get better with women Archives

The Truth About Height, from a Leverage Moderator

Guest post by a Leverage Program moderator

Don’t let something you can’t change become an excuse.

I am not a small guy, but I’ve had a unique experience. I am 5’11 170 pounds, and I am only attracted to tall athletic girls, 5’8-5’11. That means that they’re taller than me when they wear heels, so most of the time I meet a woman out, she’ll be taller than me.

Tall girls have issues about being big, but a 6’5, 240 pound guy makes them feel small. Most women who are 5’8 and up want to date really tall guys so they can feel small in their arms.

I am by far the shortest and smallest guy any of my girlfriends has ever dated- they always went very far out of their way to let me know this. I dated a girl who was engaged to a professional baseball player who was 6’5. Another ex was dating a minor league hockey player before me. This dude was the Incredible Hulk. And another ex dated a guy on a college football team who was like 6’6, 230lbs, 8% body fat. Her ex before that played major league baseball.

My current girlfriend, who is the shortest girl I’ve dated in 13 years, was a godsend. She is just under 5’6, so surely she would appreciate how tall I am. Nope! Her ex was 6’8 played pro tennis, and ex before that was 6’3 model.

If you guys think you are somehow in a different boat than me, you are wrong. 5’0-5’5 girls are not an option for me because I’m not attracted to them. That leaves me 5’6-6’0 girls.

By and large 5’11 to 6’0 girls aren’t gong to be into me, so that leaves me 4 inches worth of girls to pull from (remember that 5’9 and 5’10 girls want 6’2+ guys).

I’m in your boat because I’m the “little guy” trying to pull chicks who want much larger guys, so I know what it’s like hitting on taller women. How do I combat this?

Personality. I’m charismatic and confident. Every single girl I’ve ever dated at one point or another has said “I feel so safe with you.” Anyone who knows me knows that I have very clear boundaries and I’ll let people know the second they cross them. I think this is what makes the girls feel like I’m strong and they feel protected (which they all say).

Add in some interesting stories, some mentor game, charisma, appear to be a hot commodity, make sure that there’s nothing visual about you that’s repellent, and suddenly the height factor vanishes.

They don’t see your height. They see your other positive attributes.

My buddy Jeremy is 5’6 and doesn’t have a Napoleon Complex. He is chill and easygoing, but he has a stern voice and it’s clear that if he is pushed he’ll let you know to stop. He has consistently pulled girls his height and taller, and this is what he had to say on the subject:

Although height can be an important factor in attraction, it mainly comes down to protection and feeling safe. That has to do with attitude and confidence. Not attitude in a douchey way, but you need to show you’re somebody who is not a pushover. When you stand up for a girl or someone else in a vulnerable position, women find it incredibly sexy.

Here is what another shorter friend had to say:

I am just over 5’7, I just look even shorter because I’m always hanging out with taller guys. Attitude is everything, but that does not mean being a Napoleon. A lot of shorter guys have SFC (short fucker complex) and try to overcompensate, which only makes it even more clear that you are not confident.

>Women feel safe when they know that you are confident and that you will protect them if necessary, but not when they feel like you go over the top to prove that you’re a man because you’re short. I have very clear boundaries and if you cross them, you’ll be let known in a stern way that exudes confidence but not compensation. I always get the “I feel safe with you” which is simply a function of confidence.

Yes, I consistently pull 5’8 or 5’9 chicks who are much taller than me when in heels. I have to make up for that with personality, charisma, and be more fun and interesting than the taller guys. It is a disadvantage, but if there’s one thing a girl loves more than anything, it’s having fun and laughing. I also think power plays into it too.

If you hang out with the mods in Leverage, you can instantly see that most of the guys in our group can turn the lights on in a room with the air of confidence, power, and charisma. Robbie speaks in front of large groups of people, and you can feel that energy when he walks into a room. There is a level of confidence that communicates you are powerful to a woman. It’s not necessarily what you do for a living, but how you feel about it and how you portray yourself. Find your strengths and leverage them.

So there you have it guys. Height can be a disadvantage, but it’s certainly something that you can overcome by developing your personality and positive attributes.

