The Wasted, Lets Do Shots Guy
At first this guy seems like fun because he’s in a good mood and making the place more lively, but after the 5th round of shots he’s slurring his words, speaking gibberish and announcing to the entire bar that you are doing tequila shots with him whether you like or not. There’s no one you’d rather punch in the face.
Motto: “Come on, don’t be a pussy… you’re drinking with me and I’m not taking no for an answer!”
The Drink Spiller
This guy just can’t seem to keep his drink in his hand on or the table. After he spills all over you or drops his glass and it shatters all over your heels he walks away like nothing happens and accuses you of bumping him.
Motto: “Bro… you totally bumped me, it’s all good though I’m not mad at you, no worries.”
The Bar Line Cutter
This guy loves to throw elbows, shoulders and hip checks. His patented move is to “accidentally” slide in front of you to muscle his way to the front of the bar.
Motto: “Hey hey bartender, I was next, I’ve been waiting forever here.”
The Super Excited Bathroom Attendant
You’re standing in front of a urinal trying to pee in peace and this jackass walks up next to you and engages you in the most low-content conversation possible.
Motto: “Bro… how about dem ladies out there tonight, oh yeah, oh yeah, you know what I’m talking about, there waiting for you, oh yeah oh yeah”
The Hyperactive Dancing Guy
We’ve all seen him, he’s in his own world completely oblivious to the fact that he’s dancing with glow sticks to a Tupac song. Don’t get too close, if you’re within arms reach you’re sure to get whacked by a flying arm, leg or hair whip.
Motto: “I just trying to express myself through the art of dance!”
The Pickup Artist
This guy will be in full peackocking gear hitting on every girl in the bar with the same exact line. After every girl rejects him or runs away to the bathroom he’ll start over and obliviously hit on all the same girls again because he’s so focused on delivering his lines, he can’t remember who he already talked to. He’s too clueless to realize that you already told him to piss off but he thinks that eventually his tactics will pay off and he’ll walk away with a phone number. What’s even better is when a group of pickup artists start sharking around the bar and within 15 minutes there isn’t a single female left in the venue.
Motto: “Hey, I need a female opinion on something… who lies more, men or women?”
The Old Guy
The early bird special ended at 6pm, I think it’s time for bed gramps.
Motto: “Hey sonny, I’m just trying to relive my glory days.”
The Guy With The Hook Ups
You’re standing around with your buddies talking about watches and the random guy who is eaves dropping chimes in with “Dude, you need a Timex? I can hook you up for half price, and its the sickest model, you can’t get this shit anywhere else, trust me.”
Motto: “I got the hookups bro, don’t worry I got you covered.”
The Bouncer Groupie
We’ve all seen him, he’s the guy who just chills outside with the bouncers all night hoping to get the chance to exercise authority and squeeze out some social proof by pretending to be boys with the help.
Motto: “Hey ladies, have a good time tonight!” (they look at him like “who the hell is this guy?) He responds – “I’m Joey I uhhh work here, I got you, I got you.”
The Tough Guy
This is the guy that bumps you, gives you the mad dog look, puffs out his chest and starts mouthing off, but doesn’t get really tough until his five buddies show up to hold him back.
Motto: “Bro, you want a piece? I had 12 kills in Iraq bro… Hoorah! Lets go right now bitch… ya I thought you’d walk away!”
The I Love You Man
This dude loves to give bro hugs, lean on strangers and express his deepest feelings once the liquor kicks in.
Motto: “Dude, you’re so awesome, I really love you, we gotta hang out more, you’re sooo cool, come on get over here and gimme a hug.”
The Frat Boy
Bright yellow Polo shit with the popped collar, sporting the baggy jeans and sandals.
Motto: “Jager Bombs!”
Don’t worry ladies, he’s gonna look, but he’s way too much of a pussy to actually touch.
Motto: “Hey guys, don’t mind me, I’m just holding up the wall.”
The Guy Texting On The Dance Floor
This guy can’t bother to walk off the dance floor to check his email, respond to texts or check his Facebook notifications. Don’t bump into him, he’s doing something important.
Motto: “Keep going guys, I gotta take this.”
The Angry Drunk Guy
He was quiet as a church mouse until 1am but he’s just downed his 4th whiskey and he just got rejected three times in a row.
Motto: “You wanna go, lets do this!”
