Leverage Your Dating & Social Skills
At the end of the day, being dynamic is your greatest sales pitch ever. The end-all, be-all is becoming a man who’s witty, charismatic, driven, spontaneous and grounded. This is the whole package, and women will pretty much do anything to be with a man who’s dynamic.
If you don’t know how to dress, it immediately sends out a signal you’re not dynamic. Continue reading on Elite Daily.
Here’s my interview with hypnotherapist and Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP) Master Practitioner Jonny Dupre on how to form emotional connections with women.
The idea that hypnosis and NLP could be used to attract women first occurred to me when I read The Game in college.
One of the more memorable scenes in the book is when Ross Jeffries runs an NLP routine on an unsuspecting waitress. Soon enough, the waitress falls into a trance and admits to Ross that she’s attracted to him even though he’s not her type.
When I first read the book, I assumed that the hypnosis and NLP stuff was basically bullshit.
After several months of failing with pickup lines, however, I took another look at hypnosis and NLP.
While Ross’s work never really resonated with me, I became fascinated with Hypnotica and Steve P, who you might remember from the David DeAngelo programs.
I wasn’t really introspective at the time, but Hypnotica and Steve P helped me to become more aware of the inner game issues that were preventing me from succeeding with women. I came to terms with past feelings and gradually learned to surface them, and then let them go for good.
(As a funny sidenote, I bought Steve P’s White Tiger Tantra program and started trying out the tactics. I was about to conclude that the program didn’t work when one my dates — much to both our surprises – erupted in a squirting orgasm.)
I ended up spending several years going through various hypnosis and NLP programs and eventually became a certified Landmark instructor.
The big lesson I took away was this:
We’re speaking to ourselves all day. The words we use create the experience that we have in the world. When we process events and describe them with empowering language, we improve our lives. When we use disempowering language, we hurt ourselves.
One of the most shocking things I discovered is that most of the stories we tell ourselves are total bullshit. Our reality and our story, which we think we form objectively, are actually completely skewed by our unconscious perceptions. When we learn to see different situations from different angles – without blame, judgment, or other negative emotions – we wake up, become aware, and take responsibility for our lives.
We learn, in other words, to think about what we’re thinking, and then change what we’re thinking, which naturally alters our interactions with the world.
In my own case, I realized that I had many of the typical issues facing “nice guys.” My “niceness” was actually just a mask for the laziness, entitlement, and fakeness that I unconsciously felt on the inside.
Interestingly, as I worked on my inner game, I noticed that things in my outer world, such as my body language, immediately improved. I no longer looked like I was apologizing for my existence.
Over time, I developed a system for how to merge inner game and outer game.
While I would certainly encourage everyone to spend some time learning hypnosis and NLP, I think that you can get many of the benefits that these tools offer simply by getting brutally honest feedback from people who genuinely care about you.
Things about ourselves that are obvious to others – especially to women, who tend to have well-developed intuition – can completely elude us guys.
One of the downsides of our polite society — where everyone pretends to be nice to each other — is that we miss out on this feedback.
Researchers, in fact, have discovered that feedback is one of the keys to achieving a state of high performance in any area.
I think, incidentally, this is why a lot of naturals with women played team sports as kids. The social feedback that comes from teammates tends to weed out douchey behavior that lingers in others.
One of the reasons why the Leverage Program delivers results relatively quickly is because it emphasizes personalized feedback — not only from me, but also from others in the group. Think of it as crowdsourcing social feedback.
Being smart guys for the most part, Leverage members realize how they come across in their day-to-day lives and figure out for themselves how to implement lasting change.
Again, here are the links for the Jonny Dupre podcast:
Let me know what you think.
Your friend,
Robbie
If you’ve ever spent any time around a woman, you know the quickest, simplest thing can turn them off like a lightswitch. Just like that, they’re done, from “I love you so much and want to marry you” to “go jump off a cliff, you suck.”
Just like that they can turn off, but why can’t we turn them on just as quickly? Well, you can. We’re here to tell you the trick. The problem is that most men only try to turn on their women when already in the bedroom.
While that is important, it’s just as, if not more, important to turn her on out of the bedroom. You wine and dine her, you’re probably going to go back home to a nice desert. But if you don’t do the dishes after she’s asked three times…I think you can see how that night’s going to end.
Women are like sponges: they take in everything, all of the time. So we’ve put together a list of things with little or no cost that you can do to warm her up during the day, and in turn make for one hot night. Women like originality, so the more personable you can make these, the more points you’re going to score.
