I’ve already written a list of the biggest turn-ons in a man…now comes time for the list of what not to do.
Jealousy when not played off well. Everyone gets jealous, it’s a natural thing. It’s how you act on your jealousy that defines you as a person. If a guy either 1. Starts pouting like a child or 2. Starts raging like a psycho in response to myself receiving attention from another man, it’s a big turn off. The correct thing to do: let it happen, notice it…then take another sip of your whiskey as you whisper in her ear about how her ass is in demand, and it’s yours. Then, remind her later that night when the two of you get home and she’s allll yours
Coming on too strong. There are soooo many things wrong with this. First off, it’s an invasion of my privacy in a way. Usually guys who are coming on too strong are invading my personal space, literally. Secondly, if a guy cannot understand or use to his advantage the “push and pull” of energy between two people just getting to know each other, it’s a huge turn off. You give a little, then back off and wait for her to give a little. Only THEN is it OK to give a little more. It’s a game, an art. Some guys just don’t get this, and they vomit GIVE GIVE GIVE, making me RUN RUN RUN!
Flakiness. This is actually probably my number one turn off. If a guy is flaky in the beginning, he won’t get another chance. Plain and simple.
A Douchebag Crew of friends. Oh, this one is unfortunate. There’s nothing worse than meeting a seemingly cool guy that you like….only to meet his raging douchebag crew of friends. It’s not everything, but there is truth to the statement “the company you keep”. Your crew is a reflection of you, at least somewhat. At the very least, hide them until you’ve made her fall completely in love with you lol.
Overtexting. Texting too often or sending texts that are too long themselves is a turn off. It makes me feel like you’re too much on my jock. And just being honest here: once I feel like I’m in complete control, the fun of it goes away and I no longer continue to be interested. Whomp whomp.
Asking dumb questions. Are you wondering what I meant by “whomp whomp”? Before asking me, think about it. Say it out loud. And as a last resort, google it. This goes for a lot of other questions as well. I’m not saying that asking questions is bad, but asking the wrong questions is bad. Just try to use your common sense as much as possible. A clueless/helpless guy is one that tends to get under my skin. By the way, “whomp whomp” refers to the sound that typically describes a “let down” feeling. If you google it, the very first thing that comes up is an urban dictionary listing. This day and age, you can and should google everything before you ask/annoy someone. No excuse.
Not being affectionate. Women like to be touched, we like to be kissed. We can’t help it! If you’re not doing either, chances are you’re beginning to turn us off. If we DON’T want you to kiss or touch us, trust me – we will communicate this to you. Otherwise, it’s your job as the agressor to initiate this. Unless I feel really, really comfortable with a guy, I feel UNcomfortable initiating intimacy. Heck, even with the guy I’ve been dating for almost a year I STILL feel uncomfortable initiating intimacy sometimes. This is just one of those things that’s your job as a man, and you have to know when to do it, how to do it, how frequently to do it….so practice and ask IC questions about it. This is key to a happy, healthy relationship and brings so much joy to both parties. I absolutely love being kissed and touched…now I want to go get my fix just having written about it
A guy who doesn’t get my sense of humor. Often times I’ve noticed that guys will be too nervous when out on a date with me to even appreciate the jokes I’m making. This actually makes the experience I’m having the opposite of fun. I feed off of your energy, so what you’re putting out there will come into me, and if it’s not good, it will be a turn off. I’ve noticed that guys who come from different cultures won’t understand my jokes either, which is unfortunate. I guess you can’t help that really…but if a guy doesn’t get my jokes it’s usually not long until the end. Usually, you can tell when someone is trying to get you to laugh, so just go ahead and briefly laugh – give her what she wants and then quickly change the subject to one that you’re more familiar with. You’ll begin to catch on, and if you can make it through the tough part in the beginning your work will pay off and you shall be rewarded generously 🙂 Oh, and if you find yourself so nervous that you can’t even pay attention to what she’s saying – SNAP out of it! You are in control, you’re the man! Remember that! She is just as lucky to be in your presence as you are to be in hers.
