A Leverage Program member asked:
Met a girl in the private apartment gym tonight. I just finished working out and she walked in and went to the treadmill so I also went to the treadmill.
I opened her with “Wanna race?” We talked for about 15 minutes and I invited her to go bike riding sometime. She asked if she can use one of my extra bikes. I realize that I deviated from the standard protocol by asking her for a bike ride instead of a bar or coffee date and Robbie said that these type of dates are good second dates. It’s just that I felt that she was more likely to say yes to that. It felt more like a natural continuation of walking on the treadmills and talking and in doing so I did not feel like I was doing a date surprise on her: “We’ve been having a nice conversation for 15 minutes but SURPRISE I just want to take you to the bar.”
Can you guys please help straighten me out on this? I was thinking of texting her “Hey Katie, it was random meeting you at the treadmills last night. I totally won the race, btw.”
Great question. Here’s how you’re going wrong:
- If she wants to hang out with you, it should be because she is attracted to you and she wants to spend time with you. Otherwise she’s just gonna think you’re a homosexual who wants to go bike riding with her.
- What value does “nice chatting with you or nice meeting you” bring to a text interaction? It’s lame content. Why not follow the protocol and send her the flip the script text…oh wait, you can’t because you were never direct and now you’re in a weird spot with her.See how that works? When you show no sexual intent you enter into no man’s land. Sounds like this was just a boring conversation at the gym. I would send something more aggressive to see where you stand with her. “Hitting on you at the gym yesterday made my workout far less boring, and destroying you in that race was also a nice confidence booster. I probably owe you a drink or something “
- If you’ve been vibing and having a good conversation for 15 minutes, why would meeting for drinks be out of place? The actual content you discussed is just the surface level of the interaction. If she actually likes you because your body language and conversation skills are strong, she doesn’t care if you ride bikes or grab drinks. She just wants to get to know you and the activity doesn’t matter.If your conversation was only about treadmills and riding bikes, then you try to hang out with her and just ride bikes, it’s very possible that she thinks you just wanted a workout buddy.
- The first date is not just for them. It’s also for you to make sure she’s worth investing any more time, money and energy into. It’s harder to evaluate that on a bike 😉