I've found from working with hundreds of clients that motivation is NOT what drives behavior change. Trying to change too many habits at once more often than not leads to failure, discouragement, and not trying again. Habits are more important than discipline or willpower. Our society teaches us to view life improvement in a way that is very black and white. We love all or nothing thinking: either I’m going to stick perfectly to my new diet, or it’s not worth trying. People see anything short of radical life change in every domain as a failure, when in reality, we improve our lives by … [Read more...]
The Hardest Weight To Lose
As a health and fitness coach, I’ve seen tons of people both lose and gain weight. While people come to me for first for health advice, it usually evolves into life advice, because we develop deeper relationships with the people who help us. In so many situations, the advice follows similar patterns, and the best advice I could ever give is to be honest. Be honest with your family, friends, coworkers, social media followers, and acquaintances. But overall, be honest with yourself. Being honest with others can only happen when you're honest with yourself. Most people are too scared to be … [Read more...]
Who You Are Is What You Get
It's simple: develop traits that women find attractive, learn how to show those traits in a socially intelligent way, and build a social lifestyle. That's how you attract women into your life. It's how authenticity becomes one of the most attractive traits you can develop. It's not about learning tactics and techniques to seduce women. It's about learning to become someone that women want to meet. The emotional patterns in your life will dictate the kinds of women you attract. The behaviors you practice regularly will define the kinds of women you meet. For example, take … [Read more...]
When You’re Objective, You Take More Risks
One of the most effective actions you can take to improve your life is developing your ability to think objectively. Most people think emotionally. Yes, this includes men, who often assume they are rational and impervious to the effects of emotions on their thinking. Men tend to have blind spots in this area just as much as women. People usually look at their situation, whatever it may be, come up with one possible outcome, and only focus on that outcome happening. Emotions drive the estimate of the outcome occurring. This human tendency is the reason why the mainstream news media … [Read more...]
Only Losers Need Plans
Through the years of developing the Inner Confidence curriculum, we've compiled a subconscious list of things that winners do and losers do. There are 10,000 subtle behaviors that add up to someone's overall success or failure: word choice, behavior, social ecosystem, etc. We hear the words "winners" and "losers" and don't pay much attention to them because they sound like generic, silly words. I really like them and think they don't get enough credit. Most decisions we make, even things we do that we don't realize are decisions, lead towards a win or a loss. Losers frequently make … [Read more...]
Snappy One Liners
1) Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. 2) The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist. 3) I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce. 4) Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental. 5) I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn. 6) I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid. 7) What am I? Flypaper for freaks? 8) I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant. 9) I'm already visualizing the masking tape over your mouth. 10) … [Read more...]
Success Is Closer Than You Think
Ever hear the saying don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good? Nowhere is this more true than when you’re learning how to be better with women. You don’t have to be perfect, you just have to be good enough. A lot of the advice out there is aiming at perfection. And this is counterproductive for improving your skills and improving your life. Because here’s the thing: guys today have set the bar very low. Ask any woman about her frustrations with dating, and she’ll tell you that most guys are terrible: They don’t have the empathy to be able to picture what a woman actually wants … [Read more...]
Are You Overlooking This Crucial Dating Principle?
Being attractive to women requires the willingness to tolerate ambiguity. Because you can never control every factor in a situation and you can’t read anyone’s mind, social situations in general are ambiguous. Nowhere is this more true than with dating. At a bar, a girl could make eye contact with you because she’s interested, or because something in your direction caught her eye. She could be laughing because she genuinely thinks you’re funny, or because she feels bad for you. She could have ignored your attempt to set up a date because she is busy with work, or because she wants you to … [Read more...]
How to Get Over the Pain of Rejection
Every man in the world has experienced being rejected by a woman (or if he hasn’t, he’s too scared to talk to a woman in the first place). I’ve felt it. My buddies have felt it. I know you’ve felt it otherwise you wouldn’t be reading this article. There’s no doubt about it, getting a “no” totally sucks. It hurts. You might start thinking, “God, I suck. I’m horrible with women...” and that makes things even worse. Fortunately, there’s a solution and you don’t have to live with the pain of rejection forever. Making the Transition All my clients come to me because they’re sick of being … [Read more...]
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