The Protective Guy Who Is Stuck In The Friend Zone
This guy thinks he’s mr. big dick because he’s got a squad of 8 girls, except he’s 10 miles deep in the friend zone with all of them. He thinks he owns the group and gets confrontational with any guy who comes over to chat up his “property.”
Motto: “Walk away man, she’s with me…” (except he’s really going home to jerk off) “If I can’t have her, no one will!”
The Eurotrash Slime Ball
He’s sporting the white Adidas tennis shoes, jean shorts, euro glasses and the darkest tan ever, giving every girl in the bar the sex eyes. Once he sets his eyes on his target he will invade her personal space as much as possible, touch her as creepy as possible and make sure to say things like “You are sooo beautiful, ciao bella, Parlez-vous français?”
Motto: “Dee Beeetcheeezz love dis accent.
The Overdressed Guy
Sporting a big ugly baggy suit, shiny black square patent leather dress shoes and a $60 fake Rolex watch. These guys are known to frequent the bars in Greenwich Village after a long day on Wall Street.
Motto: “Hey Reed, how’s your portfolio looking? I just shorted Apple and I’m gonna make a killing.”
The Guy Who Couldn’t Quite Talk His Way Into The Club
Motto: “My friends are inside, they put me on the list, just check it again for me, I swear I’m on there, try Brian Johnson”
The Guy Who Won’t Leave Your Table
He comes over, sits down uninvited and refuses to take the obvious hints to leave. Eventually the table is rightfully his, except he’s the only one left sitting.
Motto: “Hey ladies, where are you from? Do you come here often? Where’d you go to school? What was your major? What do you do for fun?”
The Beer Breath Close Talker
No explanation required.
Motto: “Heyyyy how ya doin, I know you’re gonna want to hear this, come on, come closer I don’t bite.”
The Sweaty Smelly Guy
Decided to roll into the bar straight from the gym and hasn’t seen a stick of deodorant since 2003.
Motto: (Whispering) “Hey man, these pit stains aren’t noticeable right?”
The Walk By Ass Grabber
Like she didn’t notice?
Motto: “Girls love it when I cop a little feelski.”
The Guy With The Hottest Chick – Cuz fuck him… we are all jealous.
By Genevieve, innerconfidence.com contributor
Social cue: a verbal or nonverbal hint that guides conversation and other social interactions.
I want to go in depth regarding the importance of recognizing social cues and understanding why an engaging and successful interaction with a girl completely depends upon them. The importance of this topic can’t be overstated!
Social cues are an example of behaving the way others anticipate us to, and living up to expectations of how we’re supposed to interact with each other. When we behave in a way that makes other people feel comfortable, we do it by igniting the right kind of emotions within others and not setting off any alarms or behaving unfavorably. By doing this, we can ensure they don’t become defensive and as a result, we can become closer to them. Not only that, but we can also persuade and encourage certain behaviors from others towards us in ways we’re looking for, by acting on and manipulating both incoming and outgoing social cues.
Keep in mind that social cues can be positive or negative. Examples of social cues include facial expressions, vocal tone, mood, direction of gaze, body posture, movement, hand gestures, types of eye contact, paralinguistic cues, passive-aggressive behaviors such as walking away or telling someone you will call them back and then failing to do so, proximity, orientation, and physical appearance (dress). Knowing how to carry yourself takes a great deal of focus on not only your own behavior and habits, but just as importantly, reading into other persons’ behaviors, body language and choice of wording in order to ideally adjust your behavior in response to theirs.
Why it’s important to pay attention to signals and cues girls put out there:
- In my research for this piece, I came across numerous articles stating how studies have shown that lonely people tend to misread social cues – if this isn’t a sign to be socially savvy, I don’t know what is.
- Social cues give you insight into what makes her happy, sad, uncomfortable, turned on, turned off, upset, excited, back off… or: I’m into you, I’m not sure whether or not I like you, I’m bored, I wanna party, I want to have sex, etc.
- Not only does having a healthy social life rely on social cues, but when addressed properly, understanding them well and adjusting your behavior in response properly will lead to more successful social interactions, guaranteed.
