Why is rejection so scary? Our society does a great job of instilling shame in men. Growing up as kids, and even into our adult lives, we’re told toxic messages that can hold us back for a lifetime. Sometimes this shame originates from the people around us. Our parents or friends tell us these messages explicitly: that guy’s a player and you shouldn’t be like that. Or they could be more subtle messages from the media and movies: in order to get a girl to like you, you need to be nice and submissive. People mean well when they give us this kind of advice. Despite their good intentions, … [Read more...]
How To Start Taking Responsibility Like An Adult
When things don’t go your way, it’s easy to place the blame on anything but yourself. It's a natural reaction for most people. Didn’t get that promotion? Boss must have it in for you. Car accident? You’re a perfect driver so it was the other guy’s fault. Can’t lose weight? Bad genetics. While it's easy to say this is bad, this tendency has some value. It can serve as a psychological defense mechanism that prevents people from thinking depressing thoughts. If we were to act as if everything negative in our lives is our fault, we'd get overwhelmed and depressed, so it’s understandable why … [Read more...]
Why is approaching so important for building confidence?
You've heard me say it over and over, but if you expect to get results and you're not crushing approaches or already dating multiple women, it's just not gonna happen. If you wanna get good at basketball you've gotta take a ton of shots right? You can't expect to show up at the court, stand around with the ball and expect to improve can you? Well, that's what many of you guys are doing, and then whining that you suck and the program isn't working. That line of thinking is actually offensive to guys who have put in the work. Robbie crushed 10k approaches by the time he was in his late … [Read more...]
Can Hypnosis Get You Laid?
Here’s my interview with hypnotherapist and Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP) Master Practitioner Jonny Dupre on how to form emotional connections with women. PART 1 PART 2 The idea that hypnosis and NLP could be used to attract women first occurred to me when I read The Game in college. One of the more memorable scenes in the book is when Ross Jeffries runs an NLP routine on an unsuspecting waitress. Soon enough, the waitress falls into a trance and admits to Ross that she's attracted to him even though he’s not her type. When I first read the book, I assumed that the … [Read more...]
Why is it hard to stop chasing girls?
A common piece of advice for men is "don't chase girls." It's good advice, and it's a piece of advice I've given before. And yet, a lot of the advice from beginners is still “how do I get this girl to like me when she doesn’t?” Why is it so hard for beginners to follow? Before we answer that, let’s take a step back. It's crucial to understand that the only lasting method of having women in your life is to first, develop the characteristics that women find attractive, second, learn how to display those characteristics, and third, put yourself in situations where the kind of women you want to … [Read more...]
Why Your Life Depends On Being Assertive
Like most guys on this journey of self-improvement, one of the hardest things I ever struggled with was overcoming social anxiety. Often I knew how I'd like my life to be different, and I recognized how I'd behave in a world where I had unlimited confidence. Some part of me knew what to do, but anxiety stopped me from doing it. Getting past that anxiety and starting to develop true inner confidence and self-acceptance was tough. And not just tough as in the way our society views hard work, but tough in the way that only comes from challenging who you view yourself as a person. Tough doesn't … [Read more...]
Why You Aren’t Making Enough Mistakes
We all know the cliches about how you fail your way to success, or how you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. It’s common knowledge in our culture that the way you get better at something is by making mistakes. But is it really? A lot of guys don’t realize that they’re looking for dating coach because they’re looking for permission to make mistakes. They might “know” that they need to make mistakes to get better, but they don’t actually believe it. They get a coach because they want someone else to tell them it's ok to mess up. One area where this shows itself is when guys are too … [Read more...]
Why The Stories You’re Telling Yourself Don’t Help
One of the most popular features of the Leverage Program is that guys post writeups of social experiences and interactions they have, and they get feedback from other members and experts in the group. The best way to get systematic step-by-step advice based on what we know works is to be objective. Both when you're looking at your own life and your own interactions, you need to get specific about behaviors. Here's an excerpt from a writeup of a Leverage Program member recalling an interaction while out at a bar: "She then gets mad at me over something stupid (I went out to check on her … [Read more...]
What’s Better Than Motivation?
I've found from working with hundreds of clients that motivation is NOT what drives behavior change. Trying to change too many habits at once more often than not leads to failure, discouragement, and not trying again. Habits are more important than discipline or willpower. Our society teaches us to view life improvement in a way that is very black and white. We love all or nothing thinking: either I’m going to stick perfectly to my new diet, or it’s not worth trying. People see anything short of radical life change in every domain as a failure, when in reality, we improve our lives by … [Read more...]
The Hardest Weight To Lose
As a health and fitness coach, I’ve seen tons of people both lose and gain weight. While people come to me for first for health advice, it usually evolves into life advice, because we develop deeper relationships with the people who help us. In so many situations, the advice follows similar patterns, and the best advice I could ever give is to be honest. Be honest with your family, friends, coworkers, social media followers, and acquaintances. But overall, be honest with yourself. Being honest with others can only happen when you're honest with yourself. Most people are too scared to be … [Read more...]
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