More than looks, more than money, more than whatever hard-to-grasp definition you want to give to “value” or “status”, the most attractive aspect of a man, that x-factor that gets him attention, attraction and dates is…
…fun. That’s right! Fun. My actual favorite subject 🙂
Making the transition from someone who wouldn’t describe themselves as fun to being one of the most fun people in a room will involve forcing yourself to forget about nervousness or insecurity. Personally, I think the definition of being “fun” is being comfortable with who you are, while doing your best to communicate with people who are not like you while involving them at the same time. Fun can be used as a dating strategy AND contributes as social proof. It’s much easier to trust someone and LIKE someone if they can alleviate a tense situation, moment or conversation with some comic relief. In fact, I can recall numerous occasions where I was stuck at a boring or uncomfortable event, with seemingly nobody cool in sight. (“Great….a bunch of random dorks who I can’t relate to whatsoever!” …sense the sarcasm) Then, behold! One fun, cool guy! All of a sudden, he’s an 8.5 in my eyes when otherwise, he’d be a 6 at best. Because of the severe lack of competition around, I’ll end up latching onto that ONE fun guy all night, simply because he’s the only one around who seems to have some social and common sense, and can make me laugh and actually enjoy myself in this lackluster situation I’ve found myself in. Being fun and “cool” is not exactly “common”, which is why it’s such a valuable trait. Who doesn’t like a fun guy?? Nobody, that’s who!
A “fun person” is almost always going to be someone I’m comfortable letting myself get into a conversation with, because I can usually tell straight off the bat that I’m going to enjoy myself which allows me to put my guard down. If a fun person is turning me off, it’s usually because they’ve gotten too drunk and are taking things a bit too far.
As a man trying to hit on a girl, your first goal when talking to her is to get her to put her guard down. You know what I’m talking about…that guard, that WALL that oh-so-often acts as a huge cockblock. When you can get a girl to just relax, giggle and let her guard down, she’ll finally allow herself to begin to notice what a “catch” you are. When I’m engaging with a “fun guy”, without even realizing it I’ll totally allow myself entertain a lengthy or risque conversation with him because not only am I truly interested in what he’s saying, but also I feel he wont be overly into or devoted to the conversation if I should want to back off for a second. Additionally, he makes me feel like I’m the one who’s lucky to be talking to HIM. Fun guys are often in high demand, so if I get bored or distracted during the conversation I can feel OK about slipping away. However, if I’m really having fun this won’t ever end up happening because all of a sudden, usually before realizing what’s going on, I’ve found myself enjoying his presence so much that I’m to the point of crushing on him. How did that happen?!? That transition is exactly what you want.
As a woman, I gravitate towards fun guys because they’re interesting, they seem genuine, and they actually take an interest in getting to know the people they come into contact with. Everyone knows who they are and wants to hang out with them, usually me included. To put it simply, they’re popular. I also wanted to point out how sometimes men often go out of their way to make me feel “involved” and part of the group whenever I’m around them. This is a great way to establish trust, and further along your connection with her. Women can often feel insecure, even for the silliest reasons – which can result in some weird and dodgy behavior that you’ll have to deal with later on. You want to be the guy that everyone likes, so keep the games subtle at most, and make sure you’re including her in all the fun.
From what I’ve seen personally, the men who can accomplish this and “have that way” with people regularly batted out of their league, for lack of a better term. These usually weren’t high profile ballers with nice cars, and they didn’t really need to flash a ton of money around, although they always had *some*. What gave them an edge? What made them attract these sexy, intelligent women? It took me a while to figure it out, but these are the guys who were more than anything else, FUN. The secret isn’t as surreptitious as you might think – they’re often simply fun to hang around with, and if I’m having fun I’m satiated.
The number one thing that “fun” guys tend to do is get me to laugh, and they also laugh at my jokes as well. Typically, we are attracted to people whose presence or behavior makes us feel admired and liked. If I feel like my presence is causing somebody else to have more fun themselves, it makes me feel really special and rewarded, and brings me closer to you as a person. When a guy can make me feel so good that I’m willing put certain things at risk for him (someone who’s fun to hang around with but causes problems through his behavior, for example) I will justify almost anything to make themselves or their peers feel OK about being with or staying with a guy. Really, it’s because I’m addicted to the peptides! When I’m with a guy who I really really like, I actually become somewhat addicted to the way he makes me feel. His presence makes me feel a certain type of way, and I begin to crave it! Women tend to be drawn towards these types of perilous relationships as opposed to other more uneventful, or less risky ones. I’ve read before that this kind of behavior is defined by “The Reward Theory of attraction”. This theory states that: “people like, are attracted to and seek out those whose behavior is rewarding to them or whom they associate with rewarding events that occur, and we associate the pleasure with this specific person and as a result, end up wanting to spend more time in their presence.” Good to hear I’m normal! 😉
This is part of why a sense of humor ranks so highly in numerous poles about what attracts women the most in men. Someone that makes us “feel good” triggers feelings and instincts that tell us that this is a person we want to continue hanging around! I like to joke about it and say that as a fun addict, I need my daily dose of “good peptides” – the natural, “feel good” and chemicals that run through my body produced by my brain when I’m in the presence of the man that I really like hanging around and am very into. It’s the best feeling in the world, arguably!
