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The Four Reasons Why You Aren’t Reaching Your Goals

Once you’ve set goals and decided what it is you want to pursue in your life, it’s easy to get distracted and fail. For whatever reason, things come up and prevent you from accomplishing the goals you’ve determined are meaningful for you. What most people do when this happens is blame external factors: the economy is bad, it was someone else’s fault, I didn’t actually care about that goal anyway, etc.

Instead of minimizing your disappointment when you fail to reach a goal, it is more important to focus on what responsibility you did play, and stop these common failure points from occurring in the future. Here are four of the biggest reasons why people don’t reach their goals.

1. You don’t understand the true purpose of goals

Goals are really just a means to an end. Happiness and fulfillment often don’t come from the achievement of a goal, but from what we gain in the process. Not in the sense of the cliche “it’s the journey that counts, not the destination”, but all of us have had experiences where the satisfaction of reaching a goal feels awesome…for a couple days. The satisfaction of achievement tends to be short lived, while the true gains we make are from the process of striving for a goal and expanding outside our comfort zone.

Goals are important, but they’re not enough. Goals should be linked to values to create actual lasting behavior change.

2. You haven’t identified the values behind your goals

Instead of focusing exclusively on goals, it’s important to recognize the values we hold behind our goals. For example, a goal could be to increase your income by 20%, and the values behind it would include persistence, entrepreneurship, learning, etc. Other examples of values are connection, flexibility, gratitude, self-awareness, and spirituality. These are all concepts you can shape your life around, and choose goals around them.

Once you’ve identified the values that are important to you, operationalize them and establish them in behavioral terms using goals, systems, and habits. What outcome do I want? What daily habit will put me closer to this outcome? What system of accountability can I use for my habits?

3. Your goals aren’t specific enough

When you decide what goals are worth your time and energy, you should be asking yourself “What do I want out of life, and what are the most efficient ways to get there?” Most people set their goals passively, and by doing so, avoid getting specific. This has the benefit of lessening the pain of failing to achieve a goal, because it’s never really clear when a goal is or isn’t reached. Someone who sets the goal of “getting in better shape” gets let off the hook when they fail and stay unhealthy because “getting in better shape” is a concept that isn’t clearly defined.

Your goals should be much more specific. For example, if your value is self-awareness, a specific goal that can result is “I want to meditate daily for 15 minutes.” If your value is social confidence, an effective goal is “I will start at least one conversation with someone every day.” Notice how different these goals are compared to “I want to get to know myself better” or “I want to get better at talking to people.” Being specific is crucial to reaching your goals and acting on your values.

4. You’ve chosen new habits without accountability

Motivation is overrated. Major positive life changes occur slowly over time as a result of small behavioral changes. It’s the idea that Justin and Robbie always emphasize: look for bunts, not home runs. Small wins adding up create a better effect than the rare big wins that are less easy to control. Remember that concrete actions and behavior are more important than abstract ideas like motivation.

Effective use of public accountability is specific and focused on behaviors, which is why it works. Accountability DOESN’T mean just announcing to everyone your intentions to get in shape; it’s setting a bet so you have to go to Crossfit daily, or will only eat a healthy diet, otherwise your bank account will be charged. It’s going out with a friend who physically won’t let you leave the bar until you approach a hot girl. These situations change the path of least resistance from failing at goals, to positively changing your behaviors.

It’s getting social support for reaching your goal, while also establishing negative consequences if you don’t reach it. Using money is a good way to increase the chance of reaching your goal, but anything that causes significant pain also works. The threat of social embarrassment can be a great way to hold you accountable to your goals.

Take a look back at some of the goals you wished you reached but were unsuccessful. Chances are, these four factors were at play, so you can take this information and apply it to future changes to increase your chances of success and living by the values you care about.

Why Your Gut Instincts Are Often Wrong

by Robbie 2 Comments

When I work with clients, they participate in a private invite-only VIP group with me, moderators who are life beasts, and a collection of other guys who are all improving their skills with women, getting ripped, dressing like a boss and increasing their income.

