get laid Archives - Inner Confidence

9 Ways to Create Enough Time and Money for a Quality Dating Life

Recently, I asked for an update from some of my coaching clients in the Leverage Program. I noticed that almost all of the guys who are lagging on the dating front are also worried about their finances.

While it’s true that guys often use money as an excuse, I actually do think that it’s hard to get your dating life handled if your finances are also not in order. Financial difficulties are an emotional drain that affects our self-esteem and cause us to project insecurity to everyone around us.

The relationship between money and dating is an issue I started to think about in junior high. My plan growing up was to become a professional golfer on the PGA tour. Becoming a pro athlete, I assumed, would solve both my money and dating problems.

My plan, however, was upended in two ways. I started to lose interest in golf. And after that, I read The Game, which made me realize that there was a lot more I could to improve with girls that had nothing to do with money.

During the first few years after college, I worked in a variety of office jobs, but my main interest was learning how to improve with girls. My progress was uneven, both professionally and in terms of dating.

The issue wasn’t effort. I was working 11-hour shifts. But I also did day game approaches during my lunch break, hit the bars from 10pm-2am, and attended self-help seminars and pick up bootcamps over the weekend.

Within a few years, I spent about $82,000 on various self-development programs.

It was only after I transitioned to a more fulfilling career that my results with dating skyrocketed.

I discuss my story in some detail in this podcast episode with Y.L. Savitskiy. But basically, I negotiated a remote work deal at my venture capital firm, then became a dating coach, and then hacked the sharing economy.

Once I figured out how to stop trading time for money, I was able to leverage every single resource at my disposal, and then use the newfound time, money, and energy I had to date more women.

It took me many years to figure this out, mostly through trial-and-error.

Do I have a 4-hour work week? No. Do I make as much as my friends who stayed in finance? No. But I work whenever I want, wherever I want, doing a job that I love. All things considered, I think I’m living what Ramit Sethi calls a “rich life.”

No formula is going to work for everyone and I’m obviously not suggesting that you quit your job. I actually think the structure of a 9-5 job works for a certain type of person.

But if you’re looking to free up some time, generate passive income, and meet more women, here are a few tips that I’ve found generally work:

· Take advantage of money hacks

· Become a minimalist: I know it sounds ridiculous, but as my clients get rid of all their useless shit, their success with women starts to improve. The reason, basically, is that tidiness and control in our outer world frees up our mind to focus on our goals.

· Hack spending: Share your typical expenses with a trusted group of friends and advisors and take a hard look at what you can eliminate. You’ll be surprised how much cash you’re spewing. Some of my coaching clients use the Leverage Program for this purpose.

· Hack transportation with services like flightcar.com, relayrides.com, and turo.com/

· Ask for discounts

· Hack Credit Cards and Retirement Accounts

· Build passive income streams through the sharing economy

· Stop wasting money eating out by cooking at home. It’s easier than you think and way healthier.

· Leverage a skill: Think of all the skills and knowledge you have, then find a way to tutor, offer a class, or market them in ways that can generate money on the side.

As you hack your finances, you’ll start to take a more critical look at every other aspect of your life. Before you know it, you’ll be a “King of Leverage.”

You Should Dump Your Girlfriend

by Tyler W Leave a Comment

Guest post by Jay, Leverage Program member

It’s easy to fall into the trap of letting a girl who isn’t really a good fit for you stick around because she prevents you from feeling lonely.

We all feel lonely at times. It’s part of the human condition. And for guys who aren’t naturally good with women, it’s normal to feel lonely most or even all of the time.

When you start developing your skills, having success is inevitable. You’ll start to get numbers, you’ll start to get dates, you’ll start to make out with women, and you’ll start to sleep with ones you like.

Once you start sleeping with the kinds of women that you like, there’s a critical point where you have to stay on your path. It’s easy to get sucked into a relationship by default, that happens from settling with someone who makes you feel less alone. That feeling of loneliness? The novelty of a new sexual relationship is one powerful way to drown it out.

Too many guys end up dating girls long-term just by default. They never made the conscious decision to do it, but they end up with her because it fills a space in their lives, and the access to sex is a powerful motivator.

