If you don't feel confident in your dating life, it says nothing about your character. It's just an indication that you need more practice so you can stack more wins. There's a lot of nonsense out there on what confidence is, or what it takes to develop confidence. Confidence is the thoughts and feelings that result from a series of wins stacked together. It's your expectation of how you'll perform in a given situation, and it's different from self-esteem, which is your overall evaluation of yourself. I was reviewing Mate by Tucker Max yesterday and found a brilliant definition … [Read more...]
The Minimum Effective Dose for day game
Most guys know what it’s like to struggle with conversation skills during a day game approach. How many of these feel familiar? The "I have a boyfriend" response Only getting brief responses Not knowing where to take the conversation ("I run out of things to say") Having boring conversations If you can relate to any of these, it doesn't automatically mean you're doing anything wrong. It comes down to a different problem: having a day game conversation is really fucking difficult. I've had a LOT of day game conversations and I'm really fucking comfortable having them, but they … [Read more...]
The Words Don’t Matter
When you're walking up to a girl and meeting her, your first impression is crucial, but there's one step here that I see a lot of guys mess up. They're so nervous that they forget to use the same social skills they use in all their other interactions. When you're nervous, your intelligence drops. Your fight or flight system gets triggered. You get overly literal and hang onto every word she says. Contrast that to a conversation you have with a close friend or a family member. In these interactions, you're able to read the emotions beneath their words. If you came home and said to your … [Read more...]
You Should Watch Dating Shows
You guys should be watching TONS of dating shows. I've watched almost every episode of Blind Date, Millionaire Matchmaker, Elimidate, Singled Out, etc...reality TV's finest programming. I'm sure I picked up a million how to's, do's and dont's, and pop culture references. If you're not consistently meeting women this is a must do. And guess what, these shows are immensely entertaining so this exercise is easy. While nerds were playing Starcraft, I was watching reality dating shows. Watching dates is one of the best ways to study human psychology. It is politically incorrect, … [Read more...]
Where You Should Be Meeting Women
It's Friday night and you've got your dancing shoes on, except you don't actually care about dancing tonight- you're single and you are going out to meet women. You and a buddy are trying to decide where to go. "There's a new club that just opened, kinda a hipster scene, but the chicks are hot, bro!" "I'm not into hipster chicks, but whatever...If they're hot, let's go check it out!" you respond. Sound familiar? Places like that are a waste of the limited free time you have! Busy guys quickly forget how much the environment of places we go out to affects our ability to meet … [Read more...]
Embarass Yourself to Overcome Social Anxiety
One of my favorite Inner Confidence exercises is our social freedom exercises. We do things like lie down in a crowded public area, pretend to text on our phones in a crosswalk until the light turns green and we get honked at, and go to Chipotle and ask for free guacamole. Pictured left is Leverage Program moderator, doing a social freedom exercise during this year's EuroTrip in Budapest. The point of these exercises is to embarrass yourself in public and learn to deal with whatever reaction you get. There's actual psychology behind it: the original cognitive-behavioral therapist Albert Ellis … [Read more...]
The 3 F’s: How to Become An Expert At Anything
I love when someone tells me that something is "simple, but not easy." Many of the best things in life fit this saying. Fitness. Nutrition. Confidence. Meeting women. Day game. These areas have simple rules for success, and then they require hard work applying those rules. Expert performance is the same way. It's simple, but not easy. How simple? The path to becoming an expert can be broken down into three steps that anyone can understand and apply immediately. 1. Focus This doesn't mean a general sense of focus. This is referring to taking a microscope on the skills that comprise … [Read more...]
The Value of Coaching We Often Forget
Guest post by James, Leverage Program moderator One of the biggest influences during my childhood wasn’t a part of my family, schooling, or friends. It was my soccer coach, Brian Malloy. As a child, I was always willing to listen to what he said. He was a major part of my life. He pushed me to be a better teammate, a better player, and to achieve success in and out of the classroom. My life would be drastically different without his coaching in my adolescence. During adulthood, I lost the understanding of how valuable a coach can be. Growing up I needed people who saw the world … [Read more...]
Why Getting Rejected Is Good…
Why is rejection so scary? Our society does a great job of instilling shame in men. Growing up as kids, and even into our adult lives, we’re told toxic messages that can hold us back for a lifetime. Sometimes this shame originates from the people around us. Our parents or friends tell us these messages explicitly: that guy’s a player and you shouldn’t be like that. Or they could be more subtle messages from the media and movies: in order to get a girl to like you, you need to be nice and submissive. People mean well when they give us this kind of advice. Despite their good intentions, … [Read more...]
5 Ways To Always Be In Style
Women pay attention to your clothing. Your personal style can signal your positive, attractive traits, or it can repel hot women away from you. What's the minimalist, easy way to make sure you always look good? It's simple. Keep items in your wardrobe that will always be in style, and nail down your fundamentals. 1. The White Shirt Any combination of crew-neck/long sleeve or long sleeve/v-neck will work. You could even explore different styles of dress shirts if you want to. Make sure you get a few of each style that works for you. White gets dirty easily, and to a woman, there’s nothing … [Read more...]
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