Overcomplimenting. This is bad because 1. it shows me that you’re too much on my jock 2. that I’m in control 3. After a certain point, your compliments wont even seem genuine. It WILL seem like you’re just trying to kiss my ass to get that ass. Don’t think we won’t see through this 🙂
Elementary Mentality. One word: manchild. Not a good thing! A man with the mentality of a child is exactly that: a child. Traits of a manchild: jealousy, immaturity, talking crap about other people, being adverse to my success, dishonesty, no manners, doesn’t own up to his mistakes, makes jokes at my expense (especially in front of other people), wont shut up about one good deed he did or one great thing he accomplished. These things are ALL big turn offs!
Asking for too many directions in bed. In general, in my humble opinion…the man rules in the bedroom. Unless it’s in the very very beginning, (like the first time you two have ever hooked up) if he’s asking all kinds of questions and/or generally unsure of what to do and how to please me, requiring me to talk a lot during the act, it totally ruins the mood AND the vibe between him and I. It’s actually safe to say that I’d be totally turned off of a guy after an experience like that. I want to be taken in the bedroom, not giving directions like a traffic cop.
Taking no direction in bed whatsoever. Now before you get upset, just hear me out! On the other side of the coin, you do want her feedback in certain ways/at certain times. This specifically applies to a situation where sexually, things have been going well….but have seemed to hit a plateau. I’ll try and give off a few subtle hints that I’m not particularly enjoying a position or I want him to do this or that in a certain way……………and it goes totally unnoticed/disregarded. I guess the point I’m trying to make is that there is a fine line of what is OK and not OK to communicate in bed, but as long as you’re *paying attention* to the signals she’s putting out there and acting on them in a playful, confident way it will end up turning her up and on
Secretly snooping at my phone while I’m texting. I had a guy do this one time not too long ago on a first date. I thought I could feel him doing it while I was looking down at my phone at one point on the date, but when I looked up he wasn’t looking so I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Fast forward 2 hours as we are saying goodbye and parting ways – he actually mentions “Jason’s” name when he asked what I’m doing the next day, referring to a name he saw on my screen earlier – in a jealous/”so there” kind of way. I could not have been more mortified for him, and revolted myself. Needless to say, I never saw that guy again.
Braggarts aka the wannabe big shot. I’m almost always turned off by men who talk a big game…because almost always they don’t have what it takes to get the job done. Isn’t it funny how the ones who have the loudest bark usually have the weakest bite? Additionally, the main reason why this is unattractive is because it puts me in a position where I am expected and obligated to positively respond. I don’t enjoy fake-smiling and having to “positively respond” to all the bragging you’re doing while inside I’m unimpressed and annoyed. Mofo, I’m not interested in putting on a show, and I’m definitely not interested in the show you’re putting on! Just be genuine! Any time a guy is putting on a show – it reeks of invalidity and just plain sucks. NEXT!
Wearing baggy boxers or tighty whities. They are both very unattractive and not a turn on. Tighty whities are by far much much worse but loose boxers are pretty bad as well, especially if you have any kind of nice ass. Stop hiding that thing and go out and purchase some soft Calvin Klien boxer briefs.
Overly Sensitive Guys. The thought of this makes me cringe. You know, that super sensitive guy who takes everything way too personally? Funny enough, this also usually happens to be the same guy who stalks you on social media and gives you an excessive amount of likes on your stuff. Not hot.
Bluetooth in ear. It’s never attractive when you look like you’re talking to yourself in public. Also, it either gives off an “I think I’m highly important” vibe or an “I’m a HUGE dork” vibe.
Second Guessing Your Instincts. Constantly wavering back and forth and being unable to make solid decisions is an unattractive trait. You’re the Man, you’re the one who should to be in control (or at least be able to be in control if need be). Even if you’re wavering inside, don’t let her see it. Make a decision and stick with it. If you fuck up, play it off and make a joke out of it. Reach out to friends/your coaches for advice and have faith in yourself!