Almost every single one of them ended up in this group after a conversation with me where we discussed their sticking points and I presented them with this group as a solution. It probably felt uncomfortable, nerve wracking and possibly even annoying when I asked them to bust out their credit card because that was the point when they really had to really decide, ok am I really doing this or am I gonna tell Robbie some bullshit story about how:

“I wanna do it on my own”
or
“I just don’t have time right now”
or
“I would totally do it but I can’t afford it.”

I know how it is, I’ve been in the same situation many times, faced with an investment opportunity to help improve my life.

Here’s my question… what did their “gut” or instincts tell them to do?

I would argue that it told them to say “NO!”

But because they were smart and able to make objective, rational decisions, they told their gut to go fuck itself, they grabbed their ball sack and now they’re glad that they did.

You see, at that time, they realized it was time to get serious about your dating skills, their gut was fucking stupid. Some guys like Justin get the importance of this stuff at a very young age and started investing his social life extremely early.

I didn’t invest until I was about 22 and some of you waited much longer. Until I was 22, my gut always told me to focus on other things, I’ll figure out this “girl stuff” later because I didn’t want to put myself in uncomfortable situations and actually talk to them. I just wanted to go the bar, crush beer, long island iced teas and think about talking to girls… but fuck doing it. Hit on a girl during the day? Get the fuck outa here, no chance in hell I was doing that. I invested in advice and coaching because I knew it was the only way I was going to change. I wasn’t gonna do it on my own, I didn’t know how and I didn’t have a plan. I wasn’t gonna continue telling myself that will power would work and I wasn’t gonna pretend that it wasn’t important anymore. So I told my gut to fuck off and put my money up. Now my gut instincts when it comes to women/dating are on point due to the work I’ve put in.

In an area you struggle with, your gut is almost always a decision based on fear, telling you to avoid anything that can potentially make you uncomfortable. Justin talks about how most people that label themselves as “risk averse” aren’t really risk averse, they are stupid. They miss opportunities and end up in black swan events that can ruin their lives, devastate their careers, end up in jail or broke. An example is the guy who has 95% of his net worth tied up in his house because he once heard that real estate is a great safe investment. Then the real estate market crumbles and he’s wiped out. If you ask him after the fact why he did it, he’ll explain… well I just went with my gut.

Cool fucking story bro…

Let me reiterate, when presented with a tough decision that involves making significant changes for your future in an area you struggle in, trust this… your gut is not qualified to make rational, objective decisions. It’s only qualified to make decisions based on fear and comfort. Good lucking using your emotions to make decisions… that is called being a woman.

Man the fuck up and admit to yourself that nothing is gonna change unless you take a decisive course of action that is tested and proven to work. If it’s proven, and you follow directions and execute, you will see results as long as you stick with it, course correct and ask for objective feedback. You’re gonna make mistakes, there will be peaks and valleys and it will take practice and a shit load of reps.

Think about the areas of your life where you’re not seeing results because you’re not executing or you don’t have the information required to execute. Stop avoiding these areas or procrastinating. The mods and other members of the group are hear to help, our resources/connections and knowledge base are huge so speak up. Ask questions, get on an accountability bet, and remember that you can usually bet against your gut.

2 Easy Steps To Building Wealth

by Robbie Leave a Comment

One of the topics Justin talked about at the workshop was the importance of going for bunts rather than swinging for the home run. For you foreigners who don’t know what bunts and home runs are:

1) learn f*cking sports

2) bunting is basically when you go for a series of safer wins with limited upside each time, rather than shooting for the unlikely win with huge upside.

Now I would relate this principle to my personal business experiences, where I stacked up a series of bunts to make big money in the end and contrast that with when I swung for the home run and missed…unfortunately, my business experience pretty much starts and ends with selling weed four times earning a total of like $30.

So in order to write something relevant I’m going to relate this idea to other areas of life, and how winning is pretty much always achieved through a series of bunts rather than one huge victory.

I’ll start with picking up women.

I’m guessing 9/10 people in this group are like me in that you couldn’t get laid, read a bunch of pua shit, never got results, kept reading stuff from more and more pick up artists, which eventually lead you to Robbie (thinking he was another pua).