9 Ways to Create Enough Time and Money for a Quality Dating Life

by Robbie Leave a Comment

Recently, I asked for an update from some of my coaching clients in the Leverage Program. I noticed that almost all of the guys who are lagging on the dating front are also worried about their finances.

While it’s true that guys often use money as an excuse, I actually do think that it’s hard to get your dating life handled if your finances are also not in order. Financial difficulties are an emotional drain that affects our self-esteem and cause us to project insecurity to everyone around us.

The relationship between money and dating is an issue I started to think about in junior high. My plan growing up was to become a professional golfer on the PGA tour. Becoming a pro athlete, I assumed, would solve both my money and dating problems.

My plan, however, was upended in two ways. I started to lose interest in golf. And after that, I read The Game, which made me realize that there was a lot more I could to improve with girls that had nothing to do with money.

During the first few years after college, I worked in a variety of office jobs, but my main interest was learning how to improve with girls. My progress was uneven, both professionally and in terms of dating.

The issue wasn’t effort. I was working 11-hour shifts. But I also did day game approaches during my lunch break, hit the bars from 10pm-2am, and attended self-help seminars and pick up bootcamps over the weekend.

Within a few years, I spent about $82,000 on various self-development programs.

It was only after I transitioned to a more fulfilling career that my results with dating skyrocketed.

I discuss my story in some detail in this podcast episode with Y.L. Savitskiy. But basically, I negotiated a remote work deal at my venture capital firm, then became a dating coach, and then hacked the sharing economy.

Once I figured out how to stop trading time for money, I was able to leverage every single resource at my disposal, and then use the newfound time, money, and energy I had to date more women.

It took me many years to figure this out, mostly through trial-and-error.

Do I have a 4-hour work week? No. Do I make as much as my friends who stayed in finance? No. But I work whenever I want, wherever I want, doing a job that I love. All things considered, I think I’m living what Ramit Sethi calls a “rich life.”

No formula is going to work for everyone and I’m obviously not suggesting that you quit your job. I actually think the structure of a 9-5 job works for a certain type of person.

But if you’re looking to free up some time, generate passive income, and meet more women, here are a few tips that I’ve found generally work:

· Take advantage of money hacks

· Become a minimalist: I know it sounds ridiculous, but as my clients get rid of all their useless shit, their success with women starts to improve. The reason, basically, is that tidiness and control in our outer world frees up our mind to focus on our goals.

· Hack spending: Share your typical expenses with a trusted group of friends and advisors and take a hard look at what you can eliminate. You’ll be surprised how much cash you’re spewing. Some of my coaching clients use the Leverage Program for this purpose.

· Hack transportation with services like flightcar.com, relayrides.com, and turo.com/

· Ask for discounts

· Hack Credit Cards and Retirement Accounts

· Build passive income streams through the sharing economy

· Stop wasting money eating out by cooking at home. It’s easier than you think and way healthier.

· Leverage a skill: Think of all the skills and knowledge you have, then find a way to tutor, offer a class, or market them in ways that can generate money on the side.

As you hack your finances, you’ll start to take a more critical look at every other aspect of your life. Before you know it, you’ll be a “King of Leverage.”

You Should Dump Your Girlfriend

by Tyler W Leave a Comment

Guest post by Jay, Leverage Program member

It’s easy to fall into the trap of letting a girl who isn’t really a good fit for you stick around because she prevents you from feeling lonely.

We all feel lonely at times. It’s part of the human condition. And for guys who aren’t naturally good with women, it’s normal to feel lonely most or even all of the time.

When you start developing your skills, having success is inevitable. You’ll start to get numbers, you’ll start to get dates, you’ll start to make out with women, and you’ll start to sleep with ones you like.

Once you start sleeping with the kinds of women that you like, there’s a critical point where you have to stay on your path. It’s easy to get sucked into a relationship by default, that happens from settling with someone who makes you feel less alone. That feeling of loneliness? The novelty of a new sexual relationship is one powerful way to drown it out.

Too many guys end up dating girls long-term just by default. They never made the conscious decision to do it, but they end up with her because it fills a space in their lives, and the access to sex is a powerful motivator.