When you don’t notice and/or improperly act on social cues, you miss all kinds of social windows and openings. These can include an opportunity for a kiss, a hand touch, or a hug. In fact, you could miss out on talking to her in the first place entirely if you’re not reading her social cues and signals effectively. Not only that, but when a guy just can’t take a hint… how annoying is that?! I recently went on vacation to Eastern Europe where I met a man sitting next to me at a lunch, who was probably the most socially ignorant person I’ve ever met. He talked to me about intense gamer code theories for almost an hour, completely oblivious to the glaring signals of disinterest I was putting out: zero eye contact, on my phone, no idea if and when he’d ask me a question and when I did figure out it was time to answer, I’d tell him I had no clue what he said … to which he’d continue on another tangent. He was the worst, and if I ever come across another one of his type I won’t stand for it! Painful.
Because of these kind of extremely bad encounters we come across, women tend to put barriers up and as a result, I’ve become pretty impatient in regards to any conversation I get myself into with a guy trying to hit on me. Think of it like this: once you’ve started talking to her, the ticker is counting down, and you’ve only got a certain amount of time to grab her interest.
By not paying close attention to cues, keep in mind you’re losing time as the ticker is counting down! Not only that, but this kind of habitual behavior shows me and other people that you are not socially savvy, not of high value and typically tells me that it’s time to start talking to someone else – no way to live your life, turning other people away because you are unconscious to their signals. By ignoring their cues, you’ve effectively not provoked any attraction or spark within her, but you’ve actually killed any chances of immediate attraction. For lack of a better term, you’re now in the negative – not even starting out in a neutral zone anymore!
If you’re reading this blog post, you’ve likely heard the term “escalation” from the Inner Confidence coaches before. Proper escalation absolutely requires being 100% in tune with her social cues – allowing you to push your relationship out of the friend zone. If she likes you and is giving you any windows, she wants you to escalate. It’s your job to pick up on this.
When you can’t recognize simple social cues like these, you end up griping, regretful and frustrated. Guess what – she’s is just as annoyed as you are oftentimes!
As soon as a girl begins to give you love – you’ll want to look for other cues, such as a lot of smiling, eye contact, her moving her hair and exposing her neck. What do most guys do in response to this? Not notice in time, losing an opportunity or chickening out entirely, in my experience. Don’t be afraid to touch her and additionally, don’t forget to play with eye contact. How well you make eye contact with me tells me a lot about you, about how confident you are. Don’t be afraid to smile, either… Just don’t make it a cheesy or animated grin.
Don’t forget about the social cues you’re giving, either. Some tips on giving A+ energy: stand up straight with good posture, introduce yourself in social situations, make confident eye contact, smile at the right moments (with practice it will come), look everyone in the eye, pay some attention when and when not to laugh, and what and what not to say.
When I meet a guy who “gets it” and is actually on point, this is a huge attractor for me, personally. It shows me that you’re smart, and up to speed. There’s nothing sexier than when I meet someone who is with-it, has a take-charge attitude and is affectionate in just the right way (article about that subject coming soon). This is what men who are successful with women are made of, and these three traits in particular tend to result in: attraction from me to you! Once you’re with someone like this, your standards won’t go ever go back down so it really is on the guys to step up to the competition to get my attention or better yet, attraction from me… and social cues play a very relevant role in achieving this.
It’s important to mention the fact that every person differs in their ability to recognize and decode this complex network of both verbal and nonverbal acts – so don’t feel ashamed if you’re not the best at making sense of it all and perfecting it just yet! Keep up the good work looking within, guys.
That’s all for today…
I absolutely love when a man goes on excited and spirited tangents about things. It could be something as significant as the global water crisis or something as simple as how annoying your love/hate relationship with autocorrect is. It may sound strange, but intelligence and passion are huge big draws for my attention.
On the contrary – they could just have the glittery-eyed expression when they explain things to me and realize that I get it. Most people tend to get frustrated and embarrassed explaining things, but I see patience and the ability to express ones self in a passionate way as a virtue that I can learn from and a skill that you should have. Some of our clients can struggle with lack of emotion and in certain situations so to I, so don’t feel alone if it doesn’t come naturally to you, either. However, it is your choice to do something about it – so push yourself to fake it until it feels natural and don’t make any more excuses about it. Yes…learning is sexy!
Certain ways they make eye contact
When, where and how you make eye contact with me matters. A weird look or a look that lingered too long can really mess up a moment. In general, you want to pay attention to the looks you’re giving. Not only that, realize that you can also influence the direction of a conversation pretty heavily with looks – a look of curiosity, a mischievous look, a look that insinuates you’re thinking something and wont tell her playfully… You get the idea. I can get very easily excited from a flirty look.
