One of the things I have my clients in my Leverage Program do once a quarter is to submit an essay about where they were 3 months ago and what they’ve learned since, so that they can consciously see how far they’ve come.
A lot of times guys are so focused on the struggles and looking up at how much higher they have to climb on the mountain that they forget to look back and see how far they’ve already gone.
A little progress every day goes a long way. Sometimes you have to stop and smell the roses in order to appreciate the progress you’ve made.
It’s very easy for someone to get engulfed in getting better with dating and women, that they forget how much they’ve already accomplished. So today I wanted to share with you one of my clients’ essay, as if they were explaining it to a dorky 15-year-old.
As your own personal homework (if you’re action-oriented enough to accept) is to send me your report on what you’ve accomplished in the area of dating and meeting women.
What have you improved since then? What are you still struggling with? What’s one thing that’s holding you back from fixing/improving that? Let me know because I’d be happy to help with feedback.
15 year old self
Do not be content with just being and doing “well”.
In the real world, doing well is not good enough. Average is not good enough.
Push and expand your thinking and do not become complacent. Take risks and put yourself out there. You must be willing to analyze constantly the things you are doing and how you can learn from them.
Learn to change and adapt to different situations. You will have to learn that keeping up with social protocols and dressing well is a must, analyze and reflect on every social interaction, and be much more proactive in life.
Take pride in your appearance. Don’t be content with being an average weight.
You have no excuses for not being in shape. Do not wake up one day and realize you are not the person you expect yourself to be.
Listen clearly to suggestions from people and don’t think you are where you need to be. Always strive to get better every day and continue doing the things you enjoy.
Starting a Conversation
– Dos – Go for it, banter with people, on the elevator, in lines, ask questions and be genuinely interested in the things people are doing in life. Reflect on the conversation and analyze the interactions.
– Donts – Be passive, have regrets.
Getting a number
– Dos – Tell the girl to give you her number and hand her the phone. Reflect on situation and learn from it.
– Don’t – Forget the girls name or forget her to put it in the phone, I forget names all the time and something I need to work on. I am thinking about what to say next and often let the name slip.
– Dos – Take pride in appearance, have a clue about whats fashionable, and being in shape will make clothes look better. Do research on things going on in the world and in fashion. Talk to trusted people about fashion. Take diet serious so look better in clothes. Shoes are important. Wear dark colored jeans that fit well. Get feedback on closet from someone to help make adjustments to what to wear.
– Donts – wear plaids that make me look fatter than I am (thanks John). Wear baggy jeans and other clothes that don’t fit my physique. Wear shoes that are ill fitting for places I am going (don’t wear gym shoes to lunch). Don’t buy anything too crazy and look for value on certain items.
– Dos – Approach with a plan, venue change within bar or even to other bars. Move on from girls I know I need numbers from or from girls I will hook up with. Have after party at John’s and bring condoms. Use physical contact to read the situation. Control nonverbal signals. Have friends in the industry that will invite you out to their spots and cool places.
– Donts – Be passive and miss out on an opportunity to try and hit on a girl. Don’t go rouge on openers. Don’t get too drunk and don’t go out with friends that hold me back and want to sit around drinking instead of hitting on girls like John and Paul do.
– Dos – Approach with line, approach with positive attitude knowing it will go well and have a plan, know the girls are not there to sit and talk to each other all night and are also out to meet people, approach with the girl I want in mind so my wingmen can divide and conquer and divide and conquer when my wingmen need me to. If I see my wingman needs help, go over and take care of business and don’t wait for him to call me in. Add value
– Donts – wait for opportunity to approach if my wingmen have odd or even groups, if I am going to hinder the situation don’t go.
Conversational Do’s and Dont’s
– Dos – Be interesting and do interesting things. Have a few good stories to tell and tell them well. Reflect on conversation.
– Donts – Don’t just talk about myself and be the COOL STORY BRO guy. Don’t bring up negative topics that bring up harsh feelings for people.
– Dos – Smiley faces and winks go a long way to convey tone, follow the script, be interesting and different from the normal crowd texting the girl, reflect on interaction, post more on the site for feedback
– Donts – Write long winded texts, have one sided text conversations, go rogue when told to text something specific
– Dos – follow the script, have pictures that tell a story to make you seem interesting without having to say a word, have a witty opening line, like every girl then check their photos after
– Donts – continue conversation through tinder without getting phone number, have pictures that make me look bad
Running A Date
– Dos – venue change, have a plan in mind, have a first place with a good atmosphere, have a second place as a good place to go for make out, have a bar with engagement to build competition and flirting. Talk about past present and future. Tell the girl when / where to meet, after finding out what days and times they are available. Dress well for the date. Have questions in mind to keep conversation flowing. Pay for stuff. On transition to second / third venue have flirting hand holding and / or pushing. Reflect on date and analyze it. Use physical contact and read nonverbal signs on when to go for make out.
– Donts – invite girls over to dinner for first date. Dont be passive. Don’t get into a texting back and forth about times because didn’t find out schedule.
– I realized I have learned a lot in a short amount of time. I appreciate getting to learn from the guys I’ve met in the group. and he has helped me in my growth tremendously. I have been in the process of realizing that a key to success is trying and failing and learning.