What they don’t realize is that space will always be there, and is part of being human. The only thing that you should attempt to use to fill that space is your drive to be better. Part of being a man and accepting your place as an adult is a constant drive for self-improvement. And that emptiness you feel will only get better through your journey of self-improvement, not by a woman.

Friday night dates. Complacency. Stuck banging one girl forever. Not having threesomes. Never traveling. Having the same lame friends. No self-growth. These thoughts seem like a great foundation for a happy relationship, so how could this touching story come to a bad ending?

Now of course if you’re not having these thoughts and are actually completely satisfied in your relationship with zero doubts, regrets, or insecurities, then I’m not talking about you. You’re already winning. However, if you are experiencing these feelings and emotions, stay with me. I’m not going to focus on the negative actions some girls do, because that’s playing the victim game- a game for losers. I’m just going to focus on things from a personal level. Your life is on you. No one else.

Nothing is worse in a relationship than that moment you realize you’re unsatisfied. Even if you get an attractive girlfriend, have a great time for a while, enjoy love, have weird sex, and experience shit together, eventually your insecurities creep back. That little voice in your head comes back and says “Hey motherfucker, I’m still here.” It’s not really noticeable when you’re in the early stages of intimacy, but as the excitement starts to wear off, the thoughts of being unsatisfied start to creep in.

There’s a number of reasons why you might not be satisfied. Your personal social circle isn’t fully developed. Your girlfriend isn’t cool and open-minded to threesomes and other sexual exploration. You feel like you deserve a better girl. You’re not getting better at the things that are important to you. You haven’t traveled and experienced enough. And on and on.

If you’re carrying these thoughts with you while in a relationship, there’s no way that it will have a happy ending, not with all that dissatisfaction. It’s unfair to the girl. No matter what she does, she can never make you happy. It’s literally impossible. The only way you can be fully happy is if you go hard on reaching your full potential and doing everything you actually want to do to resolve these issues.

When I was going through multiple relationships, I’d be initially excited in the honeymoon phase, lose some interest in the middle phase, and then feel married and not giving a fuck by the end of the relationship. The girls were attractive, had cool friends, and liked my personality. But even with all that, I just felt dead every time. I wasn’t satisfied on the inside. My real needs and desires weren’t being fulfilled, and so I wasn’t happy.

After having enough of these girlfriends, I finally started seeing the picture. I wasn’t into monogamy and jealous atmosphere it brought to the relationship. Threesomes and sexual exploration were important to me, but my relationships had been too tightly knit to allow those things to happen. My weekends were being sucked away with Netflix and pointless dates. My social circle was lacking. I wasn’t developing as a man and becoming a winner.

There was a ton of other shit I was unsatisfied with, as far as my self-growth, like lack of traveling and new experiences, poot fitness, bad finances, but one thing was killing me the most. I felt terrible about being unskilled with girls, and never having massive success with women. I was always having to fight hard just to get one girl, feeling like I couldn’t easily replace them or pick the ones I actually wanted. Just because I was able to repeatedly get girlfriends or hook up with a decent amount of girls (between relationships), it hadn’t resolved my deepest insecurity: my lack of skills and confidence with women. I was sick of it.

Even if the girl was cool, I just couldn’t live with the thought of never being 100% of what I could be. I wanted full control over my life. If I never developed myself into a sick individual and started becoming a winner who could actually get with the type of girls I deserved and wanted, I knew I would never be happy. That was the one thing I had to have to be able to die in peace.

When I finally dumped my last girlfriend, it was liberating. I felt relieved. I felt no pain. I gave no fucks. I could focus on my business, my dick (me), 24/7. I immediately improved my career and income. Started getting in shape again. I did some traveling. And more importantly, I finally found the type of coaching I was looking for and started addressing this issue. Have there been roadblocks? Of course. Am I doing the things I want at a high level yet? No. I fell in a couple gutters in the past year and had some hard times. But despite that, I’m pumped and feel alive every day, knowing I’m on track working toward my goals.