Whispering right in my ear
Whether it’s done in bed or while we’re out in public, a quiet whisper or breathing a little too close to the inside of my ear turns me on almost no matter who I’m speaking to – it’s quite disturbing, actually.
When they “clear my head,” freeing me to enjoy being in the moment
Look, bitches be crazy. Sometimes, we “get inside our own heads.” Yeah, yeah, I know that statement in and of itself is annoying and even nonsensical, but it’s true. Robbie and Justin are the true geniuses on how to accomplish this – getting a girl to calm down in a hypnotic fashion, that is. But, when it happens… It’s such a freeing, lovely feeling. Puts me in an open, playful mood.
Being Told What to Do (once mutual attraction is established)
If I like a guy and that’s already been established, I love it when he takes the lead and acts as boss. I’ll even let him boss me around… not in a mean or demanding way, but in a direct, “I know I can trust him” kind of way. It’s so attractive and such a comforting feeling…it alleviates responsibility from me, which lets me look *up* to him. This is the only position a girl should be in when dealing with you.
When I was younger, I used to think that I wanted to be the boss in the relationship the smartest one, the winner wearing the pants. Some guys let this happen and you know what? Once I achieved those things and did win, I got bored and moved onto the next guy who was…. you guessed it, a challenge. I was too young and naive to realize that by taking the lead, my guy will only become less and less attractive to me over time. It’s a death sentence on a relationship, and I’ve seen it happen dozens of times to all of my friends!
Don’t let her get bored. I still like to be the smartest fastest boss in every other facet of my life… It’s the guy who I can’t exactly conquer who holds on to my line of interest and attention.
The boxer flash
This is simply an elementary move in which a guy lifts his arm (his muscly, toned arm… remember 😉 ), pulling his shirt up revealing a flash of his upper boxer lining that usually reads Calvin Klein, Armani, 2Xist, etc. Also, the shot of his lower abdomen is equally hot.
This tactic is especially useful when one is in shape… again, getting excited just writing about it!
This is self-explanatory. Exfoliate, guys. Use a loofa or something abrasive in the shower – your hands and/or a washcloth are not coarse enough to make you smooth OR get you clean enough either, in my humble opinion.
A Clean, “Woman-Friendly” Apartment
If your apartment is a mess, grungy, has any weird smells or is too “bachelory”…it’s a turn off. Clean, modern apartments with clean sheets and a clean bathroom (toilet especially) will make me want to come back to your place and hang out more!
Fun little knickknacks around the house are nice, too… One guy I dated had a bobblehead of himself that someone gave him as a gift… I thought it was a riot. That guy’s house was always constantly stocked with Costco-sized portions of all kinds of food, toiletry products, cleaning products, etc… so any time anything needed to be cleaned or prepared, I felt good about stepping up as the “woman” of the house to cook/clean.
If that stuff isn’t there to begin with, how is she going to do any of this in the first place? Don’t you have expectations of what a girl’s apartment should look, smell and feel like? The same standards apply to men. It definitely makes me feel attractive cooking for my guy the next morning, and then cleaning up too, so make sure you’re place has all the basic household essentials to work with. This tends to apply to more of a dating situation as opposed to a first or second date, obviously.
Boss me around in bed. THIS IS BIG
For how much I like to be bossed around in everyday interactions, you can times that by ten to the tenth power when we’re talking about the bedroom. However, it’s very important to start slow and get to know how your girl likes to be spoken to and pleased first…which will let you know how and to what extent she can be directed or bossed around in bed.
If you initiate it too quickly, it’ll look like an act or a routine that you do every time. Make it feel personalized to her – by asking her questions about what she likes, doesn’t like, how this feels, how that feels… and based upon how she’s going to answer – your level of command and leadership should reflect that.
She should only tell you what she wants or likes if you ask her. Otherwise, tell her no. Then do it at your discretion only. And once again, I’m talking about in bed, in a sex situation only.
Any time I’m made to “feel small”
Every girl likes to be picked up, thrown around, made to feel like you’re stronger than her. She might fight at the time and turn it into a competitive thing, but we all do that. We don’t want to admit it, but we love feeling the strength of a man as a reminder of our own physical inferiority in terms of size.
Money (you don’t need to be rich, but you CAN’T be cheap)
I saved this one for last for a reason. Look, money is attractive. That being said, you don’t need to be wealthy or rich, but you can’t be cheap. If a guy doesn’t have the basics: decent car, clean apartment in decent neighborhood, a career or career goal (if he’s in upper schooling), attractive clothing, at least one or two suits, a good pair of sunglasses, cool shoes, a computer and a smartphone…. he’s not yet a MAN, in my opinion. These are all things that an ADULT MAN should have.
