Lately it seems like there are two categories of questions I get asked more than anything else: conversation skills and texting. And you could argue that texting questions fall under conversation skills- texting feels like a different language, but all the principles of conversation skills apply to texting. Guys often tell me that their mind goes blank in the middle of a conversation. How do you stop running out of things to say? We all want to know how to make someone feel truly heard and listened to. What if you could provide someone with that rare experience they’re likely to remember … [Read more...]
How to put yourself in a position of strength
It's too easy to trap yourself into a position of weakness. If you're struggling to go attract and connect with the caliber of women that you really want, there's a good chance that you're talking yourself out of a position of strength. When you're craving attention or affection, you're in a position of weakness. When you're needy, you're in a position of weakness. When you're trying to convince someone that they should like you, you're definitely in a position of weakness. When you're trying to impress someone, well, you know where I'm going with this. So what should I do … [Read more...]
What my dog taught me about meeting women
This is Wiley, my German Shepard/Collie mix: Last week I brought Wiley with me to Las Vegas. We took a walk down The Strip and countless girls stopped me to pet and adore him. I need to get him a t-shirt that says, “I’m Wiley, 8 years old, Shepard/Collie.” I’ve probably answered those damn questions 5,000 times. When it’s a cute girl, I don’t mind as much though. Having a dog is one of the best hacks to meet women. But you already know that... A client in the Leverage Program asked me a question about how to know which "rules" to follow and which to ignore, and I immediately … [Read more...]
WTF does confidence even mean? I know I need it, but how do I get it?
If you don't feel confident in your dating life, it says nothing about your character. It's just an indication that you need more practice so you can stack more wins. There's a lot of nonsense out there on what confidence is, or what it takes to develop confidence. Confidence is the thoughts and feelings that result from a series of wins stacked together. It's your expectation of how you'll perform in a given situation, and it's different from self-esteem, which is your overall evaluation of yourself. I was reviewing Mate by Tucker Max yesterday and found a brilliant definition … [Read more...]
The Minimum Effective Dose for day game
Most guys know what it’s like to struggle with conversation skills during a day game approach. How many of these feel familiar? The "I have a boyfriend" response Only getting brief responses Not knowing where to take the conversation ("I run out of things to say") Having boring conversations If you can relate to any of these, it doesn't automatically mean you're doing anything wrong. It comes down to a different problem: having a day game conversation is really fucking difficult. I've had a LOT of day game conversations and I'm really fucking comfortable having them, but they … [Read more...]
The Words Don’t Matter
When you're walking up to a girl and meeting her, your first impression is crucial, but there's one step here that I see a lot of guys mess up. They're so nervous that they forget to use the same social skills they use in all their other interactions. When you're nervous, your intelligence drops. Your fight or flight system gets triggered. You get overly literal and hang onto every word she says. Contrast that to a conversation you have with a close friend or a family member. In these interactions, you're able to read the emotions beneath their words. If you came home and said to your … [Read more...]
You Should Watch Dating Shows
You guys should be watching TONS of dating shows. I've watched almost every episode of Blind Date, Millionaire Matchmaker, Elimidate, Singled Out, etc...reality TV's finest programming. I'm sure I picked up a million how to's, do's and dont's, and pop culture references. If you're not consistently meeting women this is a must do. And guess what, these shows are immensely entertaining so this exercise is easy. While nerds were playing Starcraft, I was watching reality dating shows. Watching dates is one of the best ways to study human psychology. It is politically incorrect, … [Read more...]
Where You Should Be Meeting Women
It's Friday night and you've got your dancing shoes on, except you don't actually care about dancing tonight- you're single and you are going out to meet women. You and a buddy are trying to decide where to go. "There's a new club that just opened, kinda a hipster scene, but the chicks are hot, bro!" "I'm not into hipster chicks, but whatever...If they're hot, let's go check it out!" you respond. Sound familiar? Places like that are a waste of the limited free time you have! Busy guys quickly forget how much the environment of places we go out to affects our ability to meet … [Read more...]
Embarass Yourself to Overcome Social Anxiety
One of my favorite Inner Confidence exercises is our social freedom exercises. We do things like lie down in a crowded public area, pretend to text on our phones in a crosswalk until the light turns green and we get honked at, and go to Chipotle and ask for free guacamole. Pictured left is Leverage Program moderator, doing a social freedom exercise during this year's EuroTrip in Budapest. The point of these exercises is to embarrass yourself in public and learn to deal with whatever reaction you get. There's actual psychology behind it: the original cognitive-behavioral therapist Albert … [Read more...]
How to Set Goals: The Pillars of Life
Guest post by James, Leverage Program moderator Sitting in the airport in Buenos Aires, after a weekend of food poisoning and partying, I was feeling pretty miserable waiting for my flight that Sunday evening. I was writing and avoiding my travel friends, just going through my normal weekly routine and trying to prepare for the week to come. Phillip, a guy I met that weekend came over and asked me what I was writing about. I really looked up to Phillip but I hadn’t been able to create the relationship I wanted with him. He was a deep thinker, entrepreneur, in great shape, and charming. I … [Read more...]
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