What they don’t realize is that space will always be there, and is part of being human. The only thing that you should attempt to use to fill that space is your drive to be better. Part of being a man and accepting your place as an adult is a constant drive for self-improvement. And that emptiness you feel will only get better through your journey of self-improvement, not by a woman.

Friday night dates. Complacency. Stuck banging one girl forever. Not having threesomes. Never traveling. Having the same lame friends. No self-growth. These thoughts seem like a great foundation for a happy relationship, so how could this touching story come to a bad ending?

Now of course if you’re not having these thoughts and are actually completely satisfied in your relationship with zero doubts, regrets, or insecurities, then I’m not talking about you. You’re already winning. However, if you are experiencing these feelings and emotions, stay with me. I’m not going to focus on the negative actions some girls do, because that’s playing the victim game- a game for losers. I’m just going to focus on things from a personal level. Your life is on you. No one else.

Nothing is worse in a relationship than that moment you realize you’re unsatisfied. Even if you get an attractive girlfriend, have a great time for a while, enjoy love, have weird sex, and experience shit together, eventually your insecurities creep back. That little voice in your head comes back and says “Hey motherfucker, I’m still here.” It’s not really noticeable when you’re in the early stages of intimacy, but as the excitement starts to wear off, the thoughts of being unsatisfied start to creep in.

There’s a number of reasons why you might not be satisfied. Your personal social circle isn’t fully developed. Your girlfriend isn’t cool and open-minded to threesomes and other sexual exploration. You feel like you deserve a better girl. You’re not getting better at the things that are important to you. You haven’t traveled and experienced enough. And on and on.

If you’re carrying these thoughts with you while in a relationship, there’s no way that it will have a happy ending, not with all that dissatisfaction. It’s unfair to the girl. No matter what she does, she can never make you happy. It’s literally impossible. The only way you can be fully happy is if you go hard on reaching your full potential and doing everything you actually want to do to resolve these issues.

When I was going through multiple relationships, I’d be initially excited in the honeymoon phase, lose some interest in the middle phase, and then feel married and not giving a fuck by the end of the relationship. The girls were attractive, had cool friends, and liked my personality. But even with all that, I just felt dead every time. I wasn’t satisfied on the inside. My real needs and desires weren’t being fulfilled, and so I wasn’t happy.

After having enough of these girlfriends, I finally started seeing the picture. I wasn’t into monogamy and jealous atmosphere it brought to the relationship. Threesomes and sexual exploration were important to me, but my relationships had been too tightly knit to allow those things to happen. My weekends were being sucked away with Netflix and pointless dates. My social circle was lacking. I wasn’t developing as a man and becoming a winner.

There was a ton of other shit I was unsatisfied with, as far as my self-growth, like lack of traveling and new experiences, poot fitness, bad finances, but one thing was killing me the most. I felt terrible about being unskilled with girls, and never having massive success with women. I was always having to fight hard just to get one girl, feeling like I couldn’t easily replace them or pick the ones I actually wanted. Just because I was able to repeatedly get girlfriends or hook up with a decent amount of girls (between relationships), it hadn’t resolved my deepest insecurity: my lack of skills and confidence with women. I was sick of it.

Even if the girl was cool, I just couldn’t live with the thought of never being 100% of what I could be. I wanted full control over my life. If I never developed myself into a sick individual and started becoming a winner who could actually get with the type of girls I deserved and wanted, I knew I would never be happy. That was the one thing I had to have to be able to die in peace.

When I finally dumped my last girlfriend, it was liberating. I felt relieved. I felt no pain. I gave no fucks. I could focus on my business, my dick (me), 24/7. I immediately improved my career and income. Started getting in shape again. I did some traveling. And more importantly, I finally found the type of coaching I was looking for and started addressing this issue. Have there been roadblocks? Of course. Am I doing the things I want at a high level yet? No. I fell in a couple gutters in the past year and had some hard times. But despite that, I’m pumped and feel alive every day, knowing I’m on track working toward my goals.

Look, I get it. It’s easy to be complacent. Who doesn’t like easy pussy? Your girlfriend might have a cool social circle and you might do cool shit together. But if you’re not satisfied, if you have insecurities and doubts in your head, don’t ignore them, even if your realizations are painful. You gotta dump your girlfriend and handle your shit until you can be satisfied with yourself. That way when you do pick a girl and hang up the jersey, you can do it without any regrets.