Look, I get it. It’s easy to be complacent. Who doesn’t like easy pussy? Your girlfriend might have a cool social circle and you might do cool shit together. But if you’re not satisfied, if you have insecurities and doubts in your head, don’t ignore them, even if your realizations are painful. You gotta dump your girlfriend and handle your shit until you can be satisfied with yourself. That way when you do pick a girl and hang up the jersey, you can do it without any regrets.

Don’t let validation fill the emptiness you feel inside. If you don’t, you’re basically gonna be 49, jacking off to weird porn in the shadows on Sunday at 2pm in your carpeted Downey apartment with erectile dysfunction, thinking about how you wish you had threesomes, had more weird sex, banged more girls, connected with more females, traveled more, did more self development, took more risks, etc. Don’t be that guy.

Validation gives you a temporary high. Settling in an unsatisfying relationship provides you with a dull numbing of that pain. In contrast, allowing yourself to be open and vulnerable rather than settling for whatever provides you validation or comfort, is scary. You’ll feel lost at times. You’ll feel like maybe you aren’t making the right choices, and that maybe you shouldn’t try to improve this area of your life. Your inner voice can be a nagging demon that holds you back.

But look past it. Never accept mediocrity. Understand that these feelings are part of the journey, and that this empty space will only be fulfilled by living a life of your values, and by always striving to be a better version of the man you want to become. No relationship or sexual experience can fill that void. The only thing that will do it is consistent hard work, every day for the rest of your life. That’s what’s truly rewarding and fulfilling about this journey. The relationships you’ll start to form are just a side effect of being a fulfilled man who’s living his purpose.

Bringing Day Game Into Your Everyday Life

by Robbie Leave a Comment

Guest post by Patrick, Leverage Program member

You’ve read our blog posts on why you should day game, you get the concept, but are you still struggling to connect with girls when you hit on them?

The game changer is that you need to start incorporating day game into your everyday life. Luckily for me, I live in New York City, where the opportunities for day game are endless.

While it is definitely important to set aside some time to go out and practice day game, especially when you’re first starting, your goal should be to incorporate practicing your communication skills on a daily basis. Do this and you will be surprised at how it will impact your life.

Let’s define day game first. Day game is just talking to a girl where it isn’t a generally recognized social practice to do so. Usually when we talk about day game, we mean taking time out of your daily life to hit on girls in the context of deliberately practicing your skills. This is still super important, because if you don’t set aside time to practice your skills, you are not going to grow and develop.

But day game doesn’t have to be limited to specific practice sessions. It can and should be incorporated into your everyday life.

Think about this the next time you see a hot girl. The minute you see someone you’d like to talk to, go do it! In addition to that, I’d also argue that talking to everyone you encounter throughout the day and striking up a conversation is also day game.

You need to turn yourself into a social person, and how can you be a social beast if you aren’t talking to everyone?

Let’s give a few examples of what I’m talking about here. You show up to Starbucks in the morning: while you are ordering you double espresso, don’t just order your drink and move on. Strike up a short conversation with the barista. Ask her what her name is and how her day is going. Ask her for a discount to push yourself outside of your comfort zone.

Or maybe you go to the the same breakfast spot each morning. Ask the guy who’s cooking your bacon, egg, and cheese wrap his name and how his weekend was. This may be all you do the first time you go there, but each day you go back, you are going to start to build a relationship with these people. The conversations will get more interesting. Do this every day and I guarantee that your conversation and day game skills will improve.

Now, when you take your lunch break, you are going to be already warmed up because of your interactions in the morning. Don’t just spend your lunch break grabbing lunch and eating at your desk, go talk to people! I don’t care if it’s the hot girl crossing the street, or the fat guy making your burrito, just talk to them.

Say anything. It doesn’t matter. The more you do it, the more you’ll get feedback, and the better you will get. And expect to suck in the beginning. That’s just how it works, and we’ve all experienced it.

By incorporating day game into your everyday life, you are going to improve your skill 10x. It happens progressively over a long period time, and when you make consistent efforts, you’ll improve before you even realize it. You have to be talking to new people on a daily basis and put yourself outside your comfort zone to grow as a person and improve your skills.