Not just a side hug or a light embrace. Hold her tightly, until she ends it. Holding her will remind her you’re her protector and that you’re there to keep her safe. Actually enjoy it, and let her know you appreciate holding her. Bonus points if you can get her to initiate it.
2. Buy her a pair of panties
Buying lingerie seems cliche right? When’s the last time you’ve done it? If you want to go all out, get a matching bra and panty set. If you want to spend a little less, just get a red silk thong, or ask someone to help you pick out a pair at Victoria Secret. The trick to this one is giving it to her at a time when you’re obviously not going to have sex right then and there. Some ideas you could do for this are hiding a box at her house while you’re away, and text her where it is, or giving the box to her at dinner and telling her to go change into them in the bathroom. This gives her a chance to play along with you. (IMPORTANT: Make sure you get the RIGHT size!!!)
3. Whisper into her ear
This one works especially well around people. Tell her how sexy she looks, talk about the underwear you saw her wearing underneath, or tell her all of the things you want to do to her later.
4. Write it out
Write her a card, a note, a poem. Just write her something, anything. There is nothing more genuine than taking the time to write down how you feel about her. Your vulnerability will be so sexy to her. Explain why you love her, or thank her for something she did. This will be something she’s going to keep for a very long time, so put some thought into it. (Hint: this one can be reused over, and over, and over again in many different ways so get creative and switch it up!)
5. A picture is worth a thousand words
Planting a picture of her in your wallet is a really nice gesture, but a little outdated. Posting a picture of her on your social media will make her see how you want to show her off, which is extremely sexy. Another route would be to update your screensaver to a picture of you two, or even send one in a text to her with a message saying what you liked about that day. Bonus points: writing a note on the back of a printed out picture and leaving it for her somewhere.
6. Forget a good night cup of tea
Bring her some hot chocolate to bed, this works as a sexual stimulant for her. Accompany it with some fruit or marshmallows. Turn off the TV and put down the phones for this one. Ask her how her day was, what her favorite memory as a kid was, or something stimulating for her (in other words, just ask her about herself).
7. Trap her
…and kiss her. Push her down on the couch, pin her to the wall or lock her in a room you normally wouldn’t go it like the laundry room or a big closet. Kiss her passionately, and after a minute, leave with a smile on your face. This will drive her crazy wanting more, and will surely leave her weak in her knees. Just be careful not to push her into, or onto, anything that will hurt. This will most likely ruin the vibe you were trying to go for.
8. Surprise! I’m here!
While you may not always want her to show up somewhere out of the blue, if done right, she’ll love it. Show up on her lunch break or while she’s getting ready for an event to drop off some flowers. She’ll be drooling over you the rest of the day. (Bonus points if her friends/family are there as witness)
9. Unlock her
Kiss her ankles, knees, elbows, wrists, and knuckles. These areas often get less attention than others, kissing her in these places will transfer energy to her and in turn, have her come “unhinged”.
10. Forget the roses
Get her a plant that she can keep alive (just don’t tie this plant to the life of your love together, just in case she can’t.) Every time she waters it, she’ll think of you. Plants are great for many reasons. Plants are a natural humidifier, they lower amount of carbon dioxide, can prevent allergies, reduce amount of colds, decrease blood pressure, prevent headaches, negate cigarette smoke, and provide many other species-specific benefits. Not to mention she’ll see it everyday and appreciate you.
Any indoor plant will suffice, unless she has a yard or patio with direct sunlight. If she likes to cook, get her an herb. If you know she can’t keep anything alive, get something that requires little water or attention. Any plant nursery will be happy to help, just tell them your requirements and make sure they tell you the best way to take care of it.
After years of wondering why you gave her a massage and she still doesn’t want to have sex afterwards, I’m happy to share with you this secret. If you’re not romantic out of the bedroom, or wherever your place of choice is, she won’t want to be your kinky little sex freak in the bedroom. Luckily, this mentality of hers isn’t permanent and has the chance to be immediately reversed. Remember, you want to do these things without (seemingly) wanting sex at the moment, the more random and spontaneous you can make these, the better.
Men love being in the company of beautiful women. It just makes everything that much more fun and interesting.
You will never hear a guy say, “Dude, I’m out, I just don’t want to hang out with more cute girls.”
