Guest Post By Genevieve
Some guys have it, and other guys simply don’t. I don’t want to undermine it by calling it swagger. Swagger, charm, appeal….they know what to say to a woman and how to say it. They know how to touch a woman. How to make the most uptight person smile. These aren’t always the most attractive men, but one thing is definitely for sure—these are men.
Whatever the scenario, and as cliche as it sounds – there is a distinct difference between men and boys. There is a certain…wisdom that comes after three decades of trial and error, bad mistakes and wonderful successes…these are the guys who have payed attention, taken notes and improved themselves as men during the whole process. Whether you’re 19 or 35 – these are the things a man should know how to do. Trust me – she will notice.
How to feel jealousy, and act on it properly. If you see another guy checking your woman out at a party, this should not be a bad or negative experience for you. In fact – don’t forget to realize that this is actually an opportunity for you. When it happens, acknowledge it – and go back to your whiskey. Later, when you’re alone, whisper terrible, naughty things in her ear about how her ass is in demand, and its yours. Give it a nice smack or grab, too…and then ACT ON IT later that night. Remind her of who’s woman she is. Jealousy is sexual impetus, not an invitation to start a brawl with a stranger, or get into a fight with your woman.
Be able to carry a good conversation. There’s nothing worse than enduring a drab conversation, whether its coming from a man or a woman. All you want to do is get OUT! Simultaneously, there’s nothing sexier than a man who’s got an entire group on the edge of their seats while telling a story. If you can’t actually harness a person’s interest to a point where they are asking you questions, it’s probably safe to assume that your conversational skills could use some tweaking. You’re looking for excited laughter, nodding, giggling ….and then comes the touching. These are all signs that what you’re saying is getting her aroused and/or excited in some way.
Know the difference between making love, having sex, and banging. This is really important for every man, because no matter how big or small your penis is – it all comes down to the motion in the ocean, guys. You really need to know what and how you’re doing. Before you assume that you know the difference, consider that you might not. Intimate and passionate, intense and unpredictable…and somewhere in between, these are all speeds that you should be intimately familiar with and should know how and when to deploy each. I literally can’t put enough emphasis on how important this is.
While we’re on the subject – if you’re one of those guys who has a big penis, you CAN NOT assume that your huge schlong is enough to satiate a woman. Have you ever heard of “chronic big dick syndrome”? It’s where a guy relies too much on the size of his big penis, assuming that there’s no way she could not be satiated….but the joke is on them, because they’re realistically terrible in bed. A big dick alone is nowhere near enough. As a matter of fact, you can physically hurt us more easily than you may think – something that’s not attractive no matter how turned on I am. Women want to be touched, perceived, read, lured, aroused, enticed. Sometimes we want the heavy-hitting, but only if we’re in that particular mood. It’s imperative that you’re exercising the other variables and aspects of sex and intimacy…because there’s nothing girls like less than the guy who has a big dick, and assumes that his jackrabbit pounding away for an hour straight is going to satiate her every desire. No. Just no. There was even a Sex and the City episode about this.
Talk Sports, or at least be able to follow sports. You don’t have to be a sports fanatic by any means, but to have a general awareness of what is happening in the sports world is a definite turn on in my eyes. Men and sports…it just fits – like peanut butter and jelly. 🙂 A friend of mine once told me that as girls should follow or at least be generally familiar with pop celebrity culture, men should also be at least somewhat enthusiastic when it comes to sports. In my opinion, participating in sports and/or an interest in sports does foster an already-existing, natural & inborn sense of healthy competitiveness within men.
Be competitive in the right way. There is a competitive nature within sports, gambling…ect. that is very attractive when displayed in front of me. It shows that he’s paying attention, often times having to outsmart his competitor. As much as parts of me don’t want to admit it, it’s attractive when my guy wins and outsmarts his competitor. Winning = sexy.
However, don’t ever be a bad sport. If you DO lose, take it in stride. Don’t show you’re embarrassed or upset about it. Making it a bigger deal than what it is will definitely produce a cringe-worthy moment for me, if I feel like you’re butthurt about losing. Take the loss it for what it is and improve your next game because of it. Confidence throughout all.
Pick a good restaurant. This is important mostly because in getting the first and second dates to go swimmingly – it’s imperative in my opinion, for the man call the shots regarding restaurant choice. If you don’t establish the boundaries in the beginning and let her pick the place or better yet, screw up and pick the wrong place – you’re not making the impression you typically want to start off with.
By letting her pick the place, you’re essentially paving the way for her to wear the pants in the relationship. Yes, it might seem like a bit of a stretch saying that, but you should be picking the place anyways as the guy. It shows leadership and gives you a chance to impress her with your knowledge of whats delicious, cool and fun right now. If you have no clue where to take her, post in the group and ask the other guys. Don’t let her call the shots – you do NOT want her getting used to that from the get-go.
Change a tire. The thought of getting a flat tire on the side of the road when I’m by myself and have nobody there to help/save me is a terrible thought. I literally would be screwed, because I’ve never done it myself. This is something that I’ve admittedly relied on the men in my life to do. It’s a tough, dirty and stereotypical job, but it’s your job to know and do it!
BBQ/work a grill. The other day, I watched a guy refuse to light a grill because he was scared it would blow up. Not hot, guys.