Don’t let validation fill the emptiness you feel inside. If you don’t, you’re basically gonna be 49, jacking off to weird porn in the shadows on Sunday at 2pm in your carpeted Downey apartment with erectile dysfunction, thinking about how you wish you had threesomes, had more weird sex, banged more girls, connected with more females, traveled more, did more self development, took more risks, etc. Don’t be that guy.

Validation gives you a temporary high. Settling in an unsatisfying relationship provides you with a dull numbing of that pain. In contrast, allowing yourself to be open and vulnerable rather than settling for whatever provides you validation or comfort, is scary. You’ll feel lost at times. You’ll feel like maybe you aren’t making the right choices, and that maybe you shouldn’t try to improve this area of your life. Your inner voice can be a nagging demon that holds you back.

But look past it. Never accept mediocrity. Understand that these feelings are part of the journey, and that this empty space will only be fulfilled by living a life of your values, and by always striving to be a better version of the man you want to become. No relationship or sexual experience can fill that void. The only thing that will do it is consistent hard work, every day for the rest of your life. That’s what’s truly rewarding and fulfilling about this journey. The relationships you’ll start to form are just a side effect of being a fulfilled man who’s living his purpose.

Bringing Day Game Into Your Everyday Life

by Robbie Leave a Comment

Guest post by Patrick, Leverage Program member

You’ve read our blog posts on why you should day game, you get the concept, but are you still struggling to connect with girls when you hit on them?

The game changer is that you need to start incorporating day game into your everyday life. Luckily for me, I live in New York City, where the opportunities for day game are endless.

While it is definitely important to set aside some time to go out and practice day game, especially when you’re first starting, your goal should be to incorporate practicing your communication skills on a daily basis. Do this and you will be surprised at how it will impact your life.

Let’s define day game first. Day game is just talking to a girl where it isn’t a generally recognized social practice to do so. Usually when we talk about day game, we mean taking time out of your daily life to hit on girls in the context of deliberately practicing your skills. This is still super important, because if you don’t set aside time to practice your skills, you are not going to grow and develop.

But day game doesn’t have to be limited to specific practice sessions. It can and should be incorporated into your everyday life.

Think about this the next time you see a hot girl. The minute you see someone you’d like to talk to, go do it! In addition to that, I’d also argue that talking to everyone you encounter throughout the day and striking up a conversation is also day game.

You need to turn yourself into a social person, and how can you be a social beast if you aren’t talking to everyone?

Let’s give a few examples of what I’m talking about here. You show up to Starbucks in the morning: while you are ordering you double espresso, don’t just order your drink and move on. Strike up a short conversation with the barista. Ask her what her name is and how her day is going. Ask her for a discount to push yourself outside of your comfort zone.

Or maybe you go to the the same breakfast spot each morning. Ask the guy who’s cooking your bacon, egg, and cheese wrap his name and how his weekend was. This may be all you do the first time you go there, but each day you go back, you are going to start to build a relationship with these people. The conversations will get more interesting. Do this every day and I guarantee that your conversation and day game skills will improve.

Now, when you take your lunch break, you are going to be already warmed up because of your interactions in the morning. Don’t just spend your lunch break grabbing lunch and eating at your desk, go talk to people! I don’t care if it’s the hot girl crossing the street, or the fat guy making your burrito, just talk to them.

Say anything. It doesn’t matter. The more you do it, the more you’ll get feedback, and the better you will get. And expect to suck in the beginning. That’s just how it works, and we’ve all experienced it.

By incorporating day game into your everyday life, you are going to improve your skill 10x. It happens progressively over a long period time, and when you make consistent efforts, you’ll improve before you even realize it. You have to be talking to new people on a daily basis and put yourself outside your comfort zone to grow as a person and improve your skills.

If You Play it Safe You’re Boring

by Tyler W 1 Comment

When you look at guys who are great with women, or anyone with peak social awareness, they perform a bunch of smaller actions that add up to an arsenal of social skills. These discrete skills combine to form a killer ability to communicate with others and assertively get what they want.

