When you see a woman you want to approach, is your first thought almost always, “What do I say to her?”
If so, this article is for you.
To come up with the words for a great approach, I use a process I created called the The Play-by-Play (TM). It’s very simple; all it is is a description of exactly what I did to come talk to her. Kind of like how a sports announcer would describe a play that just happened. Here are 4 examples:
Girls on the bench with Pablo:
I was with my friend Pablo when we saw two beautiful women seated on a bench. Pablo suggested we approach them, but I refused because we had bad breath after eating a big seafood dinner and I wanted to get Tic Tacs first. So we got the Tic Tacs, walked up to them, and I said, “We noticed you two a few minutes ago when we walked by earlier, and we were about to hit on you when I realized that we had bad breath from the seafood we just ate, so we went to the store, grabbed some Tic Tacs and now we’re back. So yeah… I’m Robbie and this is Pablo.”
They cracked up, and we spent the rest of the night with them.
Girl on the bike:
I was with a client teaching him how to approach women when we saw a hottie riding towards us on a bike. My client said, “Whoa, how would you hit on her?” I said, “Watch this.” As she rode towards me, I started waving my hands in the bike lane and motioned for her to pull over. When she stopped, I said, “So I was standing with that guy over there and we both thought you were really cute on your bike. He didn’t know how to stop you, so I told him that I would do my best. Hi, I’m Robbie.”
She cracked up and gave me her number 2 minutes later.
Girl on the street:
Right before I hit on the girl on the bike, we saw a different girl walking down the sidewalk. My client asked me if I would demonstrate hitting on a woman for him. I said sure, and I thought, “I better not screw up, because that would be embarrassing.” So I walked up to her and said, “Hey, I saw you and I had to risk embarrassing myself in front of my friend over there to meet you.”
She cracked up and gave me her business card less than a minute later.
Girl at the Quiznos:
I was in New York walking down 34th Street when I saw a brunette sitting by herself in an empty Quiznos. I couldn’t see her face, but she was dressed to the nines and looked amazing from behind. So I walked in and ordered a water so I could check her out. She looked even better from the front, so I walked over to her and said, “I was walking by outside when I noticed you sitting in here. I couldn’t see your face, so I decided to order a water so I could check you out. Does that make me a scumbag?”
She just about spit out her food in laughter, and two minutes later she gave me her number.
Girls at the bar with my buddy:
My buddy and I were having an awesome night when we rolled into a bar. There was an Indian girl and a Vietnamese girl sitting at a table beside the bar giving us eye contact. They were obviously interested in us, so my buddy walked over, sidled up next to the Indian girl and confidently said, “Hi, I’m Robbie.” About 2 minutes later after ordering a few drinks, I walked over and started flirting with the Vietnamese one. We had a few drinks, took them to a club, I went off with my girl and my buddy went off with his. Later that night, we found each other and we all went back to my buddy’s house.
The last example was nonverbal, and it just goes to show that when you feel good, it doesn’t really matter what you say. But if you aren’t in the zone or feeling good, it really helps to say something that entertains you and makes her laugh. It’s a deadly combination.
Why does this work?
It works because no one else is doing it. Being direct shows that you have a lot of confidence, which women find irresistible, and it also creates sexual tension.
The humor created from calling out the situation will almost always get a laugh, which eases any awkward tension and makes everyone involved feel much more comfortable.
Most guys fail at approaching by doing one of two things. The first is they make a lame-ass situational statement or ask a boring obvious question like “Do you come here often?” or “Lots of people here tonight, huh?”
This is boring, not original and leads to nothing but small talk and conversational filler. You quickly realize that the interaction is stalling, so you start racking your brain for something else to say and come up with nothing.
Awkward silence happens, and either you walk away or she tells you she has to use the bathroom.
The second thing most guys do who have studied seduction techniques is use canned material like opinion openers: “Can I get a girl’s opinion on something? Who lies more, men or women?” Women are quickly catching on to these openers because so many men use them, and while they may engage them in a conversation, you can never be sure if they are talking to you because they are interested in you or they are just interested in discussing the social dynamics of who lies more; women love talking about that stuff.
When I open with The Play-by-Play Approach(TM), I know that if she continues talking to me, she is interested and attracted to me.
If she’s not, she will tell me on the spot that she has a boyfriend or I’m not her type and I won’t waste my time.
Pickup Lines Are Lame!
“Who lies more, men or women?”
“I’m shopping for my girlfriend, she’s about your size, can you help me find something for her?”
“Hey girls, I need a female opinion…”
And, of course, the least effective:
“I work at Goldman Sachs” (handing out business card)
Have you ever used these? I have to give guys props for trying something; taking action is so much better than doing nothing, and if you start taking action, that might well be the first step that propels you to improve your skills.
I also should be honest, if you are confident enough (which you will not be if you rely on canned lines), and you make fun of the line, it can work in some situations. My wingman once walked up with “If I told you I only had 24 hours to live and I wanted to spend them with you, how would you respond?”
The girls cracked up immediately: “How often do you use that?” We had a great conversation with them and got their numbers. But it seemed like we kept coming back to the line every 5 minutes.
And the interaction wasn’t sizzling with sexual tension. The girls were clearly attracted to us, and wanted to talk to us, but it the energy just wasn’t there. These are just two pitfalls of the canned approach.
The biggest problem with using lines is that is doesn’t build confidence. You will not become used to facing tension, to being authentic and completely open about your desires.
So if you’re using them, STOP!