People ask me all the time, “What’s your secret to dating hot chicks, and how can I be more like you?”
I can tell you, and I’m going to in just a minute, but you have to understand that you’re not going to become a social master in a day.
Pulling your ideal chick is the result of a massive body of work.
That body of work is essentially a lot of social practice: dating a lot of women, meeting a lot of women, having a lot of friends.
So, what’s my secret? I have a massive amount of practice, experience and repetitions under my belt. And I hang out with people that add tons of value to my life.
These are always people I would label as cool – The 3 Stages of Cool
Now lets talk about your behavior in social situations.
You have to understand the social flow of every situation so you can adapt, pivot and respond correctly at any moment and still make it look effortless.
Think of an MMA fighter. You watch them fight on television, but you don’t really understand what’s happening. You just think they have mad skills. But really, these guys are putting in eight hours of work a day for ten years: it’s all tactical, strategic skills. There are millions of moves.
It’s the same thing when it comes to being socially adept.
Start hanging out with more people, but not just any people. You have to hang out with the coolest kids you can find because they are better than you, socially.
When I was a kid I loved hockey and I still play.
At 14, I realized that they only way for me to get better at hockey was to play with people who were better than me. At that point I stopped playing with kids younger than me that I could easily beat and exclusively played with adults and the older high school and college kids.
I hung out with the cool kids, I went the rink 6 days a week, and I got good.
Overcome the Barrier to Entry
When it comes to hanging out with the cool kids, there’s definitely a barrier to entry.
Cool people have what I call a “Dork Forcefield.” Within a matter of seconds a cool kid will be able to tell if you’re a dork or not, and if you think you’re hiding your geek-ness, you’re wrong.
Dorks will only slow me down.
Think of it this way: if I’m out partying, I’m trying to have fun and meet chicks, go to the after parties and let loose. A dork is only going to be dead weight and slow me down.
He’s gonna be uncomfortable which will make others uncomfortable around him and he’ll turn to me (his friend) for support. This will make people in turn repel me as well.
There’s no way I’m hanging out with a dork, unless I think he has a skillset I can leverage or a service he can provide me. If that’s the case, then he gets to bypass the forcefield because there’s a mutually beneficial exchange happening.
Utilizing his services, we might even build a friendship.
The Lesson: Make friends with the coolest kids you can find.
Leverage your resources as social currency.
I don’t know how many graphic designers and programmers I’ve taken out who later say, “Man, I’ve slept with more girls in the last four months than I have in the past ten years.”
And I say, “Well yeah, of course.”