Know how to cook at least a few good meals. There’s something annoying about the guy who assumes it’s up to the woman to do all the cooking. A good woman should want to cook for you *most* of the time, but simultaneously – it’s nice to know that you’re competent enough to make something for the both of us if need-be. Lastly, everyone deserves to feed themselves well…don’t be that guy who relies on the microwave. It’s a very boy versus man habit to have.
Provide courage when needed/Throw a Punch. This one is pretty important. If I need to kill a spider, move a bed or lift a heavy object and you’re within 50 feet of me, you will be asked to help because I’m just too weak and/or scared to do it by myself. Step it up and kill that spider guys! If you don’t, (especially with the spider thing) you’re going to give off a less-than-manly impression. While it’s not attractive when a guy has Chronic Hero Syndrome, it is important for him to be able to to 1. Protect/defend himself 2. Protect/defent me 3. Stand up for himself/us .
If you go out on a regular basis these days, it’s only a matter of time until you run into some kind of incident with an overly-aggro drunk guy who’s jealous that he aint with the hottie you brought along. This happened to me one time durning an outing with my friend Tommy, who’s about 5’7, 150 lbs. A guy, literally about 6’4 – was in our faces outside of a popular venue in San Francisco bugging us about a cigarette, or something equally menial. Out of nowhere, after about 2 minutes of trying to calm the guy down, Tommy finally lost patience and literally knocked the guy to the floor with one punch – a guy much bigger than him. I’ll literally never forget it – I was shocked and impressed by his strength. Definitely a good moment for men as a whole.
Know how to give her a truly thoughtful gift. This all comes down to listening. She’ll say something in passing, and it’s your job to pick up on that.
Know how to act around her family. Be thoughtful, kind, considerate… but not overbearing. Don’t come empty-handed.
Protect me if something bad happens. It is always attractive when a guy goes out of his way to ensure I’m safe. If I notice that he is walking tall, keeping an eye out, making eye contact with sketchy people on the street and physically uses his body as a protective barrier between the streets and myself. Also, nothing is sexier than the feeling of safety when sleeping in bed wrapped in a man’s arms…it’s literally one of my favorite sensations.
Drive a stick. I can’t drive a stick-shift. Therefore, if YOU also can’t…its definitely going to be a turn off for me. What if we were to get stuck in a situation where our only method of transportation is a manual car and we end up stuck because of it? Ok ok, I’m mostly joking here but seriously guys…it’s one of those things that as a guy you’re supposed to know.
Unplug a drain/toilet This falls into the “it’s gross” category. It sucks but….I’ll love you long time for handling stuff like this.
Kill every and any bug that could ever come around forever. Enough said.
How to sext. (Hint, it’s not always about the dick pics) When it comes to sexting, you should stay as real as possible. You can be imaginative, but don’t make empty promises. Also, never beg for pictures. You can ask once.
How to make her feel comfortable about going down on her. A woman wants to know that the man between her legs really wants to be there. Don’t think of going down on her as a race. There is no direct route to the finish line. It’s really important to make sure she feels like she can take her time. This means, you’re going to need to take your time. No rushing, guys. Unless you’re having trouble staying down there due to something such as an….awkward smell….now that’s another subject. 🙂
Be a good cuddler/kisser. It’s not all about the dick…we love affection. I love being kissed, held, rubbed, touched by my man….probably more than anything else in this world. Intimate time in bed (cuddling) has always been one of my favorite things to do. I believe it’s imperative when establishing a connection with someone. If you’re trying to lure her in, a well-timed cuddle session is almost always a good investment because to us, it’s a big turn on.
How to spend time apart from each other. Occasionally, you’ll want to take some time to yourself. And, she’ll almost certainly want to do the same (hopefully). When you’re each out doing your solo thing (which, by the way, should be often) you should know how to give your partner the distance to explore her interests outside of you without giving her a guilt trip (yes, that includes whiney and/or passive aggressive texts). You should encourage each other to pursue things that have 0% to do with each other, on an ongoing basis. You need that quality time with yourself to stay grounded, realize your worth and bring something to the table besides whats going on within the dynamics of your relationship.
Know how to buy/own a good suit. I believe this is a bit of a “rite into manhood”. In my humble opinion, it’s a “boyish” thing to not own a good suit, and to not be able to carry oneself whilst wearing one. I don’t care if your line of work doesn’t require you to wear a suit ever. It doesn’t matter. Every guy needs one in his closet. Also, its one of those things where…once you have it, you’ll love it and all of a sudden will find reasons and events to show off how hot you look in your new suit. Women LOVE suits (a little too much, IMO), I don’t know why. If you need help with this…as InnerConfidence’s resident stylist – I’ve got you covered!
Get your money right. As I’ve said in previous blog posts, you DON’T have to be a baller. You don’t have to spend lavishly. However, I believe that a large portion of a man’s worth is rooted in what he does for a living, and what he earns as a result of that. If you’re not there yet, don’t worry. You’ll get there. Look, if I really love someone, I could live with a lack of money. However, it’s the potentially deeper issue – a lack of motivation – that would be something possibly fatal. Motivation and drive are two of the sexiest things a man can have outside of confidence. Be a high-value guy no matter how much cash you have in the bank at this very moment.
Even if you’re broke right now, be up-front about your finances. Realize that it’s unfair for anyone to believe in the outdated gender roles of “the man should pay for everything.” As long as you’re working hard and trying your best, you deserve to be honest and respected.