Leverage Your Dating & Social Skills
My friend Wesley, over at iManscape. wrote an article around that subject that focuses on what women really think of men with beards. He broke down information from many studies into an easy to read article covering the topic and threw in some tips for the men.
Some of the data might surprise you…
Style can be a painfully annoying topic to grasp. Most guys neglect it altogether and look terrible as a result, sporting combinations like running shoes and jeans that are sure to turn off any woman. The ones who get it know that it’s important, if for no other reason than because women pay attention to your clothes.
Buying new clothes usually sucks too. We forget our sizes, we don’t know how things are supposed to fit, and we can never figure out what matches or looks good.
When Inner Confidence’s resident stylist mentions the concept of body shape and color analysis to students, the majority instantly assume that these are the types of things that only women have to worry about. Women have a ton of body shapes and different styles of clothes, but guys don’t, so why does it matter?
It’s true that this level of detail doesn’t matter as much for men as it does for women. But like women, men can dress to suit their shape, skin tone, hair and even to highlight eye color. There are a ton of subtle tricks you can use to design a great wardrobe one time and never worry about it again. For example, if you have blue eyes, get a baby blue shirt, and you’ll keep getting compliments on your eyes.
It’s not only the latest trends and styles that you should be thinking about. In fact, you’ll be safe if you don’t pay any attention to fashion. When men’s fashion magazines cover fashion trends (even the more mainstream outlets like GQ or Details), they’re showing you clothing designed by gay males that’s supposed to appeal to other gay males. Ignore trends and focus on the classic elements of style.
The entire process should be personally tailored to your body, shape and personal style. What if there as an easy way to get the details right?
My favorite tool for selecting clothes that look good is the Style Pyramid.
It’s a simple three-step rubric: Fit, Fabric, and Style. A piece of clothing that doesn’t meet all three criteria is a piece of clothing you’re better off not wearing.
Work your way through the pyramid in this order when you’re thinking about buying clothes. If something doesn’t fit, stop there. If it fits, but it seems cheaply made, skip it. And if it fits and is of good quality, but doesn’t feel right for your style, wait for something more suited to your tastes.
When all three intersect — then it’s time to buy.
From here, you can add your spin on things. I’m constantly traveling, so like Robbie, I prefer a minimalist wardrobes of all greys and blacks. My approach is even more minimalist than Robbie. I just have 4 shirts I rotate through, and one pair of classic black jeans. Everything I own is high quality according to the style pyramid, and I only need to buy new clothes to replace something when it wears out.
The result is that my fashion is solved, and I never have to think about it again. After buying each piece the first time, I don’t spend any more money on it. By ensuring that everything I own fits me perfectly and will last at least a year, I can have a killer wardrobe without going broke.
In Ukraine you must be serious. It’s a serious country and colors are not serious.
Recently I’ve been using a new method to drastically simplify my wardrobe, and getting more compliments than ever. It’s the easiest system I’ve found so far to make fashion (or more accurately, style) easy. But first, why is the way you dress even important? Why should you even care?
A lot of men have the misconception that the clothing they wear only matters to “shallow” women, and the women they want to date aren’t “superficial.” They’re mistaken for a variety of reasons.
If you don’t know how to dress, it immediately sends out a signal you’re not dynamic. Your appearance is the easiest and fastest way to communicate a message to others as to whether or not you’re worth spending time with.
Humans make social judgments about others subconsciously. While it’s tempting to say your clothes and appearance shouldn’t matter because it’s a superficial judgement, the reality is, we all judge each other based on appearance.
It’s important to remember this happens subconsciously. Women aren’t into your clothes per se. They’re into what they convey about your personality. The way you dress conveys your lifestyle, profession, passion and character traits. Everything you put on is a billboard advertising to women who you are as a person. This is why it’s crucial to send the right signals through the way you dress, and why this isn’t about superficiality.
Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, what’s the new strategy I’ve been using?
Dress in all blacks and greys.
I switched to this wardrobe about a month ago. This is a basic strategy for someone who travels a lot, wants to make their life as easy as possible and still look good without knowing much about fashion.
I started using this method based on the advice of one of our Leverage fashion consultants, but I also just recently came across this blog article advising the same technique. I have to agree with the author’s points:
It’s money and so much easier than maintaining my previous wardrobe. I pretty much do only black and grey. Grey is a good addition to all blacks as described in the article because it also goes with everything and gives you a bit more variation. You can play around with different textures of grey clothing too.
What if people notice you’re wearing the same close every day? They won’t. Dark colors are a classic look. You just need some variety with your shirts, pants, jackets, and shoes.
