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Women Tell All: The Worst Turn Offs in the Bedroom (Part 2)

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maxresdefaultI recently polled a group of 10,000 women aged 18-35 who live in the LA-area who all belong to a private group on Facebook about what they consider to be DO’s and DON’Ts when it comes to sex.

The thread was one of the most popular I’ve seen posted, with over 300 enthusiastic responses from various women telling their tales/horror stories.

It was a hilarious read, to say the least. Keeping all anonymity, I read through all the responses and with their permission and selected the most memorable mentions to share with you, along with my own commentary.

The original posts are in italic text, my commentary in non-italic text. Trust me, you will want to read this one! There were so many responses that we have broken them up into 4 separate blog posts, and this is the second.

Read the first blog here.

We hope you enjoy part 2 :)

xoxo,
Genevieve

​Turn off: ​Once had a guy who wouldn’t go down on me​…a​nd then he asked me why I never seem to cum. I told him​ it was because he never eats me out,​ and he said ‘oh guess we aren’t sexually compatible cause I don’t do that. Sorry’

Wow. I’m glad this issue came up, it’s a big one. While as a guy, you might have a legitimate reason in your mind to not want to give head – keep in mind that to basically every girl this is incredibly childish and a gigantic turn off. When this happens, this is how I know I’m dealing with someone GREEN, and with very little experience…which turns me off from wanting to have sex with them entirely. Sex should be an all-encompassing, nothing-off-limits, lets explore together and who cares what happens kind of thing. I don’t think you’ll ever be able to mature sexually if you avoid it and you’ll never experience a truly good sex life without it! If the reason why you don’t want to give head to a girl is because you don’t feel like you know how to – the best method here is to JUST BE HONEST! Be open about it! Unless she’s just a straigh​t​ up biatch, most girls would take this as an opportunity to teach you, in a hot way. This is good because it gives you a chance to connect, grow together. One thing I do know for sure though is, when a guy tells me he’s not into giving head it’s like a part of me knows I can never fully respect him​, and that the sex won’t be good​. I pretty much write him off then and there. It’s THAT important.​ Lastly, this is what one lady had to say about the issue, so this should give you some idea as to how important it is: “I usually can’t have an orgasm through regular sex, so if they don’t go down on me I’ve learned to just delete and move on. Too many guys and too little time to be dealing with that”​​. Boom.

Turn off: ​I currently have a guy who I will never sleep with sending me pictures of his 11-inch penis and he thinks I’m into it. I’m not.

OK – another big issue. Guys with huge dicks. Sure, who doesn’t love a big dick. However, a lot of guys think that’s the end all be all.  It’s very annoying. Society trains us to believe that a humongous cock is every girl’s biggest dream/desire and that size is everything….for some girls I’m sure it is. But for most girls it is scary. I personally feel like I have a somewhat “shallow” vagina, and it’s easy to hit my “back wall” during sex regardless if dick is big or not. Hitting my back wall does not feel good, no matter how turned on I am. I could be mid-orgasm, and he comes ramming into my back wall and ruins the whole thing leaving me with a sharp pain that makes me want to double over. Some girls are built to take huge cocks; ya. But, guys with baby arms NEED to know how to work that thing and not hurt a girl. In my late teens and early 20’s especially, I can remember a lot of guys with huge penises and attitudes to match who I promise you had no idea how to use them properly and who thought having a big dick is the ticket to everything you need. In conclusion: guys with big dicks: if you put even MORE effort (than the regular guy would) into learning what women like, how our bodies work, being sensitive and gentle with your cock, understanding the in’s and out’s of a woman’s body – this is incredibly refreshing to girls and a HUGE pleasant surprise. Instead of running away scared, I’m made to feel comfortable, relaxed, and excited about what this big cock is about to offer me. In fact I’ve only fucked ONE guy with a big dick who knew how to use it properly and he’s set the standard for me, I think. So guys with big dicks: don’t think that’s your ticket to pussyville and don’t be too cocky…you’d be surprised how many girls will not be impressed by the size of your dick alone. There’s a lot more to it!

Turn off: I don’t know if you ladies like hairy men, but one guy in the past did not man-scape, and if he finished on top, he or I would be picking his chest hair off of my body.

The mental image that this procured – OMG, eewwwwwwwwwwww lol. That is so nasty lmao. This has happened to every girl, and it is a bit of a turn off. If you are a particularly hairy guy, I’d recommend keeping your hair trimmed so it’s half a centimeter long. You don’t have to shave or wax it but you gotta do something. In general, body hair is not a hot thing. We don’t like to pick it out of places, spit it out, pull it deep out of our vaginas….it’s soooooo soooo sooo gross. I’ve literally had to pull another guys long-ass pubic hair out of my vagina before and I shudder at the memory of it. I’m embarrassed right now retelling the story. This was over 10 years ago and I still remember it so vividly – the bathroom I was in, the guy, everything. That’s how bad.

​T​urn off: one guy would fall asleep and take over my bed diagonally and I couldn’t even lay down. 

LOL, this is only OK if you’re in “relationship” status. As a first time fuck, this is annoying.

Turn off: light up a cigarette after, like INSIDE, in bed. Gross

No. Just no. Unless it’s weed, get the F outside​ and have some consideration lol​!

​Turn off: ​I had a guy that kept saying “hi” when we were hooking up like in Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

The ​sad truth is​, you’ll never know if you’re doing something weird like this unless a girl you’re hooking up with tells you so! ​Nobody else gets to see how you act while in an intimate moment. You can easily get to a considerably old age with weird behavior, because none of the handful of girls you hooked up with bothered to tell you that you’re doing something bizarre. So, if you feel like you ​*​might​*​ be doing weird shit​, this would be a great reason to join The Leverage Group, and ask the guys for feedback.​ The group thread therapy sessions are more than invaluable for information like this. You NEED human, opinionated feedback and ​i​t’s much better to be embarrassed amongst a group of guys for a few minutes than do be doing something weird like this for years, turning off every girl you ever have sex with!

​Turn off: ​My friend had a boyfriend who would eat her out through her underwear!!! I cannot!

What? Why would he even do that? I feel like the underwear would be all water-logged WTF

​Turn off: ​I just don’t want anyone talking to me at all during sex. Like pretty much anything someone says when we’re hooking up sounds awkward or cheesy to me.

So, the reason why I chose to include this one is because I tend to agree that less is more when you’re fucking someone for the first time. Words can feel sooooo contrived, fake and cheesy. ​​That is why I encourage you to stray away from using verbiage when having sex with a new girl. I tend to lean towards moans, heavy breathing and panting​ only​. Unless it’s directional from you to her (i.e. commands) – you risk sounding cheesy or silly. Unfortunately, society has ruined sex in a lot of ways for us in this day and age. Everything can feel forced and fake, ​and ​it really is hard to find your sweet spot with someone where you feel like you can be expressive in the right way without feeling cheesy or dumb. However, with the right person this all goes out the window because the connection you guys share makes things that were cheesy, meaningful. And lastly, get advice from guys in The Leverage Group. That is what they are there for!​

Turn off: talking about how one night we will bring in another girl and have me watch..like..what??? IN THE MIDDLE OF IT

OK – can I just SCREAM this to all men, everywhere: UNLESS YOUR LADY HAS EXPLICITLY TOLD YOU THAT THE THOUGHT OF ANOTHER FEMALE IN BED TURNS HER ON AND SHE IS BI-CURIOUS OR BI-SEXUAL, DO NOT EVER MENTION ANOTHER GIRL AROUND HER, ESPECIALLY WHILST FUCKING HER. JESUS CHRIST YOU MORONS

Turn off: There was this guy who would dry hump me and moan nonstop “unh unh unh” whether or not he was inside me…also he was having whiskey dick problems so we decided to try again in the morning. Got no sleep because all morning the BED WAS SHAKING as he was trying to get himself hard while I laid there and pretended to be asleep. So awkward. Needless to say that never happened again!

Ok, this has so many fails…I don’t think I have to delve into whats really attractive about this situation. I think as a general rule of thumb it’s safe to say that females are ALWAYS uncomfortable around guys while they’re jacking off. It just makes us feel weird. The sound, the motion, the thought of not being able to satisfy you…just do us a fucking favor, and go elsewhere! Are you trying to make us feel weird? God damn!! It reminds me of this chronic jackker-offer who used to walk around beating it like as a nervous tick….WTF ugh, NO.

Women Tell All: The Worst Turn Offs in the Bedroom (Part 1)

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Screen Shot 2015-06-12 at 12.25.48 AMI recently polled a group of 10,000 women aged 18-35 who live in the LA-area who all belong to a private group on Facebook about what they consider to be DO’s and DON’Ts when it comes to sex.

The thread was one of the most popular I’ve seen posted, with over 300 enthusiastic responses from various women telling their tales/horror stories.

It was a hilarious read, to say the least. Keeping all anonymity, I’ve read through all the responses and with their permission have selected the most memorable mentions to share with you, along with my own commentary.

The original posts are in italic text, my commentary in non-italic text. Trust me, you will want to read this one! There were so many responses that we have broken them up into 4 separate blog posts, and here’s the first! We hope you enjoy 🙂 xo, Genevieve

Turn Off: When they get up, get out of bed, and get dressed immediately.

Like, wtf bro. I *just* got done having sex. Can you chill for a second? Unless I’m being extremely annoying and I don’t realize it (highly unlikely) you are straight up ruining your chances of fucking me twice. Seriously.

​Turn off: ​Once a guy asked me “On a scale of 1-10, how good was ​I? Or, ​Being asked to compare how sex was compared to other guys. 

This is something a lot of guys do, believe it or not. I think they think its funny. It’s not funny. It’s awkward.​ Unless you’re 19 and actually need the feedback, this is not something a grown-ass-man should do.

​Turn off: ​Don’t be that guy who has to shower right after sex. Also, please don’t be that guy that had to wash his sheets right after we had sex.​..w​hile I was still naked in the bed.

Ahhh this reminds me of the Sex and the City episode where one of the girls is ​banging the fucked-in-the-head Catholic schoolboy who ​always ​has to shower right after sex. Let the juices simmer, you weirdo​.​

​Turn off: ​When ​a guy goes to the kitchen and immediately eats a disgusting amount of food.

Lol, I actually feel like I could get down with this.

​Turn off: ​I once had a guy during an intimate moment ask, “who’s pussy is that?”​ ​in a baby puppy dog kind of a voice.

Speaking in the 3rd person is never not-weird. Just FYI

​Turn off: ​Talk about their penis size, “Sorry its not big enough.”

Don’t ever apologize for anything​ you can’t change about yourself​, even a small dick. If you’ve gotten this far with her, WHY?​ ​Not hot. Roll with it.

​Turn off: ​Do not tell me you have never been with a black girl before. Am I supposed to give you a high five or something​?​

Ok, this is just ridiculous. People are so silly​. ​Don’t act like its some kind of novelty, please! Wtf.

​Turn off: ​I had an ex-boyfriend that was a bodybuilder and he ALWAYS had this stench to his dick…like even fresh out the shower, it made me so nauseous. I feel like it used to stick me for days after.