You should be able to pay for dinner 7 times out of 10, and be able to spend a reasonable amount of money to do fun stuff together while you’re getting to know her. However, she should also offer to pay herself from time to time and go out of her way to do things for you, too. If she’s not appreciative, doesn’t notice and/or doesn’t reciprocate or at least say thank you over an extended period of time – drop her.
That’s all for now…
Guest Post By Genevieve
I know it sounds cliche, but the first word that comes into my head when I’m thinking about the difference between what turns me on, and what doesn’t is CONFIDENCE. There is a reason Robbie chose to name his company – drum roll, please……. Inner Confidence. If you don’t have even the slightest bit of confidence, everything I go into below is going to be a lot harder to achieve. Even if you’re a bum, you deserve to have some confidence, so don’t sell yourself short and realize your worth in this world regardless of what issues or problems you’re currently facing!
Confidence is the umbrella over everything you should be doing to “turn her on” as the title of this article led you to believe.
This is why it’s only going to be a matter of time before you get fed up with the rejection and the attitude. Just stop worrying about what other people think and do what it takes to really build inner confidence.
What do you have to lose?
Caring about the opinions of those who have no real place or role in your life and listening to what the media tells you to believe is exactly what is holding you back. It’s time to invest in yourself!
2. Manly arms
This is a big part of why women like to cuddle and be held in bed. I love big arms – I have since I was a little girl. I feel protected wrapped inside a man’s arms, and there’s this little “nook” that us girls love to find and rest our heads in, and straddling or holding a muscular arm completely adds to the experience. It’s definitely one of my top three favorite parts of a man.
3. Their ability to “cuddle” or hold me well/properly in bed
Now that we’re on the subject of cuddling, let me emphasize the power of a good cuddle session. Cuddling is like kissing or dancing prior to sex to get a read for your partner… It’s how you tell whether or not you “jibe” with someone. It’s a great place to establish chemistry in addition to just plain feeling good. Don’t be afraid to make her the big spoon, either. 😉
Some people make fun of me for the ill-fitting superwoman strength I have as a girl, which is exactly the opposite of how I want to feel when we’re in bed.
Throw me around, pick me up, be the boss, tell me what to do, make me feel small. Every girl likes to feel this way.
5. Public Display of Affection (PDA)
Situation-appropriate PDA shows me that you don’t care and aren’t scared if other people might stare disapprovingly at our affection in public – which is human nature, mind you. Knowing this makes me feel wanted, attractive and like you’re proud to be out and about with me. Keep in mind that random people will always hate if you give your partner love on the street, you can bet on it. And while you might not enjoy being the recipient of it on a daily basis, some well-placed PDA is a great way to establish and promote a healthy dynamic between the two of you.
In my opinion, as long as your PDA is within reason and appropriate, what’s the problem? Additionally, make sure you’re doing it in a confident way… tending to look/focus away while kissing me, etc. – only looking at me for very brief moments. You shouldn’t encourage long, romantic gazes in public – can you say awkward? So keep it brief and confident.
Additionally, the rushed and “naughty” emotion PDA carries can make you feel like you’re on a team together – you two against the world, bonding you. It’s an opportunity to connect not only physically, but emotionally as well.
6. When He Leads in First Place Physically (forget opening doors for chicks)
You know, I always wondered why opening the door for a lady is considered “polite” or the norm. Take her hand, open the door yourself and lead her in behind you, still holding her hand! There could be danger in that building!
Don’t be afraid to take charge… It’s probably THE sexiest thing you can do outside the bedroom. It also sets you apart from any of the other guys that might be present and lurking. If you don’t do this, it’s only a matter of time before another guy will step up and take the lead…usually swooping the attention of your girl along with him.
Don’t stop at the door, either. If we’re out eating, ask me what I want to eat off the menu, and then when it’s time to order – speak for the both of us. Now keep in mind not to do these things in an overly aggressive manner. Do it in a take-charge, yet caring way. You want her to feel protected, and safe under your wing… not scared or feeling like she doesn’t have the right to an opinion. I’m getting excited just writing about it!
Take advantage of any time you can signal to her “I’m in charge.”