Getting more advanced
Not everyone wants to use this strategy, and I get that. I’m more nomadic and more minimalist than the average guy. So how can you simplify a more advanced wardrobe?
The number one rule that covers 80% of the way is to always buy classic garments in neutral colors with a somewhat modern fit where applicable. This means you don’t attempt going fashion forward based on a single piece, but on the full combination (from “nice jacket” to “you look great!”).
There’s only a handful of classic garments you need. With the basics covered, picking them in neutral colors like navy, khaki, charcoal, olive, etc., you can pick up some colors and patterns, like pastel colored v-necks and tees, a colored chino or two in pastel or dark hue for maximum flexibility, or some buttoned-down shirt patterns. Depending on where you live, you may need winter/summer specific garments. Or just get more grey and black layers for the winter.
Go to Target, Zara, H&M, Nordstrom or wherever, and look at what the mannequins are wearing. Most of the time, you can simply buy those clothes. Get 7 or so outfits, and cycle through them in your day-to-day life. It’s not difficult, and it’s a great way to get started.
If you want, pick a fashion piece every six months. This is something that follows a current trend that will sooner than later fade (e.g. the bright colored chino or crazy pattern shirts crazes) and deepen your seasonal game.
Fit is crucial. Your shirt should gently hug your rib cage; your jeans should angle slightly down toward the floor and lightly hug your quads. Style is more important than fashion so you don’t have to read GQ every season, but know the general trends. Baggy jeans are done. Throw them away. They’ve been done forever, and they make you look like an idiot. Black, shiny, square-toed dress shoes aren’t a great look, either. Your Kenneth Cole Reactions should go in the garbage.
The lesson: Women don’t date guys who dress poorly, unless they’re rock stars in some other area of their lives. Go buy some clothes that fit your body and are in style to give off a more dynamic vibe, and wear blacks and greys for maximum simplicity.
Women pay attention to your clothing. Your personal style can signal your positive, attractive traits, or it can repel hot women away from you. What’s the minimalist, easy way to make sure you always look good? It’s simple. Keep items in your wardrobe that will always be in style, and nail down your fundamentals.
1. The White Shirt
Any combination of crew-neck/long sleeve or long sleeve/v-neck will work. Make sure you get a few of each style that works for you. White gets dirty easily, and to a woman, there’s nothing worse than meeting a nice guy and not being able to concentrate on anything but the red spaghetti stains dripping down his shirt.
2. Ditch the other stains too
I’ll spare the pictures for this one. However, If you have shirts that tend to show when you perspire, don’t wear them out. If you don’t know or its questionable, don’t wear them out… Stay with white, dark greys, dark blues, and black. If you perspire at an uncomfortable amount, look into some over-the-counter medicine or talk with a medical professional. This especially important during day game where she’ll notice the littlest imperfection in your outfit.
3. Dark wash jeans are your best friend
While it’s true that black, white, khaki, and colored jeans can look awesome, they all go through their fazes of being “cool” or in style. Dark wash blue jeans are your one pair that will never have to leave you. I’d suggest investing a decent amount into these. The ones listed above you can get at Nordstrom for $82.00. Make sure to get “straight leg” versus skinny or slim fit.
4. You’re not 16 anymore, so keep your shoes cleaned
Please, never wear old running shoes outside of the gym. Scoffs and dirty shoelaces can be cleaned with dish soap or hydrogen peroxide with minimal effort. Take the time to clean them so your shoes are always looking new. If they don’t look new after a good cleaning, it’s time to invest in a new pair.
5. Wear your Inner Confidence
The best thing you could ever own is you. Whatever outfit you’re in, no matter the setting, it’s important to carry yourself with a strong and confident demeanor. Especially when meeting women, always greet people with a firm, strong handshake. Look at people in the eye, and smile when they’re talking to you. Stay in good shape. Taking charge of your overall health is a necessary and admirable trait. If you believe you’re the best, other people will too.
At the end of the day, being dynamic is your greatest sales pitch ever. The end-all, be-all is becoming a man who’s witty, charismatic, driven, spontaneous and grounded. This is the whole package, and women will pretty much do anything to be with a man who’s dynamic.
If you don’t know how to dress, it immediately sends out a signal you’re not dynamic. Continue reading on Elite Daily.
What size shirt are you wearing right now? I’d be willing to bet that it’s too big and doesn’t flatter you at all.
How do I know that? Because 95% of all guys wear dorky clothes that make them look like they don’t have a clue how to take care of themselves (let alone lead an interaction with a woman).
