Creating strong emotional connections, especially in a short amount of time, is a difficult skill to master. Anyone who is missing the signals that girls send and not connecting is thinking way too much about what’s going on in their own head: insecurities, thoughts, what to say next, etc. They’re focusing on the craziness in of their mind instead of the person in front of their face. They’re directing their attention to the wrong place.
Before getting into how to create a deep connection, it’s important to understand what “vibing” is. Guys who are good with women know how to vibe. They know how to direct their attention to the women and what’s she’s feeling, rather than on their own mind. They know how to match the vibe the girl has and then slightly advance it.
Trying to form a deep emotional connection before vibing and flirting leaves you looking like one of two things: creepy, or in the friend zone.
Most guys intuitively know they need to create or find a connection beyond simple vibing to be able to hook up. But unfortunately, there are far too many misconceptions about what a connection actually looks like.
Too many guys view a connection as something that occurs when you identify logical details you have in common. “You listen to Taylor Swift? I love Taylor Swift!” The fact that you both like skydiving, or that you’re both from Montana, or whatever it may be, is a surface level commonality. While it might temporarily spark some life into a conversation, it’s not actually the type connection you need to push things further.
Even worse, if this is the strategy you’re pursuing and you have no logical details in common, you’ll be awkwardly searching the whole date for topics to discuss. But that’s something you can avoid by knowing just one simple but powerful insight:
All humans have experienced the same emotions, and we connect by resonating with each other emotionally.
For guys who have been struggling to generate deep levels of connection in their interactions, the element that they’re missing is the need to be vulnerable. This means being vulnerable and expressing the way you feel about the world, the way you feel about things in your life, and what you are noticing in that moment on the date. A connection occurs when you both view some aspect of the world in the same way, and have the same emotional experience about it.
This does NOT mean you need to agree on a topic to share a meaningful connection. What it means is that you need to have a shared emotional experience. You need to be the guy who has an opinion or feeling about something, and cause her to feel something.
Find situations where you can practice disclosing your emotions in a way that shows your vulnerability. Yes, it’s easier said than done, but it can be easy if you practice focusing your attention on anything other than your own anxious thoughts while you’re interacting with people.
The feelings are always primary, and the logical details are always secondary. It can be a positive feeling, like excitement, elation, or sexual arousal. It can even be negative, as in the case of feeling bewildered, confused or embarrassed. You just need to make her feel SOMETHING.
At Inner Confidence, we call this the emotional rollercoaster, and it takes a whole weekend to teach. But by focusing on the common human emotional experiences we all share, you’ll jump-start your connections with women and you’ll never run out of things to say again.