I seriously love the smell of a man. I love cologne on a man (of course, chosen with taste)… I love the way cologne settles into a man’s skin and starts to smell different after hours… I love the smell of a guy without cologne, after sex and even in the morning.
The only thing that can mess this up, really… is bad breath and B.O.
As long as you’re always on top of those two things, your natural smell (yes, even “down there”) can affect a girl truly like pheromones are supposed to work! I experience it on a regular basis. Also, I notice that once I really start to like a guy, (like like) his smell becomes intoxicating. Lastly if you’re not a big cologne fan, don’t be afraid use it sparingly – skipping daily use. It can and should be a special treat for her, maybe when you guys are headed out or to surprise her now and again.
8. Kiss behind ear/on neck
Very self-explanatory. It’s probably the most sensual, sensitive place to be kissed, especially at the right moment.
9. The way they carry themselves
Once again, this goes back to confidence. A few years ago, I held a job at a luxury residential high rise building as a concierge, where there I received some “uncomfortable” feedback: I wasn’t being friendly, engaging or “smiley” enough. What?!
I’ll admit, I was surprised. I truly take pride in my ability to engage others, put others at ease in social situation, encourage social interactions between those around me and in general – socialize! It’s why I decided to become a concierge and pursue the hospitality industry in San Francisco for over 8 years – I felt it came naturally to me.
Well, I was WRONG! Partially. Really, just needed to tweak the way I carried myself and my mannerisms. I didn’t want to at first but eventually, I realized that yes, maybe I wasn’t acting “girly” or “bubbly” enough; the way people expect an attractive female to behave. This idea at first was hard pill for me to swallow, but over the years I’ve both given in and embraced the idea that yeah – people will judge you based on what you look like, how you act, how you stand, your posture, your smile, eye contact, clothes – the whole thing.
I don’t know about you, but I’d rather have an easier time in life adjusting myself a little bit, instead of wasting a bunch of time trying to change everyone else. It will behoove you to stop, look at the successful people around you, and notice what they’re doing right. If you don’t have any successful, inspiring guys around you – the social network within Inner Confidence is a great way to find some.
How I changed:
For me, it was about smiling more, asking more questions, being on my phone less, and yes… appearing more bubbly. I learned how to not only easily engage people in conversation but how to command the attention of an entire room of people without demanding it. It’s about feeling what others are feeling and fine tuning your behavior in accordance to how they’re vibing you. Empathy, guys… Learn it.
Tips on how to carry yourself as a man:
– stand up straight, no slouching and no hunching over your phone
– make eye contact with everyone
– firm handshake
– initiate and engage conversations
-pay attention to social cues (such as when to stop talking, when to ask questions, when to strike up a conversation, what kind of questions to ask, when and how to laugh if you’re unsure, etc.)
– introduce people to each other (taking charge)
– know when to check your phone and for how long
– get your body language down
-wear the right clothes (see my Fashion Guide for a comprehensive and easy to understand breakdown of men’s clothing in a nutshell)
All of the above are probably of equal importance in terms of “how you carry yourself.” It’s not the easiest thing to explain, and it will take some time and some practice, but you will find your niche and perfect your method of socializing in a way where you feel not only comfortable, but confident, happy and in the lead.
That’s all for now…
Through the years I have compiled a subconscious list of things that winners do and losers do: word choice, behavior, etc.
A lot of this will be anecdotal evidence, but that’s good enough for me.
A client of ours said earlier, “I need a game plan” or something like that. 100% of my broke friends say things like that.
“I think (but can’t prove) I need a plan” is an excuse to not do anything. You get to feel okay about yourself masturbating and sitting on your lazy ass 24 hours a day getting nothing done cause you don’t have a plan, cause boy oh boy once you have that magical plan you gonna tear it up big-time!
Jump off a bridge.
Go hit on every girl you see and read everything that’s been suggested – there is a PLAN. The rest will come later.
Fred Deluca (founder of Subway) wrote Ready, Fire, Aim, which is sorta the way Silicon Valley works now. If you walk into a VC’s office, an angel investor, or you want to bring a partner on board and you ramble about your “plans,” you are going to get laughed at. Everyone understands – just get SOMETHING out, see what people say/do, then start making changes/improvements.
More importantly, as to the “I need a plan” claim: ZERO POINT ZERO of my successful friends say this, EVER.
