This question was asked by a member of the Leverage Program
Question: Why do I get nervous when I text girls?
There are two ways to deal with being nervous when you text girls. Keep in mind that your ultimate goal isn’t to stop being nervous, it is to text the right things to advance the relationship.
1. Using mental strategies to talk yourself out being nervous. While it’s natural to get nervous when you text due to overthinking it, a lot of your progress will just come with experience. The more reps you put in, the more familiar you get used to texting girls, so it stops being a big deal.
Part of reducing your anxiety also comes from expertise: having good mentors and using the advice from Inner Confidence will make you more confident in what you’re sending. When you know you’re making the right moves, you don’t feel as nervous. When we tell you don’t be boring or tedious in a conversation, you avoid the standard interview conversation because it’s boring, and the result is that you become less nervous about what you’re texting.
While we could discuss other mental strategies at length, like strategies for managing your self talk, by convincing yourself it doesn’t matter, there are more girls, etc. you’ve probably heard a lot of these strategies already. While they do work, in reality, the most effective tactic is…
2. Being busier and having more girls in your life. Guys who are successful with women don’t get nervous sending them texts because they always have other options. They have other stuff going on in their lives, so they don’t have idle time to sit and ruminate about why one girl isn’t texting they back. Simply put, they don’t have the time to overthink a text.
Part of why you’re feeling nervous texting these girls is because you’re putting too much weight into each individual interaction. Focus on the process of improving your texting skills, rather than worrying about how each interaction goes. If you worry about the results instead of focusing on the process, then you mess up the process.