest means she wants to have your babies. Medium is obviously somewhere in the middle.
The best way to determine her interest is to look at the ratio of your texts to her texts: whoever is sending more words overall is more interested (on an iPhone, you know you’re in good shape when you see way more gray than blue).
If she isn’t flirting back, doesn’t ask any questions, or isn’t driving the conversation, then you can safely conclude she has low interest. At the lowest end, she would reject you, be extremely curt, or ignore you. Sad face.
On the other end of the spectrum, if her interest is high, she’ll be asking you questions and joking with you. Conversation should come easy, but like I said earlier, the goal isn’t to make her fall in love with you over text.
If she’s somewhere in the middle, it’s likely that she’s talking to a bunch of dudes and you aren’t at the top of her list. But if you play your cards right you can get her on a date.
Adjust your approach based on her interest
Trying to force conversation and humor to increase her interest will often have the opposite effect because you’re overgaming. It looks needy and try-hard. The best approach is to avoid overgaming and gauge her interest in going on a date. If I feel like she is at a medium-high level, I will invite her to group things. If it’s higher, I’ll be more inclined to invite her out solo. If she says yes, that means the needle will move favorably when you see her (if you don’t suck in person of course).
Another approach, which is even stronger but takes tighter game, is to never ask a girl out in the first place who isn’t in the high category of this scale. This works when you have a solid social circle with constant opportunities to meet women.
If she isn’t very receptive to the date, her interest is low. You’re basically dead until your paths cross again randomly or she re-initiates contact. In this situation I’ll attempt to stay top of mind via Instagram and/or Snapchat and see if they engage in a flirty enough way to warrant an invitation.
I recorded an entire podcast on using social media and texting to get dates. Check it out here.
Tell her out
Don’t make the mistake every other guy makes!
Wrong: “Hey what are you doing Wednesday?” or “Do you want to do X on Tuesday?”
Because if you ask for Tuesday and she’s not available, then what do you do? Unless she’s really into you, she’s not going to propose another time for a date. You’ve backed yourself into the corner of “Ok then what about Thursday?” which look desperate, and there’s nothing more unattractive than desperation.
Wrong: “Hey Katie, may I please take you to dinner on Saturday night?”
Asking permission is bad because it makes you look unconfident. This is arguably as bad as looking desperate.
So never ask girls out. Tell them out. Once you learn that she is free on a certain day, your next move is to tell her out. If she’s on the fence about you, telling her out will lean her to the positive side more often than not.
If you make the plan for them, they are likely to go with whatever you tell them to do. If they really are not into you, then asking her out would never have worked anyways, especially because you’ve already established that she will be free.
Here are some examples my students have used with success:
- Dear Julie, I would like to take you out on a formal date. And by formal I mean beers, tacos, and darts, how’s your schedule?
- How’s your schedule? We are hanging out. I want to take you to a nice dinner, Chipotle or something, times are tough
- What’s your schedule like? We’re going on a formal date. And by formal I mean very cheap and informal
Remember, if she’s already into you, there’s no downside. And if she isn’t into you, you’re no worse off. If anything, the level of confidence this conveys might help your cause.
Here’s one last example, for a girl who was leaving town the next day:
What if I could write your texts for you?
I created the Leverage Program to help my students with every aspect of their dating lives. I’m hearing great things about the group’s texting help. In our private membership area, guys post screenshots of their text message threads. Either I or one of my coaches will provide a response to send back, 24/7. It takes all the guesswork out of texting, and since we explain why we’re sending what we’re sending, it forces you to get better.
Not sure what to text back? I’ll write a response for you.
Not sure what a text you received means? I can break it down for you.
Need an opening line for Tinder? I’ll tell you what to send.
Enter your information here so I can start writing your texts for you. We’ll get on the phone and I’ll give you tips on how to send better texts so you can get started right away.