Dressing well is extremely important to women. A cute girl will look you up and down and decide in two seconds whether you’re worth her time and energy simply based on your choice of apparel (a crew neck in the middle of winter? Please).
One thing you can do right away is buy shirts that actually fit. Studies have shown that women are most attracted to men with broad shoulders; the ideal shoulder to waist ration is 1.6:1.
Even if you don’t have those God-given proportions naturally, you can still trick the eye by wearing tighter clothing that draws attention to your shoulders, making them look bigger. Most men who are generally fit (read: no pot belly) should probably be wearing a size “small” t-shirt.
Why? Because it stretches slightly across the chest and makes you appear larger in your upper body.
The Lesson: Throw away your shirts that are too big. Buy shit that fits. If you need help, click HERE for specific wardrobe tips.
Get personalized, one-on-one coaching in the Inner Confidence Leverage Program. Dude, if you’re wearing the wrong t-shirt now, it’s not gonna get any better on its own.
We recently had 5 new clients join our Leverage Program from the Phoenix area.
I always love when this happens because it creates a satellite community within our group and because the guys are local, it’s very easy for them to spend time together, wing each other, and push each other to grow faster.
I’m at home..bored..alone..playing video games and watching Netflix..fantasizing about woman I wish I could be with.
Watch some porn at night and masturbating to the women of my dreams..my house is a fucking pigsty… I am eating like shit..fat..overweight and dressed like an idiot…zero confidence and hating my life with no genuine friends or social skills.
How many of you can relate to what I’m taking about? May be you’re in a similar situation?
Enter Robbie, Sasha, Maxwell, Tyler and Cameron. These alpha males saved my life from utter failure and hopeless chances of ever having solid inner confidence in what’s needed to be a fucking beast with woman.
I get to the workshop not having a clue what to expect. Instantly I wanted what these guys had. Charm, charisma, confidence and an “I don’t give a fuck” attitude and most of all…the hottest women I’ve ever laid eyes on on a regular basis day after day with ease!!
They have me do Day game approaches..recording my interactions with woman with a microphone and video camera. These guys reviewed it and I got feedback. I failed miserably and everyone laughed about it including myself and underneath I was like what a fucking pathetic loser I am.
Then they showed me their first interactions and encounters with woman and they were just as bad and I thought to myself..ok if these guys can do it, so can I.
I learned about approaching woman in many different scenarios with the men.. What to say, my body posture, even the speed of which I talk. When I say it, how I say it..all of it matters.
Tyler and Cameron forced me to approach random woman in the mall. Was difficult..I was chasing women all over the place..they even made me run out of a car and approach a woman walking down the street!! Never in a million years would I have ever done that or even thought about doing something that bold in my life!! Best day ever.
I was forced to hit on woman in the day and at first I had tons of social anxiety. It got easier as it went. I then started pulling phone numbers and it was actually becoming fun.
I learned that social status, fashion, texting and even dating all have a unique and effective way to get woman in the sack. One wrong move..you’re toast! It became the ultimate challenge.
Night game the guys had me go to clubs in Scottsdale and approach woman as well..day one I sucked, was in my head and nervous..Robbie talked to me a lot and told me what to say to woman when I approached them. He was talking to woman with ease while I was standing around like a fucking idiot without a clue what to say or do. It was fun and challenging and I realized this guy had something I truly wanted..confidence, women and he actually gives a fuck about others and their well-being including me. Felt good to have someone give al fuck about me for the first time.
I then bought a drink..had a straw in my vodka redbull drink and Maxwell said get rid of the straw..I did and ironically that made a huge difference when I was approaching woman and I began to get phone numbers.
He had me be a lead with him as my wingman and introduce him to someone forcing me to be the social butterfly I wasn’t yet. Woman saw through it, weren’t interested in me and I lacked confidence was intimidated and left him hanging with a girl..he brutalized me and said never fucking do that again. I’m here to help you!! Woke me up and I didn’t do that and learned to never leave my wingman until they are ready.
Sasha I found talking to the hottest woman I saw in the club. He told me to approach two women at a bar..I learned there is a time when to do that, how to do that and what to say to introduce myself. I was again forced to approach and failed yet it got me out of my comfort zone and then it became easier and easier to approach the rest of the night.
Day two we went to a country bar that night and I crushed!! Got 12 numbers that night. I felt like a fucking predator looking for my next female victim to entice with my charm and get her number. Was a god that couldn’t be touched or phased by anything woman did or said. I ended up making out with one chick, had a blast, and was more alive then I ever have been. Was incredible.
