Knowing your target audience is a crucial part of dating.
You need to be aware of who you are talking to, and you need to be selling what it is people are willing to buy. It’s important to know what kind of girls you want to date, and how to tailor your conversations to screen for the right kind of women.
Consider your audience what kind of content they would be interested. Figure out the personality nuances of who you’re talking to and how they will perceive your dialogue, views, and conversation based on their personality.
Personalities come from patterns of behavior over time, so how do you learn to quickly read the personalities of the people you come in contact with?
Psychologists have broken down the primary differences in personality into five main traits, called the Big 5. There is tons of research behind these traits, and we’ve distilled this research down to some quick tips you can use to maximize your dating success.
Learn to identify these five traits in the women you talk to, and you’ll develop superpowers in your ability to understand their perspectives on the world. The easiest way to remember these is with the acronym OCEAN.
Openness: This is basically open-mindedness. Girls who are more open are usually more receptive to being adventurous and exploring new ideas. A 30 year-old yoga teacher will be more open than a 19 year-old sorority girl, so it’s really a matter of figuring out what your preferences are.
Question to ask: “Do you like to travel to foreign places?” Asking if someone likes to travel is a bad question because, let’s face it, everyone says they like to travel. But knowing the difference between someone who’s travelled around the world and mingled with the local cultures versus someone who just likes to travel to places like Las Vegas can tell you where they’re at in openness.
Conscientousness: Attention to detail. Wild and crazy girls are lower in conscientousness and can be more fun, but with more risk of getting into trouble. Girls higher in conscientiousness are more stable and grounded, but not as spontaneous. Take your pick! Girls who are lower in conscientiousness are the type who may be more likely to miss a text message or accidentally flake on a date, and it’s helpful to recognize that sometimes these things are the result of the personality of the girl you’re pursuing rather than a dating mistake you made.
Question to ask: “Do you prefer things in your life to be neat and organized, or messy and spontaneous?” This is a straightforward question that people are pretty open about.
Extroversion: How outgoing someone is, and how much they focus on other people versus themselves. The more extroverted a girl is, the more social and talkative she will be. Talk to enough women and you’ll get to know what your own preference is. This is pretty easy to pick up naturally in conversation with someone, but it also can be something to pay attention to when you’re approaching women. A generalization is that girls you meet out at a bar will tend to be more extroverted than girls you meet in the day, especially if you’re comparing party girls to the Whole Foods crowd.
Question to ask: “Do you prefer the mountains or the beach?” There is solid research that shows extroverts prefer the beach, while introverts prefer the mountains. This can be a great conversation piece.
Agreeableness: Basically, how easy it is to get along with others. Most guys tend to be more attracted to girls who are higher in agreeableness but there are some exceptions, like gothic Hot Topic girls or hipsters who love to argue. There is a sweet spot though, because someone who is too agreeable could be a doormat in social situations.
Question to ask: “Do you go out of your way to help other people?” People who are high in agreeableness are trusting, helping, and considerate. If it’s not an important part of their personality, they’re not going to lie about it, so this question is a good way to get an honest read of their agreeableness.
Neuroticism: Most people have a strong image of what being neurotic looks like, and it’s probably pretty accurate. The true concept of neuroticism is someone’s tendency to experience negative emotions like anger, frustration, anxiety, and jealousy. This is an important concept to deal with because neurotic girls are more difficult to date. They’ll need more reassurance that you’re committed to them, and get jealous easier.
Question to ask: “Are you a dog person or a cat person?” Cat people are more neurotic than dog people. This isn’t even something I’m making up; there is actual psychological research behind it. Chalk that one up to scientists who have too much time on their hands.
Go out and try these questions when you’re meeting new women, and let us know what you find in the comments below!