Don’t ever forget how attractive *fun* is. Any guy who is fun is highly likely to have high self confidence- it means someone is not self-conscious or embarrassed about being who they are. Seeing someone really enjoying doing something automatically makes you feel like you’re enjoying it, too. This is why it’s important to always carry yourself well even if the way you’re feeling inside isn’t exactly reflecting that. It’s important to keep up appearances – If I can see a guy is obviously having a great time talking to me, I’m much more likely to be interested in him than one who’s got obvious other motives. You’ll get found out in a second by the ones that you really want.
How to be Fun
Be easy to talk to. If I’m in a conversation with you, don’t make me work for it. It should be a leisurely, enjoyable and relaxing experience that doesn’t require a commitment. Any conversation that I feel obligated or committed to is one that I don’t want to be entertaining in the first place. Recognizing and reacting to the natural “push and pull” of energy within any conversation is extremely important, and can actually serve as a tool that heightens my desire to be speaking with you in the first place. If I know that you’re keeping tabs on my level of interest while talking to you, this can actually make me want to talk to you more!
Collect Stories and master the art of retelling them. One of the best ways to convey fun to a group is through a telling a story, as most people love a good story. In my experience, they don’t even have to be action-packed stories about overly thrilling adventures, but even just a little slice of everyday life, cleverly observed, is also fantastic. Realtalk: this is always going to be more relatable to people as well. Constantly telling stories about overly-aspirational things (cliff diving, shark punching, extensive foreign travel) can seem 1. braggy, 2. fake and 3. gives the other people listening nothing to relate to or jump off from. Pay attention to the positive feedback that you receive when telling a good story, and remember it – when you retell these stories, applying what you learned from when and how you told them before will undoubtedly improve your story sharing skills and get people to the edge of their seats in no time. The more attention you pay, the faster this can be one of your best skills! Everyone should pay attention to this 🙂
Know your world and what’s happening around you. The great thing about current events is that everyone is going to be able to relate to them. They’re usually relevant for most people who don’t live under a rock. Now the difference is: funny people already realize the seriousness of the situation when it comes to current events; but they twist the story and make a joke out of it anyways. Because it’s current and new, people almost always take well to this. Current events are always an easy and interesting way to spark conversation, it’s the ones that know how to make light of an otherwise serious current event by commenting on it sarcastically or joking about it in a way that nobody has heard before (since it’s a brand NEW topic, after all) who can easily make people laugh.
Explore your Passions. The best way to be fun is by actually having fun yourself. Watching someone else enjoying doing something automatically makes you feel like you’re enjoying it too, and it invokes positive emotions out of them as well. When you’re pursuing your passions, whatever they are – these are activities that are going to bring out stimulating and arousing emotions in you, and therefore others. Once you’ve explored your passions and developed a real interest in them, it’s time to talk about it and better yet – involve others as well. These are the best kind of dates – the FUN ones. 🙂
Choose off beat dates. This one is pretty self-explanatory. Instead of dinner and a movie, or a walk along a path you’ve already walked countless times – think outside of the box. Always pick something that’s actually going to be fun for you as well and not just for her. Remember, you’re the leader and if you’re not actually having a lot of fun, neither will she! An example of an offbeat date would be: if you take her to a party, see how many things you can turn upside down in the apartment before anyone notices. This is not only playful but it adds an element of naugtyness and not wanting to get caught…thus bonding the two of you against everyone else. Another different idea would be going out to eat with the goal of convincing the chef at whichever restaurant you choose to create something entirely new for you. Take note: if you’re inexperienced at this, run your offbeat date ideas by the guys in the Social Genius group beforehand, however. You don’t want to end up doing something dumb or worse yet, just plain bizzare.
