If everyone likes you, chances are you’re struggling with women.
What if they don’t like me?
What if they think I’m a jerk?
What if I make them angry?
What if they talk trash behind my back?
“I had a realization today,” said Marty, one of my students. “What I realized is that to be successful and confident, not everyone is going to like me…
And if I am pushing myself, I will most likely annoy and piss some people off because they may see me as a jerk, creepy or arrogant.
But I can’t let that affect how I feel about myself.”
Marty had this realization during a particular incident. He started speaking with a woman who worked in a store. He said something that was sexual and direct.
But his confidence didn’t have the intended effect. Things got awkward. So he walked out
As he was walking away from the store, he decided, instead of just leaving, that he was going to go back in and talk to her about it.
When he got there, he asked her if she was creeped out. She said that she was and he said, “I’m just being honest” and laughed a bit.
Marty said, “Yeah, sometimes people can be creepy.” She told him that if he wanted to buy something at her store she would talk to him, but otherwise she wasn’t interested in continuing the conversation.
“Well,” he responded, “I just came back to be a man and stand in my embarrassment.” He wished her a good day and left.
Marty felt good about wading into a situation that he knew would be uncomfortable but wasn’t going to hide from it.
It took a lot of courage for Marty to go back into that store and confront the woman.
Anytime we feel embarrassment and shame, it means we are pushing our comfort zone and improving our ability to deal with tough situations.
We all have discomfort we need to face, and this incident, as uncomfortable as it was, was a HUGE step in the right direction for Marty.
Most people hide their true nature and true intentions from others.
So what should we do?
Should we go around speaking our mind, try to fit in and pretend everything is peachy keen or do something in between?
Confident people have the ability to accept and express who they are in each moment.
The truth is, the more confident and successful we become, the less people are going to like us!
Because most people are not confident or successful and they’re going to be jealous.
So if you’re worried about being liked, GET OVER IT!
You know what woman consistently battles Oprah for the highest ratings on TV?
Judge Judith Sheindlin, a.k.a. Judge Judy.
Judge Judy tells the truth, and she’s not afraid to be who she is or express how she feels.
She wears her emotions on her sleeve and speaks her mind. Okay, she doesn’t speak her mind – she actually SHOUTS her mind!
Judge Judy doesn’t care about people liking her, and after spending 25 years making a tiny salary presiding over family court cases, she was offered her own show in Hollywood.
Now, depending on the ratings, she is the biggest female star on TV.
We can learn a lot from Judge Judy.
She is proof that even if people don’t like us, if we are honest they’ll respect us, and that matters a lot more.
It can be terrifying to tell the truth and get emotionally naked in front of people, especially if we are used to NOT doing it.
Baby steps are the key…
Start to be aware of your emotions running under the surface.
Intuitive people will be able to read you like a book, regardless of the words coming out of your mouth.
Beautiful women are some of the most intuitive people on the planet. If you’re trying to fool them into liking you, the joke’s on you.
Shift your focus.
Find a safe environment to express your emotions without holding back or apologizing for who you are.
I used to think this was “gay” or for hippies.
I didn’t have a masculine role model who could show me how it’s done.
It’s funny, but the more I express myself and allow myself to act out all of those behaviors that most people judge and label as wrong, bad, selfish and evil, the less the behaviors have a hold on me.
Not only that, but speaking about it gives people an access point to connect with me, and it’s a hell of a lot more fun than walking around with a “nice guy” mask on all the time!
The bottom line is this.
If we don’t piss some people off and gather a few haters in the process, we are playing small.
When you have haters, you know you’ve made it!