When we’re teaching you to improve your dating life, we focus on a lot. Accumulating as much practice as you can and playing the “numbers game” is part of it. Developing your character is also part of it, and it can seem overwhelming to go from where you are now to the success you really dream of.

While it’s true that there are millions of little moves you’ve got to understand, it’s also true that what often looks like natural competence with women is the result of daily habits constructed over a long period of time. Guys who do well with women tend to have just naturally absorbed attractive behaviors from role models such as fathers, teammates, coaches, and friends. And one thing guys who are successful have in common is that they never play it safe.

Guys don’t take risks in conversation because they don’t want to piss people off, say the “wrong thing”, or get rejected. So they play it safe, and end up being boring.

When guys want to play it safe, the things they do in one-on-one conversations or in social situations are seeking a reaction, seeking relevance to whatever is being discussed, and to ward off FOMO. They’re seeking validation and avoiding taking risks. It’s easier to force a pity laugh by making a lame, non-risky joke than to take a stand and disagree with others.

It’s easy to say “stop giving a fuck what other people think” but that isn’t actually helpful because it doesn’t tell you what to do instead. Conversations are only hard or scary if you aren’t confident in what you’re discussing, so guys often ask for topics they should discuss. What they’re missing is that no one can tell you what to say. It’s something you have to develop on your own with a lot of practice.

That means a lot of trial and error. That means a lot of putting your foot in your mouth. Everyone starts out saying lame stuff, then they get better. Reading feedback is key, and since humans are naturally social, this happens automatically. You read the feedback of others you interact with and passively develop s sense of pattern recognition around having exciting conversations.

Talk to everyone. A study done at the University of British Columbia showed that if you interact with more people throughout the day, you’ll be happier and have a stronger sense of belonging, and it doesn’t even matter if they’re good friends or just casual acquaintances. Everyone wants to have fun conversations and you can easily be the guy who delivers that experience. Talking to everyone you encounter throughout your day teaches you how to push past fear, and you get tons of reps starting conversations with strangers.

Over time, you’ll start to surprise yourself with the things you say in conversation. You won’t really be sure where they come from, but you’ll spontaneously come up with great, witty content and banter. Being cool is when you’re not easily excitable about stuff that doesn’t involve you, and not being easily excitable in general, and eventually you’ll automatically reach this point.

Do this: Say more crazy stuff and stop trying to play it safe. You’ll get better the more you practice.

Inner Confidence on Elite Daily: Yes, Women Actually Do Pay A Lot Of Attention To The Way You’re Dressed

by Robbie Leave a Comment

At the end of the day, being dynamic is your greatest sales pitch ever. The end-all, be-all is becoming a man who’s witty, charismatic, driven, spontaneous and grounded. This is the whole package, and women will pretty much do anything to be with a man who’s dynamic.

If you don’t know how to dress, it immediately sends out a signal you’re not dynamic. Continue reading on Elite Daily.

Do I Need To Be Rich To Date Hot Women?

by Tyler W Leave a Comment

monopoly A lot the teachings of Inner Confidence are how you can use minimalism to be successful in all areas of life. There’s a big misconception out there that you need to have money to date women.

It’s crucial to understand that the only lasting method of having a healthy dating life is to first, develop the characteristics that women find attractive, second, learn how to display those characteristics, and third, put yourself in situations where the kind of women you want to meet will notice you displaying those characteristics.

Money can be a signal for traits that women find attractive, like perseverance, entrepreneurship, ambition, and leadership. But money is not the same as those things. It’s just a proxy.

What does this mean for your dating life? Developing these attractive traits is MORE IMPORTANT than making money. Sure, making money is usually a side effect of working on yourself in this way, but money is just a signal for what’s actually attractive. Women are not hard-wired to respond to money, since we evolved before money was invented. But they are hard-wired to respond to all the positive personality traits that being rich signals.

How else can you signal these personality traits, other than becoming rich? Equally attractive to cultivating wealth is the ideal of having few possessions, traveling all the time, and having a life filled with rich experiences. It’s not a coincidence that this is the type of lifestyle we advocate at Inner Confidence, and it’s why we even teach you how to do it.

We’re happier when we spend money on experiences, like traveling and other people, than when we spend it on material goods and ourselves. This same idea easily applies to dating: the experience is more important than anything you can buy.

