Guest post by Jay, Leverage Program member and resident lazy fuck I've been working on my connection skills, and the group recommended I check out a book called Click: The Forces Behind How We Fully Engage with People, Work, and Everything We Do. The book is basically a collection of tons of examples and studies going over each aspect that creates instant connections, or what they call "quick set intimacy": That magic moment when you feel like you're in the zone while talking to another person, like you're 10/10 on 3 pointers. Except the baskets are people. Or something. So here are the … [Read more...]
Reader question: How do I escape the friend zone?
A reader asks: I'm planning out a date with an old casual friend from my hometown, where I've been staying for a few months. I recently got out of a 5 year relationship and looking forward to dating again. Background: I've somewhat had a crush on her. I always had an older brother-sister frame with her. I want to use this harmless coffee to take a step beyond the friendship dynamic. I know I need to do this very smoothly so there is no weirdness and end up creeping her out. What's the best way to do this? You are going about this with the wrong frame of mind. She knows you are both out of … [Read more...]
Why is it hard to stop chasing girls?
A common piece of advice for men is "don't chase girls." It's good advice, and it's a piece of advice I've given before. And yet, a lot of the advice from beginners is still “how do I get this girl to like me when she doesn’t?” Why is it so hard for beginners to follow? Before we answer that, let’s take a step back. It's crucial to understand that the only lasting method of having women in your life is to first, develop the characteristics that women find attractive, second, learn how to display those characteristics, and third, put yourself in situations where the kind of women you want to … [Read more...]
When You’re Objective, You Take More Risks
One of the most effective actions you can take to improve your life is developing your ability to think objectively. Most people think emotionally. Yes, this includes men, who often assume they are rational and impervious to the effects of emotions on their thinking. Men tend to have blind spots in this area just as much as women. People usually look at their situation, whatever it may be, come up with one possible outcome, and only focus on that outcome happening. Emotions drive the estimate of the outcome occurring. This human tendency is the reason why the mainstream news media … [Read more...]
Hot Chicks are Good for Business
Men love being in the company of beautiful women. It just makes everything that much more fun and interesting. You will never hear a guy say, “Dude, I’m out, I just don’t want to hang out with more cute girls.” Having hot chicks around brings me more hot chicks, more important guys, better girlfriends and better business opportunities. The more friends – hot, cool friends – I keep in my company, the higher I stand socially, and the more I enjoy my life. Whatever line of business you’re currently in, making friends with cute chicks and hanging out with them regularly will always … [Read more...]
Does Your Shirt Fit?
What size shirt are you wearing right now? I’d be willing to bet that it’s too big and doesn’t flatter you at all. How do I know that? Because 95% of all guys wear dorky clothes that make them look like they don’t have a clue how to take care of themselves (let alone lead an interaction with a woman). They haven't grasped that men's fashion styles have evolved through the ages. Dressing well is extremely important to women. A cute girl will look you up and down and decide in two seconds whether you’re worth her time and energy simply based on your choice of apparel (a crew neck in the … [Read more...]
How to Use the Friend Zone to Your Advantage
Guys complain to me all the time that they’ve been confined to the friend zone. They think they should be able to bang every girl they meet, and when they get pushed to the friend zone, they whine about it instead of strategically using it to their advantage. Dudes: STOP COMPLAINING ABOUT THE FRIEND ZONE. Here’s the thing, cute chicks hang around cute chicks. If some girl won’t sleep with you but she invites you out with her girls and you become friends, use that to your advantage. You roll into some bar with six cute girl friends and you’re golden. Not only does this seriously raise … [Read more...]
A Better Way To Connect With Women
Creating strong emotional connections, especially in a short amount of time, is a difficult skill to master. Anyone who is missing the signals that girls send and not connecting is thinking way too much about what's going on in their own head: insecurities, thoughts, what to say next, etc. They're focusing on the craziness in of their mind instead of the person in front of their face. They're directing their attention to the wrong place. Before getting into how to create a deep connection, it's important to understand what "vibing" is. Guys who are good with women know how to vibe. They … [Read more...]
How to Get Over the Pain of Rejection
Every man in the world has experienced being rejected by a woman (or if he hasn’t, he’s too scared to talk to a woman in the first place). I’ve felt it. My buddies have felt it. I know you’ve felt it otherwise you wouldn’t be reading this article. There’s no doubt about it, getting a “no” totally sucks. It hurts. You might start thinking, “God, I suck. I’m horrible with women...” and that makes things even worse. Fortunately, there’s a solution and you don’t have to live with the pain of rejection forever. Making the Transition All my clients come to me because they’re sick of being … [Read more...]
The Quickest Way To Move Past Social Fear
When you're feeling fear or anxiety, the most important action to take isn't one that reduces anxiety. It's the action that reduces your avoidance, and makes you face whatever it is you're anxious about. The next time you’re in a situation where you’re feeling a negative emotion, especially fear, takes these three steps. Over time, they will train the subconscious part of your brain to do it automatically, and they take less than a minute. 1. Think of the best possible outcome This helps you determine what actions you need to take to reach that outcome. It helps you see what part of … [Read more...]
