For most men searching for dating advice, the stages of development when it comes to being comfortable creating sexual tension are as followed:
Stage 1. Boring nice guy with no edge
Stage 2. Creepy Pepe Le Pew sex maniac
Stage 3. The perfect balance
Most guys start in stage 1 because of normal social and sexual fears that need to be overcome on a boys path to becoming a man.
Stage 2 seems awkward and riddled with adversary but there’s no way to skip it. My golf coach used to tell me that “Exaggeration is the key to normalcy” or in other words, if you want to find the sweet spot, you have to push the boundaries on both sides.
In fact, if you’re not called out on being too aggressive at least once in a while, you’re not pushing hard enough.
Push/Pull – pushing is when you’re giving her love, attention and pulling is when you’re ignoring, taking away and giving her space.
If you push too hard you get way more action if you didn’t but you’ll also blow it with any girl who has other accessible options.
For example, my client Paul pushed with a blonde he met at weekend getaway in the Hamptons so hard the first day that she pulled away and went after other guys instead. AND to make matters worse, every other girl saw him pushing away, which ruined his chances with anyone else after he struck out with blonde.
What he should have done is pulled away and watched to see if she pushed towards him. Then he could have continued to push, then pull, it’s a dance.
This is not some sort of tactic. It’s actually how a normal interaction between a guy with high level social skills and an attractive woman should go. Both have other options so it’s normal that neither would have to push too hard.
The key to understanding push/pull is knowing what constitutes a push and a pull and when to execute. Here’s a sample list of different ways to push and pull.
- stating direct intent “I had to risk embarrassing the hell out of myself by hitting on you in the grocery store”
- touching (keep it subtle and friendly at first)
- eye contact
- positive body language (facing her square on)
- active listening
- asking questions
- asking for contact info
- asking out
- going in for a kiss
- sexual escalation
- saying yes
- teasing, disqualifying
- negative body language
- feigning interest/banter “you’re like my bratty little sister”
- playfully lying and getting caught
- icing (not responding to texts)
- saying no
I’m sure I forgot some so please add to this list by commenting at the bottom of the post.
The way most guys screw up is that we push, push, push. She pushes back a little if attracted but then she pulls away and you push harder. If she pulls away, you must follow suit and do the same.
To make matters worse, if she pulls away and you get awkward/angry/salty, you can pretty much kiss any chances of sex with her goodbye.
For example, if you go in for the kiss and she gives you the cheek and you get uncomfortable she will feel uncomfortable and pull away more. But if you stay relaxed and say “that was an A+ kiss dodge, you’re good, but stay on your toes, I’m gonna try again before you know it ” It shows that you are unfazed and confident.
The ultimate time to pull away is when she is pushing, but this is fragile because you don’t want to pull away too hard or she’ll get upset/angry/salty and tell you to f-off.
I took a girl out for a date after meeting her at a bar. We made out heavily at the end of the date then I went home. I didn’t text her after the date, I only responded to her texts. I also didn’t push to see her again because I was so busy.
She got salty and upset and told me not to contact her again, but the truth is, it just made her want me more. Optimal play would have been to push back and show her more love, because if you pull away too hard she’ll think you’re a huge player with infinity options and won’t trust you.
There are so many more examples, but hopefully you guys get the hint. If she likes you, pulling away will make her want you more. So don’t forget to behave as if you have a ton of options and a girl being attracted to you is a normal, everyday thing.
If you push back every time she pushes, you’ll look like an eager beaver and she’ll know she’s got you wrapped around her finger.
Never ask out twice in a row, never send multiple texts (3 or more) without a response, never push for sexual escalation if she isn’t initiating at all either or at least showing signs of pleasure.
You could read about this shit for years but the only real way to learn it and execute is through practice and repetition.