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How To Get Out of Your Head and Stop Overthinking Things

Being a smart person is usually a good thing; however, when it comes to meeting and dating women, it can be a hindrance at times.

There are many ways that overthinking about dating and meeting women hurts you.

I have a few suggestions for guys out there who are confused at times and don’t know what the next step is.

Be your own best friend
At some time in point, there has to be a shift in the way you talk to yourself about meeting and dating women. Instead of the voice that beats you up, you’ve got to be your own best friend and pat yourself on the back for trying. I think this is essential, because at the end of the day, it’s your life and you’re the most interested in your own success. Be the guy who encourages himself and keeps a positive attitude about meeting and dating women.

Make a decision and roll with it
There are many schools out there and many strategies for meeting women. Instead of being confused and lost about what to do or how to improve, here is a great technique I thought of the other day. Start by sitting in a room by yourself and talking about you and your life in the third person. If this feels weird to you, then write it down instead. Oftentimes we get so bogged down in the daily grind that stepping back and trying to look at your life objectively will help. For example, let’s say there’s a guy named Jerry who is improving his relationships with women. Jerry should sit by himself and start a dialogue with himself about himself:

“So Jerry, I see you’re going out once a week and I feel, as your friend, that you could be doing more. You’ve done a great job so far, and you’re focused and determined. What do you think you need to work on? Teasing? Well, that’s a good idea, but I think you really need to work on just being able to carry the conversation. I can tell you’re committed…”

Conversations like this, as silly as it may sound, help you coach yourself to success because you gain awareness of your current strengths and weaknesses. Awareness is the first step to change, and building this is key. At the end of the day, you know EXACTLY what you need to do to be successful, and it’s a matter of trusting yourself.

Notice how the self-coaching is always inquisitive and always suggestive. If you do this enough, you will get into a habit of being comfortable with your decisions because you’re finally listening to the one voice that matters: yours.

Recognize your strengths and acknowledge them
An important part of meeting women acknowledging your strengths and what you’re offering to women. I remember when I was first learning, I felt like I didn’t have a lot to offer women. That’s why I went to routines and others tricks to entertain women. Later on, I realized that you’ve got to look at your strengths and recognize what you can offer. I’ve realized that I offer: my listening, my presence, my smile, my wittiness, my attention, my focus, my affection. The list can go on. These are gifts that I am sharing with the woman I’m talking to. Always remember that what you are bringing to the table is yourself.

Catch your dis-empowering thoughts

A big suggestion I have for guys who are stuck in their head is to try and stop their neurotic thinking. Thinking is okay, but neurotic thinking is bad. When can you recognize the difference? Whenever your thoughts make you feel good and are empowering, it’s usually not neurotic thinking. Neurotic thinking usually involves thinking that dis-empowers you, that makes you feel not okay, makes you feel like you’re not good enough, or makes you feel stuck and confused. Neurotic thinking usually makes you feel bad and can even make you physically ill.

This can be tough practice, but catch your thoughts that are neurotic. Catch yourself when you’re saying to yourself:

“I need to learn…”
“Man, I suck at…”
“When will I ever…”
“Why don’t women…”
“I wish I was like…”
“I need to study…”

Each one of the above is an example of thinking that is not serving you. Catch those thoughts. The moment you recognize them, they go away. It’s your mind playing tricks on you, trying to bully you and beat you up. In reality, you are good enough! Recognize the inauthenticity in these thoughts. A majority of them are simply not true and not based in reality. The reality is that you are okay the way you are, you’re an attractive guy who has a lot to offer, and you are good enough.

