A common mistake that guys who don't have well-developed social skills make is that they are too agreeable. They don't want to tell girls no. They don't want to make polarizing statements. They'd rather go with the flow than rock the boat. They avoid controversy. At first glance, this seems like it's a good idea. If you aren't a social genius or a beast with women, why take a risk that has a chance of hurting a relationship or creating tension? Here's the problem: when you're in the middle, you're vanilla. You need to be polarizing to be attractive to people. You need to filter some … [Read more...]
Why is approaching so important for building confidence?
You've heard me say it over and over, but if you expect to get results and you're not crushing approaches or already dating multiple women, it's just not gonna happen. If you wanna get good at basketball you've gotta take a ton of shots right? You can't expect to show up at the court, stand around with the ball and expect to improve can you? Well, that's what many of you guys are doing, and then whining that you suck and the program isn't working. That line of thinking is actually offensive to guys who have put in the work. Robbie crushed 10k approaches by the time he was in his late … [Read more...]
Why are you turning women off?
A recent study done at the University of Florida looked into the biggest turnoffs in potential romantic partners. The researchers found that deal breakers had a bigger effect on the formation of a romantic or sexual relationship than deal makers. In other words, the most important thing for attraction isn't to be really attractive, it's to not be unattractive. This is why in the Leverage Program we focus on the fundamentals first. Do you know how to dress? Are you in shape? Do you have poor vocal tonality? Fixing this type of problem will get you more gains than working on being … [Read more...]
A Master Networker’s Guide to Building Elite Connections
Guest post by Max, Leverage Program moderator In the Leverage Program, we often advise members to invest in human capital, and here's why: the key to building a social network is to invest in other people. Volunteer your time and say yes to just about everything until you absolutely have no choice but to start being more selective, because you'd be surprised how connected people are. For example, the head of the Boys & Girls Clubs of Boston is one of the Kraft brothers, the owners of the New England Patriots. Volunteering is a great way for anyone to have access to successful people … [Read more...]
Why Your Life Depends On Being Assertive
Like most guys on this journey of self-improvement, one of the hardest things I ever struggled with was overcoming social anxiety. Often I knew how I'd like my life to be different, and I recognized how I'd behave in a world where I had unlimited confidence. Some part of me knew what to do, but anxiety stopped me from doing it. Getting past that anxiety and starting to develop true inner confidence and self-acceptance was tough. And not just tough as in the way our society views hard work, but tough in the way that only comes from challenging who you view yourself as a person. Tough doesn't … [Read more...]
Why You Aren’t Making Enough Mistakes
We all know the cliches about how you fail your way to success, or how you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. It’s common knowledge in our culture that the way you get better at something is by making mistakes. But is it really? A lot of guys don’t realize that they’re looking for dating coach because they’re looking for permission to make mistakes. They might “know” that they need to make mistakes to get better, but they don’t actually believe it. They get a coach because they want someone else to tell them it's ok to mess up. One area where this shows itself is when guys are too … [Read more...]
I Don’t Ever Lie
Bella DePaulo, Ph.D. has conducted research that shows how typical humans lie in one out of every five daily interactions. The type of lies we tell isn't really important. What is important is to consider the ways we can’t help but cushion the truth. It’s common for guys to only tell parts of the truth, and leave out the less desirable details because they're afraid of difficult conversations. So why do we do it? Lies occur for many reasons. Lying by omission, for instance, is often done to spare someone's feelings from being hurt. Exaggeration and self-protection lies would be done in … [Read more...]
Why Most Women Think You’re Boring
Guys, you’ve been in this situation before. You meet a girl out at a bar, and she has an adorable accent. You: “Where are you from?” Her: “Norway.” You: “Oh cool. What part of Norway?” Stop doing this. Or what about this one: Her: “I’m from Chicago.” You: “I have a friend who lives in Chicago.” Ugh. Stop doing this too. One more: Her: "I'm a model." You: "What kind of modeling do you do?" Sigh. These are the typical responses that every loser says. You don’t really care what part of Norway she’s from, and you have no real value to add to the conversation once she … [Read more...]
Little Decisions: What Most People Get Wrong
Being good at making little decisions is more important than being good at making big decisions. Being objective about your decisions is a key contributor to success. In my experience, educated and successful people say the word “objective” three times a day or more. Broke dick hippy fucktard bums say "open minded" 20 times a day. And being objective means recognizing what kinds of decisions you’re making. Some people are good at making big decisions, and some people are good at making little decisions. If you’re good at both, your life is easy. If you’re bad at both, your life is … [Read more...]
What’s Better Than Motivation?
I've found from working with hundreds of clients that motivation is NOT what drives behavior change. Trying to change too many habits at once more often than not leads to failure, discouragement, and not trying again. Habits are more important than discipline or willpower. Our society teaches us to view life improvement in a way that is very black and white. We love all or nothing thinking: either I’m going to stick perfectly to my new diet, or it’s not worth trying. People see anything short of radical life change in every domain as a failure, when in reality, we improve our lives by … [Read more...]
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