Having hot chicks around brings me more hot chicks, more important guys, better girlfriends and better business opportunities. The more friends – hot, cool friends – I keep in my company, the higher I stand socially, and the more I enjoy my life.
Whatever line of business you’re currently in, making friends with cute chicks and hanging out with them regularly will always improve business (did she put you in the Friend Zone? Stop bitching about it and read THIS). If I’m casually talking to a potential business associate at the bar and I have a cute girl with me, odds are he will be much more willing to listen to me for three hours so long as I have that girl near me.
See how it works?
The Lesson: Make friends with cute girls and hang out with them a lot. If you stop being afraid of the friend zone, you’ll become the dude other dudes want to know.
What size shirt are you wearing right now? I’d be willing to bet that it’s too big and doesn’t flatter you at all.
How do I know that? Because 95% of all guys wear dorky clothes that make them look like they don’t have a clue how to take care of themselves (let alone lead an interaction with a woman).
Dressing well is extremely important to women. A cute girl will look you up and down and decide in two seconds whether you’re worth her time and energy simply based on your choice of apparel (a crew neck in the middle of winter? Please).
One thing you can do right away is buy shirts that actually fit. Studies have shown that women are most attracted to men with broad shoulders; the ideal shoulder to waist ration is 1.6:1.
Even if you don’t have those God-given proportions naturally, you can still trick the eye by wearing tighter clothing that draws attention to your shoulders, making them look bigger. Most men who are generally fit (read: no pot belly) should probably be wearing a size “small” t-shirt.
Why? Because it stretches slightly across the chest and makes you appear larger in your upper body.
The Lesson: Throw away your shirts that are too big. Buy shit that fits. If you need help, click HERE for specific wardrobe tips.
Get personalized, one-on-one coaching in the Inner Confidence Leverage Program. Dude, if you’re wearing the wrong t-shirt now, it’s not gonna get any better on its own.
Guys complain to me all the time that they’ve been confined to the friend zone. They think they should be able to bang every girl they meet, and when they get pushed to the friend zone, they whine about it instead of strategically using it to their advantage.
Dudes: STOP COMPLAINING ABOUT THE FRIEND ZONE.
Here’s the thing, cute chicks hang around cute chicks. If some girl won’t sleep with you but she invites you out with her girls and you become friends, use that to your advantage.
You roll into some bar with six cute girl friends and you’re golden. Not only does this seriously raise your social value to the other hot girls that you’ll meet at the bar, but cool dudes will want to know you who are, too. They’ll want to befriend you, hang out with you, and do business with you.
The Lesson: Don’t try to bang every chick you meet. Meet girls, be cool and make friends. Those chicks will lead to more chicks and those chicks will lead to even more.
Every man in the world has experienced being rejected by a woman (or if he hasn’t, he’s too scared to talk to a woman in the first place). I’ve felt it. My buddies have felt it. I know you’ve felt it otherwise you wouldn’t be reading this article.
There’s no doubt about it, getting a “no” totally sucks. It hurts. You might start thinking, “God, I suck. I’m horrible with women…” and that makes things even worse.
Fortunately, there’s a solution and you don’t have to live with the pain of rejection forever.
All my clients come to me because they’re sick of being rejected. They want to get some wins under their belt. The great thing is, when you put yourself out there and actually do the work of bettering yourself, you can get to a point where getting rejected doesn’t totally knock you out.
You can get so good at handling people that, even if someone says “no” or blows you off, your attitude is, “Whatever. Next!” instead of, “I suck, my life is horrible.”
Having game is about attitude, skillset and yeah, inner confidence.
No one can tell you when you will feel pain and when you won’t. I couldn’t say, “You’ll stop feeling pain when you bang five supermodels.” Maybe you’ll still feel pain at that point, maybe not.
The pain is coming from within you, so something inside of you needs to shift. The outside results can certainly help speed the process, but ultimately, you’ve got to be able to recognize when you feel pain and let yourself move through it.
It’s not necessarily a bad thing to experience pain in this area, but it does show. My coaches can always tell when a guy is feeling pain versus when he’s feeling confident and calm; it is revealed in the way he carries himself. The way he moves, the way he operates in social situations.
Working through the pain is important if you truly want to experience success with women. Why? Because people want to hang out with other people that make them feel good. People who are in pain all the time, even when things are fine and we’re just chillin at the bar, basically suck to hang out with.