If that sounds like you, then you probably had this fantasy of ‘once I read enough pua ebooks, I’ll be able to go to a bar, walk up to some smokeshow blonde with big titties, spit a few lines and be f*cking her in the ass an hour later… shockingly this has never happened to anyone ever.

It’s an example of the home run fantasy. Rather than methodically stringing together reasonable wins, in this case talking to many women (even not hot ones), f*ckstick losers (like me) sit around dreaming about making it big overnight.

I’ve been a fatty my whole life. Weight loss works the same way.

I’ve tried 1,000 different diets. Every single time I’ve started a diet I go through the same fantasy in my head… I picture myself working out and eating right like a Rocky montage, developing a sick body THEN I’ll be able to walk up to that busty blonde and f*ck her in the ass an hour later.

It’s a two for one home run fantasy.

Keep in mind this all happens in my head while sitting on a couch, and shockingly I still have a belly. You can’t work out REALLY hard, and eat perfectly healthy food for a few days and be fit, that’s exactly what the last few days of Justin’s fat camp have been.

The only way to lose weight overnight is liposuction, but broke people like me don’t have that kind of money and its way more affordable to not eat food. You need to stack up wins and build off the previous win.

Cut calories and workout today, do it again tomorrow, the whole next week. Wash, rinse, repeat, until you have that six pack.

Even deals that appear to be home runs to an outsider, are not. Take facebook for example, people who weren’t involved with the development of the website think a brilliant Jew designed a website and made a fortune overnight.

Didn’t work like that.

Facebook started as nothing, they developed the very first model. They tested it, changed it, tested again, continued developing it, did all the other shit that you can see in the movie The Social Network. Only after busting their asses and putting together a series of bunts could the final move be made for big time money.

It was only after making that big time move could Mark Zuckerberg f*ck big tittied blondes in the ass, oh wait he still can’t really do that because he married a boring girl with small boobies.

So please keep bunting away,

Matti

10 More Things that Never Fail to Turn Women On

by Mullins 1 Comment

Showing Passion or Intelligence About Something

I absolutely love when a man goes on excited and spirited tangents about things. It could be something as significant as the global water crisis or something as simple as how annoying your love/hate relationship with autocorrect is. It may sound strange, but intelligence and passion are huge big draws for my attention.

On the contrary – they could just have the glittery-eyed expression when they explain things to me and realize that I get it. Most people tend to get frustrated and embarrassed explaining things, but I see patience and the ability to express ones self in a passionate way as a virtue that I can learn from and a skill that you should have. Some of our clients can struggle with lack of emotion and in certain situations so to I, so don’t feel alone if it doesn’t come naturally to you, either. However, it is your choice to do something about it – so push yourself to fake it until it feels natural and don’t make any more excuses about it. Yes…learning is sexy!

Certain ways they make eye contact

When, where and how you make eye contact with me matters. A weird look or a look that lingered too long can really mess up a moment. In general, you want to pay attention to the looks you’re giving. Not only that, realize that you can also influence the direction of a conversation pretty heavily with looks – a look of curiosity, a mischievous look, a look that insinuates you’re thinking something and wont tell her playfully… You get the idea. I can get very easily excited from a flirty look.

Whispering right in my ear

Whether it’s done in bed or while we’re out in public, a quiet whisper or breathing a little too close to the inside of my ear turns me on almost no matter who I’m speaking to – it’s quite disturbing, actually.

When they “clear my head,” freeing me to enjoy being in the moment

Look, bitches be crazy. Sometimes, we “get inside our own heads.” Yeah, yeah, I know that statement in and of itself is annoying and even nonsensical, but it’s true. Robbie and Justin are the true geniuses on how to accomplish this – getting a girl to calm down in a hypnotic fashion, that is. But, when it happens… It’s such a freeing, lovely feeling. Puts me in an open, playful mood.

Being Told What to Do (once mutual attraction is established)

If I like a guy and that’s already been established, I love it when he takes the lead and acts as boss. I’ll even let him boss me around… not in a mean or demanding way, but in a direct, “I know I can trust him” kind of way. It’s so attractive and such a comforting feeling…it alleviates responsibility from me, which lets me look *up* to him. This is the only position a girl should be in when dealing with you.