I had this once before with a guy who was a surfer! I guess it’s not like you’d be able to tell if your stench was intensely nauseating to the girl you’re fucking, but in general just be on top of your hygiene. And that ​primarily ​includes the way your ballsack region smells.

TURN OFF: I am sleeping with this guy. Sex is GREAT, he definitely knows how to please a woman. But here is the down side. He likes to pull out ahead of time and than sit over my face and have me lick his gouch while he jacks off and cums over my body. Not the biggest fan of it and not the greatest view…and most importantly if his ass smells like shit, ​which makes me gag. I eventually had to tell him that position was uncomfortable for me.

OK – this one is epic. ​I’m soooo glad this came up. ​This could actually be HOT if it weren’t for the fact that his ass smelled like shit! In general, I feel like guys need to step up their ass-hygene game. Like seriously, wash that shit out with a soapy washcoth, twice ​to three times in the shower. You should literally be able to take your finger and press it up against your butthole after washing, rub it around a little, then smell your finger and not have your finger smell like shit. If you have a smell-free asshole, think of all the sexual positions you could do! I think the best sex is dirty, weird, random, sloppy, messy​…and you want to be prepared for that. Also, take a beard and mustache trimmer to your butthole and trim off the excess butthole fuzz. Your pubes and butthole hair should be trimmed AT ALL TIMES. NO girl wants to get pubes in her mouth after sucking you off. And on that note, I’m going to give you a bit of gold information. If you wax your balls so that they are baby-smooth, girls will literally not be able to stop touching/licking them. It’s like crack for girls​. Take care of it boyz!!!!​ It might be awkward to read this, but this stuff is happening in real life and it needs to be STOPPED. For the love of God, PLEASE step up your asshole hygiene. ​

​Turn off: ​Sneaking it up my ass after I had an orgasm thinking I wouldn’t notice.

Anal is not a game, boys. A dick in the ass is going to hurt very badly unless the asshole is literally massaged open​ with fingers for a few minutes​, and she’s totally relaxed. Even if she did just have an orgasm, it’s not going to cover up the feeling of muscles being torn! Give the ASS the respect it deserves, or you’re never gonna get it!

8 Keys To Bottle Service (From a Bottle Service Girl’s Perspective)

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bottle girlI was a bottle service cocktail waitress at a popular nightclub in San Francisco for 6 years.

I’ve been around the block 🙂

There are typically a few types of guys you will run into that buy tables. Once you have a better perspective of what everyone else is doing, it’s easier to understand where you fit in and whether or not you’re the type of person who would enjoy bottle service or if it makes more sense to meet women somewhere else.

The 4 primary types of dudes who you’ll see getting tables in the clubs these days

When you understand the four different types of guys that girls typically deal with when at tables, you can position yourself accordingly and understand the dynamics happening around you.

If it’s not a situation that you’re accustomed to, it can be pretty confusing and can take a long time and a lot of money to figure out. I got you covered!

1. The expense account guy (aka the guy who isn’t paying for it with his own money)

The expense account guy is the guy who gets tables, but it’s totally obvious that he’s not the one who’s actually paying for it.

Whether it’s his parents money, or his bosses…this guy usually comes paired with super drunk, belligerent friends who are rude to the waitstaff and generally all over the place.

They don’t seem to appreciate what they have in terms of service, and with their group the bottle rats are abundant, and even their bottle rats come with an attitude!

They don’t HAVE to be assholes, but they typically are. I’m not sure why, but theres something about people who are spending other people’s money that makes them less appreciative for the experience as a whole, and this comes through in their behavior.

They are often combative, very very drunk, and not put together. Turn off! They are known to tip badly, as well. I don’t think I have to delve into why this type of person is annoying and not respectable.

2. The rookies

Bless their hearts, they are trying to be cool.

They are new at this, and don’t really understand how to navigate around a club.

They are usually very enthusiastic, have multiple questions, and at least one member of their group will get in a fight with someone by the end of the night or get kicked out of the club for being too sloppy.

They are the no-chill group.

Once in a blue moon you’ll come across a rookie who thinks hes too cool for school because he’s spending “tons of money”. But for the most part, these guys just look silly and try-hard.

3. The regulars

The regular are the guy or group of guys who come in all the time, know the staff, bring a solid crew with them and generally know what they’re doing. SWOON.

Many of my regulars went on to become my good friends (or hookups, lol) even after I stopped doing bottle service.

They’re good guys to know because, they know and understand social protocol and are respectful people.

They tend to have a swagger to them.

They’ve made an effort over the years to actually be my friend and not treat me like I’m beneath them.

My regulars are people that I’ve learned a lot from. They typically have dynamic, lucrative and interesting jobs that allow them to spend money on bottle service on a regular basis.

They’re inspiring people who have served as mentors for me as well.

For whatever reason, people who get bottle service on a regular basis tend to generally be solid individuals that other people are going to be attracted to.

They may have not started out that way, but they’ve learned a lot from the time they’ve spent out in social situations and at nightclubs, and it comes through in the way they dress, speak and act.

As someone who is looking from the outside in, it has been interesting to be that person who is in a position to watch the change in them over the years, to see them go from a shy, dorky guy to a baller who runs the scene, becoming a guy I want to hook up with.

It is inspiring to watch! Now, it’s the people who don’t change, and continue to be out in the clubs spending/wasting money on bottles every weekend that make me wonder what it is they’re doing and why. And believe me, there ARE a lot of people who take this route!

Not every regular goes on to be a legend, but most are guys who I would put in the “A” category.

Another point I want to make is, people who get bottle service on a regular basis typically don’t do it for entertainment purposes only. That is how it begins, but as time goes on it stops being so much about fun and becomes more of a second job to them.

They are making sure the money they spend on bottles goes further than just down their throats, and it becomes a legitimate networking tactic that actually progresses or advances their lives in one way or another.

Usually, these people also become great friends with the owners of the club and will get hooked up with tons of friends and family discounts, and they become part of the club family as well.

We will go out of our way to look out for them, have their backs and truly regard them as VIP’s.

4. The Promoters

The promoter doesn’t always have to be a douchebag, but hey…there’s a reason the stereotype exists.

Now the disclaimer: there is always the exception to the rule (blah blah blah), and I know a couple promoters that I absolutely love to serve.

Guys that I consider friends, and guys who are considerate individuals that don’t make you feel like your presence is getting in the way of their paycheck.

That being said, most promoters are simply just a pain in the ass and sleazy to boot. Their behavior oozes “I don’t give a fuck about you”. There’s something about the promoter vibe that not only makes me want to NOT go out of my way for them like I would any other client…I actually have found myself wanting to sabotage them in some way, lol!!

They’re pompous and expect so much at the same time. High maintnence with attitude. Bad tippers. They often act like God’s Gift, which annoys the entire staff.

The promoter behavior and attitude make it SO abundantly clear that he’s just here for the money, and it takes away the enthusiasm I have as a server. Often times too, they don’t even tip – the club tips us on their behalf!

When you make your intentions super clear to someone, it takes away some of your power. If I know exactly what it is that you want, there’s no need to play any more games and the relationship becomes VERY cut and dry all of a sudden. I stop being as polite, and more jaded. Their presence begins to irritate me and I don’t feel the need to give them as good of service, as bad as that sounds.

So, I guess the lesson here is, don’t ever make your intentions too clear, and treat people with respect even if you don’t think they can offer you something at that moment. Take the extra time to make people feel appreciated, and they really will bend over backwards for you.

Now don’t get me wrong, not all promoters are like this. The ones that really know what they’re doing have every staff member of the club in love with them and swinging from their nutsack! – lol.

They can do their job and create great relationships at the same time…it’s totally possible!

It can be easy to get an ego, it’s on you to keep it in check, even if you are bringing something to the table. Don’t make people loath you – it’s that simple.

All that being said – there’s all kinds of people who get tables for bottle service and not everyone is going to fit into these 4 categories. I mainly wanted to provide you a little chuckle from my personal experience serving these types of people.

My top tips to an enjoyable bottle service experience

  1. You don’t have to get bottle service regularly but I would suggest to get it maybe once every other month.

    When you do get a table, go back to the same clubs and people who worked with you the last time.

    They will remember you, and forming relationships in this industry is KEY to a successful night.

    It really can make all the difference in your entire experience. Save their numbers, give them a heads up when you’re coming in, tip well.

  2. Be thoughtful about who you are inviting along to your table.

    If you have a buddy who you love but is very loud and obnoxious, are you going to want your friends at your favorite club to associate you with this kind of a person?Maybe skip inviting him to this kind of an event and go grab beers with him tomorrow afternoon instead.

    Remember, people will judge you based on your friends and their behavior. It might not be fair but its true!

  3. Do NOT get champagne, no matter how much peer pressure you’re getting!

    Unless someone else wants to throw down on bottles of Rose, do NOT succumb to the Champagne hype.

    Champagne looks fancy and the girls do love it, but unless you’re truly balling and are ok with spending $$$$ on enough champagne for everyone to really get wasted off of, it’s a waste of money!

    Theres’s only 5 glasses of champagne in a bottle and it goes fast. And if you spray champagne, I will punch you.

  4. Tip well. Yes, it sounds obvious.

    But, if you tip the right people well – this can mean free entry fro you and your group the next time you stop by the club and don’t feel like getting a table.

    Or it can mean an amazing table location versus a broke dick one. An extra $50 here and there really does go far, and I’d suggest tipping your VIP Host, server or the manager of the club only.

    Only tip a doorman on a situational basis only. I.E. if you’re trying to get a big group in, tip the doorman that one time but not every time.

  5. Keep your eye on the clock and don’t be the last group straggling out of the club, trying to get every last drop of alcohol down your throat.

    If you have good relationships sometimes they’ll even put your booze in a water bottle to go for you.

  6. Show up at the right time.

    Showing up late (often past 11:30pm if the club closes at 2am) will result in getting unfavorable table locations, waiting in lines, etc.And after 11:30 the door tends to be very hectic, so your arrival during that hectic time is going to stress out your host.

    If you do this regularly, you will be associated with this stressful feeling and it will come through in the way they treat/feel about you.

    In NY, Paris, Belgrade and other party spots where clubs go much later, just use the 2 hour rule.

    You don’t want to show up within 2 hours of closing time if you want to take full advantage of your investment in bottle service.

  7. Either bring girls, or pull girls to your table.

    This should be an obvious one.

    Utilize the money you are spending by either using it to get chicks, or using chicks to make new relationships with other dudes you want to know.

    Either way, girls are needed for this and girls tend to be bottle rats so its not too difficult to achieve 🙂

  8. Invite the staff to your after-party.

    This is a great way to not only fuck hot bottle service girls but create and strengthen relationships as well.

Ta, ta…for now!

Genevieve

For more on how to optimize your experience at clubs, check out this article we wrote on the Unspoken Rules of Bottle Service.

25 Ways to Know if You’re Dating a Grown-Ass Man

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lolsotrue1. He involves you in things on his own. He makes you a part of what’s going on and always includes you. This is one of the best feelings there is; being included automatically by someone you like or love. If you have to ask or put effort into be included, you were probably never really welcome in the first place, as sad as that sounds. And if this is the case, I think it’s safe to say that your efforts would be better spent on another person.