Also I learned cooking is important to know. I was forced to cook a meal for the guys and I hated it and didn’t know how to cook yet I was forced to learn and did it. These guys force you to face your worst fears and smash them!!
If you ever get to meet these alpha males, they will ruthlessly, yet compassionately force you to face your inner demons and build confidence. They will teach you the ways to success and if you can pass through the gates of the creepy zone of hell, the other side is a life most men only dream of.
The AZ workshop was fucking bad ass!! If I wouldn’t of gone, I would still be doing what I was doing. Thank God there are guys that give a fuck and care about me. They changed EVERYTHING!!
Cheers,
Jad
Most of us have heard about peacocking: the idea of wearing an outrageous outfit or set of accessories to get a girl to notice you at a bar.
Traditionally, peacocking might mean wearing black nail polish or goggles or Matrix-style trench coats to get attention.
I’ve even seen dudes dress up in full-on costumes in a lame effort to stand out from the crowd.
They stand out from the crowd, all right.
That method of peacocking might work for some people but for the most part, it’s absolutely ridiculous and makes you look like an idiot more than it gets you laid.
Less is more. The only way I’ve ever peacocked that’s worked has been to wear one thing that’s subtle.
If a girl wants to talk to you and you’re wearing a $20 Swatch watch, she’ll say, “Oh my god! I love your watch…”
This is often her way of communicating, “I think you’re awesome, I want to talk to you.”
And even if she really did just want to compliment you on your watch, you at least have her 1-on-1 attention to win her over.
Subtle peacocking doesn’t scream, “Look at me!” It gives a woman a reason to initiate conversation with you without looking like a slut in front of her friends.
I had a friend who, for an entire year, wore a bright purple fuzzy hat every night. All his buddies gave him shit, but he’d walk into a bar and within a matter of minutes some girl would come up to him and say, “Oh, I love your hat!” She’d start touching it. They’d start talking. And as soon as she put the hat on, he knew who he was taking home that night.
By the way, if a chick takes your clothes, you know she’s into you. It’s a very personal act to put on another person’s clothes. If she puts on your jacket, your sunglasses, your hat, whatever, it’s a sign you’re on the right track.
I got a pin from my buddy that’s a “Fun Meter.”
On the meter, there are three options: Having an OK Time, Having Fun, and AWESOME! I’d put the pin on, set it to whichever dial I felt like, and start talking to people.
I can’t tell you how many women have walked up to me to play with my Fun Meter.
But before you run out to buy a Fun Meter pin or a purple fuzzy hat, remember that your subtle peacock piece has to match your personality.
If you’re the mysterious, brooding type, a Fun Meter is not going to work for you.
Pick something that feels right that you think will invite girls to come talk to you, and then try it out. Some things will work, others won’t.
The Lesson: Peacocking for the sake of peacocking is a waste of time and it makes you look ridiculous. Go for subtlety with the intention of extending an invitation for girls to come talk to you and you’ll see results – if you’re doing everything else right [LINK: The Secret to Being a Social Beast].
At the end of the day, being dynamic is the greatest pitch ever. The “be all” and “end all” is becoming a man who’s witty, charismatic, driven, spontaneous and grounded: he’s dynamic.
Being dynamic is the whole package – 360 degrees of awesome — and girls will pretty much do anything to be with a guy who’s dynamic.
If you don’t know how to dress, it immediately sends out a signal that you’re not dynamic. Your appearance is the easiest and fastest way to communicate a message to others as to whether or not you’re worth spending time with.
To a hot chick, if you don’t know how to dress, it means that you probably don’t have cool friends, which means that you probably don’t party much or get laid ever. She’ll make this assessment in a split second and you’re done.
There is only one kind of dude that’s an exception to the universal law of dressing fashionably: he’s someone who’s a rock star in some other part of his life. I have a bunch of MMA buddies, as an example. These guys are white trash. They dress like shit, but they’re badass motherfuckers with 2% body fat and they’ve literally been paid to beat the shit out of people. Chicks are into that.
Another example: if you’re some quasi-famous Silicon Valley millionaire, you’re exempt from this rule. You can dress in a potato sack and chicks will still be all over you since they already know who you are. If they don’t recognize you, well then you’re no better off.
For everyone else, you have to step up your fashion game if you don’t want hot girls to shoot you down instantly.
I had a business partner who was great with girls one-on-one. He was funny, charming and he was solid. But his opening game was zero: he was a total math dork, he was completely bald at 31 and he dressed like shit. I told him all the time that he dressed like shit but he was stubborn as hell and wouldn’t do anything about it.
