Most guys suck at texting.
When you text a girl, or when you’re in a conversation with her, what purpose are you trying to achieve? Too often, guys will text because it gives them a rush, an ego boost, or just because it’s an enjoyable way to burn time. They’re missing the bigger picture.
When humans communicate, we do it on multiple levels. There are the actual words we’re saying, which tend to be less important in dating than most people assume. I’m not about to tell you how communication is 93% nonverbal, because that’s a statistic pulled from a study done in the 70’s that really didn’t say what most people think it said.
But what you need to recognize is how important nonverbal communication is. In person, our body language signals show others how we feel about ourselves, the situation, and whoever we’re talking to. Over text, overlooked nonverbal factors like timing of texts communicate how much we value that interaction.
Any type of communication also conveys our own personality traits. The slang we use, the things we respond to versus the things we ignore, and who initiates communication first are just a few of the nearly limitless things we communicate without even realizing it. What we say and don’t say shows others how socially aware, extraverted, agreeable, and intelligent we are, just to name a few traits.
It’s never possible to consciously control all these factors. This is why learning the mindset of confidence is what really drives success, more so than just emulating the behaviors. It’s also why Inner Confidence teaches that one of the most important determinants of your success is the social group you choose to surround yourself with. We naturally reflect the mindsets of those around us, for better or worse.
What’s the purpose of texting?
When you’re texting, it should be for one of two reasons:
-To build attraction
-To plan the logistics of a date
THAT’S IT. If you are communicating for any other reason, you’re chasing her rather than presenting yourself as a confident guy. Guys who have options with women don’t text them just because they enjoy the attention. They are busy and don’t have time to hold drawn out text conversations. Humans in general love attention, and just because someone is responding to your texts doesn’t mean they’re attracted to you. It’s also likely they just enjoy the attention and have no intention of going on a date with you.
You text her a couple times, if you can be witty and playful, great. If you can’t because it feels forced, then you just be normal. If she liked you when she gave you number, getting her on a date will be easy.
If she gave you a pity number, you have no chance. This is common for women in the US. They don’t know how to reject a guy so they just give him their number. They even text back because they feel bad. They may even say yes to a date with 0.0 intentions of going, then they flake repeatedly and eventually ghost on you.
Sometimes “I’ll give you my number” really means “I’ll take this opportunity to end the interaction.”
No amount of wizardry will change her mind. What will change her mind, however, is if you’re the guy who got her number, flirted with her a few times, and then disappeared. She won’t realize she missed out on anything at first, but if she follows you on social media and sees that you’re awesome, her curiosity will grow. She’ll feel a sense of subtle rejection that you never asked her out, like she’s not good enough for you and then she’ll start showing you love. And then you’ll have a customer who’s ready to buy.
The real interaction matters the most, and texting is not the place to be swinging for home runs.
What’s the purpose of conversation?
What about in person? This varies more than when you text, but be aware of the main themes that women are biologically wired to respond to:
-To build attraction
-To develop an emotional connection
-To have fun
-To be sexual
-To share companionship and experiences
-To express your personality
If what you’re doing doesn’t fall into one of these categories, chances are that your interaction will go nowhere because she’s getting bored.
We communicate to express emotions, NOT to share information. Notice that “to convey information” was not on the list. This doesn’t come naturally to men! Most guys implicitly see all communication as a way of sharing information, because this is naturally a male style of communication. It’s what we tend to do all day long at work.
But it doesn’t apply to conversations with women. Everything in communication with women is about a shared emotional experience, and when you’re a socially aware, confident guy, it will naturally lead to sex, relationships, and whatever else you desire. THAT’S why you talk to girls: to create a mutually beneficial shared emotional experience.