To this day, I still sometimes feel pain if a girl flakes on me or if I have a bad run. It’s not anything like it used to be – there are no thoughts running through my head like, “God, I’m such a loser.” But it will suck, and it stings.
The solution is to take action. I’ll feel the pain for a minute, and then I’ll become even more determined to stack up some wins to feel great again. That means texting girls, approaching them, asking them out, and having sex.
I know for sure that if I’m not getting the results I want, it all has to do with a lack of input. I’m not doing enough to get there – it’s not because my skills aren’t good enough, it’s because I’m not putting the time in.
When you feel pain, take a deep breath. Feel it for a moment but don’t dwell on it. Immediately pinpoint an action you can take that will get you closer to what you want, and finally, take a moment to laugh at the situation – the easiest way for me to tell the difference between someone who is feeling pain and someone who isn’t is whether or not they’re willing to laugh at themselves.
The Lesson: Pain is normal, but if you want to be wildly successful with women, you have to be willing to do the work.
One of my clients met a girl a while back who he really liked. She liked him too, and they texted back and forth for a while before setting up a date (side note: if you’re spending days texting girls and not meeting up with them, you suck at text game and you need THIS).
He picks her up at 5:00 pm, and they spend the next few hours bouncing from location to location, getting to know each other, and making out. This girl didn’t have a job, she was fresh out of college and living with her parents.
At 11:00 pm, six hours later, he took her home. And left her there. BAD MOVE.
I couldn’t believe it when he told me this story. He had a great date that was six hours long – but, like an idiot, he ignored the Magical 7 Hour Bang Rule (or he didn’t know about it) and completely blew his chance at sleeping with her on the first date.
Oh, YOU don’t know about the Magical 7 Hour Bang Rule, either!?
Okay, here it is, and this is pretty important: girls are 10,000 times more likely to sleep with you after seven hours. Once they’ve spent seven hours with you, they feel like they know you and they’re ready to bang.
Think about it: all your hookups, all your one night stands, any sex that happened on the first date – it was all times when you met her at 9 and slept with her at 4 am the next morning. Seven hours.
The Magical 7 Hour Bang Rule doesn’t have to be all at once, either. Maybe your first date is three hours, the second date is four hours, and BAM. Done deal.
In other words, this client of mine, had he only kept this girl out for one more hour, would have had it in the bag.
Alright, so what should this guy have done? That’s easy. Here’s the breakdown…
5:00 pm, he picks her up from wherever and takes her out. For the next seven hours, his job is now to continue the date and take her from location to location which creates a greater sense of intimacy and familiarity.
I don’t care if you’re bar hopping, I don’t care if you’re at the mall and walking from store to store, I don’t care if you’re at a nursing home visiting all the different old people in their rooms, whatever. Just make sure you’re on the move and connecting over an experience.
At 11:00 pm (seven hours later), you take her back to the house and make out a little bit. It’s only 11 pm. It’s not like it’s early.
By 1:00 am you’re watching some Youtube videos, laughing, making out some more. By now you’ve been with the girl for ten hours – she’s going to sleep with you.
And if she sleeps with you, and you’re really good in bed, she’s yours. Because girls don’t just abandon dudes they sleep with on the first date and risk adding up numbers. That’s just the way it goes.
The Lesson: Know the Magical 7 Hour Bang Rule. Live by it.
The biggest male sex symbols in society, James Dean, Marlon Brando, Sean Connery, Johnny Depp, etc… All have one thing in common: they are extremely solid individuals.
Not only do they have a solid foundation of who they are: their morals, world views, character traits,but are also completely sincere when projecting these things to others.
They don’t apologize for something they hold to be true if it offends you; they don’t try to be someone they’re not.
Sure, you might think “yeah, well these guys are all good looking, rich, and superstars!” Well so are thousands of other actors, athletes, and big shots, yet they don’t receive the coveted title of “Sex Symbol.”
Granted you will probably never be an internationally recognized sex symbol either, but you can be to the women you encounter. Being calm in the midst of chaos, being steadfast in your beliefs, taking action in pursuit of your desires, and setting clear boundaries are all extremely attractive traits.
The all too often talked about “nice guy syndrome” stems from a lack of the aforementioned traits.
Nice guys are quick to apologize for any possible offense they may give, rarely do the things that they want to do, instead taking on other peoples’ perceptions of what is best for them, and most importantly, avoid having controversial discussions at all costs.
