I graduated high school as a shy nerdy kid, and one of the things that has helped me the most in coming out of my shell and getting more confident socially has been working out, which I started taking seriously in college.
Inner Confidence places a lot of weight on getting the fundamentals down, and working out is one of those fundamentals for good reason.
If you aren’t working out regularly, you’re screwing yourself over, and making it a lot harder to connect with women. Here are my favorite reasons why:
1. It’s one of the best conversation starters.
At Inner Confidence we talk about having a hit list with 10 or so conversational points that you can discuss to show off your most positive qualities.
When you can convey to a woman how passionate you are about something like Crossfit, a combat sport, or even acrobatic yoga, it’s something they’re attracted to on a very primal level.
It also shows you as a passionate, confident guy who is motivated to go after what he wants. This makes it one of the most amazing conversation pieces you can bring up.
On top of this, knowing about fitness gives you something to connect on with women. Things like yoga and spin class are super popular, and showing that you can talk to women about the things they’re interested in highlights you as a guy who “gets it” socially.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had conversations with women about these, or even brought up something silly like making fun of them for whatever type of yoga class they’re into.
2. Working out gets you in shape which makes you look better. Sure, this is pretty obvious and self-explanatory. Next I’m going to tell you that losing weight if you’re fat helps too, right?
The thing is, you’d probably be surprised about the physique most women actually go for. Long story short, you don’t need to be a 6’2 Jersey Shore bro on steroids to attract quality women.
A majority of guys are mistaken when they think girls care the most about biceps. Anecdotal evidence from talking to women, as well as actual scientific evidence (yes, there are scientists out there who get funding to study this stuff) shows that women care most about a strong back and broad shoulders.
I was also shocked to see how many times girls started checking out my giant ass from doing months of Crossfit and squats. Honestly, I’ve gotten way more positive attention for my ass then I thought was possible.
3. If you don’t work out, guys won’t take you seriously. Virtually every successful guy works out. Successful guys often grow up working out their whole lives because athletes are at the center of most social groups. But even outside of athletic circles, guys who work out tend to be more productive and therefore more successful in business and life.
Many successful entrepreneurs talk about how the first thing they do every day is work out because it helps him focus. If you don’t work out, you aren’t “speaking the language” of successful guys, and they’ll find it hard to relate to you.
4. Physical activity automatically improves your body language. I’m a firm believer that everyone should lift weights. I’m not saying that everyone should power lift and do things like deadlifts for max weight, because even high volumes with light weights is beneficial for everyone.
One reason I preach this is because lifting weights helps to automatically correct your posture and your body language.
By lifting weights you strengthen the muscles involved in subtle movements, which translates to better body language. Over time you end up moving in a more coordinated way without even putting in conscious effort.
Body language can be difficult to correct, but by working out regularly you can fix your quirks without even trying.
4. Exercise helps you establish new habits. Once you commit to it, exercise is a simple habit to get into and stick with, so it helps to teach your brain how to form new habits. When you can stick to an exercise routine it’s that much easier for your brain to stick to any other kind of routine.
This can translate to positive habits like reading every day, approaching girls daily, or working on vocal exercises.
Working out also tends to lead you to be interested in other positive habits. My interest in fitness is what got me into nutrition and cooking. These are two areas that not only improve my life for myself, but are also more conversational hit points when I talk to women.
5. Exercise makes you feel better. Working out can improve your mood through a few different methods. Your body produces endorphins every time you exercise. These are chemicals in the brain that are similar to opiates, which produce some of the strongest feelings of pleasure a human can experience.
Working out essentially gives you a chemical high with none of the negative side effects.
Another way that working out makes you feel better is because it’s a form of taking action. Psychological research and my experience as a therapist has shown that taking action is the best cure for a bad mood, or even psychological depression.
Taking action like working out it tends to be self-sustaining, creating an upward spiral of positive feelings.
6. Working out helps nerdy guys become well-rounded and masculine. The ideal that women say they want of a bad boy with a nice side, or a badass who can also be nerdy, has grown to the point of a cliche.
But it’s become a cliche because there’s some truth to it, and that underlying truth speaks to the advantage of being a well-rounded man. If you’re a nerdy guy who’s looking to develop an edge, there’s nothing better than working your ass off at a combat sport or lifting heavy-ass weights.
With enough work, you’ll be even better off than the jocks who don’t have the nerdy side that you do.
So there you have it: 6 of the reasons I said you’ll be screwing yourself if you don’t work out. You don’t have to dedicate your life to it, but working out is one of the most important fundamentals you can focus on to become more confident, improve your dating life, and connect with more people.