2. When he goes out with you, he doesn’t feel the need to change who he is to impress you/others. Ugh, the chameleon. There’s just something annoying about a guy who’s constantly changing who he is to appease other people. IMO, guys who do this have weak characters and should be dumped ASAP.

3. He notices the stuff you go out of your way to do for him and appreciates it. Added bonus: He might even show or tell you how much he values it too.

4. He knows how to handle adversity. Life is full of curveballs, problems, a million little issues. You know you’re dating a grown ass man when He doesn’t fall apart or get irrationally overwhelmed by small stuff that comes up. Have you ever read the book “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff”? Well, this guy has! He takes it all in stride, and most of the time remains rational, even-keeled and just deals with it. There’s nothing worse than someone who flips out at every little unanticipated problem.

5. He considers his partner a partner, not as a separate attachment to his life. I don’t know about you, but when I am with someone, they are very much a big part of my life; definitely one of the biggest parts! If a guy seems to value your partnership only as just an accouterment or accessory to what he’s already got going on, it may mean that he’s not quite ready for a full on relationship. In my opinion.

6. You always know where you stand with him. One of the worst feelings in the world is not knowing where you stand with someone. A guy who’s up front about what he wants, what he’s looking for and what he wants out of you is a guy worth respecting. He doesn’t jerk you around and he doesn’t string you along. He got that out of his system in his late teens/early twenties.

7. He’s reliable. If he says he’s gonna be somewhere at a certain time he’ll be there. He’s usually not late unless for good reason, and if you ask him to take care of something he’ll get it done. This is one of the sexiest traits a guy can have!

8. He’s motivated. He’s ambitious, and he’s active about accelerating his career on his own. If you’re with a guy who seems to be lacking motivation and you find yourself wanting to push him along, this is usually a red flag. If he can’t find it within himself to do this on his own, your efforts certainly won’t be enough. Move it along.

9.There’s no drama. Communicating with him is easy, peaceful…ENJOYABLE! There’s no ups and downs, constant highs and lows. Turbulence is minimal, and you enjoy each other’s presence without either of you being ashamed about it. If a guy acts one way around you and another way when he’s in front of other people or his friends…it’s safe to say that the forecast is looking rocky.

10. He has clothes for every occasion. If the guy you’re seeing only owns jeans, T-shirts and tennis shoes or on the contrary: suits and dress-wear…something is definitely off.

11. He doesn’t do drugs on a regular basis. Sure, we’ve all experimented. And he may even do drugs very seldomly. But, anything more than seldom recreational use can be a huge red flag.

12. He’s not afraid to be affectionate towards you in public or around other people/friends. And, his level of affection doesn’t waver. He’s steadily affectionate towards you without ups and downs, and you never have to question his level of attraction for you. He makes sure you know.

13. He satisfies you in bed, and it’s a priority of his. If you’re able to have orgasms, you should be pleased in bed every time you have sex. If you’re not being pleased, what’s the point? A guy who’s only concerned about his own sexual pleasure is definitely nowhere near a “grown ass man”.

14. He doesn’t feel the need to brag. Nobody who has real value has to brag. Ever. If I hear a guy bragging about something, it’s an immediate turn off. Now, it’s OK to voice your achievements and successes, but there’s a certain tone of voice, language and attitude that it takes to brag and if he has it, no bueno. Attention whore manchild behavior.

15. He keeps in touch with his family. On his own! If he calls his mother/father/sister on a regular basis just to catch up, chat and check in on how they’re doing you can be assured that he’s the kind of guy who has morals, as cheesy as that sounds. Those morals will carry on towards other aspects of his life, your relationship, and how he deals with things in general.

16. If he says he’s gonna do something, he does it. Following through on your actions is a big deal these days. There’s so many flakey people, that it’s actually become a huge attractor when a man does what he says he’s going to do. Props to all the reliable dudes out there!

17. He never overpromises and underdelivers. In fact, I once knew a guy who’s motto was “underpromise and overdeliver”, and he followed through with it! That right there was an immediate panty-dropper 😉

18. He has genuine interests and passions. Things that he likes to do, that he’s actually passionate about! This excludes drinking, partying and hitting on chicks. And, if he has passionate opinions about things as well, this is even better.

19. His apartment is actually nice and not totally barren or messy. It’s woman-friendly and doesn’t feel like camping outdoors. A part of growing up and finding your manhood is having a messy place and/or a bachelor pad that isn’t necessarily girl-friendly for a while. However, after a certain age this just doesn’t fly. If you haven’t figured it out by your late twenties, this typically shows that you are just plain messy and don’t take pride in having a clean home. Do you wanna be the girl who’s constantly cleaning up after him? Didn’t think so.

​20. He handles jealousy like a grown ass man. He doesn’t get upset or angry. He realizes that the hot piece of ass he’s with is going to get attraction from other men and understands that it’s just a fact of life. And even better: he uses this as a catalyst for sex.

21. He wants/offers take care of you if you’re not feeling well. Just as you do for him, on a daily basis, he should do for you when you’re especially feeling low.

22. He encourages you to try new things and explore your own passions. He genuinely cares about you and isn’t threatened by the idea of new, exciting or interesting things that arise in your life. And better yet, he wants to help you find these things!

23. If he’s upset about something, he doesn’t beat around the bush. He’s upfront about it and doesn’t have any problems voicing his feelings to you. Using actual words. He’s not passive aggressive.

24. He doesn’t boss you around. If he wants you to do something, he’ll ask nicely without expectations or hinting. He understands that this makes you want to help, as opposed to being resentful about it and doing it for him begrudgingly.

25. He’s active. He does lots of things, he’s busy all the time, and he exercises. And best of all, he is still able to make ample time for you! The best compliment 🙂

Now, you’re probably not going to find a guy with every single one of the attributes above, obviously. So before you all go on a tirade about how the perfect man with all these attributes doesn’t exist, just consider a few of them. 🙂

If your man/crush has even just a few of these traits he’s probably got some other great qualities you haven’t even discovered yet. And guys, it’s never to late to banish bad habits. Self improvement is something you can practice at any age.

Thats all for now.
xo Viva

 

36 Turn Offs in a Man

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I’ve already written a list of the biggest turn-ons in a man…now comes time for the list of what not to do.

Jealousy when not played off well. Everyone gets jealous, it’s a natural thing. It’s how you act on your jealousy that defines you as a person. If a guy either 1. Starts pouting like a child or 2. Starts raging like a psycho in response to myself receiving attention from another man, it’s a big turn off. The correct thing to do: let it happen, notice it…then take another sip of your whiskey as you whisper in her ear about how her ass is in demand, and it’s yours. Then, remind her later that night when the two of you get home and she’s allll yours

Coming on too strong. There are soooo many things wrong with this. First off, it’s an invasion of my privacy in a way. Usually guys who are coming on too strong are invading my personal space, literally. Secondly, if a guy cannot understand or use to his advantage the “push and pull” of energy between two people just getting to know each other, it’s a huge turn off. You give a little, then back off and wait for her to give a little. Only THEN is it OK to give a little more. It’s a game, an art. Some guys just don’t get this, and they vomit GIVE GIVE GIVE, making me RUN RUN RUN!

Flakiness. This is actually probably my number one turn off. If a guy is flaky in the beginning, he won’t get another chance. Plain and simple.

A Douchebag Crew of friends. Oh, this one is unfortunate. There’s nothing worse than meeting a seemingly cool guy that you like….only to meet his raging douchebag crew of friends. It’s not everything, but there is truth to the statement “the company you keep”. Your crew is a reflection of you, at least somewhat. At the very least, hide them until you’ve made her fall completely in love with you lol.

Overtexting. Texting too often or sending texts that are too long themselves is a turn off. It makes me feel like you’re too much on my jock. And just being honest here:  once I feel like I’m in complete control, the fun of it goes away and I no longer continue to be interested. Whomp whomp.

Asking dumb questions. Are you wondering what I meant by “whomp whomp”? Before asking me, think about it. Say it out loud. And as a last resort, google it. This goes for a lot of other questions as well. I’m not saying that asking questions is bad, but asking the wrong questions is bad. Just try to use your common sense as much as possible. A clueless/helpless guy is one that tends to get under my skin. By the way, “whomp whomp” refers to the sound that typically describes a “let down” feeling. If you google it, the very first thing that comes up is an urban dictionary listing. This day and age, you can and should google everything before you ask/annoy someone.  No excuse.

Not being affectionate. Women like to be touched, we like to be kissed. We can’t help it! If you’re not doing either, chances are you’re beginning to turn us off. If we DON’T want you to kiss or touch us, trust me – we will communicate this to you. Otherwise, it’s your job as the agressor to initiate this. Unless I feel really, really comfortable with a guy, I feel UNcomfortable initiating intimacy. Heck, even with the guy I’ve been dating for almost a year I STILL feel uncomfortable initiating intimacy sometimes. This is just one of those things that’s your job as a man, and you have to know when to do it, how to do it, how frequently to do it….so practice and ask IC questions about it. This is key to a happy, healthy relationship and brings so much joy to both parties. I absolutely love being kissed and touched…now I want to go get my fix just having written about it

A guy who doesn’t get my sense of humor. Often times I’ve noticed that guys will be too nervous when out on a date with me to even appreciate the jokes I’m making. This actually makes the experience I’m having the opposite of fun. I feed off of your energy, so what you’re putting out there will come into me, and if it’s not good, it will be a turn off.  I’ve noticed that guys who come from different cultures won’t understand my jokes either, which is unfortunate. I guess you can’t help that really…but if a guy doesn’t get my jokes it’s usually not long until the end. Usually, you can tell when someone is trying to get you to laugh, so just go ahead and briefly laugh – give her what she wants and then quickly change the subject to one that you’re more familiar with. You’ll begin to catch on, and if you can make it through the tough part in the beginning your work will pay off and you shall be rewarded generously 🙂 Oh, and if you find yourself so nervous that you can’t even pay attention to what she’s saying – SNAP out of it! You are in control, you’re the man! Remember that! She is just as lucky to be in your presence as you are to be in hers.

Overcomplimenting. This is bad because 1. it shows me that you’re too much on my jock 2. that I’m in control 3. After a certain point, your compliments wont even seem genuine. It WILL seem like you’re just trying to kiss my ass to get that ass. Don’t think we won’t see through this 🙂

Elementary Mentality. One word: manchild. Not a good thing! A man with the mentality of a child is exactly that: a child. Traits of a manchild: jealousy, immaturity, talking crap about other people, being adverse to my success, dishonesty, no manners, doesn’t own up to his mistakes, makes jokes at my expense (especially in front of other people), wont shut up about one good deed he did or one great thing he accomplished. These things are ALL big turn offs!

Asking for too many directions in bed. In general, in my humble opinion…the man rules in the bedroom. Unless it’s in the very very beginning, (like the first time you two have ever hooked up) if he’s asking all kinds of questions and/or generally unsure of what to do and how to please me, requiring me to talk a lot during the act, it totally ruins the mood AND the vibe between him and I. It’s actually safe to say that I’d be totally turned off of a guy after an experience like that. I want to be taken in the bedroom, not giving directions like a traffic cop.