Inner Confidence on Elite Daily: Yes, Women Actually Do Pay A Lot Of Attention To The Way You’re Dressed

by Robbie Leave a Comment

At the end of the day, being dynamic is your greatest sales pitch ever. The end-all, be-all is becoming a man who’s witty, charismatic, driven, spontaneous and grounded. This is the whole package, and women will pretty much do anything to be with a man who’s dynamic.

If you don’t know how to dress, it immediately sends out a signal you’re not dynamic. Continue reading on Elite Daily.

5 of the Most Effective Tips for Improving Your Vocal Tonality

by Tyler W Leave a Comment

Some guys are born with a naturally powerful voice that turns women on. Most guys aren’t as fortunate. Some guys have naturally picked up good habits from their peers, friends, and families. Most guys don’t put in this kind of effort, but they should. Even professionals like sportscasters have spent hundreds of hours working on their own and with coaches to sound more confident.

1. Open your mouth wider
Do you mumble? Open your mouth wider.

Do you speak too quickly? Open your mouth wider.

Do you speak too softly? Open your mouth wider.

This could go on and on, and there’s a good reason for this piece of advice: a huge amount of vocal tonality issues disappear when you simply open your mouth wider. It’s one of the first tips singers learn, and it’s as close to a magic pill as you can get when you’re working on your voice.

2. Breathe from your diaphragm
Even though it’s the only skill we’ve been using since birth, most people actually breathe incorrectly. Take a deep breath, hold it for a few seconds, and exhale.

Did you shoulders rise and fall? If they did, that means you’re breathing wrong. Correct breathing happens from the diaphragm, not the chest. When you breathe, the only thing that should be moving is your stomach because that means you’re properly breathing from your diaphragm.

When you breathe properly, you speak with more power and conviction, and come across as more seductive without even thinking about it.

3. Stop ending your sentences with an upward inflection
Don’t do this (unless you’re a Kardashian).

4. Record yourself
Most guys never do this because it’s awkward, uncomfortable, and even downright painful to hear their own voices. But this is another situation where just taking the simplest step will already put you ahead of most steps. Do something that’s uncomfortable and listen to your own speech.

Read a paragraph out loud while recording it on your iPhone. Once you get over the discomfort of hearing your own voice, the insights you’ll gain from listening critically will lead to rapid improvements in your voice.

5. Learn to relax your larynx
Guys with weak or feminine sounding voices often carry too much tension in their larynx (the muscle that we think of as the Adam’s Apple). Diaphragmatic breathing can help significantly, but it’s even more important to do exercises that specifically target the larynx. Search Youtube for tutorials, and practice these at least once a day. You’ll be shocked at how quickly your voice improves.

Most of the social skills you need to learn to improve your life are difficult. Vocal tonality is an exception. It just takes 10 minutes a day of following these simple tips to experience real results.

How do I connect with girls on their level?

by Tyler W Leave a Comment

A common challenge for guys during the process of developing their conversation skills is that they struggle to connect with girls intellectually. But most of the time, this isn’t a challenge they realize they’re facing, because it expresses itself in other ways. The most common way it shows up is when guys ask “How do I turn my brain off and talk to girls on their level?” or “How do I connect with girls at parties?”

This is something I’ve always had a natural inclination for. I didn’t even realize it was a useful skill until I heard a bunch of other guys lamenting about the challenges of talking to “dumb girls.” While their view of this is skewed, with some reflection, I’ve been able to identify that in my case this ability arose out of a combination of my natural personality traits with some skills I’ve consciously developed. It comes down to three things I’m doing.

The three factors that you need to employ to connect with anyone are curiosity, unconditional positive regard, and empathy.

1. Curiosity

Everyone is naturally curious about certain topics. Some people are more curious about technology and systems, while the guys who are naturally good with women are often curious about social relationships and sports.

The good thing about curiosity is that “fake it till you make it” definitely applies here. Faking curiosity looks the same as actually being curious, and it’s how you learn curiosity as a social skill. When you ask questions to fully understand where someone else is coming from and make statements to relate it back to your own perspective, there’s no such thing as “faking it”. Your actions matter, not your thoughts, so there’s nothing you’re really faking here.