Emotional connection is always the primary element of attraction, and everything else is either secondary or noise. If you’re using money to signal your attractive traits, it’s secondary, and if you think money on its own will attract women, it’s just noise. When you can connect with a woman emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually, how much money you make becomes irrelevant.

The 8 Ways to Click With Women

by Tyler W Leave a Comment

Guest post by Jay, Leverage Program member and resident lazy fuck

I’ve been working on my connection skills, and the group recommended I check out a book called Click: The Forces Behind How We Fully Engage with People, Work, and Everything We Do. The book is basically a collection of tons of examples and studies going over each aspect that creates instant connections, or what they call “quick set intimacy”: That magic moment when you feel like you’re in the zone while talking to another person, like you’re 10/10 on 3 pointers. Except the baskets are people. Or something.

So here are the 8 methods the authors describe to click with people:

1. Clicking
Clicking with someone is basically the most powerful tactic. Getting this ‘quick set intimacy’ allows things to quickly escalate, whether it’s escalating with a girl, establishing a friendship, or kicking ass with business partners/teammates. Even if you literally have nothing in common with a girl other than just the ‘clicking’, it’s super effective. The study showed ‘logical’ marriages lasted just as long as marriages where the only thing in common the couples had was ‘clicking’.

2. Vulnerability
Most interactions between people are at the “transactional level”, or boring shit about information. Taking risks and being vulnerable, sharing some private information about yourself, can open up the connection. This is one tactic I actually use a decent amount. I like to drop some low-key vulnerability to see if I can quickly connect with new co-workers or other people I’ve just met. I’m pretty good with this when establishing friendships/business relationships but I need to use it more when I’m connecting with girls on dates or when I’m approaching.

3. Proximity
The science behind this is that the closer you are to people, the more likely you are to connect. This is common sense and something I understand personally, but it’s cool to see scientific studies show how much insanely better the connection is if you’re directly around someone all the time. Just putting yourself in situations where girls are on a consistent basis is enough to get you laid a lot of the time. I’ve definitely gotten pussy for no reason other than because I was there and able to make a quick connection. This also ties right into approaching as much as possible. The other aspect of this is hanging around cool dudes consistently (IC dudes, mods) and getting a better connection with successful people like that. You only get the connection if you’re consistently around. And with that connection comes osmosis and other opportunities.

4. Resonance
Being in the flow of things. Keep being in the moment with the people around you. Continually take their emotional temperature and play to that. I would say I’m somewhat oblivious and sometimes not giving a fuck about my surroundings. I’m definitely easily distracted. What I need to do is get in the “zone” and be fully engaged with my surroundings and the people around me. They use an example of being in the zone in a basketball game as an analogy and I think that makes it pretty clear. If you try to be more engaged with your surroundings, then you can get into this state and easily connect with people.

5. Similarity
Basically any type of similarity, big or small, connects people. Even if the only thing you share with another person is a name, science shows you’re way more likely to connect with that person quickly. It also says that something almost pointless, like having the same birthday, is basically as effective for quickly connecting people as having the same political beliefs or religion. I do this to an extent socially but I could get more creative and find clever ways to use similarities and make better connections with girls.

6. Environment
When you’re in places where you have to go through shit with people, like bootcamps, intensive classes, war, etc, it creates connections. You bond over the intense crap you had to get through together. For me personally, I had this in my Web Development bootcamp where I was with the same 40 people 12 hours per day, for 12 weeks. I’m still friends and could hang out with at least 15 of these people. This also applies to three or four days of partying in a row where you’re hanging out with the same people. Getting through all the partying together seems to be effective in building connections.

7. Naturals
Basically the explanation of “naturals” is that they are “high self monitors” who instinctively change their emotions to match and meet people emotionally, and maybe even mirror body language. I could definitely be more attentive to what people around me are doing while I’m connecting with them and match my behavior more effectively. When I’m in the mindset of reading people and calling things out I am able to see a lot of this stuff, but if I’m not, I miss a lot of it. I’ve been working on reading people and calling shit out a lot lately, even just in normal interactions. I’ve noticed without a doubt that it brings out more emotion in people.

