If you don't feel confident in your dating life, it says nothing about your character. It's just an indication that you need more practice so you can stack more wins. There's a lot of nonsense out there on what confidence is, or what it takes to develop confidence. Confidence is the thoughts and feelings that result from a series of wins stacked together. It's your expectation of how you'll perform in a given situation, and it's different from self-esteem, which is your overall evaluation of yourself. I was reviewing Mate by Tucker Max yesterday and found a brilliant definition of … [Read more...]
Stop caring what other people think…or don’t?
Think of all the things you could accomplish if you didn't care what other people think. In an ideal world, you could flip a switch in your brain to do this, start taking bigger risks, and reap the rewards. That's why on the surface, "stop caring what other people think" is a great piece of advice. But as is usually the case, reality is more complicated than a piece of rah-rah self-help oversimplification. So what's my problem with this idea? The problem is that caring what others think is ingrained in human nature. We evolved in tribes with less than 150 people. If you were … [Read more...]
The 6 Biggest Mistakes To Avoid
In my early 20s I sucked with women. I was fat. I wasn't making any money. I didn't know how to dress. No wonder I couldn't get dates. I wanted to change everything at once. I didn't know what to do. Things are different now. I date hot women. I choose what kind of relationships I want. I'm in shape. All of the problems of the typical American dude are solved in my life. I never have to settle. I don't feel guilty bragging about my lifestyle because I hustled my ass off to get here. So how did I get here? I got here because I failed. A lot. I've made the same mistakes … [Read more...]
The good news about your dating life
When I was a kid I spent 10 years doing nothing but practicing golf. I was a +2 handicap at one point (2 strokes better than scratch) and an All-American in college. I just thought I was just lucky to find a good coach because I worked with John Anselmo, who taught Tiger Woods from age 12-17. I also thought I was blessed with a natural swing thanks to my ice hockey skillz. After I discovered The Game in 2006, I figured getting good with women and making crazy money would come easy too. I didn't realize that I got better at golf by doing NOTHING but practicing and playing EVERY DAY for 10 … [Read more...]
Dealing with discomfort
What I'm about to say is sad, but not very controversial: most people would experience mild discontent with their situation than face the discomfort that’s necessary for improving their lives. People just don't want to tolerate discomfort, even if they have a guarantee it’s temporary. Getting into shape is a prime example. Unhealthy people tend to know that getting into shape requires eating healthy, and physical exercise. The failure to act isn’t caused by a lack of information. It stems from an unwillingness to feel uncomfortable. Eating healthy is uncomfortable. Working out causes … [Read more...]
Oneitis and the 3-Step Cure
Let's talk about oneitis. This should feel familiar to every guy: you fixate on one specific girl, put her on a pedestal, and imagine the mental or logistical hurdles you need to overcome to get her. Often it occurs with a girl who isn't fully sold on you yet, or maybe even has rejected you already. It leads to added pressure and makes it almost impossible to succeed. In his book The Erotic Mind, Jack Morin details the "erotic equation": attraction plus obstacles leads to excitement. Guess what happens when you create this kind of excitement with a woman you aren't in a committed … [Read more...]
What a former club promoter can teach you about game
What happens to a club promoter’s social life when he leaves that world behind for a regular job? Today we’re checking in with Ben, a Leverage moderator and master networker who has likability down to a science. You may remember Ben from the Leverage Podcast, where he discussed how he got started as a promoter and his approach to meeting women. If you haven’t listened to that episode, check it out. Ben has left the club promoting world but still manages to maintain an amazing social life. He’s back to share with you his insights from his transition. When Ben was a full-time club … [Read more...]
How to up your conversation game in less than an hour
Lately it seems like there are two categories of questions I get asked more than anything else: conversation skills and texting. And you could argue that texting questions fall under conversation skills- texting feels like a different language, but all the principles of conversation skills apply to texting. Guys often tell me that their mind goes blank in the middle of a conversation. How do you stop running out of things to say? We all want to know how to make someone feel truly heard and listened to. What if you could provide someone with that rare experience they’re likely to remember … [Read more...]
How to put yourself in a position of strength
It's too easy to trap yourself into a position of weakness. If you're struggling to go attract and connect with the caliber of women that you really want, there's a good chance that you're talking yourself out of a position of strength. When you're craving attention or affection, you're in a position of weakness. When you're needy, you're in a position of weakness. When you're trying to convince someone that they should like you, you're definitely in a position of weakness. When you're trying to impress someone, well, you know where I'm going with this. So what should I do … [Read more...]
What my dog taught me about meeting women
This is Wiley, my German Shepard/Collie mix: Last week I brought Wiley with me to Las Vegas. We took a walk down The Strip and countless girls stopped me to pet and adore him. I need to get him a t-shirt that says, “I’m Wiley, 8 years old, Shepard/Collie.” I’ve probably answered those damn questions 5,000 times. When it’s a cute girl, I don’t mind as much though. Having a dog is one of the best hacks to meet women. But you already know that... A client in the Leverage Program asked me a question about how to know which "rules" to follow and which to ignore, and I immediately … [Read more...]
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