If anyone here feels like they’d do better in life with a plan, fine, here is your plan: Hit on 20 girls per week next 10 weeks. Watch every single This Week in Startups with Jason Calcanus, get a six-pack. Spend 10 hours a week learning about fashion. This PLAN alone will greatly impact your professional/financial/social/love life.
We hear the words “winners” and “losers” and don’t pay much attention to them because they sound very generic, silly words. I really like them and think they don’t get enough credit. Most decisions we make, even things we do that we don’t realize are decisions, lead towards a win or a loss.
Losers frequently make decisions that head down the loss path, and winners frequently makes decisions that head down the win path.
Here is a silly example: You own a start-up; you are growing rapidly and have serious deadlines over the next few weeks. You know that you will be taking Friday to Sunday off because it’s your birthday. You are presented with an opportunity to go to Disneylnad on a Monday. Keep in mind that there is a great saying: “If you want to accomplish something, set a goal and give yourself not enough time.”
Deadlines force teams to BANG hard and crank work. It kills distractions; it makes for productive ecosystems. Anyhow, back to Disneyland. A winner sees a path towards a win, and going to Disneyland on a weekday, when you’ve taken days off and will have days off coming up, is not a path towards a win.
You are probably saying to yourself, “Duh.” Well, forget you, because 99% of guys do this and worse. The fact is, almost every single one of you has met a girl, gotten love and not gotten her number “’cause she doesn’t live around here.”
WHAT THE %#@$?
How is that a path to a win? LOSER.
You will never be in her city, ever? She will never be in your city again? You will never be in the same place? You know for a fact she has no hot friends that will be visiting? How ’bout this one: I visit her city and you can now set me up with her to show me around and earn imaginary points from me. DONT BE A LOSER.
Losers refuse to take winning paths.
Next, another dude asked, “Does this mean having an open mind?” when I was talking about the importance of being objective, how this has been key contributor to my success.
In my experience, educated and successful people say the word “objective” three times a day or more. In my experience, broke hippie bums say “open-minded” 20 times a day. “Open-minded” is a pedestrian way of speaking.
“I need to get out of my head.” I dunno what that means, but shut up. You sound like a little wuss, and NO ONE wants to hang out with someone who says stuff like that. 100% of the people I’ve known that have said that are ding-dongs.
Winners don’t say those things. I’ve never hear someone that I respect say that stupid line.
Turn off brain chatter. Plug ahead and get it done, invest in yourself, hit on girls.
You probably have tons of brain chatter because you don’t have anything going on. You have all the free time in the world to have elaborate conversations with yourself. Even if the brain chatter won’t stop, shut up and keep that to yourself and your therapist. No one in the real world has time for your brain chatter. Focus on finding paths that lead to a win.
Chode Crystal: A chode crystal is known as a group of guys in their social circle at a bar or club who are too afraid to go over and talk to new people. They crystallize in the same position, not moving with their drink held up to their chest. Kind of like wallflowers. The chode crystals can get pretty big, and it’s a bunch of chode guys just looking in their group where the most entertainment is.
When I first heard this expression from my friend, Monish, I almost died laughing. Is it a bad thing to stand around at a bar with your buddies and just hang out? Of course not! I play in men’s ice hockey league, and we go out every Tuesday night after our game for beers. Do we talk to women? Not usually – it’s just about having a beer with the guys.
But what if you are going out with the intention of meeting women – is it bad to only talk to guys? If you’re having fun and enjoying the conversation, of course not. But the thing that gets guys in trouble is going out, feeling too much anxiety to socialize with the other people at the bar, and only talking amongst friends when you know you would rather be meeting new people.
Women take notice of these chode crystals more then you may think. If they catch you crystallizing with a bunch of other chodes, you will most likely be instantly rejected if you decide to eventually approach them. Chode crystals are like black holes: they suck the energy out of the room. What if you were at a party having fun and you noticed a bunch of guys in the corner watching you with envy? It might make you uncomfortable.
If you notice yourself being sucked into a chode crystal, here is how to escape:
Go tell the people standing next to you that they are in danger of also being sucked into the chode crystal if they stand too close. I would say something like this:
“Hey guys, random question: Do you know what a chode crystal is? It’s a group of dudes who are bored at the bar so they end up standing around pretending to be cool in their own little circle. I want you to know that I am a recovering chode crystalizer and I’m talking to you as part of my 12-step plan to detoxify myself.”
So the next time you find yourself in a chode crystal, get out as soon as you can!