Wearing unattractive jeans. If you’ve read my Fashion Guide, then you’ll know which type of jeans are bad and which are good. The bad tend to be wide leg, light to medium blue and very farmer-john-ish….or way too skinny and make a guy look like he’s suffocating in them. It’s just not right, smh. Go for a straight leg, dark wash jean. The Adriano Goldschmied “Matchbox” jean is usually a great fit on every single guy I’ve ever styled.
Cheap Guys. Look, its OK to be frugal, economical and non-wasteful with your money in situations where you’re spending it with/on a woman. However, there’s a difference between being cheap and being economical. A cheap guy will make disgruntled comments about spending money, will go WAY out of their way to save like literally 10 dollars and in general just seem like a stingy George Costanza-type! On the contrary, I think the girl needs to offer to pay at least once and a while, and should generally be aware of how much money is being spent. If she seems like a gold digger, sack her. But the same goes for a cheap mofo…he’ll get sacked just as quickly.
Touching me the wrong way. There’s a right way to touch me and a wrong way. One way turns me the hell on…one way makes me want to get out as fast as possible. While I can’t literally tell you exactly how to touch me in the right way, I can tell you this: if you seem nervous while doing it, it’s gonna make me feel weird. So, be confident and figure out what she likes or doesn’t like. IC has a LOT of great articles, videos and general instruction regarding this – so USE IT! It’s very important! Remember as I said earlier, being touched and kissed in the right way is womens’ favorite thing. But, it can take a creepy turn for the worst.
If You’re not making me laugh, you have no chance. I can’t stress how important making a girl laugh is. It’s almost as if the second a guy makes me laugh, I’m instantly somewhat into him. It takes wit and charm, and it’s impressive when a guy is funny. It’s almost always the spark that gets my fire going. If you can’t seem do this naturally, it’s worth it to invest in some classes or to do general research on how to be funny, what to say, how to say it, when & how to deliver comic timing. BE FUNNY, guys…that’s pretty much all I can say about that. HUGE turn on.
Acting like Mr. Know-It-All/Talking about yourself too much. There is nothing worse than talking to a man who thinks he is the smartest person in the room. Women like smart men, but not know-it-alls who dominate the conversation with his vast so-called knowledge. Open your mind to let other opinions and theories flow. Whether or not you actually are the smartest person in the room is a fact – this is besides the point. You will rub her (and people, in general) the wrong way and that’s not something you want to do in the beginning.
Getting caught lying. This is bad for numerous reasons. Really, all you have is your word. Once you’re caught lying, your word goes out the window with your dignity as well. It’s hard to respect a man after he’s caught lying. Then there’s the whole “what an idiot” aspect of it…you lied and got caught? You’re not even a GOOD liar; you suck at lying. The fact that you couldn’t even pull the lie off is unattractive in and of itself. Lastly, almost always after I catch a guy lying do I feel like my intelligence has been insulted. I often have a “wow, do you really think I’m that dumb” feeling after, and that just pisses me off in general.
Having a superiority complex too early on. Now, I’ve said repeatedly that the Man is in control, or at least should be. That’s how I feel about relationships. However, there’s a certain scale within this that dictates what kind of in-control behavior is attractive versus neurotic or demanding. Yes, I do want the man to be in control, but I don’t want him to be controlling. In the beginning, be in control of all the small things like what restaurant you guys go to, and other small things like that. If you’re exhibiting controlling behavior over really general stuff too early on, this can come off as chauvinistic and will piss a lot of women off. However, keep in mind that most women don’t know/wont acknowledge/realize how much they need to be put in check. This is something that you introduce over time, with the right woman.
Overlooking subtle acts of thoughtfulness. This mostly applies to a girl you’ve been dating for a while. Don’t ever forget to show her that you appreciate her, that you notice the nice things she does for you. Just as much as you deserve to be praised, respected and generally admired – she deserves recognition for these things she goes out of her way to do for you. If I feel these acts go continually unnoticed, it completely takes away my enthusiasm for wanting to do nice, sweet things for you in the future and can totally dim the fire you have between each other! Just don’t get too comfortable – and that goes for both parties, man and woman.