Taking no direction in bed whatsoever. Now before you get upset, just hear me out! On the other side of the coin, you do want her feedback in certain ways/at certain times. This specifically applies to a situation where sexually, things have been going well….but have seemed to hit a plateau. I’ll try and give off a few subtle hints that I’m not particularly enjoying a position or I want him to do this or that in a certain way……………and it goes totally unnoticed/disregarded. I guess the point I’m trying to make is that there is a fine line of what is OK and not OK to communicate in bed, but as long as you’re *paying attention* to the signals she’s putting out there and acting on them in a playful, confident way it will end up turning her up and on

Secretly snooping at my phone while I’m texting. I had a guy do this one time not too long ago on a first date. I thought I could feel him doing it while I was looking down at my phone at one point on the date, but when I looked up he wasn’t looking so I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Fast forward 2 hours as we are saying goodbye and parting ways – he actually mentions “Jason’s” name when he asked what I’m doing the next day, referring to a name he saw on my screen earlier – in a jealous/”so there” kind of way. I could not have been more mortified for him, and revolted myself. Needless to say, I never saw that guy again.

Braggarts aka the wannabe big shot. I’m almost always turned off by men who talk a big game…because almost always they don’t have what it takes to get the job done. Isn’t it funny how the ones who have the loudest bark usually have the weakest bite? Additionally, the main reason why this is unattractive is because it puts me in a position where I am expected and obligated to positively respond. I don’t enjoy fake-smiling and having to “positively respond” to all the bragging you’re doing while inside I’m unimpressed and annoyed. Mofo, I’m not interested in putting on a show, and I’m definitely not interested in the show you’re putting on! Just be genuine! Any time a guy is putting on a show – it reeks of invalidity and just plain sucks. NEXT!

Wearing baggy boxers or tighty whities. They are both very unattractive and not a turn on. Tighty whities are by far much much worse but loose boxers are pretty bad as well, especially if you have any kind of nice ass. Stop hiding that thing and go out and purchase some soft Calvin Klien boxer briefs.

Overly Sensitive Guys. The thought of this makes me cringe. You know, that super sensitive guy who takes everything way too personally? Funny enough, this also usually happens to be the same guy who stalks you on social media and gives you an excessive amount of likes on your stuff. Not hot.

Bluetooth in ear. It’s never attractive when you look like you’re talking to yourself in public. Also, it either gives off an “I think I’m highly important” vibe or an “I’m a HUGE dork” vibe.

Second Guessing Your Instincts. Constantly wavering back and forth and being unable to make solid decisions is an unattractive trait. You’re the Man, you’re the one who should to be in control (or at least be able to be in control if need be). Even if you’re wavering inside, don’t let her see it. Make a decision and stick with it. If you fuck up, play it off and make a joke out of it. Reach out to friends/your coaches for advice and have faith in yourself!

Wearing unattractive jeans. If you’ve read my Fashion Guide, then you’ll know which type of jeans are bad and which are good. The bad tend to be wide leg, light to medium blue and very farmer-john-ish….or way too skinny and make a guy look like he’s suffocating in them. It’s just not right, smh. Go for a straight leg, dark wash jean. The Adriano Goldschmied “Matchbox” jean is usually a great fit on every single guy I’ve ever styled.

Cheap Guys. Look, its OK to be frugal, economical and non-wasteful with your money in situations where you’re spending it with/on a woman. However, there’s a difference between being cheap and being economical. A cheap guy will make disgruntled comments about spending money, will go WAY out of their way to save like literally 10 dollars and in general just seem like a stingy George Costanza-type! On the contrary, I think the girl needs to offer to pay at least once and a while, and should generally be aware of how much money is being spent. If she seems like a gold digger, sack her. But the same goes for a cheap mofo…he’ll get sacked just as quickly.

Touching me the wrong way. There’s a right way to touch me and a wrong way. One way turns me the hell on…one way makes me want to get out as fast as possible. While I can’t literally tell you exactly how to touch me in the right way, I can tell you this: if you seem nervous while doing it, it’s gonna make me feel weird. So, be confident and figure out what she likes or doesn’t like. IC has a LOT of great articles, videos and general instruction regarding this – so USE IT! It’s very important! Remember as I said earlier, being touched and kissed in the right way is womens’ favorite thing. But, it can take a creepy turn for the worst.

If You’re not making me laugh, you have no chance. I can’t stress how important making a girl laugh is. It’s almost as if the second a guy makes me laugh, I’m instantly somewhat into him. It takes wit and charm, and it’s impressive when a guy is funny. It’s almost always the spark that gets my fire going. If you can’t seem do this naturally, it’s worth it to invest in some classes or to do general research on how to be funny, what to say, how to say it, when & how to deliver comic timing. BE FUNNY, guys…that’s pretty much all I can say about that. HUGE turn on.

Acting like Mr. Know-It-All/Talking about yourself too much. There is nothing worse than talking to a man who thinks he is the smartest person in the room. Women like smart men, but not know-it-alls who dominate the conversation with his vast so-called knowledge. Open your mind to let other opinions and theories flow. Whether or not you actually are the smartest person in the room is a fact – this is besides the point. You will rub her (and people, in general) the wrong way and that’s not something you want to do in the beginning.

Getting caught lying. This is bad for numerous reasons. Really, all you have is your word. Once you’re caught lying, your word goes out the window with your dignity as well. It’s hard to respect a man after he’s caught lying. Then there’s the whole “what an idiot” aspect of it…you lied and got caught? You’re not even a GOOD liar; you suck at lying. The fact that you couldn’t even pull the lie off is unattractive in and of itself. Lastly, almost always after I catch a guy lying do I feel like my intelligence has been insulted. I often have a “wow, do you really think I’m that dumb” feeling after, and that just pisses me off in general.

Having a superiority complex too early on. Now, I’ve said repeatedly that the Man is in control, or at least should be. That’s how I feel about relationships.  However, there’s a certain scale within this that dictates what kind of in-control behavior is attractive versus neurotic or demanding. Yes, I do want the man to be in control, but I don’t want him to be controlling. In the beginning, be in control of all the small things like what restaurant you guys go to, and other small things like that. If you’re exhibiting controlling behavior over really general stuff too early on, this can come off as chauvinistic and will piss a lot of women off. However, keep in mind that most women don’t know/wont acknowledge/realize how much they need to be put in check. This is something that you introduce over time, with the right woman.

Overlooking subtle acts of thoughtfulness. This mostly applies to a girl you’ve been dating for a while. Don’t ever forget to show her that you appreciate her, that you notice the nice things she does for you. Just as much as you deserve to be praised, respected and generally admired – she deserves recognition for these things she goes out of her way to do for you. If I feel these acts go continually unnoticed, it completely takes away my enthusiasm for wanting to do nice, sweet things for you in the future and can totally dim the fire you have between each other! Just don’t get too comfortable – and that goes for both parties, man and woman.

Ho-Hum, Boring Guys. Some guys are just boring. We have a name for these kinds of guys: “Dry Toast”. I’ve gone on a lot of dates with multiple dry toasts. Don’t be a Dry Toast. Dry Toast isn’t great at making decisions, likes to just go with the flow, lets me do all the talking, doesn’t seem engaged, and isn’t making jokes. He’s boring as hell. Never again will I go on a date with another Dry Toast!

Swearing straight off the bat. There’s funny, good swearing and then there’s scary, hillbilly like swearing. In fact, it’s OK to swear a lot after having spent a lot of time with a girl, but NEVER in the beginning. It’ll come off as way too harsh, trying to hard and even disrespectful.

Making us feel like we are not important. It’s good to keep her on her toes, but if you play that game too hard it can be a big turn off for us. Girls are used to being doted on, and that’s why this can be a tricky thing to master. You definitely don’t want to be just another one of those guys who gives her everything she wants and completely caters to her. And if a girl is fighting you on this, insisting that’s what she wants in a guy, get rid of her…she’ll be way to big a headache and commitment. You can’t make someone like that happy even. However, on the same token you do want to make her feel like she’s a priority of yours. Just try to be considerate, and you’ll wind up doing something right 🙂

Lots of negativity. Too serious. I went out on a date with a guy one time, he was tall, very good looking, well off, grew up in the same neighborhood as me…basically great on paper. BUT….he was so damn serious! He also had this negative spin on things, like everyting was always so solemn with this guy. I just couldn’t take it after ONE date. This effect he created is literally the opposite of FUN, which is the NUMBER ONE thing that girls like!

Cell Phone Holster. Just don’t. Ever…thanks.

Being messy/sloppy. This is a trait of a manchild. While I love to clean up after my guy, excessive messiness is just gross and will turn off almost every woman worth having!

Getting too Drunk. Just as it would be a turn off for you if a girl did this….it’s never a good look when someone gets absolutely shit-faced on a first or second date. You tend to show the worst side of yourself when one does this. Now, accidents are allowed but don’t make it a habit. Sloppy, drunken behavior is literally like babysitting a kindergardener and nobody wants that out of a date.

Dumb pick up lines. Immediate eye-roller. I’m sure you guys have enough good advice from IC on what kind of lines are good and what kind of lines are bad. Here’s an example of a bad pickup line a guy said to me once: he came up to me and faked choking asking for mouth to mouth. It put me in an awkward situation in front of my friends and I just walked away.

Constantly accusing other women of trying to change you. Alert, this is a red flag! When guys go off about this, my mind immediately shifts to: 1. Jeeze, he sure does think he’s very important and is acting all too defensive 2. All these women trying to change something? Hmm…this is probably happening for GOOD REASON. NEXT!

…and last but DEFINITELY NOT least….

Forgetting to treat me like I’m a special person in your life . I’m your lady. I’m not like the other people you know, I’m in a different category then most of the others. Don’t forget to treat me like I’m different as well. What I’m saying is: be courteous! The other day, I ran into a couple I know on the street – they hadn’t seen me yet however. Before I said hello, I noticed how he was literally speedwalking, blazing down the sidewalk loudly talking on his cell, and his girlfriend was struggling to trail after him in her heels, obviously freezing her ass off and stumbling every few feet. I could not have been MORE unattracted at this guy’s display. Look, we know that “treating women like princesses” more often than not will spoil them and give them a bigger ego than they need, but there at least has to be an appropriate balance in how the two of you treat each other in terms of courtesy and thoughtfulness. Always be considerate, and make sure you are aware of what’s going on with your other half at all times when you can. Obviously people get distracted, but when there is a pattern of behavior like this it’s just unacceptable and kills whatever fire was left. Be aware…then, it’s your choice what to do do from there. But to not be aware whatsoever is a big turn off! Take her into account, because if you don’t she WILL feel forgotten, another turn off. This guy on the street had no clue what his girlfriend behind him was experiencing, and probably wouldn’t have cared less even if he did. Turn off.