When I was younger, I used to think that I wanted to be the boss in the relationship the smartest one, the winner wearing the pants. Some guys let this happen and you know what? Once I achieved those things and did win, I got bored and moved onto the next guy who was…. you guessed it, a challenge. I was too young and naive to realize that by taking the lead, my guy will only become less and less attractive to me over time. It’s a death sentence on a relationship, and I’ve seen it happen dozens of times to all of my friends!

Don’t let her get bored. I still like to be the smartest fastest boss in every other facet of my life… It’s the guy who I can’t exactly conquer who holds on to my line of interest and attention.

The boxer flash

This is simply an elementary move in which a guy lifts his arm (his muscly, toned arm… remember 😉 ), pulling his shirt up revealing a flash of his upper boxer lining that usually reads Calvin Klein, Armani, 2Xist, etc. Also, the shot of his lower abdomen is equally hot.

This tactic is especially useful when one is in shape… again, getting excited just writing about it!

Smooth skin

This is self-explanatory. Exfoliate, guys. Use a loofa or something abrasive in the shower – your hands and/or a washcloth are not coarse enough to make you smooth OR get you clean enough either, in my humble opinion.

A Clean, “Woman-Friendly” Apartment

If your apartment is a mess, grungy, has any weird smells or is too “bachelory”…it’s a turn off. Clean, modern apartments with clean sheets and a clean bathroom (toilet especially) will make me want to come back to your place and hang out more!

Fun little knickknacks around the house are nice, too… One guy I dated had a bobblehead of himself that someone gave him as a gift… I thought it was a riot. That guy’s house was always constantly stocked with Costco-sized portions of all kinds of food, toiletry products, cleaning products, etc… so any time anything needed to be cleaned or prepared, I felt good about stepping up as the “woman” of the house to cook/clean.

If that stuff isn’t there to begin with, how is she going to do any of this in the first place? Don’t you have expectations of what a girl’s apartment should look, smell and feel like? The same standards apply to men. It definitely makes me feel attractive cooking for my guy the next morning, and then cleaning up too, so make sure you’re place has all the basic household essentials to work with. This tends to apply to more of a dating situation as opposed to a first or second date, obviously.

Boss me around in bed. THIS IS BIG

For how much I like to be bossed around in everyday interactions, you can times that by ten to the tenth power when we’re talking about the bedroom. However, it’s very important to start slow and get to know how your girl likes to be spoken to and pleased first…which will let you know how and to what extent she can be directed or bossed around in bed.

If you initiate it too quickly, it’ll look like an act or a routine that you do every time. Make it feel personalized to her – by asking her questions about what she likes, doesn’t like, how this feels, how that feels… and based upon how she’s going to answer – your level of command and leadership should reflect that.

She should only tell you what she wants or likes if you ask her. Otherwise, tell her no. Then do it at your discretion only. And once again, I’m talking about in bed, in a sex situation only.

Any time I’m made to “feel small”

Every girl likes to be picked up, thrown around, made to feel like you’re stronger than her. She might fight at the time and turn it into a competitive thing, but we all do that. We don’t want to admit it, but we love feeling the strength of a man as a reminder of our own physical inferiority in terms of size.

Money (you don’t need to be rich, but you CAN’T be cheap)

I saved this one for last for a reason. Look, money is attractive. That being said, you don’t need to be wealthy or rich, but you can’t be cheap. If a guy doesn’t have the basics: decent car, clean apartment in decent neighborhood, a career or career goal (if he’s in upper schooling), attractive clothing, at least one or two suits, a good pair of sunglasses, cool shoes, a computer and a smartphone…. he’s not yet a MAN, in my opinion. These are all things that an ADULT MAN should have.

You should be able to pay for dinner 7 times out of 10, and be able to spend a reasonable amount of money to do fun stuff together while you’re getting to know her. However, she should also offer to pay herself from time to time and go out of her way to do things for you, too. If she’s not appreciative, doesn’t notice and/or doesn’t reciprocate or at least say thank you over an extended period of time – drop her.

That’s all for now…

xoxo

Genevieve

8 Differences Between Winners and Losers

by Robbie Leave a Comment

Through the years I have compiled a subconscious list of things that winners do and losers do: word choice, behavior, etc.