Nice guys exhibit these nice guy patterns, and women become dryer than the desert five minutes into a conversation with one. The reason for this is that these guys are just uninteresting. How could one be if he doesn’t strongly believe in anything and acts in a servile manner all the time?
There is a difference between being stubborn and having an opinion. If someone crushes you with facts in an argument, and you feel that you have been swayed, don’t continue to argue to save face. Man up, say you see his point and you were wrong. It may not seem like it in the moment, but people will respect you so much more for this behavior.
You shouldn’t feel the need to defend an image you have of yourself, be sincere and say what you’re thinking.
Grounded guys don’t freak out over the stupid shit that most people do.
A girl flakes on him? Whatever, her loss.
He’s late to something? that’s unfortunate, but there’s nothing he can do about it so no need to get heated.
Something doesn’t go according to plan? Adapt, Improvise, and overcome.
It’s that simple.
If a girl sees you flip out over insignificant bs, how can she be sure you’re not going to strangle her when your relationship is going through a rough patch?
Similarly, when a cool guy sees you freak, he immediately pins you as a dork, and will want nothing to do with you.
Some early steps to take to become more grounded would be, as always, upgrading your peer group, meditation, and approaching more women to experience confrontation and rejection.
Meditation, even for 10 minutes a day, is a practice in calming the mind and observing the body. Whenever I find myself getting riled up, if I can, I will sit down, close my eyes, and clear my mind. It helps EVERY time.
Lastly, find out what you stand for.
Have interesting opinions that are not what everybody else thinks.
Know where your boundaries are, and women and men alike will begin to respect you much more.
A guy walks into a bar. He sees a hot 21-year-old sitting at one of the bar, and he sees a hot 31-year-old sitting at the other end. Does he use the same game on both chicks?
Answer: NO WAY!
Being good at gaming is about surveying the playing field and knowing who you’re dealing with. A 31-year-old is much harder to impress, but a 21-year-old will balk if you come on too strong. There are challenges and rewards with both.
The most put-together dudes will instantly assess the landscape and know how to approach each woman in a way that jives with her sensibilities. Essentially, he gets to choose which one he takes home because he’s mastered the subtle art of speaking to women of different stages of their lives.
When women are in their early 20’s, they’re at a stage in life where they’re looking for fun. They’re still willing to date musicians, personal trainers and yoga teachers because they believe in “the dream.” They buy into the potential.
She doesn’t care if you know how to cook. She doesn’t care if you’ve held a steady job for the last 8 years. She doesn’t give a shit if you have a 401K.
She wants to have fun, feel hot and be a young know-it-all who’s got life all figured out. When you approach a chick in her early 20’s, keep it light, super entertaining and really fun. Keep her laughing.
Now, don’t get me wrong: all women want to have fun and be entertained. Only difference is a 21-year-old will make her decision based purely on how fun and entertaining you are. A 31-year-old is much more discerning and needs to see more before she’ll say ‘yes.’
When I approach a 31-year-old at a bar, I do my best to demonstrate that I have value. If you’re reading this and wondering what your value is, it’s already too late. She is gonna see through your BS right away. She knows what’s up. She’s been in the workforce long enough to have dealt with professional adults, she’s probably making a decent living and she wants a man who can match her.
Of course she wants to laugh with you, but she needs to see your serious side as well. She will care that you’ve been in the same job for the last 8 years and she’ll be impressed that you have a 401K.
Most importantly: you can’t sell a 31-year-old on your potential. If you haven’t achieved your “dream” yet, she knows that you’re probably not going to. You can’t run “I’m gonna” game – she knows it’s bullshit.
Generally, 31-year-olds are more analytical and they’ve gotten to a point in their lives where they’re not willing to “just have fun.” They’ve got skin in the game and if you don’t live up, you’ll get knocked out in a few seconds.
When you get the differences between chicks in their 20’s and chicks in their 30’s, you’ll do things differently. A 31-year-old will care, notice and re-evaluate if your house is a mess. A 21-year-old probably has two roommates and scuzz in her sink: she doesn’t give a shit.
Understand the different priorities each age group has and you’ll be golden. Don’t fuck it up by making a rookie mistake like telling a 31-year-old you smoke pot every day.
The Lesson: Know who you’re dealing with. When you can tell the difference between a 21-year-old and a 31-year-old, you’ll be golden.
Does Any Of This Sound Familiar... I’m a pretty successful and accomplished dude, but when I get around really beautiful women, its like my mind goes blank and my IQ drops 50 points. I can’t … Read More
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