7 Steps on How to Be A Man That Women Fall For
We all want to be a man that women fall for. Whether you’re trying to get a girlfriend, or just trying to play the field for a while, you need to become a man first.
As the old saying goes, women don’t want a boy… they want a man. Unfortunately, however, our society isn’t doing a great job of teaching boys how to be men.
…that’s where we come in. Here at Inner Confidence, in conjunction with Robbie Kramer, we’ve come up with 7 surefire steps to help you learn how to become a man.
Step 1. Find Your Bigger Purpose
Finding your bigger purpose will always be the first thing you must do, in any endeavor.
Masculine energy has always been “goal” focused – that’s how we evolved. Whether it was hunting down a buffalo on the plains, fighting enemies in combat, or ensuring the safety of the tribe, men have always needed to have a laser focus on their goals.
Unfortunately, most men nowadays don’t need to have this to get by. Simply getting a minimum wage job and a subscription to Netflix will provide you with most of what you need to live an easy (but not fulfilling) life.
Finding your bigger purpose isn’t as hard as you think, and it can actually be quite fun… but if you want to become a man that women fall for, you need to put yourself first.
I know this seems paradoxical, but self-love is the first pillar of self-confidence. Without asking yourself the bigger “why,” then nothing else will become possible. Yet, in the words of Friedrich Nietzsche: “He who has a why, can survive almost any how.”
So, ask yourself: what is your bigger purpose right now?
- To Unlock Your Full Potential
- To Be Happy With A Family
- To Improve The World in Some Way
You can choose any of the above, or make your own. What’s important, however, is that you begin to focus on yourself first, before you try to land a girl.
Step 2. Understand What Women Want
If you’re going to become a man that women fall for, you need to understand what they want… and fortunately enough, it’s actually not as hard as you think.
Fundamentally, there are only two things that turn women on:
Most guys have way too much comfort, without enough value. When these ratios are skewed, things don’t always go your way.
Too much value and not enough comfort, and she’ll be attracted to you, but too intimidated by you to ever have sex. Too much comfort, and not enough value, and you’ll get “friend zoned.”
Value is simply anything that adds value to her life. It’s comprised of four things:
- Physical Looks (Height, Muscles, Face)
- Masculine Energy (Assertiveness, Dominance, Security)
- High Status (Wealth, Hierarchy, etc.)
- Game/Charisma (Spiking Her Emotions, Connection)
Once you master all four of these things, you will easily become the type of man that women want. This is the key if you want to learn how to become a man.
…and while all four of these things are beyond the scope of this article, there’s plenty of posts here on Inner Confidence to help you out. Consider reading some of the following:
- 6 Reasons You’re Screwing Yourself If You Don’t Work Out
- What You Should Know About Starting A Business
- How to Get More Dates
Once you begin to understand female psychology, and why women are attracted to what they’re attracted to, everything will begin to make sense.
Step 3. Ruthless Self-Analysis
If you want to learn how to be a man, you must be brutally honest with yourself. Where aren’t you living up to what you could be, in your own life?
I generally like to separate life into four critical areas:
If any of these areas aren’t up to par, it’s time to really hone in on why.
Where do you want your health to be? Be honest with yourself. Are you out of shape? Are you overweight, or just really weak and scrawny? Be specific.
…or maybe your wealth isn’t what you want. Are you working a job you hate? Maybe you always had dreams of being a doctor, but never got around to it. Be honest.
How is your love life doing? This category extends beyond women and goes to all relationships in general. Do you have a lot of male friends who really enjoy spending time with you?
Be honest. If you get the first three things right, usually happiness will come naturally. If you want, you can do a rigorous self-inventory right now, and then move onto step 4.
Step 4. Create Some Concrete Goals
Now that you understand where you’re lacking, and you understand what women are attracted to, it’s time to make some goals in line with this purpose.
As we’ve said before, goals are the bread and butter of your life. Without a goal, man is aimless – we create our own goals in life, and we create our own meaning, a la Jean-Paul Sartre, the French Existentialist.
Take a moment to set some SMART goals, which are:
Any goals which don’t meet up to these criteria aren’t good goals to set.
If they’re not specific, you won’t know if you’ve attained them. If they’re not measurable, you can’t measure your progress. If they’re not attainable, you won’t ever achieve them. If they’re not relevant, who cares? And if they’re not timely, there’s no real pressure.
Your goals should look something like the following. This was one of my old goals for my blog, Masculine Development, which I hit recently:
“I want to be earning $15,000 in gross income from my blog, by February 31st.”
This goal was specific (a specific income goal). It was measurable, as you can measure income. It was attainable, as I was already making close to that. It was relevant, because I wanted more money at the time, and it was timely because it had a specific date to achieve it by.
Here are some examples of SMART goals you can set:
“I want to lose 15 pounds of fat by December 31st of this year.”
“I want to ask out 3 girls a day for the next month.”
“I want to get my Karate black belt by February 1st of next year.”
Do you see the point? True goals, if you wish to attain them, must be concrete and measurable.
