What I'm about to say is sad, but not very controversial: most people would experience mild discontent with their situation than face the discomfort that’s necessary for improving their lives. People just don't want to tolerate discomfort, even if they have a guarantee it’s temporary. Getting into shape is a prime example. Unhealthy people tend to know that getting into shape requires eating healthy, and physical exercise. The failure to act isn’t caused by a lack of information. It stems from an unwillingness to feel uncomfortable. Eating healthy is uncomfortable. Working out causes … [Read more...]
Embarass Yourself to Overcome Social Anxiety
One of my favorite Inner Confidence exercises is our social freedom exercises. We do things like lie down in a crowded public area, pretend to text on our phones in a crosswalk until the light turns green and we get honked at, and go to Chipotle and ask for free guacamole. Pictured left is Leverage Program moderator, doing a social freedom exercise during this year's EuroTrip in Budapest. The point of these exercises is to embarrass yourself in public and learn to deal with whatever reaction you get. There's actual psychology behind it: the original cognitive-behavioral therapist Albert … [Read more...]
5 of the Most Effective Tips for Improving Your Vocal Tonality
Some guys are born with a naturally powerful voice that turns women on. Most guys aren't as fortunate. Some guys have naturally picked up good habits from their peers, friends, and families. Most guys don't put in this kind of effort, but they should. Even professionals like sportscasters have spent hundreds of hours working on their own and with coaches to sound more confident. 1. Open your mouth wider Do you mumble? Open your mouth wider. Do you speak too quickly? Open your mouth wider. Do you speak too softly? Open your mouth wider. This could go on and on, and there's a good … [Read more...]
What’s Better Than Motivation?
I've found from working with hundreds of clients that motivation is NOT what drives behavior change. Trying to change too many habits at once more often than not leads to failure, discouragement, and not trying again. Habits are more important than discipline or willpower. Our society teaches us to view life improvement in a way that is very black and white. We love all or nothing thinking: either I’m going to stick perfectly to my new diet, or it’s not worth trying. People see anything short of radical life change in every domain as a failure, when in reality, we improve our lives by … [Read more...]
The Hardest Weight To Lose
As a health and fitness coach, I’ve seen tons of people both lose and gain weight. While people come to me for first for health advice, it usually evolves into life advice, because we develop deeper relationships with the people who help us. In so many situations, the advice follows similar patterns, and the best advice I could ever give is to be honest. Be honest with your family, friends, coworkers, social media followers, and acquaintances. But overall, be honest with yourself. Being honest with others can only happen when you're honest with yourself. Most people are too scared to be … [Read more...]
When You’re Objective, You Take More Risks
One of the most effective actions you can take to improve your life is developing your ability to think objectively. Most people think emotionally. Yes, this includes men, who often assume they are rational and impervious to the effects of emotions on their thinking. Men tend to have blind spots in this area just as much as women. People usually look at their situation, whatever it may be, come up with one possible outcome, and only focus on that outcome happening. Emotions drive the estimate of the outcome occurring. This human tendency is the reason why the mainstream news media … [Read more...]
Dating With Social Anxiety
I've said before that I don't care about approach anxiety. But when does anxiety become a real problem? When social anxiety becomes a problem, it’s because it turns into more than just a feeling of anxiety in social situations (like approach anxiety). If that's all it was, then you could just tough out the uncomfortable feeling and force yourself be social, like what most people do when they have to speak in public. The reason that social anxiety is a bigger problem is because it changes your actions and behaviors: you stop chasing your goals in order to avoid feeling anxious. What is … [Read more...]
“Bring It” Podcast Interview w/ Robbie Kramer
A lot of my content is centered around dating and relationships but this episode is very geared towards career advice, setting up a remote working situation to avoid the 9 to 5 and get out of the rat race, and some other cool points on choosing business partners. I was interview by a very inspiring young dude named YL Savitskiy on his podcast, Bring It. Topics Include: On building a remote lifestyle [2:10] How to developing personality traits [7:58] On balancing fun and doing business [14:22] On overcoming rejection [18:11] On the basics of networking [23:13] Robbie’s … [Read more...]
The Keys To Fixing Your Body Language
Body language is one of the most important ways you communicate. Women and successful men perceive what your body language shows about you in less than a second. Since it's processed on the subconscious level, your body language will make or break the interaction before you ever open your mouth. Unfortunately, guys who didn’t grow up with a masculine, athletic, macho, infrastructure in their lives never absorbed the confident body language that turns women on, so they're at a disadvantage on the dating market. Being aware of your own unconfident body language is a crucial step, … [Read more...]
The Quickest Way To Move Past Social Fear
When you're feeling fear or anxiety, the most important action to take isn't one that reduces anxiety. It's the action that reduces your avoidance, and makes you face whatever it is you're anxious about. The next time you’re in a situation where you’re feeling a negative emotion, especially fear, takes these three steps. Over time, they will train the subconscious part of your brain to do it automatically, and they take less than a minute. 1. Think of the best possible outcome This helps you determine what actions you need to take to reach that outcome. It helps you see what part of … [Read more...]