A lot of this will be anecdotal evidence, but that’s good enough for me.

A client of ours said earlier, “I need a game plan” or something like that. 100% of my broke friends say things like that.

“I think (but can’t prove) I need a plan” is an excuse to not do anything. You get to feel okay about yourself masturbating and sitting on your lazy ass 24 hours a day getting nothing done cause you don’t have a plan, cause boy oh boy once you have that magical plan you gonna tear it up big-time!

Jump off a bridge.

Go hit on every girl you see and read everything that’s been suggested – there is a PLAN. The rest will come later.

Fred Deluca (founder of Subway) wrote Ready, Fire, Aim, which is sorta the way Silicon Valley works now. If you walk into a VC’s office, an angel investor, or you want to bring a partner on board and you ramble about your “plans,” you are going to get laughed at. Everyone understands – just get SOMETHING out, see what people say/do, then start making changes/improvements.

More importantly, as to the “I need a plan” claim: ZERO POINT ZERO of my successful friends say this, EVER.

If anyone here feels like they’d do better in life with a plan, fine, here is your plan: Hit on 20 girls per week next 10 weeks. Watch every single This Week in Startups with Jason Calcanus, get a six-pack. Spend 10 hours a week learning about fashion. This PLAN alone will greatly impact your professional/financial/social/love life.

We hear the words “winners” and “losers” and don’t pay much attention to them because they sound very generic, silly words. I really like them and think they don’t get enough credit. Most decisions we make, even things we do that we don’t realize are decisions, lead towards a win or a loss.

Losers frequently make decisions that head down the loss path, and winners frequently makes decisions that head down the win path.

Here is a silly example: You own a start-up; you are growing rapidly and have serious deadlines over the next few weeks. You know that you will be taking Friday to Sunday off because it’s your birthday. You are presented with an opportunity to go to Disneylnad on a Monday. Keep in mind that there is a great saying: “If you want to accomplish something, set a goal and give yourself not enough time.”

Deadlines force teams to BANG hard and crank work. It kills distractions; it makes for productive ecosystems. Anyhow, back to Disneyland. A winner sees a path towards a win, and going to Disneyland on a weekday, when you’ve taken days off and will have days off coming up, is not a path towards a win.

You are probably saying to yourself, “Duh.” Well, forget you, because 99% of guys do this and worse. The fact is, almost every single one of you has met a girl, gotten love and not gotten her number “’cause she doesn’t live around here.”

WHAT THE %#@$?

How is that a path to a win? LOSER.

You will never be in her city, ever? She will never be in your city again? You will never be in the same place? You know for a fact she has no hot friends that will be visiting? How ’bout this one: I visit her city and you can now set me up with her to show me around and earn imaginary points from me. DONT BE A LOSER.

Losers refuse to take winning paths.

Next, another dude asked, “Does this mean having an open mind?” when I was talking about the importance of being objective, how this has been key contributor to my success.

In my experience, educated and successful people say the word “objective” three times a day or more. In my experience, broke hippie bums say “open-minded” 20 times a day. “Open-minded” is a pedestrian way of speaking.

“I need to get out of my head.” I dunno what that means, but shut up. You sound like a little wuss, and NO ONE wants to hang out with someone who says stuff like that. 100% of the people I’ve known that have said that are ding-dongs.

Winners don’t say those things. I’ve never hear someone that I respect say that stupid line.

Turn off brain chatter. Plug ahead and get it done, invest in yourself, hit on girls.

You probably have tons of brain chatter because you don’t have anything going on. You have all the free time in the world to have elaborate conversations with yourself. Even if the brain chatter won’t stop, shut up and keep that to yourself and your therapist. No one in the real world has time for your brain chatter. Focus on finding paths that lead to a win.

Kill Your Approach Anxiety and Meet More Women

by Robbie Leave a Comment

Who thinks it’s a coincidence that the guys who improve the fastest with women are approaching the most?

If you say, “Yeah, coincidence”… Immediate punch in face!!