Ho-Hum, Boring Guys. Some guys are just boring. We have a name for these kinds of guys: “Dry Toast”. I’ve gone on a lot of dates with multiple dry toasts. Don’t be a Dry Toast. Dry Toast isn’t great at making decisions, likes to just go with the flow, lets me do all the talking, doesn’t seem engaged, and isn’t making jokes. He’s boring as hell. Never again will I go on a date with another Dry Toast!
Swearing straight off the bat. There’s funny, good swearing and then there’s scary, hillbilly like swearing. In fact, it’s OK to swear a lot after having spent a lot of time with a girl, but NEVER in the beginning. It’ll come off as way too harsh, trying to hard and even disrespectful.
Making us feel like we are not important. It’s good to keep her on her toes, but if you play that game too hard it can be a big turn off for us. Girls are used to being doted on, and that’s why this can be a tricky thing to master. You definitely don’t want to be just another one of those guys who gives her everything she wants and completely caters to her. And if a girl is fighting you on this, insisting that’s what she wants in a guy, get rid of her…she’ll be way to big a headache and commitment. You can’t make someone like that happy even. However, on the same token you do want to make her feel like she’s a priority of yours. Just try to be considerate, and you’ll wind up doing something right 🙂
Lots of negativity. Too serious. I went out on a date with a guy one time, he was tall, very good looking, well off, grew up in the same neighborhood as me…basically great on paper. BUT….he was so damn serious! He also had this negative spin on things, like everyting was always so solemn with this guy. I just couldn’t take it after ONE date. This effect he created is literally the opposite of FUN, which is the NUMBER ONE thing that girls like!
Cell Phone Holster. Just don’t. Ever…thanks.
Being messy/sloppy. This is a trait of a manchild. While I love to clean up after my guy, excessive messiness is just gross and will turn off almost every woman worth having!
Getting too Drunk. Just as it would be a turn off for you if a girl did this….it’s never a good look when someone gets absolutely shit-faced on a first or second date. You tend to show the worst side of yourself when one does this. Now, accidents are allowed but don’t make it a habit. Sloppy, drunken behavior is literally like babysitting a kindergardener and nobody wants that out of a date.
Dumb pick up lines. Immediate eye-roller. I’m sure you guys have enough good advice from IC on what kind of lines are good and what kind of lines are bad. Here’s an example of a bad pickup line a guy said to me once: he came up to me and faked choking asking for mouth to mouth. It put me in an awkward situation in front of my friends and I just walked away.
Constantly accusing other women of trying to change you. Alert, this is a red flag! When guys go off about this, my mind immediately shifts to: 1. Jeeze, he sure does think he’s very important and is acting all too defensive 2. All these women trying to change something? Hmm…this is probably happening for GOOD REASON. NEXT!
…and last but DEFINITELY NOT least….
Forgetting to treat me like I’m a special person in your life . I’m your lady. I’m not like the other people you know, I’m in a different category then most of the others. Don’t forget to treat me like I’m different as well. What I’m saying is: be courteous! The other day, I ran into a couple I know on the street – they hadn’t seen me yet however. Before I said hello, I noticed how he was literally speedwalking, blazing down the sidewalk loudly talking on his cell, and his girlfriend was struggling to trail after him in her heels, obviously freezing her ass off and stumbling every few feet. I could not have been MORE unattracted at this guy’s display. Look, we know that “treating women like princesses” more often than not will spoil them and give them a bigger ego than they need, but there at least has to be an appropriate balance in how the two of you treat each other in terms of courtesy and thoughtfulness. Always be considerate, and make sure you are aware of what’s going on with your other half at all times when you can. Obviously people get distracted, but when there is a pattern of behavior like this it’s just unacceptable and kills whatever fire was left. Be aware…then, it’s your choice what to do do from there. But to not be aware whatsoever is a big turn off! Take her into account, because if you don’t she WILL feel forgotten, another turn off. This guy on the street had no clue what his girlfriend behind him was experiencing, and probably wouldn’t have cared less even if he did. Turn off.
If you’ve made it this far, thanks for reading 🙂