Once you’ve set some goals, it’s time to go deeper.
Step 5. Establish Male Camaraderie
One of the saddest things about modern culture is that many men are isolated and don’t have the same relationships they had a century ago.
Men used to understand the value of male camaraderie, but unfortunately, this is something that many men have lost. The old saying runs true, that “iron sharpens iron,” and if you don’t have any “iron” in your life, you won’t get any sharper.
It’s important to be friends with women, too. No, not the “friend zone” with women – I mean when you actually become friends with her because you enjoy her energy and personality.
Having female friends will 10x your growth because they’re very attuned to things that you might not be attuned to, such as social cues, style, and emotions.
That being said, it’s arguably more important for you to have a close group of “bros” who you hang out with on a regular basis. Without this, you will not feel fulfilled.
When men hang out with men, something magical happens. We rib each other, roast each other, provide blunt, straight-forward advice, and most importantly, help each other grow.
…and that’s not to say that women can’t do this, but there’s a certain way that men have of dealing with things, that you need more of in your life.
Strong male friendships do several things for you:
- They Help You Grow (Iron Sharpens Iron)
- They’ve Got Your Back in Hard Times
- They Give You Honest, Straight-Forward Advice
Ask yourself: how many times have you hung out with bros in the past month? If the answer is less than at least once a week, you’ve got some work to do.
If you want to be a man that women are attracted to, you need some male friendships. This can be wingmen you go out with, bros you take martial arts classes with, dudes you go dirt biking with… it can be anything. What’s important is that you enjoy it, and do it for YOU.
Step 6. Learn Some Game
Now, as important as having male friendships are, you also need to learn how to deal with women. They communicate and operate at a much different level than men do, so in order to have a balanced life, you must strive to meet more women.
Much has already been said about inner game on this blog, and much more will continue to be said. As long as there are men out there who need our help, we will be there for them.
Understand that Inner Game and Outer Game are often one and the same. Take a look at some of the principles of inner game, and then compare them to outer game.
Principles of “Inner Game”:
- Clarity of Intent
- Carefree Energy
- Bigger Purpose
Now, take a look at some of the principles of “Outer Game”:
- Strong Opener (Good Hook)
- Comfort With Escalation
- Passing Shit Tests
- Spiking Her Emotions
If you take a close look, you’ll notice that many of the principles of outer game, will naturally come to you when you havestrong inner game.
Do you need to pass her shit tests? This will come naturally when you’re confident and don’t have any self-doubt. Do you need to spike her emotions? When you’re already happy on the inside, it’s easy to do that, as per the “Law of State Transference.”
Many men only look to solve their problems with women on the outside, without going deeper and resolving their inner traumas and conflicts.
I promise you though, if you focus on the inside first, the outer game will come.
Step 7. Be Patient
I know this sucks to hear, but success does not come overnight, and as the old saying goes: “Rome was not built in a day.” It takes time to succeed, so patience is required.
That being said, you can make progress far faster than you think. I myself have completely transformed my life in just a matter of a few years, in ways you could not even imagine.
One of the most important ways you can speed up your progress is to have mentors. This is why it’s so important to learn from other men, who have been where you are, and who successfully improved their lives, in ways you want to improve yours.
Having a mentor can 10x your progress, because they give you targeted, specific feedback.
This is one of the reasons that men in our Leverage program learn so quickly. They get specific, targeted advice, that applies to THEM, right NOW.
When you have mentors, you can avoid making mistakes that might cost you months or even years of wasted time and energy. As harsh as this sounds, if you don’t have good mentors in your life, it will be almost impossible to succeed.
The good news is, that it’s easy to find mentors nowadays. Even if you can’t afford to buy a course or pay someone for 1-on-1 coaching, there are other ways.
The fastest and biggest way that most men can get a mentor, in my opinion, is to simply read a lot of books. Think about it… men who have conquered the world or started billion dollar empires, and overcome impossible odds, have written their life story for you to discover.
…and all it costs is a few bucks and a few hours of your time. That’s a pretty low price to pay, to unlock someone’s most important life lessons.
BUT, you have to be patient. Again, success takes time, and if you don’t see results immediately, do not get disheartened. Stay focused on the goal, understand that change will take time and that as long as you stay persistent, you can achieve anything you wish.
Summary: How to Become A Man Women Want
I know all of this can feel overwhelming sometimes, but the truth is that it is a lot easier than you think. Many men have traversed far greater odds than you, and if they can do it, anything is possible.
The most important step is #1, however… what’s important is that you get started now. Don’t wait one second longer, because “tomorrow” is the universal killer of hopes and dreams.
What is your bigger purpose? WHY do you want to live your life? Even if it’s just to be happy and enjoy yourself, make that your purpose for now.
Once you establish your greater “why,” move through the steps. Read through this blog like your life depends on it, and begin to understand women.
Assess yourself rigorously, set some goals for what you want to improve, and then go from there. If you have any questions, please do let us know in the comments section down below.
I hope you guys enjoyed this article, and I wish you all the best of luck.