Asking questions to find out what other people value in life will always prompt good discussion, and it doesn’t matter if someone is a party girl or a genius who likes all the same things as you- both of these individuals have values that you can explore, and all these values point to ironies about the human condition and commonalities we all share.

So that girl you have trouble connecting with because you don’t understand her? The fact that you don’t understand her is an asset you can use to your advantage! Be curious and try to understand her, because this quest will provide endless conversation material.

2. Unconditional positive regard

Unconditional positive regard is a fancy way of saying not to judge people. It’s one of the first skills that new therapists learn, which is how I came across it. Psychologist Carl Rogers coined the term, and Wikipedia has a great definition: “the basic acceptance and support of a person regardless of what the person says or does.”

It’s not about liking or approving what someone is talking about, it’s about accepting it, and showing that matter what they say, you’re not judging their value as a human being as a result of it. This means not emotionally reacting when someone tells you something that violates society’s norms. The best example is reacting nonchalantly if a girl tells you that she’s a stripper or a porn star. If you don’t have a visible reaction on your face and you continue the conversation just as if she said she’s an accountant, that’s unconditional positive regard.

When a woman feels that she can tell you about anything and you won’t judge her for it, that’s extremely powerful. That’s a foundation that can lead to the raunchiest sexual conversation, or it can lead to her telling you her deepest secrets faster than she’s ever told anyone else before.

Carl Rogers sums up why this is so powerful: “When a person realizes he has been deeply heard, his eyes moisten. I think in some real sense he is weeping for joy. It is as though he were saying, ‘Thank God, somebody heard me. Someone knows what it’s like to be me.’”

3. Empathy

I saved empathy for last on purpose. Everything thinks they know what it means, like compassion, or sympathy. But let’s look at what it ACTUALLY means and how we can use it to our advantage in this situation. Yes, that means I’m getting out the dictionary.

The Random House Dictionary defines empathy as “the psychological identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.” When I said everyone thinks they know what it means, it’s because people think they get it at a superficial level. What the typical superficial understanding misses is how this can be a superpower in your arsenal of connection skills.

Empathy means psychological perspective-taking. It’s more than just seeing an experience through someone else’s eyes; it’s living it through their all their emotions and senses. I guarantee that if you try to fully empathize with someone about an experience they’ve had, you will not run out of things to say. There are always more things you can ask to better understand where they’ve been and where they’re coming from.

Never run out of things to say? How is this possible?

All humans have experienced the same emotions, and we connect by resonating with each other emotionally.

When you fully try to understand someone else’s emotional experience, that’s how emotional bonds are formed.

The homie Carl Rogers is back at it again: “Being empathic means: ‘To be with another in this way means that for the time being you lay aside the views and values you hold for yourself in order to enter another’s world without prejudice. In some sense it means that you lay aside your self and this can only be done by a person who is secure enough in himself that he knows he will not get lost in what may turn out to be the strange or bizarre world of the other, and can comfortably return to his own world when he wishes. Perhaps this description makes clear that being empathic is a complex, demanding, strong yet subtle and gentle way of being.’”

Why is it hard to stop chasing girls?

by Tyler W Leave a Comment

A common piece of advice for men is “don’t chase girls.” It’s good advice, and it’s a piece of advice I’ve given before. And yet, a lot of the advice from beginners is still “how do I get this girl to like me when she doesn’t?” Why is it so hard for beginners to follow?

Before we answer that, let’s take a step back. It’s crucial to understand that the only lasting method of having women in your life is to first, develop the characteristics that women find attractive, second, learn how to display those characteristics, and third, put yourself in situations where the kind of women you want to meet will see you displaying those characteristics.

Although these three steps form a simple formula for confidence, they’re not easy to implement, and they don’t happen overnight. This is why we say there’s no magic bullet to being successful with women.

What’s an example of mastering these steps? A guy who doesn’t know how to start a conversation goes to improv classes to learn how to banter, then he starts volunteering where he begins to start casual conversations with women.

