The thread was one of the most popular I’ve seen posted, with over 300 enthusiastic responses from various women telling their tales/horror stories.
It was a hilarious read, to say the least. Keeping all anonymity, I’ve read through all the responses and with their permission have selected the most memorable mentions to share with you, along with my own commentary.
The original posts are in italic text, my commentary in non-italic text. Trust me, you will want to read this one! There were so many responses that we have broken them up into 4 separate blog posts, and here’s the first! We hope you enjoy xo, Genevieve
Turn Off: When they get up, get out of bed, and get dressed immediately.
Like, wtf bro. I *just* got done having sex. Can you chill for a second? Unless I’m being extremely annoying and I don’t realize it (highly unlikely) you are straight up ruining your chances of fucking me twice. Seriously.
Turn off: Once a guy asked me “On a scale of 1-10, how good was I? Or, Being asked to compare how sex was compared to other guys.
This is something a lot of guys do, believe it or not. I think they think its funny. It’s not funny. It’s awkward. Unless you’re 19 and actually need the feedback, this is not something a grown-ass-man should do.
Turn off: Don’t be that guy who has to shower right after sex. Also, please don’t be that guy that had to wash his sheets right after we had sex...while I was still naked in the bed.
Ahhh this reminds me of the Sex and the City episode where one of the girls is banging the fucked-in-the-head Catholic schoolboy who always has to shower right after sex. Let the juices simmer, you weirdo.
Turn off: When a guy goes to the kitchen and immediately eats a disgusting amount of food.
Lol, I actually feel like I could get down with this.
Turn off: I once had a guy during an intimate moment ask, “who’s pussy is that?” in a baby puppy dog kind of a voice.
Speaking in the 3rd person is never not-weird. Just FYI
Turn off: Talk about their penis size, “Sorry its not big enough.”
Don’t ever apologize for anything you can’t change about yourself, even a small dick. If you’ve gotten this far with her, WHY? Not hot. Roll with it.
Turn off: Do not tell me you have never been with a black girl before. Am I supposed to give you a high five or something?
Ok, this is just ridiculous. People are so silly. Don’t act like its some kind of novelty, please! Wtf.
Turn off: I had an ex-boyfriend that was a bodybuilder and he ALWAYS had this stench to his dick…like even fresh out the shower, it made me so nauseous. I feel like it used to stick me for days after.
I had this once before with a guy who was a surfer! I guess it’s not like you’d be able to tell if your stench was intensely nauseating to the girl you’re fucking, but in general just be on top of your hygiene. And that primarily includes the way your ballsack region smells.
TURN OFF: I am sleeping with this guy. Sex is GREAT, he definitely knows how to please a woman. But here is the down side. He likes to pull out ahead of time and than sit over my face and have me lick his gouch while he jacks off and cums over my body. Not the biggest fan of it and not the greatest view…and most importantly if his ass smells like shit, which makes me gag. I eventually had to tell him that position was uncomfortable for me.
OK – this one is epic. I’m soooo glad this came up. This could actually be HOT if it weren’t for the fact that his ass smelled like shit! In general, I feel like guys need to step up their ass-hygene game. Like seriously, wash that shit out with a soapy washcoth, twice to three times in the shower. You should literally be able to take your finger and press it up against your butthole after washing, rub it around a little, then smell your finger and not have your finger smell like shit. If you have a smell-free asshole, think of all the sexual positions you could do! I think the best sex is dirty, weird, random, sloppy, messy…and you want to be prepared for that. Also, take a beard and mustache trimmer to your butthole and trim off the excess butthole fuzz. Your pubes and butthole hair should be trimmed AT ALL TIMES. NO girl wants to get pubes in her mouth after sucking you off. And on that note, I’m going to give you a bit of gold information. If you wax your balls so that they are baby-smooth, girls will literally not be able to stop touching/licking them. It’s like crack for girls. Take care of it boyz!!!! It might be awkward to read this, but this stuff is happening in real life and it needs to be STOPPED. For the love of God, PLEASE step up your asshole hygiene.
Turn off: Sneaking it up my ass after I had an orgasm thinking I wouldn’t notice.
Anal is not a game, boys. A dick in the ass is going to hurt very badly unless the asshole is literally massaged open with fingers for a few minutes, and she’s totally relaxed. Even if she did just have an orgasm, it’s not going to cover up the feeling of muscles being torn! Give the ASS the respect it deserves, or you’re never gonna get it!