If you don't feel confident in your dating life, it says nothing about your character. It's just an indication that you need more practice so you can stack more wins. There's a lot of nonsense out there on what confidence is, or what it takes to develop confidence. Confidence is the thoughts and feelings that result from a series of wins stacked together. It's your expectation of how you'll perform in a given situation, and it's different from self-esteem, which is your overall evaluation of yourself. I was reviewing Mate by Tucker Max yesterday and found a brilliant definition of … [Read more...]
Stop caring what other people think…or don’t?
Think of all the things you could accomplish if you didn't care what other people think. In an ideal world, you could flip a switch in your brain to do this, start taking bigger risks, and reap the rewards. That's why on the surface, "stop caring what other people think" is a great piece of advice. But as is usually the case, reality is more complicated than a piece of rah-rah self-help oversimplification. So what's my problem with this idea? The problem is that caring what others think is ingrained in human nature. We evolved in tribes with less than 150 people. If you were … [Read more...]
The good news about your dating life
When I was a kid I spent 10 years doing nothing but practicing golf at the at the driving range. I was a +2 handicap at one point (2 strokes better than scratch) and an All-American in college. I just thought I was just lucky to find a good coach because I worked with John Anselmo, who taught Tiger Woods from age 12-17. I also thought I was blessed with a natural swing thanks to my ice hockey skillz. After I discovered The Game in 2006, I figured getting good with women and making crazy money would come easy too. I didn't realize that I got better at golf by doing NOTHING but practicing and … [Read more...]
Dealing with discomfort
What I'm about to say is sad, but not very controversial: most people would experience mild discontent with their situation than face the discomfort that’s necessary for improving their lives. People just don't want to tolerate discomfort, even if they have a guarantee it’s temporary. Getting into shape is a prime example. Unhealthy people tend to know that getting into shape requires eating healthy, and physical exercise. The failure to act isn’t caused by a lack of information. It stems from an unwillingness to feel uncomfortable. Eating healthy is uncomfortable. Working out causes … [Read more...]
Oneitis and the 3-Step Cure
Let's talk about oneitis. This should feel familiar to every guy: you fixate on one specific girl, put her on a pedestal, and imagine the mental or logistical hurdles you need to overcome to get her. Often it occurs with a girl who isn't fully sold on you yet, or maybe even has rejected you already. It leads to added pressure and makes it almost impossible to succeed. In his book The Erotic Mind, Jack Morin details the "erotic equation": attraction plus obstacles leads to excitement. Guess what happens when you create this kind of excitement with a woman you aren't in a committed … [Read more...]
How to up your conversation game in less than an hour
Lately it seems like there are two categories of questions I get asked more than anything else: conversation skills and texting. And you could argue that texting questions fall under conversation skills- texting feels like a different language, but all the principles of conversation skills apply to texting. Guys often tell me that their mind goes blank in the middle of a conversation. How do you stop running out of things to say? We all want to know how to make someone feel truly heard and listened to. What if you could provide someone with that rare experience they’re likely to remember … [Read more...]
The Minimum Effective Dose for day game
Most guys know what it’s like to struggle with conversation skills during a day game approach. How many of these feel familiar? The "I have a boyfriend" response Only getting brief responses Not knowing where to take the conversation ("I run out of things to say") Having boring conversations If you can relate to any of these, it doesn't automatically mean you're doing anything wrong. It comes down to a different problem: having a day game conversation is really fucking difficult. I've had a LOT of day game conversations and I'm really fucking comfortable having them, but they … [Read more...]
You Should Watch Dating Shows
You guys should be watching TONS of dating shows. I've watched almost every episode of Blind Date, Millionaire Matchmaker, Elimidate, Singled Out, etc...reality TV's finest programming. I'm sure I picked up a million how to's, do's and dont's, and pop culture references. If you're not consistently meeting women this is a must do. And guess what, these shows are immensely entertaining so this exercise is easy. While nerds were playing Starcraft, I was watching reality dating shows. Watching dates is one of the best ways to study human psychology. It is politically incorrect, … [Read more...]
Where You Should Be Meeting Women
It's Friday night and you've got your dancing shoes on, except you don't actually care about dancing tonight- you're single and you are going out to meet women. You and a buddy are trying to decide where to go. "There's a new club that just opened, kinda a hipster scene, but the chicks are hot, bro!" "I'm not into hipster chicks, but whatever...If they're hot, let's go check it out!" you respond. Sound familiar? Places like that are a waste of the limited free time you have! Busy guys quickly forget how much the environment of places we go out to affects our ability to meet … [Read more...]
Embarass Yourself to Overcome Social Anxiety
One of my favorite Inner Confidence exercises is our social freedom exercises. We do things like lie down in a crowded public area, pretend to text on our phones in a crosswalk until the light turns green and we get honked at, and go to Chipotle and ask for free guacamole. Pictured left is Leverage Program moderator, doing a social freedom exercise during this year's EuroTrip in Budapest. The point of these exercises is to embarrass yourself in public and learn to deal with whatever reaction you get. There's actual psychology behind it: the original cognitive-behavioral therapist Albert … [Read more...]
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