I’ve now been coaching guys in this field for a decade. Every dude out there complains about approach anxiety: “I don’t know what to say,” “I’ll do it later.” Excuse, excuse, excuse.

I was introduced to PUA shortcuts via The Game in February of 2006. I finished the book in a day and went out that night to a bar in Mission Beach called the Beachcomber. It never even crossed my mind whether or not I was gonna approach. I knew I was going to do it because I had just invested 12 hours reading a giant manual on how to pick up chicks.

What kind of loser invests time in something only to stand around and not do it?

I didn’t know what the heck I was doing; all I knew is that one of the lines in The Game made me laugh, so I tried it. I walked up to a smoke piece and said, “Hey, you kinda look like Minnie Mouse.” We were hooking up 30 minutes later.

At the time I thought, “This is so easy.” I didn’t realize it was 95% luck- she had just broken up with her boyfriend, her friend encouraged her to hook up, and I walked into a layup. Reality set in over the next 2 months, when I did on average of 5 approaches per night, going out every night and didn’t hook up with a single girl.

I was going about this all wrong and subscribing to ridiculous PUA advice that made me look like a total idiot, but I was still smashing reps and learning through trial and error.

It took me YEARS to figure out the “Hook and Swoop” by having hundreds of girls blow past me when I tried to stop them. It took me years to stop using stupid, boring openers like “Hi, I saw you and I had to come tell you I think you’re really cute.” I’ve probably been told “Aww, that’s sweet but I have a boyfriend” 3,000 times.

NO EXAGGERATION!

When I first met Justin, we talked for hours every day over the phone about approaching girls. He always had the most hilarious lines, and every day during my lunch break, I would leave my miserable office job and hit on girls at the UTC La Jolla mall.

While practicing day game, I saw a girl walk into Rubio’s one day, didn’t feel like embarrassing myself inside, so I wrote this note on the back of my business card and left it on her windshield. “Not to be that guy to hit on you by leaving you a business card, but yeah, I’m that guy.” She e-mailed me an hour later, and I ended up dating her. I used “Not to be that guy” a minimum of 1,000 times, I used “Mr. Johnny Greaseball” 500 times, I used “The Director” opener 300 times, and I used “Risk Embarrassing Myself” 200 times in a couple months in New York alone.

Here is what goes through my mind when I see a girl I want to talk to:

She is hot; go hit on her.
I assess the situation: Who she is with, what she is doing, what her mood looks like, how approachable she seems.
My mind starts immediately making excuses: She looks mean, she looks busy, I’ll do it later, I don’t like my outfit today, etc…
I tell myself, “Stop being a bitch; think about how awesome it would be to be with her. Who knows where this relationship will go? It could completely change my life… or I could walk away like a bitch and know 100% that nothing will happen.”
Then I say, “Shut up, idiot,” and I start walking towards her.
Once I’m walking, I know I’ll follow through. Objects in motion stay in motion, and my mind quiets down.
Next thought: “Okay, what am I gonna say? Hmmmm, I could always default to ‘Not to be that guy,’ ‘…risk embarrassing myself,’ or I can be a bit more creative and use the ‘play-by-play'” (NOTE: You might find yourself struggling to use the play-by-play because its hard to be creative when you’re nervous, so make sure you have a stock opener ready to go that makes you feel good. When I think about what I’m gonna say to her, it always makes me smile and laugh on the inside, and those feelings get transmitted to her and it makes me 100 times more likeable. If I walk over thinking, “This isn’t gonna work,” she sees a nervous idiot and the line always comes out flat.) I know every time I can deliver “Not to be that guy.” I’ve found that when I walk over already laughing to myself about the ridiculous stuff I’m about to say, I crush it.
As I’m getting closer, I know I have to commit to the approach: “Don’t be a wuss. Get in her way, be loud, be dominant, be fun, and don’t let her just walk by.” I can’t control if she likes me, but I can 100% control my effort. I know that if I commit and get rejected, at least I gave it my best. I also know that if I don’t commit, I will surely get rejected and I’ll also beat myself up for not committing. Doing anything but completely committing is stupid, yet I see 99.9% of guys do this on every single approach until I yell and scream at them enough.
Deliver.