So we go to a club in the Meatpacking District with a couple of smoke shows I know. We get to the door of this club and the bouncer says to me, “Look, you guys are fine but I can’t let this guy in,” gesturing to my business partner.
I said to the bouncer, “He’s my business partner. You have to let him in.” But he wouldn’t. So this guy missed out on a chance to hang with girls that are much younger and much hotter than most girls he usually hangs out with because he wouldn’t go to Zara or Nordstrom and buy some decent clothes.
If you want to make a change that will make a huge difference, go buy some new clothes. Let’s just be clear: I’m not talking about name brand only. I’ve seen dudes walk in to the room with $350 shoes that look ridiculous. I’m talking about being in style, regardless of the brand name.
Go to Target, Zara, H&M, Nordstrom or wherever and look at what the mannequins are wearing. Most of the time, you can buy those clothes. Get 10 or so outfits and cycle through them in your day-to-day life. It’s not quite that easy but that’s a great start.
Your shirt should gently hug your rib cage; your jeans should angle slightly down toward the floor and lightly hug your quads. Baggy jeans are done – throw away your baggy jeans. They’ve been done forever and they make you look like an idiot. Black shiny, square toed dress shoes make you look like a middle manager loser. Your Kenneth Cole Reactions go in the garbage.
The Lesson: Hot girls don’t date guys that dress like shit unless they’re rock stars in some other area of their lives. Go buy some clothes that fit your body and are in style to give off a more dynamic vibe.
About four years ago, I went out on a series of dates with a beautiful Persian girl.
After the third date, she stopped responding to my texts and phone calls. This really shocked me because she seemed totally into me and things were going well.
Six months later, I decided to send her a text message:
“Hey ____, I’m trying to improve my dating life and I was wondering if you could tell me why you decided to stop seeing me. Please be brutally honest – I can take it. Thanks!”
She responded to the text and said that she stopped seeing me because on our last date when I was wearing sandals, she noticed I had really gross and long toenails!
I couldn’t believe it! I lost a girl due to bad toenails?!?! That was amazing feedback, and I really appreciated her honesty because it was from that point on that I really started to pay attention to my grooming and personal hygiene.
If you don’t think it’s important, think again! Here is what a woman had to say about it:
To the untrained eye, it looks like the man is spending boatloads of money while the woman gets a free ride when it comes to dating.
That may be the case in some instances, but most of the time, women are spending just as much to attract the opposite sex… It just looks a little different.
Let’s go on a journey that most men never make, into the woman’s secret world of beauty and maintenance.
It’s easy to forget that there’s a lot going on behind the scenes that you never see, especially because the whole idea of beauty is to make it look effortless. She’ll never tell you how much work went into that perfectly tousled look!
First stop is the hairdresser. Hair is a major factor in beauty. The most attractive hair is shiny and thick with a color that complements the face; shiny and thick indicate a good diet, and color indicates youth.
Ever heard of something called a “split end”? That’s when long hair splits in half at the end, causing frazzled-looking, frizzy hair. The remedy? Regular salon visits, of course! Cost: $80. To keep hair shiny, a smoothing serum is important ($70).
Don’t forget about color! Don’t want any of that natural brunette (or, God forbid, gray) to come through. That’s another $160, and voila – hair is ready to go!
Next stop is the spa. Monthly or bimonthly facials are important to keep skin blemish-free and vibrant. That’s $96. At home, the face must be washed and moisturized at least once a day. A weekly face mask helps to exfoliate: $70.
Did you ever wonder how her feet are so perfectly un-callused (pedicure $35) and her fingernails so dainty and pink (manicure $25)? And how did she get those little flecks of green to stand out in her eyes (forest green eye shadow $26 plus black liner $14 plus plumping mascara $12)?
Wow, her legs are so soft (vanilla bean body lotion $20 plus four-blade razor $10 plus shaving cream $4.50) and she smells so good (perfume $120)!
Look at how her calves are so well-defined (platform heels $60)! And man, oh man, that perfect hourglass figure is enough to drive a guy crazy (gym membership $400 plus Spanx $72 plus stretchy belt $45)!
Next time you see a knockout beauty, you can be sure that it’s no accident! Feast your eyes, gents, because all that work was done to attract – that’s right – you!
So here is what I recommend to make sure your appearance is helping rather then hurting your cause.
If any one of these things listed above is not taken care of, women will notice and, to quote the movie Swingers, “You might scare off a beautiful baby who’s ready to party.”
Does any of this sound familiar? I’m a smart, funny, and cool dude, but when I get around really hot chicks, its like my mind goes blank and my IQ drops 50 points. I can’t think of anything to say … Read More
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