If you’ve made it this far, thanks for reading 🙂

Genevieve

14 Ways To Be Fun

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funMore than looks, more than money, more than whatever hard-to-grasp definition you want to give to “value” or “status”, the most attractive aspect of a man, that x-factor that gets him attention, attraction and dates is…

…fun.  That’s right!  Fun. My actual favorite subject 🙂

Making the transition from someone who wouldn’t describe themselves as fun to being one of the most fun people in a room will involve forcing yourself to forget about nervousness or insecurity. Personally, I think the definition of being “fun” is being comfortable with who you are, while doing your best to communicate with people who are not like you while involving them at the same time. Fun can be used as a dating strategy AND contributes as social proof.  It’s much easier to trust someone and LIKE someone if they can alleviate a tense situation, moment or conversation with some comic relief. In fact, I can recall numerous occasions where I was stuck at a boring or uncomfortable event, with seemingly nobody cool in sight.  (“Great….a bunch of random dorks who I can’t relate to whatsoever!” …sense the sarcasm) Then, behold!  One fun, cool guy!  All of a sudden, he’s an 8.5 in my eyes when otherwise, he’d be a 6 at best. Because of the severe lack of competition around, I’ll end up latching onto that ONE fun guy all night, simply because he’s the only one around who seems to have some social and common sense, and can make me laugh and actually enjoy myself in this lackluster situation I’ve found myself in.  Being fun and “cool” is not exactly “common”, which is why it’s such a valuable trait. Who doesn’t like a fun guy?? Nobody, that’s who!

A “fun person” is almost always going to be someone I’m comfortable letting myself get into a conversation with, because I can usually tell straight off the bat that I’m going to enjoy myself which allows me to put my guard down.  If a fun person is turning me off, it’s usually because they’ve gotten too drunk and are taking things a bit too far.

As a man trying to hit on a girl, your first goal when talking to her is to get her to put her guard down. You know what I’m talking about…that guard, that WALL that oh-so-often acts as a huge cockblock. When you can get a girl to just relax, giggle and let her guard down, she’ll finally allow herself to begin to notice what a “catch” you are.  When I’m engaging with a “fun guy”, without even realizing it I’ll totally allow myself entertain a lengthy or risque conversation with him because not only am I truly interested in what he’s saying, but also I feel he wont be overly into or devoted to the conversation if I should want to back off for a second. Additionally, he makes me feel like I’m the one who’s lucky to be talking to HIM.  Fun guys are often in high demand, so if I get bored or distracted during the conversation I can feel OK about slipping away.  However, if I’m really having fun this won’t ever end up happening because all of a sudden, usually before realizing what’s going on, I’ve found myself enjoying his presence so much that I’m to the point of crushing on him.  How did that happen?!?  That transition is exactly what you want.

As a woman, I gravitate towards fun guys because they’re interesting, they seem genuine, and they actually take an interest in getting to know the people they come into contact with.  Everyone knows who they are and wants to hang out with them, usually me included. To put it simply, they’re popular. I also wanted to point out how sometimes men often go out of their way to make me feel “involved” and part of the group whenever I’m around them.  This is a great way to establish trust, and further along your connection with her.  Women can often feel insecure, even for the silliest reasons – which can result in some weird and dodgy behavior that you’ll have to deal with later on.  You want to be the guy that everyone likes, so keep the games subtle at most, and make sure you’re including her in all the fun.

From what I’ve seen personally, the men who can accomplish this and “have that way” with people regularly batted out of their league, for lack of a better term.  These usually weren’t high profile ballers with nice cars, and they didn’t really need to flash a ton of money around, although they always had *some*.  What gave them an edge? What made them attract these sexy, intelligent women?  It took me a while to figure it out, but these are the guys who were more than anything else, FUN.  The secret isn’t as surreptitious as you might think – they’re often simply fun to hang around with, and if I’m having fun I’m satiated.

The number one thing that “fun” guys tend to do is get me to laugh, and they also laugh at my jokes as well. Typically, we are attracted to people whose presence or behavior makes us feel admired and liked. If I feel like my presence is causing somebody else to have more fun themselves, it makes me feel really special and rewarded, and brings me closer to you as a person. When a guy can make me feel so good that I’m willing put certain things at risk for him (someone who’s fun to hang around with but causes problems through his behavior, for example) I will justify almost anything to make themselves or their peers feel OK about being with or staying with a guy.  Really, it’s because I’m addicted to the peptides!  When I’m with a guy who I really really like, I actually become somewhat addicted to the way he makes me feel.  His presence makes me feel a certain type of way, and I begin to crave it!  Women tend to be drawn towards these types of perilous relationships as opposed to other more uneventful, or less risky ones. I’ve read before that this kind of behavior is defined by “The Reward Theory of attraction”. This theory states that: “people like, are attracted to and seek out those whose behavior is rewarding to them or whom they associate with rewarding events that occur, and we associate the pleasure with this specific person and as a result, end up wanting to spend more time in their presence.”  Good to hear I’m normal! 😉

This is part of why a sense of humor ranks so highly in numerous poles about what attracts women the most in men. Someone that makes us “feel good” triggers feelings and instincts that tell us that this is a person we want to continue hanging around!  I like to joke about it and say that as a fun addict, I need my daily dose of “good peptides” – the natural, “feel good” and chemicals that run through my body produced by my brain when I’m in the presence of the man that I really like hanging around and am very into.  It’s the best feeling in the world, arguably!

Don’t ever forget how attractive *fun* is.  Any guy who is fun is highly likely to have high self confidence- it means someone is not self-conscious or embarrassed about being who they are. Seeing someone really enjoying doing something automatically makes you feel like you’re enjoying it, too. This is why it’s important to always carry yourself well even if the way you’re feeling inside isn’t exactly reflecting that. It’s important to keep up appearances – If I can see a guy is obviously having a great time talking to me, I’m much more likely to be interested in him than one who’s got obvious other motives.  You’ll get found out in a second by the ones that you really want.

How to be Fun

Be easy to talk to.  If I’m in a conversation with you, don’t make me work for it.  It should be a leisurely, enjoyable and relaxing experience that doesn’t require a commitment.  Any conversation that I feel obligated or committed to is one that I don’t want to be entertaining in the first place.  Recognizing and reacting to the natural “push and pull” of energy within any conversation is extremely important, and can actually serve as a tool that heightens my desire to be speaking with you in the first place. If I know that you’re keeping tabs on my level of interest while talking to you, this can actually make me want to talk to you more!

Collect Stories and master the art of retelling them. One of the best ways to convey fun to a group is through a telling a story, as most people love a good story.  In my experience, they don’t even have to be action-packed stories about overly thrilling adventures, but even just a little slice of everyday life, cleverly observed, is also fantastic. Realtalk: this is always going to be more relatable to people as well. Constantly telling stories about overly-aspirational things (cliff diving, shark punching, extensive foreign travel) can seem 1. braggy, 2. fake and 3. gives the other people listening nothing to relate to or jump off from. Pay attention to the positive feedback that you receive when telling a good story, and remember it – when you retell these stories, applying what you learned from when and how you told them before will undoubtedly improve your story sharing skills and get people to the edge of their seats in no time.  The more attention you pay, the faster this can be one of your best skills!  Everyone should pay attention to this 🙂

Know your world and what’s happening around you.   The great thing about current events is that everyone is going to be able to relate to them.  They’re usually relevant for most people who don’t live under a rock.  Now the difference is: funny people already realize the seriousness of the situation when it comes to current events; but they twist the story and make a joke out of it anyways.  Because it’s current and new, people almost always take well to this.  Current events are always an easy and interesting way to spark conversation, it’s the ones that know how to make light of an otherwise serious current event by commenting on it sarcastically or joking about it in a way that nobody has heard before (since it’s a brand NEW topic, after all) who can easily make people laugh.

Explore your Passions.  The best way to be fun is by actually having fun yourself.  Watching someone else enjoying doing something automatically makes you feel like you’re enjoying it too, and it invokes positive emotions out of them as well.  When you’re pursuing your passions, whatever they are – these are activities that are going to bring out stimulating and arousing emotions in you, and therefore others.  Once you’ve explored your passions and developed a real interest in them, it’s time to talk about it and better yet – involve others as well.  These are the best kind of dates – the FUN ones. 🙂

Choose off beat dates.  This one is pretty self-explanatory.  Instead of dinner and a movie, or a walk along a path you’ve already walked countless times – think outside of the box.  Always pick something that’s actually going to be fun for you as well and not just for her.  Remember, you’re the leader and if you’re not actually having a lot of fun, neither will she!  An example of an offbeat date would be: if you take her to a party, see how many things you can turn upside down in the apartment before anyone notices.  This is not only playful but it adds an element of naugtyness and not wanting to get caught…thus bonding the two of you against everyone else.  Another different idea would be going out to eat with the goal of convincing the chef at whichever restaurant you choose to create something entirely new for you.  Take note: if you’re inexperienced at this, run your offbeat date ideas by the guys in the Social Genius group beforehand, however.  You don’t want to end up doing something dumb or worse yet, just plain bizzare.

Embrace your Competitive side.  There’s nothing quite like a little rivalry to spice things up. A round of mini golf, pool or bowling for example are all great ways to make a date active, energetic and slightly competitive.  However, I want to point out how important it is to keep the competition within specific boundaries.  You never want the competition to move outside of the specific arena you introduced it through, or more often than not, she’ll end up walking all over you.  For example, while you’re actually on the date mini-golfing, playful smack talking, tension when scores are tied, the thrill of victory… these get your hearts pumping,  and makes the senses come alive.  However, if this continues on after the round of mini golf is over – it then goes from playful to agressive, and you risk shifting the dynamic and losing control of the date, which is never ideal.  You don’t want her to be the boss and you should always be the one in control.  Additionally, if you happen to lose – make sure she knows it’s because you let her win 😉

Make yourself vulnerable. Don’t be afraid to take chances. Nobody who holds back is considered fun, TRUST ME. Think about the fun people you know–they take chances on a regular basis, both socially as well as in other areas of their lives. This is hard at first and takes practice, but the more you do it the sooner it will just become a part of you.

Remain in an upbeat, good mood no matter what’s happening.  It takes some practice to not let anything bother you too much even if it does, and even more – to not let your true feelings show. Sometimes ya gotta fake it to make it and it’s best to let things slide and roll off your back.  In fact, if someone says something you find offensive at a party, it’s ok to feel put off by it – but it’s not ok to start a fight over it or let it affect your mood and energy.  Instead, give off a slight but displeased facial expression, taking notice if anyone else in the room is noticing your reaction.  If the answer is yes, you could and should even turn this into a way to bond with someone in the same room as you, because most likely they were also offended, and may have noticed your like-minded displeasure. Now you have the opportunity to let them know that you’re on the same page…smile, wink and get back to the convo.  You will finish the thought with her later on when it’s just the two of you engaging each other in a side conversation – the perfect way to strike one up.