It’s MIND-BOGGLING to me how guys do these things:

They don’t approach– how the heck are you gonna improve if you don’t practice?! This is a sport. You must get off the bench and play.
We’re out doing day game and they say, “Yeah, I know the hook and swoop,” and then they do something completely different. It’s not that hard. You run 10 feet past, you hook and swoop around, you get completely in their way, you say, “HEY,” and you point behind. They stop, look at you like “What the heck do you want?” and you deliver the opener. There is only one way. It works. Learn it. Don’t be an idiot and try to reinvent the wheel or be too lazy to figure it out.
They compliment the girl. Good plan: You will hear “I have a boyfriend” 99 out of 100 times unless you look like Brad Pitt.
They hesitate and give excuses. You’re paying good money to learn this stuff, and you’re gonna waste time giving me your excuses and trying to convince me why you shouldn’t talk to her. You could just pay me to smack you; that would be much more efficient – I won’t waste my time, and you’ll feel like a wuss instantly.
Complain about how they don’t get results when they’ve only tried this a handful of times. How many golf balls are you gonna have to hit before you hit a 250-yard drive? How many tennis serves are you gonna have to hit before you can consistently hit the ball in play? How many free throws are you gonna have to shoot to consistently knock down 80%? How many punches are you gonna have to throw until you can deliver a knockout? “I did 10 approaches this week and I didn’t even get a number, boo-hoo.” I did 10 approaches every week for 3 years and averaged less than 1 number per 10.

Approaching women is probably my single most leverage-able skill in life. I can go anywhere in the world, walk around for free and create fun and opportunities for myself. I can use the women I meet to meet other cool guys, or I can introduce girls to guys I want to connect with. Every guy is envious of this, and even though they’ll clown you or pretend to be above it, they know they can’t do it and it threatens the heck out of them.

If you want to be a beast with women and you’re not approaching every day, light yourself on fire. 🙂

Don’t Make the Mistake of Setting the Wrong Goals

by Robbie Leave a Comment

Have you ever gone out to a bar with the goal of getting a phone number, getting a kiss, getting some action or having great interactions?

If your answer is “no,” then I know you’re a liar! We’ve all been there and you may be wondering, “What’s wrong with doing that?”

When we set a goal and it doesn’t happen, most of us beat ourselves up and decide to try harder next time.

Next time rolls around and since we have decided to try harder, now we’re gonna make the goal even tougher and push ourselves even more.

It doesn’t happen, and we beat ourselves up again.

The problem is not that we suck; the problem is that our goals suck!

Key Point: Your goals must be measurable, and they must be achievable with certainty.

You can approach every woman in the bar or the party, but you can’t set the goal to get a date because you can’t force someone to say yes. This goal is measurable because ‘every woman in the bar’ is measurable, but it’s not achievable with certainty.

You can set the goal to ask five women for dates because you can control it. All you have to do is ask.

When you set your goals on things you can’t control, you set yourself up for failure because you’re leaving your success up to chance.

This is a major mistake guys make that crushes their inner game because it turns into a vicious circle.

You go out to get results, and you don’t get them because you can’t control them. Then you beat yourself up and decide that next time you’re gonna try harder.

Pretty soon you’re having no fun, getting no results, and your confidence starts getting worse.

We continue this pattern for a few weeks, months, maybe even years and eventually, we just can’t take the failure anymore, so we give up and quit.

We can’t control whether or not a woman is gonna give us her number or say yes to a date.

We can’t control if she’s gonna kiss us, and we can’t force an interaction to be good.

Why? Because it takes two to tango.

Here is my goal-setting process:

Ask yourself what you want.
See if it’s measurable.
Determine how realistic it is.
Make sure it involves fun.
Make sure it pushes your comfort zone a little but not too much.

Example:

I want to go out and talk to women.
Oops, that is not measurable; let’s say five women.
Is it realistic? Last night I went out and talked to one; five might be too many. Let’s say two instead.
Is it gonna be fun? It will be fun if they are friendly. Wait, I can’t control if they’re going to be friendly, so that’s a bad goal. What do I want instead? I want to talk to two women, and I want them to like me. I can’t control that either, but I think I’ll feel better if I am honest about that. Okay, so I’m going to approach two women and tell them that I want them to like me. Okay, that sounds like fun!
Actually, I think two women is slightly too easy; let’s make it three women.