Make win-win relationships with the world

Another issue that comes with meeting and dating women is seeing other men who are doing much better than you. You can harbor resentment, jealousy and even envy over men who are doing better than you. The best way to stop thinking like this is to stop seeing the world as a competition where some men win and others lose or where women win and men lose. This way of thinking is harmful and creates an inferiority complex the more you think these thoughts. Start taking each of these situations and see how you can make them win-wins. A guy who is successful with women is also someone worth befriending and modeling. Also, befriending women who are getting lots of dates is an opportunity to work on yourself and be the guy she chooses. Every scenario in your head that you are running where you are “losing” and someone else is “winning” can be turned into a win-win relationship. Eventually you will start seeing the world as abundant and your opportunities as limitless. This is a good place to be.

So remember, when it comes to connecting with people and being social, thinking too much is only going to make your life harder.

Ask for Forgiveness, Not Permission

by Robbie Leave a Comment

One of my clients recently said to me, “I feel like you’ve given me permission to speak my mind.”

He went on to talk about how he had always felt disrespected and belittled by his older brother but now he has the courage to stand up to him and tell him how he feels.

I think that’s really cool, and it has EVERYTHING to do with confidently attracting women.

I used to be the classic “inauthentic nice guy” you hear about in the seduction community. I couldn’t handle confrontation, so I made sure to keep my mouth shut and avoid making people angry.

I thought this was a good strategy until I realized the incredibly negative impact this was having on my confidence.

Every time I bit my tongue, it felt like a small part of me died.

Looking back, I can see how things got progressively worse as I got older. The other day I was watching an old video I recorded of my friend hitting balls on the driving range.

She whiffed three times in a row and hit it about ten feet on her fourth try.

During the video I was saying things like “Almost, you’ll get it next time… Come on, you can do it.”

What I was thinking was: “Seriously?? Come on, you aren’t even trying… You call that a swing? Looks more like a gay wave… You’ve gotta be kidding me – no one can possibly suck this bad!”

Now before you judge me as this horrible jerk who has no compassion for a beginning golfer, let me assure you, I was thinking these things in more of a “teasing” tone.

Watching the video four years later and hearing these comments coming out of my mouth was painful because I was censoring myself so much.

So I told you above that this directly relates to confidently attracting women. Here’s how: If you consistently censor yourself around women you’re attracted to, they will see you as a spineless wimp. I’m not saying go out and speak everything on your mind; I’m telling you to start taking risks and be honest instead of telling nice white lies.

When you take a risk and say something a little edgy, you might find yourself in the midst of confrontation.

If you’re not taking these sorts of risks on a weekly basis, you have no idea how much bigger and more exciting your life could be.

You may be worried about the ramifications, but trust me – you are better at handling these situations than you think you are.

Here’s the kicker: Screwing up and creating what looks to be a major disaster is actually a huge blessing in disguise. If you are honest with someone, she may not like it but, when the dust settles, she will trust you more and will have an easier time connecting with you.

You may have heard the phrase “emotional connection” being thrown around a lot recently. In case you are wondering what that entails, it’s actually quite simple: two or more people sharing an emotional experience.

The more intense the emotion, the more intense the connection.

When you boldly and honestly speak to people, you give them a chance to connect with you. People who are also bold and honest will respect you, while people with something to hide will jealously try to take you down. In other words, you’ll make really powerful emotional connections with people like you, and you’ll push away the rest.

Sounds like a pretty decent strategy, wouldn’t you say?

If you want to make significant changes to your confidence, you’ve gotta take action and push your comfort zone. Making the choice to be honest with people instead of censoring yourself is one of the best ways to get started.

Depending on your comfort level, you can start out with people who you know will forgive you that you already have a relationship with (friends, family, coworkers).

Some of you might find it easier to start out with strangers instead. It doesn’t matter who you start with; the only thing that matters is that you GET STARTED!

Are you gonna screw this up and make some people angry? Probably.

Are you gonna feel embarrassed and ashamed when this happens? Probably.

Are you gonna tell yourself that you never should have listened to Robbie Kramer’s horrible advice? Probably, but hopefully not.

Regardless, if you are taking action and the calculated risks that your gut instincts are telling you to take, you are moving in the right direction and on the path to building unshakable confidence.