Introduce new, silly, exciting or fun things.  I have a friend who is traditionally GREAT with women and always has at least 2 or 3 floating around, and he often has these silly little things that he’s ordered or that someone gave him – and girls and I alike always get a KICK out of them!  His last prop was an actual little bobblehead doll of himself that he was testing out for a product line.  Additionally, his house is filled with these kind of things – gold-plated AK 47 lamps, a real cougar rug….now I know it all sounds a bit cheesy or extreme, but something fun like this can easily infuse fun into any situation, and girls are almost always suckers for these kind of fun little props.

Take things further than you normally would.  Sometimes in conversation, it can be fun to take things in a slightly more risque direction. This is especially relevant in group situations when you’re trying to get a girl’s attention, but it also works one on one as well.  It’s important to remember boundaries when practicing this tactic, because you could end up offending someone.  The best (and only) way to become experienced at this is by actually doing it.  You’ll get to know better the limits you can push, how far you can push them and when is a good time to back off.  Nevertheless, it’s a great way to push the envelope and get people’s emotions going.  Remember though, there is a specific difference in pushing the envelope and just straight up being an asshole 😉

Pay attention to the kind of company you’re keeping.  We’ve all heard this expression before, but it’s usually in reference as to who NOT to keep around.  Yes, it’s important to not only steer clear of people who bring negativity or just have that “bad news” vibe to them, but this also applies to building on and collecting a healthy set of guy friends you can not only bond with, but also learn from and rely on. Who doesn’t need a little backup sometimes? People will perceive you based on the actions the people closest to you. Yes, it can be unfair…but whether you like it or not, it is relevant.  However it works the other way around as well, and this is what you want to pay attention to. If you surround yourself with high-quality peers who are socially savvy and have your back – in the long run, this is only going to work in your benefit. Don’t be distracted by the possibility that they’ll be your competition.  Yes, that might occur every now and again but if it does…that girl probably wasn’t the one for you anyways. Take notice of the guys in your life who you admire and don’t be afraid to spark up a friendship with these gentlemen.  If you don’t have any of these type of guys in your life already, start looking.  Having a good group of guy friends who have similar goals and are like-minded in the way they live their lives is a great way to motivate you, give you social proof and a bigger library of experiences to learn from.  Look for new friends within I.C. – they are usually like-minded and come with the answers to many of your questions already.

Teasing. Lighthearted yet witty teasing is a good way to heighten sexual tension, but there’s a fine line between what is too much.  A LOT of guys like to tease girls and therefore, it can get annoying really quickly because we get it so much as females.  That’s why I think it’s important to balance teasing by intermittently adding praise and commending her periodically, only to bring her back down with a joking tease a few minutes later.  Push and pull guys, push and pull 🙂

Try to bring out the funny side in people that you meet.  You WILL come across boring, lackluster people who radiate dull energy. A fun person would ideally try to infuse his enthusiasm into others and convince the reserved ones to shake off their insecurities.  Be careful though, doing this too much is a good way to turn someone off if you become a nuisance or put too much emphasis on it.  Don’t be afraid to abandon ship if your efforts are going south…ain’t nobody got time for that!

Don’t go overboard with the fun.  Too much fun can be extremely annoying!  Have you ever met one of those people who’s just SO positive, SO upbeat, SO energetic….and somehow they’re SO annoying? The reason why those kind of people are annoying is because they don’t seem genuine.  So, its great to convey fun but it’s important to keep it within context and to keep it real.

That’s all for now…

xoxo, Genevieve

21 Things Every Man Needs to Know How to Do

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5d6Guest Post By Genevieve

Some guys have it, and other guys simply don’t.  I don’t want to undermine it by calling it swagger. Swagger, charm, appeal….they know what to say to a woman and how to say it. They know how to touch a woman. How to make the most uptight person smile.  These aren’t always the most attractive men, but one thing is definitely for sure—these are men.

Whatever the scenario, and as cliche as it sounds –  there is a distinct difference between men and boys.  There is a certain…wisdom that comes after three decades of trial and error, bad mistakes and wonderful successes…these are the guys who have payed attention, taken notes and improved themselves as men during the whole process.  Whether you’re 19 or 35 – these are the things a man should know how to do.  Trust me – she will notice.

How to feel jealousy, and act on it properly. If you see another guy checking your woman out at a party, this should not be a bad or negative experience for you.  In fact – don’t forget to realize that this is actually an opportunity for you. When it happens, acknowledge it – and go back to your whiskey.  Later, when you’re alone, whisper terrible, naughty things in her ear about how her ass is in demand, and its yours. Give it a nice smack or grab, too…and then ACT ON IT later that night. Remind her of who’s woman she is. Jealousy is sexual impetus, not an invitation to start a brawl with a stranger, or get into a fight with your woman.

Be able to carry a good conversation. There’s nothing worse than enduring a drab conversation, whether its coming from a man or a woman.  All you want to do is get OUT! Simultaneously, there’s nothing sexier than a man who’s got an entire group on the edge of their seats while telling a story.  If you can’t actually harness a person’s interest to a point where they are asking you questions, it’s probably safe to assume that your conversational skills could use some tweaking.  You’re looking for excited laughter, nodding, giggling ….and then comes the touching. These are all signs that what you’re saying is getting her aroused and/or excited in some way.

Know the difference between making love, having sex, and banging. This is really important for every man, because no matter how big or small your penis is – it all comes down to the motion in the ocean, guys.  You really need to know what and how you’re doing. Before you assume that you know the difference, consider that you might not.  Intimate and passionate, intense and unpredictable…and somewhere in between, these are all speeds that you should be intimately familiar with and should know how and when to deploy each.  I literally can’t put enough emphasis on how important this is.

While we’re on the subject – if you’re one of those guys who has a big penis, you CAN NOT assume that your huge schlong is enough to satiate a woman. Have you ever heard of “chronic big dick syndrome”?  It’s where a guy relies too much on the size of his big penis, assuming that there’s no way she could not be satiated….but the joke is on them, because they’re realistically terrible in bed.  A big dick alone is nowhere near enough.  As a matter of fact, you can physically hurt us more easily than you may think – something that’s not attractive no matter how turned on I am.  Women want to be touched, perceived, read, lured, aroused, enticed.  Sometimes we want the heavy-hitting, but only if we’re in that particular mood. It’s imperative that you’re exercising the other variables and aspects of sex and intimacy…because there’s nothing girls like less than the guy who has a big dick, and assumes that his jackrabbit pounding away for an hour straight is going to satiate her every desire.  No.  Just no. There was even a Sex and the City episode about this.

Talk Sports, or at least be able to follow sports. You don’t have to be a sports fanatic by any means, but to have a general awareness of what is happening in the sports world is a definite turn on in my eyes.  Men and sports…it just fits – like peanut butter and jelly. 🙂 A friend of mine once told me that as girls should follow or at least be generally familiar with pop celebrity culture, men should also be at least somewhat enthusiastic when it comes to sports. In my opinion, participating in sports and/or an interest in sports does foster an already-existing, natural & inborn sense of healthy competitiveness within men.

Be competitive in the right way. There is a competitive nature within sports, gambling…ect. that is very attractive when displayed in front of me.  It shows that he’s paying attention, often times having to outsmart his competitor.  As much as parts of me don’t want to admit it, it’s attractive when my guy wins and outsmarts his competitor.  Winning = sexy.

However, don’t ever be a bad sport. If you DO lose, take it in stride.  Don’t show you’re embarrassed or upset about it.  Making it a bigger deal than what it is will definitely produce a cringe-worthy moment for me, if I feel like you’re butthurt about losing. Take the loss it for what it is and improve your next game because of it.  Confidence throughout all.

Pick a good restaurant. This is important mostly because in getting the first and second dates to go swimmingly – it’s imperative in my opinion, for the man call the shots regarding restaurant choice.  If you don’t establish the boundaries in the beginning and let her pick the place or better yet, screw up and pick the wrong place – you’re not making the impression you typically want to start off with.

By letting her pick the place, you’re essentially paving the way for her to wear the pants in the relationship.  Yes, it might seem like a bit of a stretch saying that, but you should be picking the place anyways as the guy.  It shows leadership and gives you a chance to impress her with your knowledge of whats delicious, cool and fun right now.  If you have no clue where to take her, post in the group and ask the other guys. Don’t let her call the shots – you do NOT want her getting used to that from the get-go.

Change a tire. The thought of getting a flat tire on the side of the road when I’m by myself and have nobody there to help/save me is a terrible thought.  I literally would be screwed, because I’ve never done it myself.  This is something that I’ve admittedly relied on the men in my life to do.  It’s a tough, dirty and stereotypical job, but it’s your job to know and do it!

BBQ/work a grill.  The other day, I watched a guy refuse to light a grill because he was scared it would blow up.  Not hot, guys.

Know how to cook at least a few good meals.  There’s something annoying about the guy who assumes it’s up to the woman to do all the cooking.  A good woman should want to cook for you *most* of the time, but simultaneously – it’s nice to know that you’re competent enough to make something for the both of us if need-be. Lastly, everyone deserves to feed themselves well…don’t be that guy who relies on the microwave.  It’s a very boy versus man habit to have.

Provide courage when needed/Throw a Punch.  This one is pretty important. If I need to kill a spider, move a bed or lift a heavy object and you’re within 50 feet of me, you will be asked to help because I’m just too weak and/or scared to do it by myself.  Step it up and kill that spider guys!  If you don’t, (especially with the spider thing) you’re going to give off a less-than-manly impression.  While it’s not attractive when a guy has Chronic Hero Syndrome, it is important for him to be able to to 1. Protect/defend himself 2. Protect/defent me 3. Stand up for himself/us .

If you go out on a regular basis these days, it’s only a matter of time until you run into some kind of incident with an overly-aggro drunk guy who’s jealous that he aint with the hottie you brought along. This happened to me one time durning an outing with my friend Tommy, who’s about 5’7, 150 lbs.  A guy, literally about 6’4 – was in our faces outside of a popular venue in San Francisco bugging us about a cigarette, or something equally menial.  Out of nowhere, after about 2 minutes of trying to calm the guy down, Tommy finally lost patience and literally knocked the guy to the floor with one punch – a guy much bigger than him.  I’ll literally never forget it – I was shocked and impressed by his strength.  Definitely a good moment for men as a whole.

Know how to give her a truly thoughtful gift.  This all comes down to listening. She’ll say something in passing, and it’s your job to pick up on that.

Know how to act around her family.  Be thoughtful, kind, considerate… but not overbearing. Don’t come empty-handed.

Protect me if something bad happens. It is always attractive when a guy goes out of his way to ensure I’m safe.  If I notice that he is walking tall, keeping an eye out, making eye contact with sketchy people on the street and physically uses his body as a protective barrier between the streets and myself.  Also, nothing is sexier than the feeling of safety when sleeping in bed wrapped in a man’s arms…it’s literally one of my favorite sensations.

Drive a stick. I can’t drive a stick-shift.  Therefore, if YOU also can’t…its definitely going to be a turn off for me.  What if we were to get stuck in a situation where our only method of transportation is a manual car and we end up stuck because of it?  Ok ok, I’m mostly joking here but seriously guys…it’s one of those things that as a guy you’re supposed to know.

Unplug a drain/toilet This falls into the “it’s gross” category.  It sucks but….I’ll love you long time for handling stuff like this.