Back to our original question about chasing: the problem is that if you haven’t already mastered these steps, you’re going to be chasing girls who aren’t completely sold on you, and it’s hard to stop. if you don’t already have women in your life, it seems like your only option is to chase.

If you feel like every girl is telling you no, your gut reaction won’t be to find a different girl who says yes, or to find new ways to improve your life. Your gut reaction will be to figure out how to get past the no. You see a brick wall in front of you and instinctively look for ways to get over it, rather than figuring out why the wall is there in the first place.

If you’re the typical guy who isn’t already attractive to women, and someone like me tells you that you need to stop chasing women, you feel like if you do that you’ll lose all your options.

And to most guys, that feels worse than chasing.

It’s tough when you’re craving a girl’s time and affection, but sometimes the only way to get it is to wait. The point of icing is to get her pursuing you. In most scenarios, if she gave a fuck she would have hit you up again. Women want what they can’t have.

Yes, you need to stop chasing. If you’re chasing, you’re not the one in control, and you won’t get what you want. But at the same time, you need to ensure that you’re also improving your life so that you don’t need to chase. You need to develop attractive traits. You need to learn how to display these traits. You need to learn basic social skills. You need to understand your personality. You need to identify what kind of women you do the best with. You need to start going to where these women are, and you need to start putting yourself in uncomfortable situations.

Basically, you need to follow the example of the guy who took improv classes.

There’s nothing more unattractive than desperation. Desperation is the least attractive shit on Earth.

The root of the issue is that “don’t chase” is advice about how to stop being unattractive. It’s helpful, but it’s not enough. Only when you combine it with everything else you need to become attractive does this advice become helpful, and powerful. Only then will you stop running into the brick wall, and start to deconstruct it brick by brick.

Inner Confidence on Elite Daily: Guys, This Could Be Why Women Seem To Think You’re Boring

by Tyler W Leave a Comment

I constantly hear my female friends talk about how all the guys they meet are creepy, boring or unoriginal. Why do most guys suck at having conversations with women? Read the full article here!

How to Turn Her on Outside of the Bedroom

by Carly Leave a Comment

If you’ve ever spent any time around a woman, you know the quickest, simplest thing can turn them off like a lightswitch. Just like that, they’re done, from “I love you so much and want to marry you” to “go jump off a cliff, you suck.”

Just like that they can turn off, but why can’t we turn them on just as quickly? Well, you can. We’re here to tell you the trick. The problem is that most men only try to turn on their women when already in the bedroom.

While that is important, it’s just as, if not more, important to turn her on out of the bedroom. You wine and dine her, you’re probably going to go back home to a nice desert. But if you don’t do the dishes after she’s asked three times…I think you can see how that night’s going to end.

Women are like sponges: they take in everything, all of the time. So we’ve put together a list of things with little or no cost that you can do to warm her up during the day, and in turn make for one hot night. Women like originality, so the more personable you can make these, the more points you’re going to score.

Hug her

Not just a side hug or a light embrace. Hold her tightly, until she ends it. Holding her will remind her you’re her protector and that you’re there to keep her safe. Actually enjoy it, and let her know you appreciate holding her. Bonus points if you can get her to initiate it.

2. Buy her a pair of panties

Buying lingerie seems cliche right? When’s the last time you’ve done it? If you want to go all out, get a matching bra and panty set. If you want to spend a little less, just get a red silk thong, or ask someone to help you pick out a pair at Victoria Secret. The trick to this one is giving it to her at a time when you’re obviously not going to have sex right then and there. Some ideas you could do for this are hiding a box at her house while you’re away, and text her where it is, or giving the box to her at dinner and telling her to go change into them in the bathroom. This gives her a chance to play along with you. (IMPORTANT: Make sure you get the RIGHT size!!!)

3. Whisper into her ear

This one works especially well around people. Tell her how sexy she looks, talk about the underwear you saw her wearing underneath, or tell her all of the things you want to do to her later.

4. Write it out

Write her a card, a note, a poem. Just write her something, anything. There is nothing more genuine than taking the time to write down how you feel about her. Your vulnerability will be so sexy to her. Explain why you love her, or thank her for something she did. This will be something she’s going to keep for a very long time, so put some thought into it. (Hint: this one can be reused over, and over, and over again in many different ways so get creative and switch it up!)

