It’s too easy to trap yourself into a position of weakness. If you’re struggling to go attract and connect with the caliber of women that you really want, there’s a good chance that you’re talking yourself out of a position of strength.

When you’re craving attention or affection, you’re in a position of weakness.

When you’re needy, you’re in a position of weakness.

When you’re trying to convince someone that they should like you, you’re definitely in a position of weakness.

When you’re trying to impress someone, well, you know where I’m going with this.

So what should I do instead?

Five ways to make sure you’re in a position of strength

1. When a girl cancels a date on you, don’t rush to reschedule. Instead, keep her engaged on social media, and let her come back to you. Yes, there’s a chance that she won’t ever come back, but it’s better to let that happen naturally than to try to force her into committing to a date again.
2. If a girl doesn’t respond to two texts, stop texting her. Sorry buddy, but she didn’t forget about you. She probably isn’t “too busy” to be attracted to you either. She’s just not attracted to you at this point in her life. Maybe things will change and she’ll come back around. Maybe they won’t. Either way, stay in a position of strength and dignity by not chasing her.
3. Be honest with your intentions. Guys who struggle in the “friend zone” messed up by not being honest with their intentions. It’s okay to be attracted to your friend- it’s less okay to conceal that fact while scheming and manipulating the situation to try to get her to fall for you.
4. Invite rejection into your life. The fear of rejection is an order of magnitude worse than the pain of actual rejection. You should be constantly pushing your comfort zone and growing your social freedom by intentionally getting rejected. The more you do it, the more you see that it isn’t that bad.
5. Seek honest feedback from mentors. It’s rare for people to express the brutally honest truth. It’s not that everyone is consciously lying, but the norm is to respond with “It was fine” or “I’m good,” when what people often mean is closer to “Today was whatever. Nothing good happened. Nothing bad happened. I’m just saying ‘fine’ because it’s the programmed response I’m expected to say.” It’s the same way in communication with friends- we’re programmed to be polite instead of actually being helpful. This is why it’s crucial when you’re improving your social and dating life to surround yourself with guys who are better than you who are willing to provide honest feedback. They can diagnose your weaknesses, identify your strengths, and help you to live your life in a position of strength.