8. Effectiveness
People who click perform at a way higher level than people who don’t click, even if everyone involved is sick. It’s important to “click” with the people you start businesses with, girls that you are potentially going to see regularly, and the dudes you hang out with. You will dominate shit if you’re clicking with everyone.

I’ll be honest, I haven’t completed a book since I was like 17, other than three or four books on Texas Hold’em (which I read in one sitting each) and some Dr. Seuss shit. So I’m gonna go ahead and give myself a big fucking pat on the back for seeing this through to the end.

Develop Your Inner Confidence Interview on Pickup Change

by Robbie Leave a Comment

I was recently interviewed by pickupchange.com

We talked about how to build your confidence and make your approach to girls more natural and effective.

Here’s what we covered in the podcast:

The easiest way to meet girls
How to develop your inner confidence
How to overcome approach anxiety
What is the average success ratio in daygame
How to enjoy the process and stop being focused only on the outcome
Do looks and wealth really matter?
How to spot a girl who is actively looking for men.

http://www.pickupchange.com/develop-your-inner-confidence-interview-with-robbie-kramer/

Enjoy,

Robbie

Why is approaching so important for building confidence?

by Tyler W Leave a Comment

You’ve heard me say it over and over, but if you expect to get results and you’re not crushing approaches or already dating multiple women, it’s just not gonna happen.

If you wanna get good at basketball you’ve gotta take a ton of shots right? You can’t expect to show up at the court, stand around with the ball and expect to improve can you?

Well, that’s what many of you guys are doing, and then whining that you suck and the program isn’t working. That line of thinking is actually offensive to guys who have put in the work. Robbie crushed 10k approaches by the time he was in his late 20’s. Now he never has to approach anyone because he paid his dues.

Confidence isn’t a switch you flip because you feel like it. It’s something you develop over thousands of repetitions. Confidence occurs as the byproduct of developing your skills.

Here’s what you can expect in terms of objective results when you start making approaches:

1,000 approaches get most guys past anxiety.
The next 2,000 get you more comfortable being in the moment.
The next 2,000 after that get you dates with 6’s, 7’s and occasional 8’s, as long as your fashion, accent, body language and fitness are on point.
Once you hit the 5,000+ mark, it becomes almost silly to day game anymore because odds are you’re crushing social circle and night game much harder, because you have a much hotter pool of women to draw from.

“Fake it till you make it” really means perform an action repeatedly until it becomes a habit. You can’t fake an action and expect it to work long-term, but you can keep performing an action until it becomes comfortable.

Let’s take Leverage Program member Joe as a case study. I met him in 2007 at a workshop Robbie was leading in Phoenix. He didn’t sign up, and didn’t reach out again until 2014, when he signed up for the Leverage Program. He spent his first six months in the course downloading lessons into his brain and getting crushed in the group for douchey behavior. He did a great job taking the feedback without getting angry or salty. He lost some weight then grew a cool beard then approached like crazy. Now he’s consistently banging 6’s and the occasional 7+. See how that works guys?

Meaningful life change isn’t something you develop instantly as a result of being motivated. It only comes through baby steps and daily habits. You have to improve your social skills, physiological state, building relationships, and objectively achieve success with women. Focus on getting more reps, but ignore the 10,000 hour rule, because Malcolm Gladwell got it wrong.

Eventually, you’ll get to the point where you have the eye of the tiger. The eye of the tiger is an expression we use for a guy who has a lot confidence, has fucked a lot of women and isn’t intimidated by women.

When you reach this point in your game, you tend to use eye contact as your number one tool for approaching. Women will smell your confidence and you’ll notice them checking you out. You throw a seductive look their way and see how they react. If she gives you love, you walk over and just say hi. It’s often a done deal from there, granted you don’t say anything stupid.

Essentially, being an active member of the Leverage group and hitting on a TON of women will help you develop your eye of the tiger.

True confidence only comes from demonstrated performance. It’s hard to fool your subconscious mind, which is why gimmicks like NLP and positive affirmations are just a band-aid that ultimately fails.

Most guys overestimate how different they are from others. What this means is that you can simply take someone else’s path to success, and emulate it. Take the same actions that they took. Look to your mentors to build your identity. Do what they did. Do what works.