5. A picture is worth a thousand words

Planting a picture of her in your wallet is a really nice gesture, but a little outdated. Posting a picture of her on your social media will make her see how you want to show her off, which is extremely sexy. Another route would be to update your screensaver to a picture of you two, or even send one in a text to her with a message saying what you liked about that day. Bonus points: writing a note on the back of a printed out picture and leaving it for her somewhere.

6. Forget a good night cup of tea

Bring her some hot chocolate to bed, this works as a sexual stimulant for her. Accompany it with some fruit or marshmallows. Turn off the TV and put down the phones for this one. Ask her how her day was, what her favorite memory as a kid was, or something stimulating for her (in other words, just ask her about herself).

7. Trap her

…and kiss her. Push her down on the couch, pin her to the wall or lock her in a room you normally wouldn’t go it like the laundry room or a big closet. Kiss her passionately, and after a minute, leave with a smile on your face. This will drive her crazy wanting more, and will surely leave her weak in her knees. Just be careful not to push her into, or onto, anything that will hurt. This will most likely ruin the vibe you were trying to go for.

8. Surprise! I’m here!

While you may not always want her to show up somewhere out of the blue, if done right, she’ll love it. Show up on her lunch break or while she’s getting ready for an event to drop off some flowers. She’ll be drooling over you the rest of the day. (Bonus points if her friends/family are there as witness)

9. Unlock her

Kiss her ankles, knees, elbows, wrists, and knuckles. These areas often get less attention than others, kissing her in these places will transfer energy to her and in turn, have her come “unhinged”.

10. Forget the roses

Get her a plant that she can keep alive (just don’t tie this plant to the life of your love together, just in case she can’t.) Every time she waters it, she’ll think of you. Plants are great for many reasons. Plants are a natural humidifier, they lower amount of carbon dioxide, can prevent allergies, reduce amount of colds, decrease blood pressure, prevent headaches, negate cigarette smoke, and provide many other species-specific benefits. Not to mention she’ll see it everyday and appreciate you.

Any indoor plant will suffice, unless she has a yard or patio with direct sunlight. If she likes to cook, get her an herb. If you know she can’t keep anything alive, get something that requires little water or attention. Any plant nursery will be happy to help, just tell them your requirements and make sure they tell you the best way to take care of it.

After years of wondering why you gave her a massage and she still doesn’t want to have sex afterwards, I’m happy to share with you this secret. If you’re not romantic out of the bedroom, or wherever your place of choice is, she won’t want to be your kinky little sex freak in the bedroom. Luckily, this mentality of hers isn’t permanent and has the chance to be immediately reversed. Remember, you want to do these things without (seemingly) wanting sex at the moment, the more random and spontaneous you can make these, the better.

3 Reasons Why You Don’t Do Day Game (even though you know you should) and what you can do about it.

by Robbie Leave a Comment

If you’ve been following Inner Confidence, you know that day game is the easiest way to meet high quality women without the hassle of online dating, Tinder, and spending mad cash at bars and clubs.

But here’s the thing: If you know about day game, and you still aren’t approaching regularly, odds are that you’re not going to start without making some changes.

Here’s why you probably don’t approach:

1. You haven’t reprogrammed the irrational parts of your brain. If you approach 10 girls, 9 reject you, and 1 becomes your girlfriend, you’ll forget about the rejections and whole thing will be well worth the effort. But your primal brain doesn’t view it this way. In the hunter-gatherer tribes of our ancestors, one bad approach didn’t just mean an embarrassing rejection — it meant a spear in the chest from the local alpha male. You probably haven’t made the effort to rewire these instincts.

2. You’re trying to rely on willpower. Your willpower is limited, and isn’t strong enough to overcome a lifetime of habits that do not involve day game approaches. You have to create new habits and make approaching second nature.

3. Your personality type likely falls on the passive, introverted corner of the Inner Confidence alignment grid. This means that your analytical brain – which makes you a great lawyer, investor, or engineer – is also unusually good at coming up with excuses for why you shouldn’t approach.