Embrace your Competitive side. There’s nothing quite like a little rivalry to spice things up. A round of mini golf, pool or bowling for example are all great ways to make a date active, energetic and slightly competitive. However, I want to point out how important it is to keep the competition within specific boundaries. You never want the competition to move outside of the specific arena you introduced it through, or more often than not, she’ll end up walking all over you. For example, while you’re actually on the date mini-golfing, playful smack talking, tension when scores are tied, the thrill of victory… these get your hearts pumping, and makes the senses come alive. However, if this continues on after the round of mini golf is over – it then goes from playful to agressive, and you risk shifting the dynamic and losing control of the date, which is never ideal. You don’t want her to be the boss and you should always be the one in control. Additionally, if you happen to lose – make sure she knows it’s because you let her win 😉
Make yourself vulnerable. Don’t be afraid to take chances. Nobody who holds back is considered fun, TRUST ME. Think about the fun people you know–they take chances on a regular basis, both socially as well as in other areas of their lives. This is hard at first and takes practice, but the more you do it the sooner it will just become a part of you.
Remain in an upbeat, good mood no matter what’s happening. It takes some practice to not let anything bother you too much even if it does, and even more – to not let your true feelings show. Sometimes ya gotta fake it to make it and it’s best to let things slide and roll off your back. In fact, if someone says something you find offensive at a party, it’s ok to feel put off by it – but it’s not ok to start a fight over it or let it affect your mood and energy. Instead, give off a slight but displeased facial expression, taking notice if anyone else in the room is noticing your reaction. If the answer is yes, you could and should even turn this into a way to bond with someone in the same room as you, because most likely they were also offended, and may have noticed your like-minded displeasure. Now you have the opportunity to let them know that you’re on the same page…smile, wink and get back to the convo. You will finish the thought with her later on when it’s just the two of you engaging each other in a side conversation – the perfect way to strike one up.
Introduce new, silly, exciting or fun things. I have a friend who is traditionally GREAT with women and always has at least 2 or 3 floating around, and he often has these silly little things that he’s ordered or that someone gave him – and girls and I alike always get a KICK out of them! His last prop was an actual little bobblehead doll of himself that he was testing out for a product line. Additionally, his house is filled with these kind of things – gold-plated AK 47 lamps, a real cougar rug….now I know it all sounds a bit cheesy or extreme, but something fun like this can easily infuse fun into any situation, and girls are almost always suckers for these kind of fun little props.
Take things further than you normally would. Sometimes in conversation, it can be fun to take things in a slightly more risque direction. This is especially relevant in group situations when you’re trying to get a girl’s attention, but it also works one on one as well. It’s important to remember boundaries when practicing this tactic, because you could end up offending someone. The best (and only) way to become experienced at this is by actually doing it. You’ll get to know better the limits you can push, how far you can push them and when is a good time to back off. Nevertheless, it’s a great way to push the envelope and get people’s emotions going. Remember though, there is a specific difference in pushing the envelope and just straight up being an asshole 😉
Pay attention to the kind of company you’re keeping. We’ve all heard this expression before, but it’s usually in reference as to who NOT to keep around. Yes, it’s important to not only steer clear of people who bring negativity or just have that “bad news” vibe to them, but this also applies to building on and collecting a healthy set of guy friends you can not only bond with, but also learn from and rely on. Who doesn’t need a little backup sometimes? People will perceive you based on the actions the people closest to you. Yes, it can be unfair…but whether you like it or not, it is relevant. However it works the other way around as well, and this is what you want to pay attention to. If you surround yourself with high-quality peers who are socially savvy and have your back – in the long run, this is only going to work in your benefit. Don’t be distracted by the possibility that they’ll be your competition. Yes, that might occur every now and again but if it does…that girl probably wasn’t the one for you anyways. Take notice of the guys in your life who you admire and don’t be afraid to spark up a friendship with these gentlemen. If you don’t have any of these type of guys in your life already, start looking. Having a good group of guy friends who have similar goals and are like-minded in the way they live their lives is a great way to motivate you, give you social proof and a bigger library of experiences to learn from. Look for new friends within I.C. – they are usually like-minded and come with the answers to many of your questions already.
Teasing. Lighthearted yet witty teasing is a good way to heighten sexual tension, but there’s a fine line between what is too much. A LOT of guys like to tease girls and therefore, it can get annoying really quickly because we get it so much as females. That’s why I think it’s important to balance teasing by intermittently adding praise and commending her periodically, only to bring her back down with a joking tease a few minutes later. Push and pull guys, push and pull 🙂
Try to bring out the funny side in people that you meet. You WILL come across boring, lackluster people who radiate dull energy. A fun person would ideally try to infuse his enthusiasm into others and convince the reserved ones to shake off their insecurities. Be careful though, doing this too much is a good way to turn someone off if you become a nuisance or put too much emphasis on it. Don’t be afraid to abandon ship if your efforts are going south…ain’t nobody got time for that!
Don’t go overboard with the fun. Too much fun can be extremely annoying! Have you ever met one of those people who’s just SO positive, SO upbeat, SO energetic….and somehow they’re SO annoying? The reason why those kind of people are annoying is because they don’t seem genuine. So, its great to convey fun but it’s important to keep it within context and to keep it real.
That’s all for now…