Kill every and any bug that could ever come around forever. Enough said.

How to sext.  (Hint, it’s not always about the dick pics) When it comes to sexting, you should stay as real as possible. You can be imaginative, but don’t make empty promises.  Also, never beg for pictures.  You can ask once.

How to make her feel comfortable about going down on her. A woman wants to know that the man between her legs really wants to be there. Don’t think of going down on her as a race. There is no direct route to the finish line. It’s really important to make sure she feels like she can take her time.  This means, you’re going to need to take your time.  No rushing, guys.  Unless you’re having trouble staying down there due to something such as an….awkward smell….now that’s another subject. 🙂

Be a good cuddler/kisser. It’s not all about the dick…we love affection. I love being kissed, held, rubbed, touched by my man….probably more than anything else in this world.  Intimate time in bed (cuddling) has always been one of my favorite things to do.  I believe it’s imperative when establishing a connection with someone.  If you’re trying to lure her in, a well-timed cuddle session is almost always a good investment because to us, it’s a big turn on.

How to spend time apart from each other. Occasionally, you’ll want to take some time to yourself. And, she’ll almost certainly want to do the same (hopefully). When you’re each out doing your solo thing (which, by the way, should be often) you should know how to give your partner the distance to explore her interests outside of you without giving her a guilt trip (yes, that includes whiney and/or passive aggressive texts). You should encourage each other to pursue things that have 0% to do with each other, on an ongoing basis.  You need that quality time with yourself to stay grounded, realize your worth and bring something to the table besides whats going on within the dynamics of your relationship.

Know how to buy/own a good suit. I believe this is a bit of a “rite into manhood”.  In my humble opinion, it’s a “boyish” thing to not own a good suit, and to not be able to carry oneself whilst wearing one.  I don’t care if your line of work doesn’t require you to wear a suit ever. It doesn’t matter.  Every guy needs one in his closet.  Also, its one of those things where…once you have it, you’ll love it and all of a sudden will find reasons and events to show off how hot you look in your new suit.  Women LOVE suits (a little too much, IMO), I don’t know why.  If you need help with this…as InnerConfidence’s resident stylist – I’ve got you covered!

Get your money right. As I’ve said in previous blog posts, you DON’T have to be a baller.  You don’t have to spend lavishly.  However, I believe that a large portion of a man’s worth is rooted in what he does for a living, and what he earns as a result of that.  If you’re not there yet, don’t worry.  You’ll get there.  Look, if I really love someone, I could live with a lack of money.  However, it’s the potentially deeper issue – a lack of motivation – that would be something possibly fatal.  Motivation and drive are two of the sexiest things a man can have outside of confidence.  Be a high-value guy no matter how much cash you have in the bank at this very moment.

Even if you’re broke right now, be up-front about your finances.  Realize that it’s unfair for anyone to believe in the outdated gender roles of “the man should pay for everything.” As long as you’re working hard and trying your best, you deserve to be honest and respected.

 

The Real Value of Money For Attracting Women

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Leonardo-DiCaprio-Money-MemeGuest Post By Genevieve

Today I want to place focus on our personal worth, value and how it has a great affect on your life! In your opinion, do you bring value to other people around you?  Be honest with yourself.  If I’m ever questioning my own place within a group setting, the first question I ask myself is: what am I adding to this dynamic/situation? If the answer is nothing, the next question is always what can I add?  My goal is to steadily provide something to that is going to make my being there appreciated, and that will make them appreciate and notice me.  Be honest with yourself. If you’re not providing these things, you can literally count down the time it takes before you’re driven out.

The good news is, this is a problem you get to solve.  You have complete control over whether or not you bring value and what kind of value – so essentially you get to choose your destiny, not them.  That being said, what’s the first step to take? Become valuable.

Let’s first touch on what not to do:

Problem #1

You can’t fake value. You can discombobulate people with your bullshit for only so long before they start to notice the cracks; girls start to realize that you’re not looking them in the eye or that your body language starts to change as soon as you’re distracted and that you’re more nervous and/or awkward around them then someone of your supposed status would be. Also, keep in mind that girls are already expecting you to lie and/or embellish about yourself.  Girls, especially in bigger cities like LA have a ton of experience within dating and are therefore better identifying your inconsistencies.

Problem #2

Money won’t solve all your problems. It’s surprising how many men out there actually believe that a fat salary will make girls like them.  They think that if they had a lot of money, their dating lives would become much better.  And at first, it probably will…but if only it were this simple. Sure, women will flock to you for your cash – but there’s no telling how long they’ll stick around.  Not to mention, you don’t want to be that guy that everyone likes hanging around with because he’s got a ton of money and likes to spend it.  Remember, in this situation people will be expecting you to spend…so you can kiss a lot of that hard-earned cash goodbye, all for people who don’t really like you and probably make fun of you from time to time as well. Those are the guys I feel the most sorry for – because I feel like not only are they being fooled, but they’re also losing out financially in the entire process. Burn. I can list 5 or 6 guys who I know personally right now off the top of my head who are single and wealthy, terrible with women and are suffering emotionally because of it. People will use other people for their money – its human nature unfortunately, but it’s up to you to arm yourself against it and develop qualities and skills that will command respect.

Now, nobody is going to tell you that money doesn’t bring an advantage.  However, that’s exactly all it is. It opens up opportunities and makes life smoother.  When you have a plethora of options about where to live, what to drive, what to wear, what to eat, ect…you are definitely going to be less worried about the logistics.  What it doesn’t do is compensate for a lack of drive, confidence, low self esteem, ect…and it won’t turn you into a Casanova overnight either.  Unfortunately, money doesn’t replace these things, and this is why it’s important to secure yourself with a strong base beyond the money. Fat stacks and glitz are nowhere near enough to truly satiate any woman that’s worth having.  True value encompasses everything from confidence, self-respect, drive, ambition, status, money…you get the idea.

The idea that you need money to get women is a popular one amongst guys these days. One of the biggest complaints about women that men have have is the opinion that all women are perpetually looking for a male of higher social and/or financial status who will shower them with some kind of lavish lifestyle. This opinion of women-as-gold-diggers is basically built into men these days – the status games and demonstrations of competition are all born from the idea that women are only looking for someone is of higher social status than she is. Money translates into status, so why wouldn’t she want a guy with a lot of money, right? The truth is, women do not need money but they do need value.

Moving on to the kind of value you want to have and bring to the table, or “true value”.  It goes beyond flashy, glitzy type things that go into a fake facade. The person you want to be towards women is someone who helps other people feel good.  People (especially girls) want to feel good and have fun.  I want someone who is interesting to talk to, funny and who can bring the fun factor.  Someone who has value and status, and as a result of it people naturally want to spend time with him.  However, be sure to ask yourself this: can you inspire respect in other people, not through fancy things you own or being a celebrity, but by what you have to offer as a person? In my opinion, that’s status.  You need to be connecting with women (and people in general) on an emotional level in order for them to feel as though you’re understanding them and “getting them” better than any other person has.  You have to pay attention, and connect with them on an emotional level. Depth adds to value extremely, because you’re now equipped with something more than someone who is just all shallow glitz and fake facade – and believe me, there are a lot of people out there like that.  Put yourself above the rest and you will naturally be more noticeable, girls will feel connected and safe with you – and you’ll find yourself with more friends than ever before.

Have you ever noticed how almost all high-value, high-status men seem to have high self esteem, genuine confidence and carry themselves well? In his book “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People”, author Steven Covey coined the term “abundance mentality”, something that high value and high status men typically have. Taken from the link above:

“Abundance mentality or abundance mindset: a concept in which a person believes there are enough resources and successes to share with others. He contrasts it with the scarcity mindset (i.e., destructive and unnecessary competition), which is founded on the idea that, if someone else wins or is successful in a situation, that means you lose; not considering the possibility of all parties winning (in some way or another) in a given situation (see zero-sum game). Individuals with an abundance mentality reject the notion of zero-sum games and are able to celebrate the success of others rather than feel threatened by it.”

Someone with this mentality is surely going to be displaying higher value than someone with a scarcity mentality. High value guys understand that there are literally millions of single women out there, and rejection is not a big deal.  These guys tend to be less needy and more independent. Another important step in trying to achieve value is setting strong boundaries for yourself, which is important to having healthy self esteem. For example, if another man is rude to you in the presence of others, stand up for yourself.  Don’t start a fight, but make sure that he knows that you know his behavior is shady and that you’re onto him and don’t appreciate it. This is extremely important to a strong sense of self esteem because if you can’t respect yourself, who else will?  In addition to setting boundaries, confidence is another huge contributor to high value. Inner confidence it’s a signal to women that you know and realize you’re of high worth and that is always a very attractive quality to have. Be at ease with yourself. The higher status individual is the one who is not always overly concerned with being the leader/alpha male in the group, trying to dominate every interaction to ensure his place.

If you ask 100 girls on the street which is more attractive to them: the jobless but passionate musician or the Wall Street stockbroker type of guy, I would place a high bet that the majority will choose the musician.  He gets more dates because his heightened drive and determination is attractive. He may be scrambling to make the next gig happen, but he’s constantly pushing himself to the limit and that’s way more appealing to women than the superficial wall street guy with the Beamer, who’s kissing his bosses asses in an attempt to climb up on the corporate ladder. The artist  is confident, brings more value to everyone he meets, and his ambition and drive are much more respectable as opposed to someone who’s constantly trying to prove himself whilst sucking up to everyone.

This is precisely why all kinds of guys – from millionaires to the average joe shmo can struggle with women equally – just as you can be a high-value man no matter what job you have as well. Bringing value and being high status isn’t all in what you do or what you have, it’s in who you are.  The what you have and do are only added perks. You may have a shitty job, but drive and ambition are extremely appealing characteristics – it’s just essential that they are followed by action. It’s one thing to constantly run your mouth about the business you’d like to have one day or the idea you want to invest in…but it’s another entirely when you can prove that you’ve actually worked towards your goals and taken the initiative to make things happen for yourself.

The main point I’m trying to make is that most women actually are not looking for a prince charming who’s going to shower them with some kind of opulent lifestyle – they want to meet a guy who gets them, and who they can connect with on an emotional level.  When you have high standards for yourself, you’ll notice that your standards when it comes to women and dating will also raise.  This is a good thing!

3 Ways To Read Social Cues & Why They Matter

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By Genevieve, innerconfidence.com contributor

Social cue: a verbal or nonverbal hint that guides conversation and other social interactions.

I want to go in depth regarding the importance of recognizing social cues and understanding why an engaging and successful interaction with a girl completely depends upon them.  The importance of this topic can’t be overstated!

Social cues are an example of behaving the way others anticipate us to, and living up to expectations of how we’re supposed to interact with each other. When we behave in a way that makes other people feel comfortable, we do it by igniting the right kind of emotions within others and not setting off any alarms or behaving unfavorably. By doing this, we can ensure they don’t become defensive and as a result, we can become closer to them.  Not only that, but we can also persuade and encourage certain behaviors from others towards us in ways we’re looking for, by acting on and manipulating both incoming and outgoing social cues.

