I was arguing with a client this morning over the importance of a man’s looks when it comes to dating.

He is banging a girl who is making good money on her OnlyFans account doing things rated more than PG-13. They were almost to the “dating and I love you phase” but then she moved away for an undetermined period of time.

They are staying in touch via social media and speaking on the phone on average once every 10 days or so but he’s been feeling anxious about when he will get to see her next and due to travel restrictions, he’s not able to go to her country.

The only option is for her to come to him but she’s visiting family and doesn’t seem super keen on committing to anything just yet.

Sometimes his anxiety gets the best of him and he checks her Instagram activity and who’s photos she is liking.

He noticed a trend that she routinely likes photos of super hot guys.

When he asked me a few months back how much do looks matter I told him “Obviously they matter, if you look like shit no woman is going to want you but once you’re close to optimized, they don’t matter all that much.”

He’s in good shape, well groomed, well dressed. He almost has a 6-pack but he’s not totally “ripped or jacked” but in a shirt you wouldn’t be able to tell the difference. He’s also extremely busy with work and other important projects so the extra effort needed in column A to get jacked would take away from the things in columns B,C,D, etc…

He’s concerned that she doesn’t like him as much as she could because he’s not jacked enough.

I told him that firstly, checking her IG likes is not a mentally healthy activity and no hard data can be garnered from this anyway. So she likes hot guys… does that mean she doesn’t like him? What girl doesn’t like hot guys? Some care more than others of course. She’s a nude model, maybe she cares more, maybe not?

I told him that we’ll never really know how much looks matter to an individual but that question is missing that mark anyway.

…More importantly how much do your looks matter to you?

If you believe that looks matter so much than I could make the argument that this fact is you truth and you will feel a lack of confidence until you reach your desired level of peak fitness.

And until you reach that level you will exude a lack of confidence that women will suss out. In that case, you should be spending more time trying to look like Hercules and it will be a self fulfilling prophecy.

In regards to how he should manage the relationship I told him that he’s in a tough spot where she is forcing him to play a waiting game of sorts.

He will first invite her to come travel with him but given the high likelihood she will decline and push it off he has two options:

1. Keep waiting and don’t push her. This avoids looking needy or over-invested and allows for her to possibly agree later. We don’t really know what’s going on with her. Maybe she really needs this time for herself and he should be understanding of this.

2. Be done with her and do his best to move on and meet someone who is a better fit and doesn’t behave in an avoidant way that makes him overly codependent and anxious.

The problem with option 2 is that he is attached and that will be very difficult and painful emotionally.