So I went out, approached three groups of women by walking over and saying, “Hey, I don’t know what to say to you, but I want you to like me.”

The first group busted up and said, “HAHA, that is the most honest thing I’ve heard tonight!”

The next group looked at me like I was retarded, and the last group loved me and we talked for 15 minutes.

Are you seeing how it works?

Set yourself up for success rather than failure. If you can control your destiny, you can’t lose.

You simply set a goal, and you go out and make it happen. Nothing builds success more than taking action, getting results, feeling more confident and then repeating the pattern.

It all starts with the goals you set.

Ask for Forgiveness, Not Permission

by Robbie Leave a Comment

One of my clients recently said to me, “I feel like you’ve given me permission to speak my mind.”

He went on to talk about how he had always felt disrespected and belittled by his older brother but now he has the courage to stand up to him and tell him how he feels.

I think that’s really cool, and it has EVERYTHING to do with confidently attracting women.

I used to be the classic “inauthentic nice guy” you hear about in the seduction community. I couldn’t handle confrontation, so I made sure to keep my mouth shut and avoid making people angry.

I thought this was a good strategy until I realized the incredibly negative impact this was having on my confidence.

Every time I bit my tongue, it felt like a small part of me died.

Looking back, I can see how things got progressively worse as I got older. The other day I was watching an old video I recorded of my friend hitting balls on the driving range.

She whiffed three times in a row and hit it about ten feet on her fourth try.

During the video I was saying things like “Almost, you’ll get it next time… Come on, you can do it.”

What I was thinking was: “Seriously?? Come on, you aren’t even trying… You call that a swing? Looks more like a gay wave… You’ve gotta be kidding me – no one can possibly suck this bad!”

Now before you judge me as this horrible jerk who has no compassion for a beginning golfer, let me assure you, I was thinking these things in more of a “teasing” tone.

Watching the video four years later and hearing these comments coming out of my mouth was painful because I was censoring myself so much.

So I told you above that this directly relates to confidently attracting women. Here’s how: If you consistently censor yourself around women you’re attracted to, they will see you as a spineless wimp. I’m not saying go out and speak everything on your mind; I’m telling you to start taking risks and be honest instead of telling nice white lies.

When you take a risk and say something a little edgy, you might find yourself in the midst of confrontation.

If you’re not taking these sorts of risks on a weekly basis, you have no idea how much bigger and more exciting your life could be.

You may be worried about the ramifications, but trust me – you are better at handling these situations than you think you are.

Here’s the kicker: Screwing up and creating what looks to be a major disaster is actually a huge blessing in disguise. If you are honest with someone, she may not like it but, when the dust settles, she will trust you more and will have an easier time connecting with you.

You may have heard the phrase “emotional connection” being thrown around a lot recently. In case you are wondering what that entails, it’s actually quite simple: two or more people sharing an emotional experience.

The more intense the emotion, the more intense the connection.

When you boldly and honestly speak to people, you give them a chance to connect with you. People who are also bold and honest will respect you, while people with something to hide will jealously try to take you down. In other words, you’ll make really powerful emotional connections with people like you, and you’ll push away the rest.

Sounds like a pretty decent strategy, wouldn’t you say?

If you want to make significant changes to your confidence, you’ve gotta take action and push your comfort zone. Making the choice to be honest with people instead of censoring yourself is one of the best ways to get started.

Depending on your comfort level, you can start out with people who you know will forgive you that you already have a relationship with (friends, family, coworkers).

Some of you might find it easier to start out with strangers instead. It doesn’t matter who you start with; the only thing that matters is that you GET STARTED!

Are you gonna screw this up and make some people angry? Probably.

Are you gonna feel embarrassed and ashamed when this happens? Probably.

Are you gonna tell yourself that you never should have listened to Robbie Kramer’s horrible advice? Probably, but hopefully not.

Regardless, if you are taking action and the calculated risks that your gut instincts are telling you to take, you are moving in the right direction and on the path to building unshakable confidence.