Keep in mind that social cues can be positive or negative. Examples of social cues include facial expressions, vocal tone, mood, direction of gaze, body posture, movement, hand gestures, types of eye contact, paralinguistic cues, passive-aggressive behaviors such as walking away or telling someone you will call them back and then failing to do so, proximity, orientation, and physical appearance (dress). Knowing how to carry yourself takes a great deal of focus on not only your own behavior and habits, but just as importantly, reading into other persons’ behaviors, body language and choice of wording in order to ideally adjust your behavior in response to theirs.

Why it’s important to pay attention to signals and cues girls put out there:

  • In my research for this piece, I came across numerous articles stating how studies have shown that lonely people tend to misread social cues – if this isn’t a sign to be socially savvy, I don’t know what is.
  • Social cues give you insight into what makes her happy, sad, uncomfortable, turned on, turned off, upset, excited, back off… or: I’m into you, I’m not sure whether or not I like you, I’m bored, I wanna party, I want to have sex, etc.
  • Not only does having a healthy social life rely on social cues, but when addressed properly, understanding them well and adjusting your behavior in response properly will lead to more successful social interactions, guaranteed.

When you don’t notice and/or improperly act on social cues, you miss all kinds of social windows and openings. These can include an opportunity for a kiss, a hand touch, or a hug. In fact, you could miss out on talking to her in the first place entirely if you’re not reading her social cues and signals effectively.  Not only that, but when a guy just can’t take a hint… how annoying is that?!  I recently went on vacation to Eastern Europe where I met a man sitting next to me at a lunch, who was probably the most socially ignorant person I’ve ever met.  He talked to me about intense gamer code theories for almost an hour, completely oblivious to the glaring signals of disinterest I was putting out: zero eye contact, on my phone, no idea if and when he’d ask me a question and when I did figure out it was time to answer, I’d tell him I had no clue what he said … to which he’d continue on another tangent.  He was the worst, and if I ever come across another one of his type I won’t stand for it! Painful.

Because of these kind of extremely bad encounters we come across, women tend to put barriers up and as a result, I’ve become pretty impatient in regards to any conversation I get myself into with a guy trying to hit on me. Think of it like this: once you’ve started talking to her, the ticker is counting down, and you’ve only got a certain amount of time to grab her interest.

By not paying close attention to cues, keep in mind you’re losing time as the ticker is counting down!  Not only that, but this kind of habitual behavior shows me and other people that you are not socially savvy, not of high value and typically tells me that it’s time to start talking to someone else – no way to live your life, turning other people away because you are unconscious to their signals. By ignoring their cues, you’ve effectively not provoked any attraction or spark within her, but you’ve actually killed any chances of immediate attraction. For lack of a better term, you’re now in the negative – not even starting out in a neutral zone anymore!

If you’re reading this blog post, you’ve likely heard the term “escalation” from the Inner Confidence coaches before. Proper escalation absolutely requires being 100% in tune with her social cues – allowing you to push your relationship out of the friend zone. If she likes you and is giving you any windows, she wants you to escalate. It’s your job to pick up on this.

When you can’t recognize simple social cues like these, you end up griping, regretful and frustrated. Guess what – she’s is just as annoyed as you are oftentimes!

As soon as a girl begins to give you love – you’ll want to look for other cues, such as a lot of smiling, eye contact, her moving her hair and exposing her neck. What do most guys do in response to this? Not notice in time, losing an opportunity or chickening out entirely, in my experience. Don’t be afraid to touch her and additionally, don’t forget to play with eye contact. How well you make eye contact with me tells me a lot about you, about how confident you are. Don’t be afraid to smile, either… Just don’t make it a cheesy or animated grin.

Don’t forget about the social cues you’re giving, either.  Some tips on giving A+ energy: stand up straight with good posture, introduce yourself in social situations, make confident eye contact, smile at the right moments (with practice it will come), look everyone in the eye, pay some attention when and when not to laugh, and what and what not to say.

When I meet a guy who “gets it” and is actually on point, this is a huge attractor for me, personally.  It shows me that you’re smart, and up to speed.  There’s nothing sexier than when I meet someone who is with-it, has a take-charge attitude and is affectionate in just the right way (article about that subject coming soon). This is what men who are successful with women are made of, and these three traits in particular tend to result in: attraction from me to you! Once you’re with someone like this, your standards won’t go ever go back down so it really is on the guys to step up to the competition to get my attention or better yet, attraction from me… and social cues play a very relevant role in achieving this.

It’s important to mention the fact that every person differs in their ability to recognize and decode this complex network of both verbal and nonverbal acts – so don’t feel ashamed if you’re not the best at making sense of it all and perfecting it just yet! Keep up the good work looking within, guys.

That’s all for today…

xoxo,

Viva

10 More Things that Never Fail to Turn Women On

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niharica-raizada5Showing Passion or Intelligence About Something

I absolutely love when a man goes on excited and spirited tangents about things. It could be something as significant as the global water crisis or something as simple as how annoying your love/hate relationship with autocorrect is.  It may sound strange, but intelligence and passion are huge big draws for my attention.

On the contrary – they could just have the glittery-eyed expression when they explain things to me and realize that I get it. Most people tend to get frustrated and embarrassed explaining things, but I see patience and the ability to express ones self in a passionate way as a virtue that I can learn from and a skill that you should have. Some of our clients can struggle with lack of emotion and in certain situations so to I, so don’t feel alone if it doesn’t come naturally to you, either.  However, it is your choice to do something about it – so push yourself to fake it until it feels natural and don’t make any more excuses about it.  Yes…learning is sexy!

Certain ways they make eye contact

When, where and how you make eye contact with me matters. A weird look or a look that lingered too long can really mess up a moment. In general, you want to pay attention to the looks you’re giving. Not only that, realize that you can also influence the direction of a conversation pretty heavily with looks – a look of curiosity, a mischievous look, a look that insinuates you’re thinking something and wont tell her playfully… You get the idea. I can get very easily excited from a flirty look.

Whispering right in my ear

Whether it’s done in bed or while we’re out in public, a quiet whisper or breathing a little too close to the inside of my ear turns me on almost no matter who I’m speaking to – it’s quite disturbing, actually.

When they “clear my head,” freeing me to enjoy being in the moment

Look, bitches be crazy. Sometimes, we “get inside our own heads.” Yeah, yeah, I know that statement in and of itself is annoying and even nonsensical, but it’s true. Robbie and Justin are the true geniuses on how to accomplish this – getting a girl to calm down in a hypnotic fashion, that is. But, when it happens… It’s such a freeing, lovely feeling. Puts me in an open, playful mood.

Being Told What to Do (once mutual attraction is established)

If I like a guy and that’s already been established, I love it when he takes the lead and acts as boss. I’ll even let him boss me around… not in a mean or demanding way, but in a direct, “I know I can trust him” kind of way. It’s so attractive and such a comforting feeling…it alleviates responsibility from me, which lets me look *up* to him. This is the only position a girl should be in when dealing with you.

When I was younger, I used to think that I wanted to be the boss in the relationship  the smartest one, the winner wearing the pants. Some guys let this happen and you know what? Once I achieved those things and did win, I got bored and moved onto the next guy who was…. you guessed it, a challenge.  I was too young and naive to realize that by taking the lead, my guy will only become less and less attractive to me over time.  It’s a death sentence on a relationship, and I’ve seen it happen dozens of times to all of my friends!

Don’t let her get bored. I still like to be the smartest fastest boss in every other facet of my life… It’s the guy who I can’t exactly conquer who holds on to my line of interest and attention.

The boxer flash

This is simply an elementary move in which a guy lifts his arm (his muscly, toned arm… remember 😉 ), pulling his shirt up revealing a flash of his upper boxer lining that usually reads Calvin Klein, Armani, 2Xist, etc. Also, the shot of his lower abdomen is equally hot.

This tactic is especially useful when one is in shape… again, getting excited just writing about it!

Smooth skin

This is self-explanatory. Exfoliate, guys. Use a loofa or something abrasive in the shower – your hands and/or a washcloth are not coarse enough to make you smooth OR get you clean enough either, in my humble opinion.

A Clean, “Woman-Friendly” Apartment

If your apartment is a mess, grungy, has any weird smells or is too “bachelory”…it’s a turn off. Clean, modern apartments with clean sheets and a clean bathroom (toilet especially) will make me want to come back to your place and hang out more!

Fun little knickknacks around the house are nice, too… One guy I dated had a bobblehead of himself that someone gave him as a gift… I thought it was a riot. That guy’s house was always constantly stocked with Costco-sized portions of all kinds of food, toiletry products, cleaning products, etc… so any time anything needed to be cleaned or prepared, I felt good about stepping up as the “woman” of the house to cook/clean.

If that stuff isn’t there to begin with, how is she going to do any of this in the first place? Don’t you have expectations of what a girl’s apartment should look, smell and feel like?  The same standards apply to men.  It definitely makes me feel attractive cooking for my guy the next morning, and then cleaning up too, so make sure you’re place has all the basic household essentials to work with. This tends to apply to more of a dating situation as opposed to a first or second date, obviously.

Boss me around in bed. THIS IS BIG

For how much I like to be bossed around in everyday interactions, you can times that by ten to the tenth power when we’re talking about the bedroom. However, it’s very important to start slow and get to know how your girl likes to be spoken to and pleased first…which will let you know how and to what extent she can be directed or bossed around in bed.

If you initiate it too quickly, it’ll look like an act or a routine that you do every time. Make it feel personalized to her – by asking her questions about what she likes, doesn’t like, how this feels, how that feels… and based upon how she’s going to answer – your level of command and leadership should reflect that.

She should only tell you what she wants or likes if you ask her. Otherwise, tell her no. Then do it at your discretion only.  And once again, I’m talking about in bed, in a sex situation only.

Any time I’m made to “feel small”

Every girl likes to be picked up, thrown around, made to feel like you’re stronger than her. She might fight at the time and turn it into a competitive thing, but we all do that. We don’t want to admit it, but we love feeling the strength of a man as a reminder of our own physical inferiority in terms of size.

Money (you don’t need to be rich, but you CAN’T be cheap)

I saved this one for last for a reason. Look, money is attractive. That being said, you don’t need to be wealthy or rich, but you can’t be cheap. If a guy doesn’t have the basics: decent car, clean apartment in decent neighborhood, a career or career goal (if he’s in upper schooling), attractive clothing, at least one or two suits, a good pair of sunglasses, cool shoes, a computer and a smartphone…. he’s not yet a MAN, in my opinion. These are all things that an ADULT MAN should have.

You should be able to pay for dinner 7 times out of 10, and be able to spend a reasonable amount of money to do fun stuff together while you’re getting to know her. However, she should also offer to pay herself from time to time and go out of her way to do things for you, too. If she’s not appreciative, doesn’t notice and/or doesn’t reciprocate or at least say thank you over an extended period of time – drop her.

That’s all for now…

xoxo

Genevieve

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Does any of this sound familiar? I’m a smart, funny, and cool dude, but when I get around really hot chicks, its like my mind goes blank and my IQ drops 50 points. I can’t think of anything to say … Read More

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