It took me a while to figure all this out. The reason is that, when I first learned about day game, I actually started going out right away and approaching any girls that I wanted to talk to. I would even leave my miserable office job during the day and hit on girls at the UTC La Jolla mall.

I was absolutely awful at first. Back then, the only real dating advice out there came from the ridiculous PUA crowd that had become popular with The Game. I’ve probably heard “Aww, that’s sweet but I have a boyfriend” 5,000 times.

Still, I was smashing reps and learning through trial and error. Over time, after having hundreds of girls blow past me when I tried to stop then, I figured out techniques like the “hook and swoop” and learned lines that were congruent with my personality.

It was only really after I became a dating coach that I realized how unusual my experience was. There’s a small percentage of guys who are self-motivated to go out during the day proactively and approach, and aren’t too bothered by the repeated failure that is part of learning.

The vast majority of guys, though, go through a different learning curve. A lot of them actually improve quite quickly once they start trying – sometimes within a few hours. The hard part for them is overcoming their initial approach anxiety. They are willing to read and study enormous amounts of material but can’t get themselves to approach in even the easiest situations, like when they’re out running errands.

If this sounds like you, don’t feel bad. It’s completely normal. I regularly coach guys who take enormous risks in other areas of their life but struggle with day game. They won’t hesitate to run onto a battlefield in Afghanistan or quit their day job to start a business, but they’ll hem and haw before saying hi to a girl in line at Whole Foods.

While there’s no way around the effort that goes into learning day game, I’ve found that you can hack approach anxiety and make rapid progress with the right strategy.

The single biggest thing you have to do to overcome your fear of approaching is to put something more valuable on the line.

An easy way to do this is an approach bet. Tell a friend that you will give him $100 if you don’t make a certain number of approaches. Your fear of losing the $100 will probably outweigh whatever fear you have about approaching.

I think a better, more long-term solution, however, is to surround yourself with other guys who are as good or better than you at day game. As I look back on my own experience, one of the things that kept me going was my friend Jason, who was learning day game at the same time I was. He always had the most hilarious lines. I think part of the reason I kept approaching so persistently was because, even though I didn’t like the rejection, I valued the conversations we would have about our latest approaches.

Guys in the Leverage Mentorship program tend to do well at day game because they have a system and infrastructure in place that basically makes success inevitable. I set up monthly approach competitions, pair guys up with wingmen of similar skill level, and encourage everyone to go out and bust through social anxiety.

We make it a game, share stories, and laugh about the ridiculous encounters that ensue. It turns an otherwise uncomfortable experience into a positive, fun environment. They get the instant, personalized feedback that is critical to mastery.

Here’s what two of my clients posted in the Leverage forum this past week about their recent daygame outings:

Joey “I thoroughly enjoyed the experience, it’s really liberating to give 0 fucks and hit on random girls. The more I hang out with the guys in the group, the more I learn to ignore other people’s reactions and just do me.

Interesting start to the day game was when Sergio and I got there early. We walked around and ate lunch, but were pretty hesitant to approach at first. This only changed when Sergio saw a girl and said, why don’t you hit on her?”

This for some reason is a real hack for approaching, if you have someone to push you to approach, you will end up doing it because you will feel like the biggest bitch if you don’t.

Just a bit of wisdom I picked up from the experience”

Derek “I have wasted so much time thinking that I could get great with girls/socializing without actually doing it. Of course in hindsight it seems so clear. How would you get better at anything without doing it? While working on the fundamentals like lifestyle, voice, fitness, travel etc It is still imperative to keep on taking action and doing daygame and go out at least once a week. Just hanging out with the folks yesterday I learnt so much about how to make a great event/ dinner/ drinks and what are the logistics which go into it.”

I would obviously love for you to apply for the Leverage and I think the program would be a particularly good fit if you live in New York, LA or Western Europe, where a lot of Leverage members hang out together. But even if you’re not ready to join Leverage, I’d encourage you to think about ways you can create new habits and accountability in your journey.

If you’re not sure where to begin, I’d be happy to give you a free 15-minute consultation to help you get started.

Your friend,

Robbie